.
Its been a while, I think the last time I blogged I was on the verge of dumping Tan.
well my life lately has been depressing, my father passed away about two weeks ago.
I was torn apart, he lived in Tj, after being deported about 5 years ago. He got himself into a mess, that unfortunately turned out in him living alone in TJ. This is really sad when I think about and I hate it because I feel so guilty. My father was disabled after a gun shot wound to his chest when he was 30 years old. The doctors said he was never going to walk again, but he fought and fought. He eventually walked again with a cane, and thats how he lived. He lived alone, disabled, and far from his children in TJ.
Its crazy because I think god was trying to tell me that there was something wrong, when I was driving on my way to work on Thursday morning, a crazy thought came into my head. All of sudden Im having this thought that I cannot stop, someone is telling me that my dad is dead. I freaked out, all I could think is I have to call my dad... and I never did.
When I got out of school that night my uncle kept calling me and I finally answered. He said " Jocelyn we need you to come over, theres something we need to tell you" at that point I was freaking out, yelling at him, whats wrong?! what happened?!
Right after my cousin calls me hysterically saying you need to come over now.
First thing that came to my head was "dad!" omg something happened to my dad. I drove over to my uncles house. Then my brother calls me, Im yelling at him " what the hell is going on, why isnt anyone telling me what happened. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on!!"
Thats when my cousin walks up to my car, Im freaking out yelling. Then he just says "Joe your dad's dead"
The feeling that came upon me is undescribable, I stopped breathing and felt like I was going to faint. My heart dropped to my stomach. I was hyper ventalating, and crying hysterically.
I couldnt beleive it. No one ever wants to get news like that, especially when its your parent.
This is what breaks my heart even more, they found him dead in his home. His neighbors didnt see him come out for about 2 days. He wouldnt answer calls, the door, or anything. They finally called the police and found him on the floor with the phone in his hand. He was 64 years old. He's the most caring, loving, and coolest person I will ever meet.
He had a stroke, and no one was there to help him. I wasnt there to help him. I feel like such a terrible daughter, I wish I would'v done more to prevent this.
I dont know whats wrong with me right now, I dont know if Im coping with this like I should be. At first it was all surreal, it all felt like a terribel dream. I didnt sleep for 2 days. When I finally did sleep I slept about 20 hours, when I woke up I felt that I was going to loose my mind. I was numb, and would just start crying. I was feeling so depressed. I didnt want to hang out with anyone, just sit in my room. Tan was such great support, also my family was so awsome. It sucks that it takes something bad like that to reunite our family.
The system in Mexico is so fucked up, they make you go through hell to get a body released to a funeral home. It literally took up from 8am- 7pm to get him to a funeral home for a viewing. The viewing was so beautliful, the only reason we did that in TJ is because a friend of my father's kept saying that everyone wanted to say their final goodbye. We didnt realise how many friends he had, how many people who cared about him. The chapel was packed. Everyone had nothing but awsome things to say about him. I feel so proud to say thats my father. My father had the biggest heart, he was always so understanding. He loved me soo much, when we had his viewing in Tj everyone kept coming up to me and saying he would always talk about me and how proud he was of me.
We brought him back here, and he was buried right next to my grandmother. Isnt that weird after four years no one bought the space next to my grandmother. I guess things all happen for reasons.
A few nights ago I had a dream about him. We were sitting down and I was hugging him and telling him how much I loved and missed him. He looked so happy.
I dont know what that means, maybe he was saying his final goodbye.
well my life lately has been depressing, my father passed away about two weeks ago.
I was torn apart, he lived in Tj, after being deported about 5 years ago. He got himself into a mess, that unfortunately turned out in him living alone in TJ. This is really sad when I think about and I hate it because I feel so guilty. My father was disabled after a gun shot wound to his chest when he was 30 years old. The doctors said he was never going to walk again, but he fought and fought. He eventually walked again with a cane, and thats how he lived. He lived alone, disabled, and far from his children in TJ.
Its crazy because I think god was trying to tell me that there was something wrong, when I was driving on my way to work on Thursday morning, a crazy thought came into my head. All of sudden Im having this thought that I cannot stop, someone is telling me that my dad is dead. I freaked out, all I could think is I have to call my dad... and I never did.
When I got out of school that night my uncle kept calling me and I finally answered. He said " Jocelyn we need you to come over, theres something we need to tell you" at that point I was freaking out, yelling at him, whats wrong?! what happened?!
Right after my cousin calls me hysterically saying you need to come over now.
First thing that came to my head was "dad!" omg something happened to my dad. I drove over to my uncles house. Then my brother calls me, Im yelling at him " what the hell is going on, why isnt anyone telling me what happened. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on!!"
Thats when my cousin walks up to my car, Im freaking out yelling. Then he just says "Joe your dad's dead"
The feeling that came upon me is undescribable, I stopped breathing and felt like I was going to faint. My heart dropped to my stomach. I was hyper ventalating, and crying hysterically.
I couldnt beleive it. No one ever wants to get news like that, especially when its your parent.
This is what breaks my heart even more, they found him dead in his home. His neighbors didnt see him come out for about 2 days. He wouldnt answer calls, the door, or anything. They finally called the police and found him on the floor with the phone in his hand. He was 64 years old. He's the most caring, loving, and coolest person I will ever meet.
He had a stroke, and no one was there to help him. I wasnt there to help him. I feel like such a terrible daughter, I wish I would'v done more to prevent this.
I dont know whats wrong with me right now, I dont know if Im coping with this like I should be. At first it was all surreal, it all felt like a terribel dream. I didnt sleep for 2 days. When I finally did sleep I slept about 20 hours, when I woke up I felt that I was going to loose my mind. I was numb, and would just start crying. I was feeling so depressed. I didnt want to hang out with anyone, just sit in my room. Tan was such great support, also my family was so awsome. It sucks that it takes something bad like that to reunite our family.
The system in Mexico is so fucked up, they make you go through hell to get a body released to a funeral home. It literally took up from 8am- 7pm to get him to a funeral home for a viewing. The viewing was so beautliful, the only reason we did that in TJ is because a friend of my father's kept saying that everyone wanted to say their final goodbye. We didnt realise how many friends he had, how many people who cared about him. The chapel was packed. Everyone had nothing but awsome things to say about him. I feel so proud to say thats my father. My father had the biggest heart, he was always so understanding. He loved me soo much, when we had his viewing in Tj everyone kept coming up to me and saying he would always talk about me and how proud he was of me.
We brought him back here, and he was buried right next to my grandmother. Isnt that weird after four years no one bought the space next to my grandmother. I guess things all happen for reasons.
A few nights ago I had a dream about him. We were sitting down and I was hugging him and telling him how much I loved and missed him. He looked so happy.
I dont know what that means, maybe he was saying his final goodbye.