Thinking, as per usual
Well, another day came and went. Yesterday was ok until about 4 pm when I asked Rachel when Jason was coming up there and she said November 2nd. I freaked out. That meant to me that he was really leaving. She said he was supposed to be putting in his notice yesterday at work. Well, I ended up talking to her for awhile about everything that’s been going on, and I eventually called Jason at work. I shouldn’t have brought it up while he was there, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. He, of course, was mad that I was talking to him about it while he was at work and said we’d talk about it when he got home. So I ended up going to the fair with Melinda, who was absolutely wonderful. She’s been great this last week; I just wish I had been hanging out with her a lot longer. Who needs “friends” that ditch you in your time of greatest need? But I won’t mention any names. No need in that. Won’t do any good anyway. So, I tried to have a good time at the fair, which of course was futile. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jason and worrying that he was really going to leave. And I got nauseous from a spinny ride. Stupid circles. I hate being such a pansy.
So when I got home, the crying commenced, as I knew it would. But, I did find out that Jason DIDN’T put in his notice at work. When I asked why, he said he didn’t know, and by that, I’m pretty sure he means he doesn’t know what he’s going to do now. He was pretty pissed at me and Melinda for “harassing” Rachel, but y’know, this is too important to me to not fight for it. He was also pissed at Rachel for telling me what she did. I guess he wanted me and her to not talk about him and what he’s doing so that neither of us gets more hurt than we already will be. I don’t know if he’s gotten to talk to her yet, but he said when he does, that he will be “bitching her out”. I know it’s a small victory, if one at all, but I am glad he didn’t put in his notice. I told him how much I love and support him, and that I’ll stick by him no matter what happens. I also told him that I think we can grow together as people, and help each other learn things. I think it’s so much easier to grow and develop as a person if you’re with someone who can help you, someone who knows you and cares about you and your happiness. He said he’s been sweet, loving, and affectionate to me because he does love me, but also because it makes me happy. I’m glad that he still wants me to be happy. I don’t know what’s going to happen at this point, but I did tell him that he needed to come to some sort of conclusion fairly soon, because my health insurance at work is up for renewal, and I need to know if he’s staying on it or not. So hopefully, the next two weeks will entail a lot of thinking on his part. I really hope he decides that we can do this. I have complete faith in him as a person, and I know that he’s going to do great things with his life, even if he doesn’t think so yet. He’s still trying to figure out exactly who he is; I guess that’s a common thing for people our age. And I’m sure I’m not completely the person I will be eventually, but I’m willing to go through all the tough times and the good times with him. I won’t give up on him, and I really hope he won’t give up on me.
And it amazes me that he can still make me smile even when I’m crying out all the liquids in my body. I told him that I’d rather be crying in his arms than anywhere else. I’d rather be sad and WITH him than not with him at all. *Sigh* I really hope we make it through this, after all, we’ve made it through much worse already, so why not this?
So when I got home, the crying commenced, as I knew it would. But, I did find out that Jason DIDN’T put in his notice at work. When I asked why, he said he didn’t know, and by that, I’m pretty sure he means he doesn’t know what he’s going to do now. He was pretty pissed at me and Melinda for “harassing” Rachel, but y’know, this is too important to me to not fight for it. He was also pissed at Rachel for telling me what she did. I guess he wanted me and her to not talk about him and what he’s doing so that neither of us gets more hurt than we already will be. I don’t know if he’s gotten to talk to her yet, but he said when he does, that he will be “bitching her out”. I know it’s a small victory, if one at all, but I am glad he didn’t put in his notice. I told him how much I love and support him, and that I’ll stick by him no matter what happens. I also told him that I think we can grow together as people, and help each other learn things. I think it’s so much easier to grow and develop as a person if you’re with someone who can help you, someone who knows you and cares about you and your happiness. He said he’s been sweet, loving, and affectionate to me because he does love me, but also because it makes me happy. I’m glad that he still wants me to be happy. I don’t know what’s going to happen at this point, but I did tell him that he needed to come to some sort of conclusion fairly soon, because my health insurance at work is up for renewal, and I need to know if he’s staying on it or not. So hopefully, the next two weeks will entail a lot of thinking on his part. I really hope he decides that we can do this. I have complete faith in him as a person, and I know that he’s going to do great things with his life, even if he doesn’t think so yet. He’s still trying to figure out exactly who he is; I guess that’s a common thing for people our age. And I’m sure I’m not completely the person I will be eventually, but I’m willing to go through all the tough times and the good times with him. I won’t give up on him, and I really hope he won’t give up on me.
And it amazes me that he can still make me smile even when I’m crying out all the liquids in my body. I told him that I’d rather be crying in his arms than anywhere else. I’d rather be sad and WITH him than not with him at all. *Sigh* I really hope we make it through this, after all, we’ve made it through much worse already, so why not this?