Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Cut.
No, no folks, this is neither a post about bodybuilding or circumcision (Joe cups his hands over his groin and goes a bit pale), but about the pervasive "friends cutting" that I see happening around me. As I've said months ago, and as I say now, I just don't understand it. It confuses me, my brethren. People are not disposable commodities one can dispose of simply because one is tired of them.
They've done it so often that it's almost funny. So I've decided to do something hopefully funnier. Is there a person you know who thinks they are too good to be friends certain people? Do you want out of their friends list because you don't want to seem as snobbish as the elitist in question? Well here is a list of ways to get yourself kicked off. This is just for humour folks, don't unfriend me because you think I'm being a twit. This is all in fun.
And now, the top ten ways to get yourself thrown off of some one's flist:
10) Join a really objectionable community and boast about it nonstop
9) Tell your friends about your newfound interest in studying tapeworm infestations
8) Drink ample quantities of beer and belch in your journal entries. Like so: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
7) Habitually ask your friends who travel quite a bit which direction the toilet flushes at their destinations
6) If you live close enough to your netfriend, go on a drive-by mooning spree in front of their house (no car? Well mooning can be done as well on bike or on horseback as by car)
5) Talk about how women in your culture used to deal with their menstrual periods. (As for the women in the UK, they wore nothing under their dresses and left red spots wherever they tread. Why do you think the floors were lined with straw?)
4) Tell your friends that you've been practicing armpit noises and can now play their favourite tunes
3) Football hooliganism. Nuff said!
2) Tell them about your membership in geekozoids anonymous
And now, the most surefire way to get yourself unfriended...
1)Tell the elitist friend that you got a new scanner and wish to test it. Next, pull down your trousers and sit on the scanner and allow it to scan your bum. Send the picture to the elitest and ask if the resolution is clear enough. If you're not unfriended then, I shall toss cabres until I collapse (or give myself hernias, whichever comes first)
They've done it so often that it's almost funny. So I've decided to do something hopefully funnier. Is there a person you know who thinks they are too good to be friends certain people? Do you want out of their friends list because you don't want to seem as snobbish as the elitist in question? Well here is a list of ways to get yourself kicked off. This is just for humour folks, don't unfriend me because you think I'm being a twit. This is all in fun.
And now, the top ten ways to get yourself thrown off of some one's flist:
10) Join a really objectionable community and boast about it nonstop
9) Tell your friends about your newfound interest in studying tapeworm infestations
8) Drink ample quantities of beer and belch in your journal entries. Like so: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
7) Habitually ask your friends who travel quite a bit which direction the toilet flushes at their destinations
6) If you live close enough to your netfriend, go on a drive-by mooning spree in front of their house (no car? Well mooning can be done as well on bike or on horseback as by car)
5) Talk about how women in your culture used to deal with their menstrual periods. (As for the women in the UK, they wore nothing under their dresses and left red spots wherever they tread. Why do you think the floors were lined with straw?)
4) Tell your friends that you've been practicing armpit noises and can now play their favourite tunes
3) Football hooliganism. Nuff said!
2) Tell them about your membership in geekozoids anonymous
And now, the most surefire way to get yourself unfriended...
1)Tell the elitist friend that you got a new scanner and wish to test it. Next, pull down your trousers and sit on the scanner and allow it to scan your bum. Send the picture to the elitest and ask if the resolution is clear enough. If you're not unfriended then, I shall toss cabres until I collapse (or give myself hernias, whichever comes first)