me and lc
It has nearly been 2 months since me and LC got together, btu I think it may possibly be closing time. Some reasons, I can explain, while others, I can't. In simple terms, it was all a matter of people changing, and people being unfaithful in thoughts, but not in actions.
Despite the fact that I would say I am a major flirt, I would never actually do what I say I would. I may tell a girl something, but I wouldn't actually go through with it. Everything would just be a meaningful joke... or so I thought at first. But then my thoughts became more serious about other girls, and I felt horrible. There was no way around it. I couldn't push these thoughts away, even after I talked to LC about it the first time. I could not stand the idea of this... it wasn't fair to her. I will admit to that.
During my phone call with her today, we discussed a little bit before things got to the worst of parts. Fact is, she said that I have changed. I don't really notice that I have, but if she says so, then I guess I have. But fact is, so has she. She is no longer as outgoing. She is no longer as playful. Unfortunately, this isn't the same LC as I first started dating.
Things had gotten rockier as of late as well. With a few small arguments, but just that, a few small ones. Being small though, and with the number of a short time, it added up.
But here is the real kicker. The concept of being needy. In my life, who have I ever depended on? Parents, just for food and shelter. With my decisions and thoughts, I did not go to them for help. Best friends? Hardly. I have not maintained a single best friend over the years, like me other people have done. So to say the least, I have never needed anyone. The people I have confided in, have come and gone, unfortunately. But now here I am, nearing graduation. People are going to be gone, and I finally realized who I may NEED. This person, I can't imagine not being around. I nearly wept at the thought itself. Then it got me to thinking, who else does this apply to? Any friends? Not really. LC... I don't know. And that is where I stand now. I am afraid to hurt her. Afraid to break up with her... but not afraid to lose her as girlfriend. This is possibly due to not ever been without her (since dating), or the possibility that I don't need her in that way.
And I thought I had everything I ever needed... maybe I do though. Maybe everything I need is with me, but in the wrong spots? Maybe the best friend should be the girlfriend? Maybe its no where close to that. Just, with how things are, nothing is certain. I wish they were... oh how I wish they were.
I will admit, I am hurting. And I will for who knows how long. It may be strange for a guy to admit, but I do. And there is my confession.
Despite the fact that I would say I am a major flirt, I would never actually do what I say I would. I may tell a girl something, but I wouldn't actually go through with it. Everything would just be a meaningful joke... or so I thought at first. But then my thoughts became more serious about other girls, and I felt horrible. There was no way around it. I couldn't push these thoughts away, even after I talked to LC about it the first time. I could not stand the idea of this... it wasn't fair to her. I will admit to that.
During my phone call with her today, we discussed a little bit before things got to the worst of parts. Fact is, she said that I have changed. I don't really notice that I have, but if she says so, then I guess I have. But fact is, so has she. She is no longer as outgoing. She is no longer as playful. Unfortunately, this isn't the same LC as I first started dating.
Things had gotten rockier as of late as well. With a few small arguments, but just that, a few small ones. Being small though, and with the number of a short time, it added up.
But here is the real kicker. The concept of being needy. In my life, who have I ever depended on? Parents, just for food and shelter. With my decisions and thoughts, I did not go to them for help. Best friends? Hardly. I have not maintained a single best friend over the years, like me other people have done. So to say the least, I have never needed anyone. The people I have confided in, have come and gone, unfortunately. But now here I am, nearing graduation. People are going to be gone, and I finally realized who I may NEED. This person, I can't imagine not being around. I nearly wept at the thought itself. Then it got me to thinking, who else does this apply to? Any friends? Not really. LC... I don't know. And that is where I stand now. I am afraid to hurt her. Afraid to break up with her... but not afraid to lose her as girlfriend. This is possibly due to not ever been without her (since dating), or the possibility that I don't need her in that way.
And I thought I had everything I ever needed... maybe I do though. Maybe everything I need is with me, but in the wrong spots? Maybe the best friend should be the girlfriend? Maybe its no where close to that. Just, with how things are, nothing is certain. I wish they were... oh how I wish they were.
I will admit, I am hurting. And I will for who knows how long. It may be strange for a guy to admit, but I do. And there is my confession.