im just not happy here.
it's been a while. i only wish this could of been avoided.
it started tonight with a call from dana murphy, inviting me to her house to watch movies with tiff, sara, and at some point ben. at some point through the first movie (in and out; a comedy promoting the homosexual, "funny girl"-watching stereotype, although very funny) i picked up her bulky phone from the den and walked it to the street. the purpose being to ask my dear mother if it could be acceptable to sleep at dana's for the night. this, like every other time i can ever remember, “strayed” a bit off topic.
we said our sour greeting, and i inquired whether it would be ok to sleep at dana’s for the night.
she was busy fighting with her banshee of a dog and didn’t hear.
i repeated.
politely, “no.”
perhaps even more politely, “why not?”
“because you have homework, tomorrow.”
“then i’ll do it tomorrow”
“i know you will, that’s why you cant sleep over.”
...
“think about what you just said, mom. write it down if you need to”
“i said that you are not sleeping over tonight.”
this is where i should have stopped.
i did not.
“yes, i heard that, but could you give me a perhaps better thought out reason as to why i may not sleep here tonight”
she searches for a better thought out reason as to why i may not sleep there tonight.
“because im your mother.”
“true. now, may i have that remotely acceptable reason?”
“because i said so!”
...i guess not.
this went on for another twenty minutes. in those twenty minutes, i was hung up on four times. does that mean im winning? she also brought up some other well thought out points. like my grades... from last year. and when i missed my curfew last night... by thirty minutes... because the ride (guess who) i was promised had fallen asleep. despite these brilliant thoughts i kept digging. only after the first five minutes of this conversation, i had completely forgotten that i had called for permission to sleep at dana’s. also, during this time, my curfew had been reduced to 11... because i was debating with her. i did not care.
after the fourth hang up, i called back. again. i wish i knew why. only this time alan, my mom’s man, picked up.
“hello?”
“hi. is my mom there?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“ok. may i speak with my mom, please?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“may i please talk to my mom?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“yes! i understand! let me speak with my mom”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“ALAN! i need to speak with my mom!”
“ok, but you’re coming home at eleven”
...he did not let me speak to my mom.
“alan, why are you not letting me speak with my mom?”
“because you have to be here by eleven.”
...they’re perfect for each other. really.
i “argued” with alan for even longer than i did with my mom. actually, i think it was alan, it might of been a piece of wood. primarily about nothing. but i had a lot of fun, regardless.
i established that i was not, under any amount of negotiations, going to sleep at my mom’s house tonight.
i told alan goodnight and proceeded up the drive to hang up the phone. by now the movie was nearly finished. without telling anyone where i was going, i took off down the street sans my shoes and socks, to my dad’s house. i didn’t know what i was looking for, what i wanted from him, i didn’t really understand why i was going there. he was asleep when i arrived, but i woke him. we sat across from each other, in our large opposing chairs, separated by the entire room.
i told him the situation. he was sympathetic, but expressed that there was little i could do about it. sadly, he was right. it’s shocking, how little rights we have as “children.” we’re forced, almost without debate, to live in this parent-child autocracy until we reach our eighteenth birthday. makes sense? ... ? ........
but along with my night. my father and i discussed from across the room, for almost an hour.
in that hour we learned more about each other than the 16 years we’ve lived together.
i’ve never felt so close with him before. i’ve never felt so close to a family before. we both expressed our sorrow that my mother and i dont get along. it’s interesting, the further away i realized i was from my mom the closely i came to my dad. finally eleven came.
he offered a ride. i asked that we might stop at dana’s so i may get my things and maybe tell them where i was for two hours. after some hugs from some great friends, including ben who had just arrived within the two minutes i was getting my things, i climbed back into the car. it was silent for the next mile. not awkward, just quiet. when we arrived, fifteen past eleven, i got out of the mercedes, took three steps, turned around, and walked back.
“thanks”
on the way to my room, i passed my mother.
“we need to talk. because im just not happy here.”
it started tonight with a call from dana murphy, inviting me to her house to watch movies with tiff, sara, and at some point ben. at some point through the first movie (in and out; a comedy promoting the homosexual, "funny girl"-watching stereotype, although very funny) i picked up her bulky phone from the den and walked it to the street. the purpose being to ask my dear mother if it could be acceptable to sleep at dana's for the night. this, like every other time i can ever remember, “strayed” a bit off topic.
we said our sour greeting, and i inquired whether it would be ok to sleep at dana’s for the night.
she was busy fighting with her banshee of a dog and didn’t hear.
i repeated.
politely, “no.”
perhaps even more politely, “why not?”
“because you have homework, tomorrow.”
“then i’ll do it tomorrow”
“i know you will, that’s why you cant sleep over.”
...
“think about what you just said, mom. write it down if you need to”
“i said that you are not sleeping over tonight.”
this is where i should have stopped.
i did not.
“yes, i heard that, but could you give me a perhaps better thought out reason as to why i may not sleep here tonight”
she searches for a better thought out reason as to why i may not sleep there tonight.
“because im your mother.”
“true. now, may i have that remotely acceptable reason?”
“because i said so!”
...i guess not.
this went on for another twenty minutes. in those twenty minutes, i was hung up on four times. does that mean im winning? she also brought up some other well thought out points. like my grades... from last year. and when i missed my curfew last night... by thirty minutes... because the ride (guess who) i was promised had fallen asleep. despite these brilliant thoughts i kept digging. only after the first five minutes of this conversation, i had completely forgotten that i had called for permission to sleep at dana’s. also, during this time, my curfew had been reduced to 11... because i was debating with her. i did not care.
after the fourth hang up, i called back. again. i wish i knew why. only this time alan, my mom’s man, picked up.
“hello?”
“hi. is my mom there?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“ok. may i speak with my mom, please?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“may i please talk to my mom?”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“yes! i understand! let me speak with my mom”
“you’re coming home at eleven”
“ALAN! i need to speak with my mom!”
“ok, but you’re coming home at eleven”
...he did not let me speak to my mom.
“alan, why are you not letting me speak with my mom?”
“because you have to be here by eleven.”
...they’re perfect for each other. really.
i “argued” with alan for even longer than i did with my mom. actually, i think it was alan, it might of been a piece of wood. primarily about nothing. but i had a lot of fun, regardless.
i established that i was not, under any amount of negotiations, going to sleep at my mom’s house tonight.
i told alan goodnight and proceeded up the drive to hang up the phone. by now the movie was nearly finished. without telling anyone where i was going, i took off down the street sans my shoes and socks, to my dad’s house. i didn’t know what i was looking for, what i wanted from him, i didn’t really understand why i was going there. he was asleep when i arrived, but i woke him. we sat across from each other, in our large opposing chairs, separated by the entire room.
i told him the situation. he was sympathetic, but expressed that there was little i could do about it. sadly, he was right. it’s shocking, how little rights we have as “children.” we’re forced, almost without debate, to live in this parent-child autocracy until we reach our eighteenth birthday. makes sense? ... ? ........
but along with my night. my father and i discussed from across the room, for almost an hour.
in that hour we learned more about each other than the 16 years we’ve lived together.
i’ve never felt so close with him before. i’ve never felt so close to a family before. we both expressed our sorrow that my mother and i dont get along. it’s interesting, the further away i realized i was from my mom the closely i came to my dad. finally eleven came.
he offered a ride. i asked that we might stop at dana’s so i may get my things and maybe tell them where i was for two hours. after some hugs from some great friends, including ben who had just arrived within the two minutes i was getting my things, i climbed back into the car. it was silent for the next mile. not awkward, just quiet. when we arrived, fifteen past eleven, i got out of the mercedes, took three steps, turned around, and walked back.
“thanks”
on the way to my room, i passed my mother.
“we need to talk. because im just not happy here.”