Jesse's Survey . . . I Had To Do It.
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
I seem to enjoy most music, but if I really had to get rid of something . . . Steve Malillo (sp?) will have to be die.
2. What is your favorite cheese?
Mmmm, blue cheese is pretty tasty. Note: gorgonzolla does NOT taste good in Spanish rice.
3. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What does your dream-sandwich consist of, and does it contain the aforementioned cheese?
Italian BMT . . . I just had a strange craving for that right now. By the way, "BMT" stands for "bowel movement taco".
4. Now you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? (saving, investing and depositing do not count)
I haven't paid for sex from Jesse in a long while.
5. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
New Zealand.
6. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill.
I wonder if New Zealandish pune-tang is worth the dinero? And by "pune-tang" I mean man-ass.
7. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1888, London . . . Jack the Ripper.
8. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
"What's that? You've only got a 6 inch penis? I'm sorry, it's the law in Christophoria that you must be endowed with at least an 8 inch wang. Denied."
9. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
Me Lucky Bouncy!
Ten kids each show try their hand at dangerous circus acts.
10. What is your favorite expletive?
Cunt.
11. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Man, I've always wanted to be fucked by ancient toilet paper.
12. Your house is on fire, holy crap! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?
My CDs . . . or my sweet London money . . . or the pocket watch I inherited from my grandfather.
13. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
*In the UCC . . . Chris slowly arises, eyeing the surround crowd . . . His hand travels to his crotch and he fingers the cusp of his Levi's fly bottons . . . slowly . . . slowly . . . slowly they are undone . . . "MmmmMMmmmm," he says . . . His Hanes trunks are revealed . . . crimson red . . . they're pulled down, beneath one butt cheek . . . then the other . . . He sits . . . The chair is cold on his ass . . . but it's soft . . . He waits for the "right time" . . . waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting . . . Finally, IT happens . . . happening . . . happening . . . happening . . . while defacating on the plush grey-blue chair in the UCC, Chris is complete*
14. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice!
Man, I'd totally need that X-ray vision . . . because I could then watch the Noodle Dance video of those dudes and see if that one guy really has a big penis like how it looks.
15. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
I'd relive the half-hour span when my high school band made finals at Zia.
16. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (the answer "nothing" doesn't count)
Walking in on my two cousins (who, themselves, were related as FIRST cousins) making out on my grandmother's bed at her house.
17. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool crap... you can move to anywhere else in the world! What country are you going to live in now?
England.
18. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude check it out I can FLOAT!"
The Chyna Man's house. I'll just need to borrow that semi-automatic.
19. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which late celebrity will you bring back to life?
Princess Diana. Man . . . so statuesque.
20. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My uncle Jerry . . . he was a really cool dude.
21. What's your theme song?
That song from Too Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar . . . "Gotta move!"