Being afraid to be optimistic

[joeyisch]

That's basically how I am, I want to be optimistic about this whole situation, but I'm so afraid to. I don't want to convince myself that were for sure going to be back together, and then be crushed when she dates someone else. I'm so scared right now, and its all I can think about. Being away from her like this is tearing me up inside. The only thing keeping me alive is the fact that she keeps telling me things leading me to beleive than in time, were going to be together again. I honestly am afraid of how I might react if it doesn't work out that way. I guess I just feel like I never deserved this. I'm not trying to sound selfish and inconsiderate, I just wish we could have at least tried to work things out instead of just getting dumped. I feel alone and unloved right now, and I can't stop considering the fact that maybe shes only telling me these things because shes afraid for my wellbeing. I can't have that, and I also am having trouble understanding this Robbie situation. I've never even met the kids yet I despise him and wish he would fucking die. I'm afriad of what I would do if I ever come face to face with this sack of shit. But if I ever did anything, Emily would hate me, and thats the last thing that I want.

I want our relationship back more than anyone will ever be able to understand. I've been through so much with her and theres no way I can go down without knowing that I gave everything trying to get her back. I just feel so helpless, like everything is against me in this. Who knows what her friends and Robbie are telling her to do, or her mom for that matter. I just feel like I'm alone in this and the odds against me. Helplessness is one of the worst feelings one could ever have to endure. I hate being alone, I don't think anyone understands how much I love her and the fact that I would die for her without even thinking twice.

I love her, all I want is her to realize we should be together.