(no subject)
It always upset me to think of how God gave us one chance in life.
One chance to live it right.
One chance to avoid mistakes.
One chance to make of it what we can.
It upset me especially because I'm so fascinated with the lives of others, and often I imagine my life in a different time, place, body. When I come back to my own life, I can't help but feel... deprived.
I think that's why I enjoy reading so much.
(I always write entries like this when I finish a book. It's something I can't help and I'm sorry that I repeat myself. heh)
After I finish a book, I feel like I've learned more about... I guess life in general, than I do at school in a whole year.
I play it once or twice, or three times over in my head like a movie... and take everything in. Noticing things as a whole.
Sometimes, when I find the novel exceptionally appealing, I linger on it for days and weeks.
I always tell myself that I should live my life, and to its fullest.. every moment right where I am.
But I think, knowing the person that I am. it's just not possible.
I can't live every second of my life in reality.
as a matter of fact, I don't think I'm ever truly here.
My minds always lingering in some other place, with some other person.
And I find that later on, those memories of whomever at wherever, whenever.... are the ones that i remember more vividly, and with more longing and sentiment. Even though they never happened in real life.
I probably sound like an idiot to people who are living their lives just the way it is, and are completely satisfied, and can't understand why I live my life the way I do.
To be completely honest, I think I'm an idiot too.
It's sad that I live my life this way... but I've been doing it so long that I've grown fond of my daily habitual adventures... taking place solely in my mind.
I've developed an affection for the world that exists only to myself... and the people I create within it.
It will eventually end up destroying me if I cannot learn to let it go and accept them as things that will never be....
or... take the opposite effect if I learn to make use of it in ways other than what it's been doing, keeping me sane.
so yes...
that is all I have to say for now.
One chance to live it right.
One chance to avoid mistakes.
One chance to make of it what we can.
It upset me especially because I'm so fascinated with the lives of others, and often I imagine my life in a different time, place, body. When I come back to my own life, I can't help but feel... deprived.
I think that's why I enjoy reading so much.
(I always write entries like this when I finish a book. It's something I can't help and I'm sorry that I repeat myself. heh)
After I finish a book, I feel like I've learned more about... I guess life in general, than I do at school in a whole year.
I play it once or twice, or three times over in my head like a movie... and take everything in. Noticing things as a whole.
Sometimes, when I find the novel exceptionally appealing, I linger on it for days and weeks.
I always tell myself that I should live my life, and to its fullest.. every moment right where I am.
But I think, knowing the person that I am. it's just not possible.
I can't live every second of my life in reality.
as a matter of fact, I don't think I'm ever truly here.
My minds always lingering in some other place, with some other person.
And I find that later on, those memories of whomever at wherever, whenever.... are the ones that i remember more vividly, and with more longing and sentiment. Even though they never happened in real life.
I probably sound like an idiot to people who are living their lives just the way it is, and are completely satisfied, and can't understand why I live my life the way I do.
To be completely honest, I think I'm an idiot too.
It's sad that I live my life this way... but I've been doing it so long that I've grown fond of my daily habitual adventures... taking place solely in my mind.
I've developed an affection for the world that exists only to myself... and the people I create within it.
It will eventually end up destroying me if I cannot learn to let it go and accept them as things that will never be....
or... take the opposite effect if I learn to make use of it in ways other than what it's been doing, keeping me sane.
so yes...
that is all I have to say for now.