(no subject)
today as i was waiting for the bus after sleeping through my alarm and missing my usual bus i started to wonder if i am really capable of complex thought, built upon more than a couple of initial blocks. just like this post i will probably wander off into the woods, drifting in a soup of loose ideas. sure, we come up with things sometimes, like one occasionally has dreams that feel significant for some kind of epiphany they might bring. but philosophically i guess i questions whether there really is anything to build on at all. and thus my lack of motivation. i have momentary motivations, work, concerns that require immediate attention. it's easy to get lost in mundane chores that one does because "you are supposed to". the neighbors across the street take care of their lawn as if i were a bonzai tree or piece of art; they repaint their house every couple of years whether it needs it or not. some people spend 30 minutes a day on oral hygiene. i just want my teeth to last until i die.
it's interesting. there is obviously a lot about your life that you have little control over. like the economy and all its tendrils of effects. you can angst over it, prepare for various outcomes, but we are just like fish in a strong tide when it comes to the economy. maybe i should avoid any news, not watch anything stressful--ever. it makes me feel like i have no skin. i think we are taught in this country to take what we can and fuck the consequences for anyone else. it's like the US is an obese person who knows about diabetes, but says "fuck it, ima eat some dingdongs." it's gotten so bad that every time i see a hummer, a pregnant woman, anyone who identifies as republican, i think "fuck you. you've fucked the planet, used up more than your share of resources, and given rich people tax breaks because they say it'll 'trickle down'. well, fuck you. i don't believe it does trickle down. so here's cancer and higher prices and everybody is fucked. thanks."
it's interesting. there is obviously a lot about your life that you have little control over. like the economy and all its tendrils of effects. you can angst over it, prepare for various outcomes, but we are just like fish in a strong tide when it comes to the economy. maybe i should avoid any news, not watch anything stressful--ever. it makes me feel like i have no skin. i think we are taught in this country to take what we can and fuck the consequences for anyone else. it's like the US is an obese person who knows about diabetes, but says "fuck it, ima eat some dingdongs." it's gotten so bad that every time i see a hummer, a pregnant woman, anyone who identifies as republican, i think "fuck you. you've fucked the planet, used up more than your share of resources, and given rich people tax breaks because they say it'll 'trickle down'. well, fuck you. i don't believe it does trickle down. so here's cancer and higher prices and everybody is fucked. thanks."