HP Pairings so bad you'll wish for the old ones back...
I know I promised a post on the reasons why I felt that the Harry Potter series jumped the shark, well I'll get to that later.
I've heard that shipping wars have increased ten and elevenfold since the release of HBP. Although I wasn't shipping anyone in particular beforehand, I must admit that HBP read like a really really poorly written Ginny-Sue romance fic, and Ron and Hermione still seem more likely to pair up in a boxing ring than as a loving couple.
Can it get any worse? Yes it can! Instead of really bad romance, we could have instead:
Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really bad romance!
May I now present:
< Insert cheesy trumpets at bad drumroll here >
Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really bad pairings
1) Harry Potter/Narcissa Malfoy
snippet from fic featuring pairing
Draco Malfoy's pale face went red in anger. "Potter! Yo mama's so stupid, when the potion called for infusion 44, she poured in twice as much infusion 22 instead."
Harry rounded on his pale rival. "Don't insult my mother! In fact let's get off of mothers altogether!"
"And why should I?" Draco sneered.
"Because I just got off of your mother this morning, and she said I was even more pleasing than your father!"
Draco was incensed.
2) Severus Snape/The Giant Squid
snippet from fic featuring pairing
Professor Severus Snape, so angry over his latest row with his colleagues, decided not to tarry in the castle that night. He gathered his bed linens and pillow and stomped over to the lake where the gentle rippling of the water would sooth his tired soul more than the shouting of the other Professors would.
Severus grinned in his slumber as he felt something cold and slimy carressing his sallow cheek. The tentacle brushed against his lips, sending shivers throughout his body. He languidly opened his eyes to meet his unseen lover and....
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
What do you think?
I've heard that shipping wars have increased ten and elevenfold since the release of HBP. Although I wasn't shipping anyone in particular beforehand, I must admit that HBP read like a really really poorly written Ginny-Sue romance fic, and Ron and Hermione still seem more likely to pair up in a boxing ring than as a loving couple.
Can it get any worse? Yes it can! Instead of really bad romance, we could have instead:
Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really reallyreally really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really bad romance!
May I now present:
< Insert cheesy trumpets at bad drumroll here >
Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really bad pairings
1) Harry Potter/Narcissa Malfoy
snippet from fic featuring pairing
Draco Malfoy's pale face went red in anger. "Potter! Yo mama's so stupid, when the potion called for infusion 44, she poured in twice as much infusion 22 instead."
Harry rounded on his pale rival. "Don't insult my mother! In fact let's get off of mothers altogether!"
"And why should I?" Draco sneered.
"Because I just got off of your mother this morning, and she said I was even more pleasing than your father!"
Draco was incensed.
2) Severus Snape/The Giant Squid
snippet from fic featuring pairing
Professor Severus Snape, so angry over his latest row with his colleagues, decided not to tarry in the castle that night. He gathered his bed linens and pillow and stomped over to the lake where the gentle rippling of the water would sooth his tired soul more than the shouting of the other Professors would.
Severus grinned in his slumber as he felt something cold and slimy carressing his sallow cheek. The tentacle brushed against his lips, sending shivers throughout his body. He languidly opened his eyes to meet his unseen lover and....
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
What do you think?