Seashell Eyes, Windy Smile, So I Sing The Song Of Love...
I'm tired. I whine a lot. I haven't updated my journal in awhile. I'm doing more than I can handle. I need more time. I'm so busy. I'm still not doing everything I want to be doing. I can't wait for weekends. I work weekends. I have school and work during the week. I don't need the money. I feel that some of my classes just aren't me. I'm scared to drop them incase they are. I need to spend more time at Tim Hortons. I've only been once in the last week. I don't like coffee. I work in a bakery/coffee shop/restaurant. Tim Hortons is trailer trash compared to the bakery. It has good napkins to rip though. I'm too lazy to actually form a decent, structured entry. This is probably taking more thought and control than an actual entry. Philosophy has really been tripping me out lately. I can't not stop to think about my true 'self' or my personal identity every two steps. I want to drop the class. I want to quit school and work full time. I want to quit work and focus on school. I like my job for once. I'm waiting for April to be over. I want to work full time for two months. I want to travel to Greece. I want to learn five other languages: Greek, Latin, Italian, French and German. I can't decide if German or Spanish is more important on that list. I want it to be easier to speak another language. I want to feel better about myself. I don't want to just have brief moments of complete comfortableness with who I am. I want to rid myself of those days I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I want to cut my hair. I can't deny that I worry about being judged by others. I don't want a bad haircut. I want to fit in. I want to stand out. I want to be on the same page with at least one person. I want to get to know a completely new someone. I want them to get to know me. I want a break from the busy life. I want a holiday. I'd only need like four days or something. I need to experience something new. I wish the Library of Babel existed. At least I'd have something to really be crazy about. It would make finding my purpose in life so much easier. I need change. I need something constant. I need a more visible, non-abstract goal. I need a day wasted. I hate wasting any free time I have. I want to drive off without a destination. Car seats are so uncomfortable. I really want to play field hockey. I'm so out of shape I probably can't even lift my stick. I want to be good at something. I want life to be a map. I want to figure it out and find where I am so I don't get lost anymore. Simple is good. Complicated is more interesting. Food poisoning is bad. Getting sick off a plate of Kalamari all night on a day I get to sleep in is really bad. Having night classes that next day is worse. World History in the twentieth century for three hours is not so bad. When you have no one to talk to and no one sits around you in a one desk radius (that's latin for ray) and the teacher talks slowly and mutters other useless information under his breath it's pretty bad. Being hungry at 1:00am is crappy. I don't want to eat so late 'cause I won't be able to sleep. I won't be able to sleep all night 'cause I'm hungry. Sleep would be good if I could just sleep. I want meaningless dreams. I want pizza. I always want pizza. I want to stop thinking. I'm tired.