(Untitled)

[joancrawford]

Oh, Hello all! It's me, Joan Crawford, back from the dead as usual! I've been really busy here in hell, you wouldn't believe how time consuming eternity can be! I took a little break from signing autographs and whipping the backsides of heathenous Egyptian slaves to sit down in the throneroom on my IBook and update my lovely livejournal

Comments

No, you're not dead

[robby]

You're both timeless and immortal (with a "t").

Re: No, you're not dead

[tinacrawford]

Just because you want our torrid affair to be *hic* s-s-secret from that wretch of a woman, doesn't mean I will let *hic* --ii-iit. *Barfs on your crotch, and proceeds to lick it off*

Re: No, you're not dead

[joancrawford]

Robby! How good to see you again! I've missed you terribly here in hades! What's the weather like in the realm of the living? It's monsoon season down here. Well, do drop me a line, I'll have Carol Anne make arrangements for a little...rendezvous?

Love, J.C.

[kai_ta_loipa]

Oh, but my lovely sexkitten, YOU WILL NEVER DIE IN THE HEARTS OF YOUR FANS!

*muah* I missed you, lovey! Rawr!

HAHAHAHAHA

[tinacrawford]

SHE'S DEAD AND BURRIED BITCH, GET OVER IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Re: HAHAHAHAHA

[kai_ta_loipa]

HOW DARE YOU?!?! *BITCHSLAP*

That is your sweet, devoted mother! She went through HELL trying to raise your ungrateful ass!

[archiedavis]

oh, joan, how i have missed you so!

i even left that indention you left in the bed exactly the way you left it.

Re:

[joancrawford]

Oh! And how I've missed you, you burly hunk of man-beef! I'm glad you kept the bed unchanged for me, it won't stay cold for long...

I know! Let's get together and play 'Helen of Troy' again! I had such fun last time!

Love, J.C.

[archiedavis]

i would say i will be there with bells on...

but even that is a lot more than i plan on wearing.

[tinacrawford]

Why, hello *hic* archie.. It's been a while.. Let me think... it was way back in september when we got together and you took those nude porno pics of me wearing mommies clothes and makeup that you put in "HELLO!" magazine.

So wha *hic!* do you say? Let's get together this time and make a movie! I'll tell you all of my mommie's secrets.. teehee

[laughingsal]

THRONE ROOM?!! An appropriate place for a DRAG Queen like yourself. They isolated you in that dank cave because noone down here in HELL could stand your awful STENCH!

Good luck getting work, you no-talent hag!

Yours,
Bette

Re:

[joancrawford]

HA! You won't be laughing so hard when my husband Baal comes knocking down your door with a sixty foot double dong with YOUR NAME ON IT, YOU AGE-OLD JOKE!

I don't see DOOM Magazine asking YOU for any interviews, now do I? They know true talent when they see it. At least I've got status here in hell, when all you've got is a worn-out 'moneymaker' and TWO BUG-EYES!

Your faithful friend,
J.C.

[laughingsal]

BAAL?! I FUCKED Baal. By the way, he called you the WHORE of BABYLON and said your crotch stank like DECAYING FLESH and flat PEPSI.
I couldn't care less about your morbid curiosity PORN mags, you rancid media slattern.

I AM THE QUEEN OF HOLLYWOOD! HAW HAAAAAAAW!

[accidenter]

omg omg go on popartagenda and let me know your top ten list of who you would "hit" yo

Nobody can deny you.

[secretime]

With those fabulous outfits, the killer hair, the saucy and biting yet always charming wit, that tight tummy, those perky titties, and that sweet little ass, anyone would be mentally deficient--a veritable retard--to deny the glory that is you, Joan!

Now quit drowning your worries with that bottle of rubbing alcohol and cheer up!

Re: Nobody can deny you.

[joancrawford]

You always know exactly what to say to make me feel beautiful.

Love, J.C.

Re: Nobody can deny you.

[secretime]

I'm ready for my close up now, Ms. Crawford.