Never enough time!
Why am I trying to write this? It seems like I don't have enough time these days. And everyday I seem to tell my tomorrow will be better, but tomorrow comes and it just gets worse. I pray and try and pray and pray, but I seem to be falling. I read and try to figure out things (which never helps, but I seem to do it anyway). And I do know God is and will help me through all of this, but I just don't see how right now. I guess that's part of His mystery. I like mystery...when I can figure it out. It just seem so hard right now. People are giving me advice. People are comforting me. People correct me. God is doing wonders in my life and yet I see it. It is there when I think I've lost it or should I say him. Whatever or whoever, it doesn't matter. It's that I keep failing. I fail and fail and fail. And God keeps forgiving me time after time after time. I feel so small. And I should. God is even bigger than I can even comprehend. I keep falling, but I seem to be caught each time by these soft hands and I see these holes in them from that time. The time I don't cherish enough. The time when His blood dripped for me. This time when He was beaten, put up on a tree, hung for so many grueling hours. Then he was thrown into this grave and three days later a promise was fulfilled that I still can't grasp why. It's so hard not to cry each time I think about it. I sometimes even tremble because I would've ran. I would've betrayed everyone. IT would've been right there with me. Well, I have one thing IT can't stand and that's this awesome and holy and loving God. HA! Now I can laugh in the face of IT. IT is going down...hehe...whoops! It already is.