catching up and remembering
Ok here it goes. It has been awhile since I have written. Not much really new going on except some strange things. I have been of course addicted to Brokeback mountain stuff. I have had some coincidences lately that are strange. I keep running into this one guy my friend Stephen dated for a brief period and we shared a table for subs a couple of times and coffee real nice guy but I am at a total loss of his name. Keep running into him at strange places like when I'm walking along the bay or the other day I was just in a parking lot but he is always very nice and never ask about Stephen so that is good because I don't want to tell him Stephen has a new boyfriend. Very pleasent young man though of course I did not have to date him. Then funny thing was he was jogging past my house today very strange in deed. Oh well, I have been chatting a lot on line lately and that is not a good thing most of it is with other men and luckily they don't all turn to smut like some on-line chats. It think that is why they like chatting with me because I'm not trying to get into their pants. I have been bad though. This one guy kept sending me pictures that I knew were fake and then one day he was what I presume on-line was sobbing how he was so lonely and so forth. So I thought I would go and visit him and show him that I was not joking when I enjoyed talking to him. He wants a boyfriend so badly and all. Well, when I arrived yes he does not look like any of the pictures in fact from the waist up he looks better then the model pictures he sent me. Just a perfect V shaped upper body, broad shoulders, big smile, beautiful eyes and all. The bad part he is in a wheelchair and that is so sad. He broke down crying so happy I came to visit and I told him I was not there for sex but to show him I would be a friend. Well we talked for over an hour. He is only 22 and so nice but when he actually meets guys he likes they are turned off by his chair or treat him like a cripple. He liked that I did not do that but, I told him that was my job I dealt with disabilities all the time and I thought he was capable of doing anything he wanted. Well, this poor guy can get an erection and just undressed himself and wanted me to see his disability. To be honest the only thing wrong was that his legs do not move and are short but from that point on he is totally normal looking except from some spinal surgery marks on the back but he had a cool tatoo to cover those. Well, I don't know why but the next thing you know we were lying on couch holding each other then more happened and the next thing I knew he got up in his chair and I stood up he took his strong arm and tripped me into falling into his lap then he took off wheeling us to his bedroom it was funny me trying to get off this stupid wheelchair and he was pushing with his arms towards the bedroom. Well, I gave in and after more then 4 hours of what I call amazingly wonderful passionate and fun time. I finally forced myself to go home. I talked to him the last hour how I was upset that we did what we did because he knows I have a partner and how since November I have promised to not break that vow until I either ended it or was honest. Then once home he kept calling and texting and im me so we talked for a few more hours. He is accepting of the fact we could not have a relationship, and he realized that me being 41 and him 22 was way too much of an age difference I really do not like what I call Twinky types or young guys in a sexual way my type have always been the well, Ennis Del Mar type sort of ruggedd and manly men not the guys who pierce everything and die their hair 15 colors a year. I admire those guys for their individuality and so forth and find it good they do that but in a sexual way I don't find that all apealing. Even though I did the same thing at that age. Maybe, that is why I don't find it appealing I was like that when younger died my hair had dreadlochs the entire gambit of different fashion on a monthly basis. Oh well, so anyhow I keep talking to this person and when he moves into town in July I promised that we would try and take him to the bar to meet someone his own age. I know this will be difficult but, he has a nice personality and if you don't look down he is very, handsome.
My next coincidence latley has been this other nice guy who keeps chatting and he knows I do not find younger guys apealing sexually so he tells me he is 37 now we have been chatting for 3 months and my intitituion is usually good and thought something was up but our chance to meet was this past weekend since he lives in State college. Well, we met on campus near college avenue and he is actually 24. How do you like those apples. First time in my life fooled by a guy pretending to be older that is supposed to be my gig. Well, I am always honest with my age. Here he really is not working but getting a masters degree and finds the guys his age pretty shallow and boring but, he knew I would not meet if I knew he was younger and I reminded him I was only meeting him as a friend nothing more and luckily because of his living situation that is where it stayed so we walked the entire campus and college avenue and had 3 Mocha Fraps at Starbucks we kept walking back for more and I was bad on my diet and had a cone from the creamery but it was a most enjoyable day of talking and listening and so forth. He again was just amazingly handsome young man, could have been in a porno if he wanted swimmers body great feet and arms and again a smile that melted me why do smiles melt me so. Luckily I kept my composure and refrained from being a cheating lover again. We departed what I hope to be friends and all and we have chatted on line a bit since Sunday but I have been so busy at work not much time for chatting.
Next on the list. I have known this guy Dave for oh about 20 years he and his ex used to do stuff with me and Tony then me and Pat we were not close friends but we attended dinners and movies and parties as couples over the years and I have to admit one time way back oh I think it was 1986 or 1987 we did have a brief sexual encounter nothing really just one of those things. Anyhow our frienship has always been sort of a social thing. Well, about 2 years ago he broke up with his partner, of 16 years well actually his partner ran off with one of their threeways and never looked back. I know Dave hurt over this and I warned him for years threeways are supposed to be annoymous and not people you sort of date then sleep with. But, it happend and really I did not talk to him much in last year since couples do not hang with single guys that much and Pat and I are not real social anymore. Well, last fall he dropped us both a line stating he was selling his house and quitting his job and moving to Denver. Out of no where and suprised everyone since Dave was quite committed to his mother but he left. Well, since he has moved to Denver he has been emailing me and talking on phone and text messaging me like crazy especially since January. Finally this past week. He told me that he knows why his relationship failed because he was always and is in Love with me. He said Brokeback made him not want to hide his affection any longer. OH my I have a problem here. For starters I always found Dave attractive he is 4 years older then me and we have the exact same birthday October 4. He is handsome and keeps his body in shape and all. So that part is all good. I know his faults which are not bad and I know his good side which he has a lot of. Now this is not the first time in my life people have expressed a love for me it happens more then you can imagine. Usually I'm delicate and explain that it would not work and do the friendship thing. In fact most of my friends at one time or another have tried to get in my pants or even succeeded then tried to break me up with my boyfriends which is probably my fault. I'm no great catch but I think because I have been in long term relationships that makes me attractive to some because they think if Joe can stay in a 13 or 11 year relationship even with men he does not love then he is special. That is wrong people that is because Joe is insecure and stupid man. Anyhow Dave, I did not do the friend thing I just thanked him and continued on our conversations and he keeps bringing up he wants me to come to Denver and all the company he works for even offers same sex insurance since he knows my plight with my drugs and he wants me to come to the Gay rodeo on July. I keep telling him it is impossible because Pat and I are actually making progress in fixing our relationship and things are going much better and heck he really did not know we were having problems. So now today my day off, first thing is Kurt joggs by and stops and says hello, then the boy in North East pleads for me to visit again which I refuse, then next the guy in State college calls me and tells me he has never met a more honest and kind person and would do anything for us to meet again. Now Dave tells me since I won't come to Denver he is coming to Erie in 3 weeks and wants to meet for coffee and try and talk me into moving to Denver. Then my sister calls and tells me that she has a job for me in England and I should move there and we found another great price on flights. Now almost done but Pat calls and tells me he misses me. Which is really strange for him to do. The funny part (now I should say Kurt is just a nice guy nothing there more then that) If I were single I know I would probably have no offers like any of the above and I would probably be miserable since I like being around people. Well, that is what has been going on in personal life.
As for work life, well it sucks the big you know what. More stress then I have ever felt in years and it seems no matter what each day more stress and more problems and more heartache. Don't quite understand the balance of the world lately but, will have to figure it out. Stephen emailed and said he will be back for more hours and whip the office into shape next week. I hope so but I almost wonder if it is beyond repair at this time. So many problems, then I was thinking maybe it is my Charma that is throwing things off. Oh well we will have to wait and see.
That is all for now.
Joe
My next coincidence latley has been this other nice guy who keeps chatting and he knows I do not find younger guys apealing sexually so he tells me he is 37 now we have been chatting for 3 months and my intitituion is usually good and thought something was up but our chance to meet was this past weekend since he lives in State college. Well, we met on campus near college avenue and he is actually 24. How do you like those apples. First time in my life fooled by a guy pretending to be older that is supposed to be my gig. Well, I am always honest with my age. Here he really is not working but getting a masters degree and finds the guys his age pretty shallow and boring but, he knew I would not meet if I knew he was younger and I reminded him I was only meeting him as a friend nothing more and luckily because of his living situation that is where it stayed so we walked the entire campus and college avenue and had 3 Mocha Fraps at Starbucks we kept walking back for more and I was bad on my diet and had a cone from the creamery but it was a most enjoyable day of talking and listening and so forth. He again was just amazingly handsome young man, could have been in a porno if he wanted swimmers body great feet and arms and again a smile that melted me why do smiles melt me so. Luckily I kept my composure and refrained from being a cheating lover again. We departed what I hope to be friends and all and we have chatted on line a bit since Sunday but I have been so busy at work not much time for chatting.
Next on the list. I have known this guy Dave for oh about 20 years he and his ex used to do stuff with me and Tony then me and Pat we were not close friends but we attended dinners and movies and parties as couples over the years and I have to admit one time way back oh I think it was 1986 or 1987 we did have a brief sexual encounter nothing really just one of those things. Anyhow our frienship has always been sort of a social thing. Well, about 2 years ago he broke up with his partner, of 16 years well actually his partner ran off with one of their threeways and never looked back. I know Dave hurt over this and I warned him for years threeways are supposed to be annoymous and not people you sort of date then sleep with. But, it happend and really I did not talk to him much in last year since couples do not hang with single guys that much and Pat and I are not real social anymore. Well, last fall he dropped us both a line stating he was selling his house and quitting his job and moving to Denver. Out of no where and suprised everyone since Dave was quite committed to his mother but he left. Well, since he has moved to Denver he has been emailing me and talking on phone and text messaging me like crazy especially since January. Finally this past week. He told me that he knows why his relationship failed because he was always and is in Love with me. He said Brokeback made him not want to hide his affection any longer. OH my I have a problem here. For starters I always found Dave attractive he is 4 years older then me and we have the exact same birthday October 4. He is handsome and keeps his body in shape and all. So that part is all good. I know his faults which are not bad and I know his good side which he has a lot of. Now this is not the first time in my life people have expressed a love for me it happens more then you can imagine. Usually I'm delicate and explain that it would not work and do the friendship thing. In fact most of my friends at one time or another have tried to get in my pants or even succeeded then tried to break me up with my boyfriends which is probably my fault. I'm no great catch but I think because I have been in long term relationships that makes me attractive to some because they think if Joe can stay in a 13 or 11 year relationship even with men he does not love then he is special. That is wrong people that is because Joe is insecure and stupid man. Anyhow Dave, I did not do the friend thing I just thanked him and continued on our conversations and he keeps bringing up he wants me to come to Denver and all the company he works for even offers same sex insurance since he knows my plight with my drugs and he wants me to come to the Gay rodeo on July. I keep telling him it is impossible because Pat and I are actually making progress in fixing our relationship and things are going much better and heck he really did not know we were having problems. So now today my day off, first thing is Kurt joggs by and stops and says hello, then the boy in North East pleads for me to visit again which I refuse, then next the guy in State college calls me and tells me he has never met a more honest and kind person and would do anything for us to meet again. Now Dave tells me since I won't come to Denver he is coming to Erie in 3 weeks and wants to meet for coffee and try and talk me into moving to Denver. Then my sister calls and tells me that she has a job for me in England and I should move there and we found another great price on flights. Now almost done but Pat calls and tells me he misses me. Which is really strange for him to do. The funny part (now I should say Kurt is just a nice guy nothing there more then that) If I were single I know I would probably have no offers like any of the above and I would probably be miserable since I like being around people. Well, that is what has been going on in personal life.
As for work life, well it sucks the big you know what. More stress then I have ever felt in years and it seems no matter what each day more stress and more problems and more heartache. Don't quite understand the balance of the world lately but, will have to figure it out. Stephen emailed and said he will be back for more hours and whip the office into shape next week. I hope so but I almost wonder if it is beyond repair at this time. So many problems, then I was thinking maybe it is my Charma that is throwing things off. Oh well we will have to wait and see.
That is all for now.
Joe