i know not
last week i wrote down a list of things i really like, but i lost it.
as for now, my feet are really cold and i can't stay awake.
now, i've grown accustomed to looking at my inner eyelids in my perpetual state of about-to-pass-out. i want to talk/speak/think/feel/be about a lot of things:
- we are accepted. - we are rejected. - this is not about college. - we deal with the way we feel. - our words are misconstrued. - our words are loved. - we are loved. - we feel things we should. - we feel things we should not. - we are hypocrites. - we should not use the word should. - we should be asleep more. - we should be awake more; we should live more. - did we once live the way we live now? - do we listen to songs that think define ourselves, because we cannot truly use our own words to create definition? - are we capable of creating definition, just lack the confidence? - should we have the confidence, or is it nature's very will for us not to? - should i stop using us and say i? - am i really talking about myself? [[by the way/btw - i am not an existentialist, i just ask a lot of questions, and often mock existentialism, even though i can appreciate aspects of it]] - do we confide in people cause we need to, or do we confide in people because we think we need to? - i think, and i feel. they are connected, but sometimes i feel as if they are separate. - i am fond of so many - also, i am sarcastic. - i am mistaken at times, but remember i love. - remember, i am confused about some senses of love, and i also fear it. - mike lyons and i talked about love, a lot. - we talked about who we are, and who we will be, and who we think we are, - i think realistically. - i am not a realist! but i am not in a surreal sniffing dream like induced love-o-matic world of sense and inner chemical reactions. - i like my world. - i like my world in the future.- will the two collide. - some people need to speak their minds, yes i am implying things right now. - i write a lot, and then wonder if it's good afterwards. - i wish i could connect my thoughts that seem so beautiful in my mind to paper right away. - i want my words to affect people the way they affect my very own mind. - i want the way i see the world [in a glorious light, most days] to be captured and transformed to ink and to please the eye and not really, but i want to make a difference. - i do. i don't ...know why i'm writing this anymore. - i just want them and it and all of it to hang and be so true it hurts, but it's wonderful and you want to hold on to it longer. - i want it to linger on your lips. - and i want you to wake up and wish it wasn't a dream.- i want it to be a dream. - i want it to be reality. - reality confuses the crap out of me. - i confuse the crap out of myself. - my mom thinks i'll never be happy. - my mom has no idea how happy i am. - she doesn't get contentment doesn't necessarily mean a constant smile. - i like being natural. - constantly smiling would be humanly impossible, at least for me. - i can't climb skies. - my life is good. - i just want you to know that i care about you. - not addressed to anyone - we/i don't understand a lot of things. - i'm constantly growing/changing. - i really hope it's for the better. - i want a beautiful life. - i hope i don't sound naive, but if i do, we can talk and share philosophies and i don't need to write a biography, but i want to talktastesharelife and absurdities and other nonsense.
-i'm really good at/with nonsense.
now, i've grown accustomed to looking at my inner eyelids in my perpetual state of about-to-pass-out. i want to talk/speak/think/feel/be about a lot of things:
- we are accepted. - we are rejected. - this is not about college. - we deal with the way we feel. - our words are misconstrued. - our words are loved. - we are loved. - we feel things we should. - we feel things we should not. - we are hypocrites. - we should not use the word should. - we should be asleep more. - we should be awake more; we should live more. - did we once live the way we live now? - do we listen to songs that think define ourselves, because we cannot truly use our own words to create definition? - are we capable of creating definition, just lack the confidence? - should we have the confidence, or is it nature's very will for us not to? - should i stop using us and say i? - am i really talking about myself? [[by the way/btw - i am not an existentialist, i just ask a lot of questions, and often mock existentialism, even though i can appreciate aspects of it]] - do we confide in people cause we need to, or do we confide in people because we think we need to? - i think, and i feel. they are connected, but sometimes i feel as if they are separate. - i am fond of so many - also, i am sarcastic. - i am mistaken at times, but remember i love. - remember, i am confused about some senses of love, and i also fear it. - mike lyons and i talked about love, a lot. - we talked about who we are, and who we will be, and who we think we are, - i think realistically. - i am not a realist! but i am not in a surreal sniffing dream like induced love-o-matic world of sense and inner chemical reactions. - i like my world. - i like my world in the future.- will the two collide. - some people need to speak their minds, yes i am implying things right now. - i write a lot, and then wonder if it's good afterwards. - i wish i could connect my thoughts that seem so beautiful in my mind to paper right away. - i want my words to affect people the way they affect my very own mind. - i want the way i see the world [in a glorious light, most days] to be captured and transformed to ink and to please the eye and not really, but i want to make a difference. - i do. i don't ...know why i'm writing this anymore. - i just want them and it and all of it to hang and be so true it hurts, but it's wonderful and you want to hold on to it longer. - i want it to linger on your lips. - and i want you to wake up and wish it wasn't a dream.- i want it to be a dream. - i want it to be reality. - reality confuses the crap out of me. - i confuse the crap out of myself. - my mom thinks i'll never be happy. - my mom has no idea how happy i am. - she doesn't get contentment doesn't necessarily mean a constant smile. - i like being natural. - constantly smiling would be humanly impossible, at least for me. - i can't climb skies. - my life is good. - i just want you to know that i care about you. - not addressed to anyone - we/i don't understand a lot of things. - i'm constantly growing/changing. - i really hope it's for the better. - i want a beautiful life. - i hope i don't sound naive, but if i do, we can talk and share philosophies and i don't need to write a biography, but i want to talktastesharelife and absurdities and other nonsense.
-i'm really good at/with nonsense.