BMHD
I've been awake goe about 45 minutes and I can already tell this is going to be a bad mental health day. Part of this is because everyday recently has been a bad mental health day. Part of this is because my stomach is giving me trouble. Part of this is because my first Google search of the day was a classic chestnut of suicidal ideation.
My brain - in its limited down time - sometimes drifts immediately to self harm. This makes me loopy because I don't actually want to die (a thing my therapist and I have discussed frequently - the thought of suicide provokes anxiety - I feel like I do when I'm on a dangerous trail and start to slip). So i spent a good chunk of my morning thus far flipping back and forth between grim searches and trying to do the tasks I need to do to get to work.
The part of me that journals has decided that the darkstar part of my brain isn't so much interested in suicide as it is in murder (as in murder of the journaling part of me, to be clear). It really feels like there's a whole different entity in my brain and while I recognize it as me, I also feel like if I can just get that part or off my head (like in Fight Club but without the gun) I'd be a healthier person.
There are no short cuts of course so I'm going to deal with my cats' breakfast (poor babies!) and get to work. At least I'm not Theresa May,
My brain - in its limited down time - sometimes drifts immediately to self harm. This makes me loopy because I don't actually want to die (a thing my therapist and I have discussed frequently - the thought of suicide provokes anxiety - I feel like I do when I'm on a dangerous trail and start to slip). So i spent a good chunk of my morning thus far flipping back and forth between grim searches and trying to do the tasks I need to do to get to work.
The part of me that journals has decided that the darkstar part of my brain isn't so much interested in suicide as it is in murder (as in murder of the journaling part of me, to be clear). It really feels like there's a whole different entity in my brain and while I recognize it as me, I also feel like if I can just get that part or off my head (like in Fight Club but without the gun) I'd be a healthier person.
There are no short cuts of course so I'm going to deal with my cats' breakfast (poor babies!) and get to work. At least I'm not Theresa May,