Cake
I feel like my cake is almost gone. I somehow feel like only half of it was edible and i did not realize in time. Now i have shared too many pieces to feed anyone else. My cake is almost gone and what i have left is frosting-less and hard.
I find myself constantly saying "do not think about that" in my head more than i can remember in a long time. It has worked for countless parts of my life, but for some reason i have an immunity now. The only thing i can do is constantly find things to do that contain most of my attention. It is a shame that personal mind control is so difficult. It seems only fair that we should be able to shut off part of our mind and it can sit there until we call upon it.
In the end i have discovered that being romantic, intimate, passionate and sensual are all things of the past. As much as girls say they want these thing...they actually just say that and then pick apart every aspect of them until they are a trait they dislike in you. Where as when you are an ass they already knew that so they do the opposite and convince themselves that it is not so bad (just one example). Maybe making a rockier first impression where i look kind of cocky and selfish will allow me to find a girl who convinces herself that i am actually not that bad and she will appreciate who i am afterwords.
In the end it doesn't matter, as i do not really have control over anyone else's heart. Taught to me time and time again is that love in a relationship is never mutual, EVER. It is two people with love, each on a different level and magnitude. Proof: when people break up the odds of both losing their love for the other at the same moment is impossible. Therefore, they each lose their independent love for each other. Yes, having a love for one another can occur mutually, but you do not share a mutual love. Knowing that this is true is at least a start on figuring out why i cannot build a loving relationship with someone that just feels right...at least most of the time. As i have said so much in my recent life, there are no right answers, just ideas that lead us closely to the truth of things.
I find myself constantly saying "do not think about that" in my head more than i can remember in a long time. It has worked for countless parts of my life, but for some reason i have an immunity now. The only thing i can do is constantly find things to do that contain most of my attention. It is a shame that personal mind control is so difficult. It seems only fair that we should be able to shut off part of our mind and it can sit there until we call upon it.
In the end i have discovered that being romantic, intimate, passionate and sensual are all things of the past. As much as girls say they want these thing...they actually just say that and then pick apart every aspect of them until they are a trait they dislike in you. Where as when you are an ass they already knew that so they do the opposite and convince themselves that it is not so bad (just one example). Maybe making a rockier first impression where i look kind of cocky and selfish will allow me to find a girl who convinces herself that i am actually not that bad and she will appreciate who i am afterwords.
In the end it doesn't matter, as i do not really have control over anyone else's heart. Taught to me time and time again is that love in a relationship is never mutual, EVER. It is two people with love, each on a different level and magnitude. Proof: when people break up the odds of both losing their love for the other at the same moment is impossible. Therefore, they each lose their independent love for each other. Yes, having a love for one another can occur mutually, but you do not share a mutual love. Knowing that this is true is at least a start on figuring out why i cannot build a loving relationship with someone that just feels right...at least most of the time. As i have said so much in my recent life, there are no right answers, just ideas that lead us closely to the truth of things.