I wanted to tell her she didn't have to stuff her face just that she had to eat meals but I sat and let her get through half of the burger before I finally sat up. "There's a difference, Demetria, between eating more small meals and eating two bites every 7 hours." I looked in my lap as I continued speaking, "There is not a difference between realizing what you're doing is wrong and doing it thinking it's okay. There's not a difference between claiming you'll only starve yourself for a few months and just doing it as long as you want." I folded my arms over my chest, hating that I was lecturing her but really having no choice. "I know damn well it was not nerves that made you pass out and you should never ever think I should be with anyone that is not you." I shouted the word ever, losing control for a moment at the thought
( ... )
My heart dropped when Cody told me that I won't be seeing Landon until I stopped what I was doing. Right along with my jaw. But the second I was able to pick them both back up, I was raging. Nobody was going to take my son away from me and I dared them to try. "You're one of them, aren't you?! They got to you?! They're trying to brainwash you? You said no one was ever going to take my little boy away from me and now you're trying to! Now you think I'm a psycho too, huh? HUH?! You think I'm too fucking crazy to take care of our son? I'm a bad mom? You think you're going to take him away from me? The fuck you are!" I threw the tray of food to the floor, since apparently showing Cody that I was going to try was fucking worthless. "Well guess what?! You were right before, no one is going to take my little boy away from me, not even you!" I threw my legs over the side of the bed and as I held onto the night stand for support to stand up, a cup of water on the table went flying to the floor. "Landon loves me! No matter how sick I am! And
( ... )
Demi went ballistic and I was frozen. She started chucking shit and I stood up from the bed, thankful my body was working even though my brain wasn't. "Demi, no, that's not what's happening." She was screaming that Landon loved her as she started grabbing at the IV. "Calm down, Demi! That's not it at all!" I ran around the bed, ready to stop her even as she chucked her phone. "Demi, I never said he didn't love you!" I grabbed her hand to stop her as my eyes filled with tears. She whispered her apology to Landon and I felt a sob rise up in my throat as I held onto her to make her stay still. She stepped away from me and I'd never seen her look at me the way she was right now. My heart was shattering. I kept my mouth shut as I tried to tell her to calm down. We were going to get fucking kicked out of this hospital. Demi laid in the bed in defeat as she pulled the covers over her head. Her sobs ripped through my chest and I couldn't remember us ever being so volatile except that awful November two years ago. I held my fist to my mouth as
( ... )
Cody picked me up, my head still covered with the bed sheets and it looked like he was trying to kidnap or something! I shouted for him to put me down and I kicked at him softly, not having any strength to properly fight back. When Cody set me down on a chair, the covers fell off of my face and I realized I was in NICU. I looked around a bit jaded as Cody told me he isn't taking Landon from me and apologized before leaving NICU. I had no idea where he went but right now the nurse gave me a bottle and told me I got here just in time for Landon's feeding. I put a bottle to his mouth before I leaned down to press my cheek against the top of his forehead as I let out a sigh of relief. I told you no one was going to take you away from me, baby boy. You're my little dinosaur. I watched as his cheeks sucked in and out while he drank from his bottle. I was completely doe-eyed as I observed the smallest things about him, never wanting to leave his side again. I knew that the only way to keep people from taking him from me was to always have
( ... )
She said she would call an off-duty nurse and she or he would be here probably within the next hour, so it wouldn't take effect until then and I told her that was fine. Either way, I wanted to go find Cody so it worked out perfectly. Before she walked away, I asked her if she could get me a wheelchair, as it hurt me to walk and she told me she actually had one in NICU. I thanked her as she want to go get it and then helped me switch over to it. I wheeled myself up to the incubator to check on a sleepy Landon, his eyes looking heavy, before I blew him a goodbye kiss. "See you in a little bit, dino, mommy has to go fix things with daddy," I whispered to him
( ... )
As the nurse took Landon from Demi, I really had no other reason to watch so I decided to go ahead and wander back to the room where I was pretty sure there would be hellfire. I scruffed my shoe against the tile. I was nearly to our room when I heard Demi call my name. My Demi. Not the hysterical one that hated me. But who knows what she had worked through in her mind while I was away. I spun around and saw her trying to walk to me and I wanted to help her but her tone had been so serious and I was fearing the worst. I didn't say anything, waiting to hear what she had to say but she didn't speak. Instead her arms wrapped around my neck and she buried her face in it. My arms wrapped tightly around her middle as she told me she loved me. When she finished talking, I leant down and picked her up under her butt so she didn't have to stand. "I'm so sorry, baby. I wasn't really going to take him from you. I'd never, ever separate you two." I knew Demi must be sore and me holding her so tightly couldn't have felt good but I needed to hold
( ... )
Cody and I ended up kissing and cuddling until before I knew it, he was snoring on top of me. I kisses his lips repeatedly, despite him not kissing me in return. We were only mad at each other a few hours, but I still missed him so much. I hate arguing with him, especially after we'd gone so long without doing so. About half an hour after Cody was asleep on top of me, a nurse walked in, pushing the incubator with Landon inside. My eyes opened wide, excited that I could now have my husband and my son with me at all times. I put my fingers to my lips and signaled for the nurse to be quiet because Cody was still asleep. I pointed for her to set it up to my side of the bed and she placed it right next to me, plugging in the lamp that keeps him warm into the outlet, plus adjusting a few buttons on the IV. She told me she would be in and out and of the room but that if we needed her, to call her directly at her phone number which she wrote down for me. I stuck my hand into the incubator and shoved one of my fingers towards Landon's tiny
( ... )
I breathed a sigh of relief when Demi said that she could never hate me. I'd never seen her look at me the way she had a couple hours ago and it nearly killed me. Demi suggested that I give Landon his next milk and I knew my face had to have lit up. "Are you sure, baby?" She nodded and turned her entire body towards me and I grinned, excited to feed my little boy and hold him. Demi's leg snaked between mine and her body pressed right up against mine as she pressed her lips to mine. She sucked on my top lip and I pushed my tongue past her lips because I was dying to be intimate with her again. I knew there were other ways besides sexual that we could be intimate but I missed being like this with her. I slid my hand under her hospital gown and up her thighs, missing the feel of her warm skin. Demi began to grind her hips into mine which I was ecstatic about because I wasn't sure if doing so would be painful for her. I moved my hands from the back of her thighs to her ass, taking a handful then kneaded her ass. I was so ready to have sex
( ... )
I was watching my two men with lovestruck eyes, as Cody fed little Landon until he sucked out every last drop of milk. After burping him, Cody sang him to sleep and Landon was knocked out in no time, having heard Cody's lullabies all throughout my pregnancy. Unfortunately, once he was done, the nurse took him from Cody and put him back into the incubator, closing it in to keep him warm. I wonder how much longer he has to be in there; how much longer he has to feel like a prisoner. Cody came to join me on the edge of the bed and we both just stared in awe at the beautiful creation we had made. We spent the rest of the night switching from watching tv, cuddled into my tiny hospital bed, to sitting up to observe Landon for hours at a time, until it was finally the next morning. The days seemed to drag on while we were here. The nurse told us that after his next feeding, she was going to let us bathe him, with her supervision because he finally gets his IVs taken out today since he has been keeping down the food, so they can increase him
( ... )
When the nurse informed us that his IVs could come out today, a huge grin spread across my face. And now we got to bathe him too! We invited our moms into the room to see this with us and my mom was already silently crying as the nurse removed the IV from him. I was still so in shock that our boy was no longer hooked to a machine that I didn't move when the nurse said we could undress him. I watched as Demi removed his little onesie and then handed Landon to me. I held him so that his head was by my shoulder as I moved him into the little tub. His eyes went wide as saucers when the water touched his skin and I felt it, worried it may be too cold but it felt warm enough. Demi talked to Landon so he knew that he was okay and that we wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. The nurse told me to grab a towel and rub it over his skin from the neck down. I did so, making sure I didn't miss a single spot. I picked up his little warm and rubbed the cloth over his skin. But I wanted Demi to get to bath him too so I handed the rag over to Demi
( ... )
Demi and I walked hand in hand into the bathroom, me carrying the bag with our clothes and she carried the towel and soaps. Demi was walking on her own now but I could tell that it still wasn't the most comfortable thing for her to do. I turned on the shower, turning the water to warm not sure if Demi wanted a hot or cool shower. When I turned around, I could see that Demi was super self conscious about taking her clothes off right now. I frowned as I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it beside our bag. She had her back turned towards me the entire time we were undressing so before we got into the shower, I wrapped my arms around her and placed my hands on her stomach. "You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me," I said in her ear. I knew that she was not in any way comfortable with herself but if I could make her realize that I still thought she was beautiful and sexy, she would let her guard down at least around me. I helped her into the shower and I just stood under the water, enjoying the feeling. I was
( ... )
Taking off my clothes to get into the shower with Cody felt like I was 16 all over again and still felt uncomfortable taking off my clothes around him. Except this time it's because my body is in that awkward in between stage. I just finished having a child days ago so I don't like pregnant but I'm not back to my normal body either. I have unwanted skin and fat in my belly area that I now have to work hard to get rid of. Cody must have noticed my self-consciousness because he came up behind me and told me that I was still the most beautiful girl in the world, while rubbing at the part of my body I hate the most right now. Cody helped me into the shower so that I wouldn't slip, and once we let the water soothe our bodies for a little bit, we helped each other shampoo our hairs. Cody squeezed body wash into his hands and then "cleaned" my body with it, or he was just looking for a reason to touch my newly swelled boobs. I squeezed the body wash onto my own hands now and started rubbing at Cody's chest, slowly moving down to his stomach
( ... )
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment