ON/OFF Screen [Chapter 23]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: First of all, I am sorry for the late update. And second of all, surprise surprise, this is not the last chapter XD I am sorry, I am sorry but turns out as I wrote what I wanted to write it becomes so long I have to break it up into two. LOL. Besides I like the number 24 better than 23 :p As usual, comments, criticism and inputs would be highly appreciated. And for the new readers, if you haven't read the previous chapters, you can always refer to the master post
CHAPTER 23
「Goodbye is a Word I Don't Want to Hear」
It's been forever since the last time I took the train. But since I wake up this morning a bit too early and couldn't wait to get my ass moving out of the house to see him, I figured it would be a better choice than just keep fidgeting inside a taxi.
I even try to look nice, one thing I haven't bothered to do this past few weeks. Not that it is somewhere near the word stylish. I wear my white and blue striped cardigan over a white tank top and jeans. Quite casual and normal, and wouldn't be too noticeable as a celibrity. Except for my usual sunglasses. But I didn't wear them this early. The sun is not even fully up yet.
When I got off the train station closest to the beach we had our first date together, it is still 6:20 AM, but I walked down there anyway. And I can't help myself not to walk as fast as I can, or even run to be exact.
I am dying to see him..
He is probably not there yet. I close my eyes, smiling as I imagine his morning scene as he woke up a tad bit later than his alarm clock has insisted. Despite his stoicness, he is one of those people who always missed the first 10-15 minutes than appointed. He is probably still at his apartment, getting inside his tattered jeans over his black underwear (it is a Sunday, after all). Then, getting a quick breakfast before he reach for his car keys whilst figuring out which shoes to wear.. He then ends up bringing 3 shoes along in his car to decide later on..
And..
My thoughts stop right there as I reach the restaurant nearby the beach. The restaurant he took me to that day. The restaurant is still not open, yet there's already a car parked nearby. Without even double checking the liscense number, I know by heart that it is his very car.
I touch the body of the car. It is already cold. It means it has been there a while. He has been there a while.
I look away from the car and to the open sea.
And there he is. I can see his back. Wearing a white shirt and a tattered jeans. A small gap is shown between them as he sits facing the sea to show his black line underwear. I let out a small smile for that.
He doesn't wear a hat, or his eyeglasses. He is listening to his earphone as I approach him, enjoying the view of his back that could be the picture perfect of loneliness. He bends his knees and supports his head on them. One of his hand combs through his unruly short dark hair.
I walk slowly to him and sits just beside him, brushing one of his shoulders. That's when I realize that he was closing his eyes. The moment my shoulder touches his, he startles and opens those beautiful eyes. The chocolate big brown eyes I have been yearning for weeks. That I love.
I smile at him. He doesn't smile back, but he straigtens his position, pulling up his head to meet my eyes. Still half-stunned, somewhat amazed, he stares at me with such a look that has a thousand meanings. Is it sadness? Is it yearning? Is it love?
I heard Mika-chan's voice at the back of my head..
"If this ain't love, then I don't know what is.."
And Nino's..
"He loves you too, you know? Just as much. Just as heartbreaking."
"Rei.." Jun-kun whispers my name in a hoarse voice.
I can see that he has lost some weight. His chubby cheeks have gone away without a trace. The dark circles under his eyes confirm that Nino was not lying but him having it worse than I am.
He stil hasn't put his earphone off. I took one on his right ear, the farthest from my position. And put it inside my ear, listening to what he has been listening to.
A familiar song comes through. But it wasn't any of Arashi's songs. It wasn't our song. It was "Let It Be" from The Beatles.
He lets me listen to it with him as he put his chin on his knees he is hugging, staring into my eyes. I still can't release my gaze from his eyes, either. And just decided to enjoy every moment as we listen to this song. Along with the gushing wind and the crashing waves. Just like the day the very first time we met.
Just like there's no tomorrow.. And I know, that there is not..
As the song ends, I whisper to him, "Should we?"
"What?"
"Let it be?" I mutter sadly.
The lyrics of the song is very simple, yet it really gets to me. I can feel the tears pushing out and I blink it back.
He doesn't answer me and instead just brush away a strand of hair from my face, "You're early."
"Not as early as you.."
"I slept over at my parent's place for the past week.."
"You did? Why?"
He shrugs, "Haven't been able to sleep at my own place. I keep seeing you over there.."
"Did it work?"
"Not really. Still see you at my parent's place as well.. Everywhere I go, to be exact," his voice cracks, but he gives me a small smile instead.
We have something in common. But in my case, it is you that I keep seeing everywhere I go
"I'm sorry.."
"For what?"
"For appearing everywhere. For being a complete idiot.." Now I can't stop the tears anymore and let it stream freely on my cheek. "For not discussing it first with you, for pushing you to the limits and make you leave me.. Without realizing that it is just as heartbreaking for you.."
He immediately pulls me in to his embrace. Drowning my tears to his chest, inside his arms. Hugging me as tight as he can.
"Don't cry.." But as he whispers the word to my hair, he lets out a small sob himself.
"I- I missed you so much, Jun.." I mutter between my own sobs. "I can't function without you.."
I pull away from his hug to look at his teary brown eyes. It is the first time I ever see him cry.
I wipe that one tear away with my fingers and give him something I've been dying to do. A gentle kiss. A trembling one. The soft touch of his lips that I have been yearning of push me to the limits and my cheeks got wet again with tears.
"Don't.." He mutters softly as he pulls away from the kiss. "I wouldn't be able to let you go again.."
"Then don't.." I insist and kiss him again. He drinks the kiss again, letting go of the passion that has been buried for too long.
"But I have to tomorrow.." He pulls away once more, just to kiss me once more with a deeper one this time. Our lips tremble as they touch each other.
Then all of a sudden, again, he push my face away, cupping them with his hands. Just to stare at my eyes for a long while. He kiss my forehead, my teary eyes and my nose.
He whispers in a gentle voice as my gaze drowns in his, "I love you.."
He kisses my lips again this time as I am still frozen by his sudden confession. The one phrase he never said before. The one phrase I didn't expect to ever hear from him. But he did say it. And it felt beautiful. It felt wonderful.
And I laugh. I smile and pulls away from the kiss. He laughs along and pull me in for another hug.
"What took you so long, baka?" I mutter to his neck.
He just softly laughs at that and tighten the hug.
"Does this mean I am yours again?" I ask him softly, still grinning wide.
"I don't know.. But I've never been anything but yours all this time.." His voice is husky and although I can't see his expression as we hug each other tightly, I know for sure in my heart that the adorable cheesy baka is grinning widely himself.
The earphones we were wearing has came off by itself sometime ago. But softly, I can still hear it shuffling through Jun-kun's playlist on his iPod. And right now, it was playing that song.
He push me back to lie on the sand as he gets on top of me to give me one of those passionate, sexy and full of hunger kisses. I rummage my fingers through his unruly short hair and completely losing myself in that kiss.
I am finally home again..
Softly, I can still hear Arashi sings Boku ga Boku no Subete somewhere in the sand.
---
We spent hours on top of each other on that beach. Actually, I've lost track of time the moment he kissed me for the very first time. But, we left the beach right after I noticed the restaurant nearby was opening. We had breakfast there. But we didn't talk much. I wondered why. Where there are so many things I want to talk to him about. So many things that I have been bottling up inside me this past few weeks. But none of them matters anymore. None of them matters as much as the fact that we are right in front of each other once more.
He watched me as I ate, never looked away. I enjoyed him watching me as I watched him myself. He didn't let go of my hand as he paid the bills. He didn't even let go of my hand when he drove us back from the beach.
"Isn't it hard to drive with one hand?" I ask him with a chuckle.
"It sure is not the safest method for driving, ne?" He replies with a smile, but he just squeezes my hand tigther, entangles our fingers together.
"Surely not recommended.." I smile back as I lean over to his side of the car and he finally lets go of my hand. Just to put his arm around me and caresses the head that snuggles to his neck.
Silence. For a good while. But it isn't an uncomfortable one.
"Where are we going, Jun-kun?"
He sighs, "I actually wanted you all for myself today, but the other members insisted in saying their proper-"
"Don't say it."
"What?"
"Don't say that word."
He thinks for himself for a while, but then he completely understands, "Oh."
A trace of sadness appears in his eyes. I can feel mine does the very same thing. Hell, I feel a sharp pang on my chest.
I try to overcome that and clear my throat, "Actually.. I have something for this evening as well.."
"What?"
"A press conference. They couldn't scheduled any other time.. So.."
He just closes his eyes for a second and nod once, "Wakatta.."
"It won't take long. Not more than an hour.."
He kisses my hair as I take a good sniff of the scent of his neck, "An hour is already too long..", he whispers.
Yes. We've wasted a long time already being painfully away from each other.
I snuggle to him closer as an agreement.
---
Does normal people get drunk over lunch? Okay, not all people would call the 5 members of Arashi as 'normal people', so do idols get drunk over lunch?
Aside from the generalization question, the 5 members of Arashi do get drunk over that last lunch we are having. Including me. We finished "the best hamburger in town according to Ninomiya Kazunari" and had already 5 rounds of drinks over the course of 2 hours in their favorite bar.
But Jun doesn't seem even a bit intoxicated by all the alcohol. And surprisingly, I am not either. And I am not the only one who notice that.
"Eeeeh? How come you are not drunk yet, Rei-chan? This is your farewell party!" Aiba-chan slurs over his words as he puts an arm around me.
"That means she has to drink more!" Sho-kun pours me another sake.
"Guys, she has a press conference after this.." Jun-kun tries to stop him.
But I hold his hand to stop him from taking away the cup from my part of the table, "It's fine, Jun-kun, I am nowhere near drunk right now. It is quite unusual I know, usually I can get drunk over 2 to 3 drinks only.."
"That's because of the enormous amount of alcohol intakes you did for the past few weeks, Rei-chan. That sure did wonders to your usual limit," Nino points out.
Jun raises an eyebrow, "How much did you drink for the past weeks?"
Nino doesn't give me a chance to answer, "I would say almost the same amount that YOU, Jun-pon, was drinking every other day since you two broke up. I would bet my darling DS that it was for the very same reason."
I blush at that. And Jun-kun just twitch his lips, manage to give me a small sad smile.
"Oh, don't fret, Rei-chan. You could see that Jun-pon here drank the same exact amount as everyone, but he is nowhere near as drunk as the rest of us.."
Jun glares at him, but I just softly laugh, "Nino always talks so much when he is drunk, ne? I would sure miss that, Neen."
"So does that mean I am now your ichiban in Arashi then? I mean aside from your lousy boyfriend here, of course.." Nino leans forward excitedly.
"Jun-kun is never my ichiban.."
"WHAT?" Jun-kun glares at me in disbelief.
"I was Jun-baited, of course.. I don't mean it that way, Jun, but if you are talking about you guys as idols, it's the truth that my one and only ichiban of Arashi is Ohno-san," I grin widely as I say this.
"And it still stays that way even though he never utters any word to you?" Sho-kun asks in disbelief.
"Even though the one you love is Jun-pon here?" Nino makes me blush again.
But the man of the hour, Ohno-san just grins and gives Jun-kun an apologetic pat on his shoulder.
"Hai, Ohno-san is still my ichiban as an idol," I grin back at the oldest member. And give another one to the youngest member, "But if you are talking as a man.. Your Matsujun is the winner.."
Now I make him blush. And my own cheeks are warm as well. It is not everyday that I talk so openly about my feelings.
"Are you sure you are not drunk?" Jun asks in a low voice. I laugh and he joins in with me.
He slides his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him.
"Just warming up for the press conference."
"Don't mention Jun-pon's name, though. You are still forever my rumored girlfriend," Nino points out again. "I wonder when will that rumor dies out. It is starting to get annoying. I asked a girl out yesterday and she told me off because she thought I was going out with you. Sheesh."
"You asked a girl out?" Jun-kun asks excitedly.
"Dare? Dare? Dare?" All other 3 members join in just as curious, almost simultaneously.
"AD-san of my newest drama.."
"You asked out an AD?"
"What? She's cute. And I kinda had enough being cupid for a while."
I smile at Nino. He sure wants to have his own happiness as well. Happiness he truly deserves.
"You should just explain to her, Neen," I reach out for his hand.
"I did. She still rejects me."
"Then that means she simply doesn't want you," Ohno-san blurts out with a wide grin.
Everybody laughs at that except for Nino, "I wonder why, ne?"
"Maybe because you talk too much," Jun-kun adds some salt to the wound.
"Or otakus are not her cup of tea.." Sho-kun's shoulders are shaking as he laughs.
"A stingy one!" Aiba-chan points his finger to his face.
Nino gives me a look before he dries his cup, "Rejection is hard, ne!"
"I think you can find someone quite easily, Neen," I warmly comfort him, "especially if the person has gotten to know that you are more than just an idol who talks too much and too preoccupied with his games to save his own life."
"Ah, that's sweet.." Sho-kun punches Nino lightly on the shoulder.
"Speaking of sweet, we've each prepared a goodbye present for you, Rei-chan!" Aiba-chan giddily stands up and walks away to the bar, asking the bartender for something.
But I just cringe at his choice of wording.
He comes back soon after the bartender gives him a box. He excitedly sits beside me and gives me a green wrapped huge box.
"This one is from me. The wrappers are Arashi's color coded!" Aiba-chan giggles. "Open it, open it!"
I oblige and open the wrapper right away. Inside it are external hard drives. 5 of them. Big ones. With a big Arashi kanji printed on each of them. Different colors, Arashi's colors.
"Eh? Nani?"
"Most of what's inside are recorded variety shows. Not just the regular ones. Ones we are guesting at too as well. Backdated ever since we were Juniors," Aiba-chan proudly explains.
"Really?"
"Even concerts, dramas, movies, all solo projects, but most importantly all of our variety shows to date. Remember how you said that you didn't know me quite well during that HNA episode you guested? Well after you watched all that, I am going to be, for sure, your ichiban in Arashi!" Aiba-chan pats the external hard drives gently.
"Oi! How can you be so sure?" Jun-kun retorts to him.
Aiba-chan ignores Jun's glare completely, "Not just as an idol, even as a man, I would totally beat your lousy boyfriend here."
Aiba-chan has gone too far, he deserves that smack on his head from none other the lousy boyfriend himself, "ITAI!"
We all laugh. I hug Aiba-chan warmly, "Thank you, Aiba-chan.. This is the best gift for any Arashi's fan! It must be one hell of a hard work to gather all of it."
"You should thank his PA for that, not him," Nino smirks.
"Well he is the one who thought of it.." I defend Aiba-chan who grins proudly.
"Okay, it is my turn!" Sho-kun picks up the red wrapper gift from the box and exchange with Aiba-chan to sit beside me and gives me the gift.
When I open it, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "It's not Arashi related.."
It is a book. A VERY thick one.
"Something to read on the plane. I've asked around that you are doing a film on Shizuka Gozen, right? This is one of the best book to understand how she has been depicted so far in.."
Sho-kun isn't able to finish his passionate introduction of the book because the rest of other Arashi members are faking a loud snore.
"OI!" Sho-kun hollers in protest.
Nino sighs and slouches more in his seat, "Your ranking derby comment last year is spot on, Rei-chan.."
"Definitely will be boring, ne?" Aiba-chan nods in agreement, smiling at the beautiful memory.
"Oi!" Sho-kun slaps the table, but his grin is as wide as the others.
But I touch his shoulder and give him a hug, "It's a wonderful present, Sho-kun. I'll enjoy this book very much. Thank you. You are a very considerate man."
He hugs me back and pats my back, "Ganbatte, ne!"
"Okay!" Aiba-chan continues, "Since I don't have Nino's and Matsujun's presents.."
"I don't have any.." Nino cuts in.
"Eh? Why so stingy, Nino? It is a goodbye-" Aiba-chan argues but I don't let him finish that one bad choice of wording once more.
"It's fine. Nino has given me so much already."
"Eee.. Fine then.. And I guess Matsujun would wanted to give his present in private," Aiba-chan gives an amused look to Jun-kun.
"Definitely," Jun-kun immediately answers as he clears his throat.
"You don't have to give me anything.." I say to him softly.
He takes my hand and give it another squeeze, "I've bought it already.. I'll give it to you tonight."
"Oi! Get a room!" Sho-kun hollers his protest again.
"We would have, you know. If you guys didn't insist to have lunch together.." Jun-kun retorts.
"Okay!" Aiba-chan cuts in again with his chirpy tone, "let's finish it with Riida's present then!"
Ohno-san exchanges seat with Sho-kun and gives me the blue wrapped gift without saying anything but his usual lopsided smile.
I open the gift right away. Inside is a framed caricature of me.. And Jun-kun's. Ohno-san's style.
The me in the picture is snuggling at Jun-kun's chest as he put his arm around me. Our free hand links to each other.
"If you look at it carefully, the way your head inclines to each other and the linking hands, it shapes like a heart," Ohno-san points at the picture.
Above the two of us in the picture is a rainbow. Arashi's colored rainbow. Underneath the rainbow, there are caricatures of the headshots of other Arashi members, giving out peace signs. They look so cute.. The me and Jun-kun as well look utterly adorable subtly forming a heart with our embrace as we gaze with so much love to each other.
The picture gets blurred all of a sudden. Before I know it, a drop of tear falls to the frame.
"Eh, don't cry, Rei-chan!" It's the first time Ohno-san ever call me by my first name.
I feel Jun's hand squeezes my shoulder but I hug Ohno-san instead, "It- It's such a beatiful gift. Thank you.."
I look up to Jun-kun, he tries to blink back some tears as well.
Then I am losing it. Totally losing it. I let out a sob.
"I hate this!"
"Eh? You don't like my drawings?" Ohno-san innocently asks.
"Yes! No!" I can't decide. "I hate you guys for giving me farewell presents. This- This is not goodbye! I hate goodbyes! I hate that word! But you guys keep saying that word! I am just going for a while, not forever!"
I manage to blurt it out all in between sobs. Again, I feel Jun-kun is putting an arm around my shoulders and I happily continues to sob on his chest as he pulls me into a hug.
He mutters to my hair, "It's okay. They'll just miss you." He adds in a crooked voice, "I'll miss you more.."
I take a deep breath, "B-but.."
"It's okay to cry. Just let it out," He whispers again softly.
I look up to the other Arashi members. Aiba-chan is particularly in tears as well. Ohno-san tries to blink back his. Sho-kun gives me a sad smile whilst Nino is looking away with hands inside his pockets.
"I- I'm sorry, I don't mean to be ungrateful but.. B-but you guys act as if we would never see each other again!" I manage to say before the tears start to overcome me again.
Jun-kun hasn't let go of his hug, but all of a sudden, Ohno-san who sits just at the other side joins in the hug as well.
"We certainly will, Rei-chan! And I will still be your ichiban, right?" He softly mutters.
I can't help but laugh softly, "You'll forever be my ichiban!"
"Oi! Getting jealous here," Jun-kun retorts with a small smile as he hugs me tighter.
"Let's have a group hug!" Sho-kun pushes the table seperating us away and hug all three at the same time. Aiba-chan is still bawling but doesn't miss the chance to hug us as well.
I laugh as I cry. Doesn't know which emotion is stronger, the happiness of the much love they are giving me or the sadness of having to leave these wonderful people behind for two whole years.
Nino still stands all by himself at the other side of the table.
"Nino.." I softly call him. "I want you to hug me too.."
"Come, Neener!" Jun-kun beckons with a hand.
"Hug us, Nino!" All the other three hollers almost simultaneously. "Join us!"
Nino snorts and smirks his usual smirk, but gives in and joins the illogical hug of 5, now 6, people at once.
"Baka.." he mutters under his breath.
But as his eyes meet mine in between all the 4 other pairs of arms and heads tangling around each other, I can see that he also gets teary-eyed like the rest of us.
Continue to Chapter 24
CHAPTER 23
「Goodbye is a Word I Don't Want to Hear」
It's been forever since the last time I took the train. But since I wake up this morning a bit too early and couldn't wait to get my ass moving out of the house to see him, I figured it would be a better choice than just keep fidgeting inside a taxi.
I even try to look nice, one thing I haven't bothered to do this past few weeks. Not that it is somewhere near the word stylish. I wear my white and blue striped cardigan over a white tank top and jeans. Quite casual and normal, and wouldn't be too noticeable as a celibrity. Except for my usual sunglasses. But I didn't wear them this early. The sun is not even fully up yet.
When I got off the train station closest to the beach we had our first date together, it is still 6:20 AM, but I walked down there anyway. And I can't help myself not to walk as fast as I can, or even run to be exact.
I am dying to see him..
He is probably not there yet. I close my eyes, smiling as I imagine his morning scene as he woke up a tad bit later than his alarm clock has insisted. Despite his stoicness, he is one of those people who always missed the first 10-15 minutes than appointed. He is probably still at his apartment, getting inside his tattered jeans over his black underwear (it is a Sunday, after all). Then, getting a quick breakfast before he reach for his car keys whilst figuring out which shoes to wear.. He then ends up bringing 3 shoes along in his car to decide later on..
And..
My thoughts stop right there as I reach the restaurant nearby the beach. The restaurant he took me to that day. The restaurant is still not open, yet there's already a car parked nearby. Without even double checking the liscense number, I know by heart that it is his very car.
I touch the body of the car. It is already cold. It means it has been there a while. He has been there a while.
I look away from the car and to the open sea.
And there he is. I can see his back. Wearing a white shirt and a tattered jeans. A small gap is shown between them as he sits facing the sea to show his black line underwear. I let out a small smile for that.
He doesn't wear a hat, or his eyeglasses. He is listening to his earphone as I approach him, enjoying the view of his back that could be the picture perfect of loneliness. He bends his knees and supports his head on them. One of his hand combs through his unruly short dark hair.
I walk slowly to him and sits just beside him, brushing one of his shoulders. That's when I realize that he was closing his eyes. The moment my shoulder touches his, he startles and opens those beautiful eyes. The chocolate big brown eyes I have been yearning for weeks. That I love.
I smile at him. He doesn't smile back, but he straigtens his position, pulling up his head to meet my eyes. Still half-stunned, somewhat amazed, he stares at me with such a look that has a thousand meanings. Is it sadness? Is it yearning? Is it love?
I heard Mika-chan's voice at the back of my head..
"If this ain't love, then I don't know what is.."
And Nino's..
"He loves you too, you know? Just as much. Just as heartbreaking."
"Rei.." Jun-kun whispers my name in a hoarse voice.
I can see that he has lost some weight. His chubby cheeks have gone away without a trace. The dark circles under his eyes confirm that Nino was not lying but him having it worse than I am.
He stil hasn't put his earphone off. I took one on his right ear, the farthest from my position. And put it inside my ear, listening to what he has been listening to.
A familiar song comes through. But it wasn't any of Arashi's songs. It wasn't our song. It was "Let It Be" from The Beatles.
He lets me listen to it with him as he put his chin on his knees he is hugging, staring into my eyes. I still can't release my gaze from his eyes, either. And just decided to enjoy every moment as we listen to this song. Along with the gushing wind and the crashing waves. Just like the day the very first time we met.
Just like there's no tomorrow.. And I know, that there is not..
As the song ends, I whisper to him, "Should we?"
"What?"
"Let it be?" I mutter sadly.
The lyrics of the song is very simple, yet it really gets to me. I can feel the tears pushing out and I blink it back.
He doesn't answer me and instead just brush away a strand of hair from my face, "You're early."
"Not as early as you.."
"I slept over at my parent's place for the past week.."
"You did? Why?"
He shrugs, "Haven't been able to sleep at my own place. I keep seeing you over there.."
"Did it work?"
"Not really. Still see you at my parent's place as well.. Everywhere I go, to be exact," his voice cracks, but he gives me a small smile instead.
We have something in common. But in my case, it is you that I keep seeing everywhere I go
"I'm sorry.."
"For what?"
"For appearing everywhere. For being a complete idiot.." Now I can't stop the tears anymore and let it stream freely on my cheek. "For not discussing it first with you, for pushing you to the limits and make you leave me.. Without realizing that it is just as heartbreaking for you.."
He immediately pulls me in to his embrace. Drowning my tears to his chest, inside his arms. Hugging me as tight as he can.
"Don't cry.." But as he whispers the word to my hair, he lets out a small sob himself.
"I- I missed you so much, Jun.." I mutter between my own sobs. "I can't function without you.."
I pull away from his hug to look at his teary brown eyes. It is the first time I ever see him cry.
I wipe that one tear away with my fingers and give him something I've been dying to do. A gentle kiss. A trembling one. The soft touch of his lips that I have been yearning of push me to the limits and my cheeks got wet again with tears.
"Don't.." He mutters softly as he pulls away from the kiss. "I wouldn't be able to let you go again.."
"Then don't.." I insist and kiss him again. He drinks the kiss again, letting go of the passion that has been buried for too long.
"But I have to tomorrow.." He pulls away once more, just to kiss me once more with a deeper one this time. Our lips tremble as they touch each other.
Then all of a sudden, again, he push my face away, cupping them with his hands. Just to stare at my eyes for a long while. He kiss my forehead, my teary eyes and my nose.
He whispers in a gentle voice as my gaze drowns in his, "I love you.."
He kisses my lips again this time as I am still frozen by his sudden confession. The one phrase he never said before. The one phrase I didn't expect to ever hear from him. But he did say it. And it felt beautiful. It felt wonderful.
And I laugh. I smile and pulls away from the kiss. He laughs along and pull me in for another hug.
"What took you so long, baka?" I mutter to his neck.
He just softly laughs at that and tighten the hug.
"Does this mean I am yours again?" I ask him softly, still grinning wide.
"I don't know.. But I've never been anything but yours all this time.." His voice is husky and although I can't see his expression as we hug each other tightly, I know for sure in my heart that the adorable cheesy baka is grinning widely himself.
The earphones we were wearing has came off by itself sometime ago. But softly, I can still hear it shuffling through Jun-kun's playlist on his iPod. And right now, it was playing that song.
He push me back to lie on the sand as he gets on top of me to give me one of those passionate, sexy and full of hunger kisses. I rummage my fingers through his unruly short hair and completely losing myself in that kiss.
I am finally home again..
Softly, I can still hear Arashi sings Boku ga Boku no Subete somewhere in the sand.
---
We spent hours on top of each other on that beach. Actually, I've lost track of time the moment he kissed me for the very first time. But, we left the beach right after I noticed the restaurant nearby was opening. We had breakfast there. But we didn't talk much. I wondered why. Where there are so many things I want to talk to him about. So many things that I have been bottling up inside me this past few weeks. But none of them matters anymore. None of them matters as much as the fact that we are right in front of each other once more.
He watched me as I ate, never looked away. I enjoyed him watching me as I watched him myself. He didn't let go of my hand as he paid the bills. He didn't even let go of my hand when he drove us back from the beach.
"Isn't it hard to drive with one hand?" I ask him with a chuckle.
"It sure is not the safest method for driving, ne?" He replies with a smile, but he just squeezes my hand tigther, entangles our fingers together.
"Surely not recommended.." I smile back as I lean over to his side of the car and he finally lets go of my hand. Just to put his arm around me and caresses the head that snuggles to his neck.
Silence. For a good while. But it isn't an uncomfortable one.
"Where are we going, Jun-kun?"
He sighs, "I actually wanted you all for myself today, but the other members insisted in saying their proper-"
"Don't say it."
"What?"
"Don't say that word."
He thinks for himself for a while, but then he completely understands, "Oh."
A trace of sadness appears in his eyes. I can feel mine does the very same thing. Hell, I feel a sharp pang on my chest.
I try to overcome that and clear my throat, "Actually.. I have something for this evening as well.."
"What?"
"A press conference. They couldn't scheduled any other time.. So.."
He just closes his eyes for a second and nod once, "Wakatta.."
"It won't take long. Not more than an hour.."
He kisses my hair as I take a good sniff of the scent of his neck, "An hour is already too long..", he whispers.
Yes. We've wasted a long time already being painfully away from each other.
I snuggle to him closer as an agreement.
---
Does normal people get drunk over lunch? Okay, not all people would call the 5 members of Arashi as 'normal people', so do idols get drunk over lunch?
Aside from the generalization question, the 5 members of Arashi do get drunk over that last lunch we are having. Including me. We finished "the best hamburger in town according to Ninomiya Kazunari" and had already 5 rounds of drinks over the course of 2 hours in their favorite bar.
But Jun doesn't seem even a bit intoxicated by all the alcohol. And surprisingly, I am not either. And I am not the only one who notice that.
"Eeeeh? How come you are not drunk yet, Rei-chan? This is your farewell party!" Aiba-chan slurs over his words as he puts an arm around me.
"That means she has to drink more!" Sho-kun pours me another sake.
"Guys, she has a press conference after this.." Jun-kun tries to stop him.
But I hold his hand to stop him from taking away the cup from my part of the table, "It's fine, Jun-kun, I am nowhere near drunk right now. It is quite unusual I know, usually I can get drunk over 2 to 3 drinks only.."
"That's because of the enormous amount of alcohol intakes you did for the past few weeks, Rei-chan. That sure did wonders to your usual limit," Nino points out.
Jun raises an eyebrow, "How much did you drink for the past weeks?"
Nino doesn't give me a chance to answer, "I would say almost the same amount that YOU, Jun-pon, was drinking every other day since you two broke up. I would bet my darling DS that it was for the very same reason."
I blush at that. And Jun-kun just twitch his lips, manage to give me a small sad smile.
"Oh, don't fret, Rei-chan. You could see that Jun-pon here drank the same exact amount as everyone, but he is nowhere near as drunk as the rest of us.."
Jun glares at him, but I just softly laugh, "Nino always talks so much when he is drunk, ne? I would sure miss that, Neen."
"So does that mean I am now your ichiban in Arashi then? I mean aside from your lousy boyfriend here, of course.." Nino leans forward excitedly.
"Jun-kun is never my ichiban.."
"WHAT?" Jun-kun glares at me in disbelief.
"I was Jun-baited, of course.. I don't mean it that way, Jun, but if you are talking about you guys as idols, it's the truth that my one and only ichiban of Arashi is Ohno-san," I grin widely as I say this.
"And it still stays that way even though he never utters any word to you?" Sho-kun asks in disbelief.
"Even though the one you love is Jun-pon here?" Nino makes me blush again.
But the man of the hour, Ohno-san just grins and gives Jun-kun an apologetic pat on his shoulder.
"Hai, Ohno-san is still my ichiban as an idol," I grin back at the oldest member. And give another one to the youngest member, "But if you are talking as a man.. Your Matsujun is the winner.."
Now I make him blush. And my own cheeks are warm as well. It is not everyday that I talk so openly about my feelings.
"Are you sure you are not drunk?" Jun asks in a low voice. I laugh and he joins in with me.
He slides his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him.
"Just warming up for the press conference."
"Don't mention Jun-pon's name, though. You are still forever my rumored girlfriend," Nino points out again. "I wonder when will that rumor dies out. It is starting to get annoying. I asked a girl out yesterday and she told me off because she thought I was going out with you. Sheesh."
"You asked a girl out?" Jun-kun asks excitedly.
"Dare? Dare? Dare?" All other 3 members join in just as curious, almost simultaneously.
"AD-san of my newest drama.."
"You asked out an AD?"
"What? She's cute. And I kinda had enough being cupid for a while."
I smile at Nino. He sure wants to have his own happiness as well. Happiness he truly deserves.
"You should just explain to her, Neen," I reach out for his hand.
"I did. She still rejects me."
"Then that means she simply doesn't want you," Ohno-san blurts out with a wide grin.
Everybody laughs at that except for Nino, "I wonder why, ne?"
"Maybe because you talk too much," Jun-kun adds some salt to the wound.
"Or otakus are not her cup of tea.." Sho-kun's shoulders are shaking as he laughs.
"A stingy one!" Aiba-chan points his finger to his face.
Nino gives me a look before he dries his cup, "Rejection is hard, ne!"
"I think you can find someone quite easily, Neen," I warmly comfort him, "especially if the person has gotten to know that you are more than just an idol who talks too much and too preoccupied with his games to save his own life."
"Ah, that's sweet.." Sho-kun punches Nino lightly on the shoulder.
"Speaking of sweet, we've each prepared a goodbye present for you, Rei-chan!" Aiba-chan giddily stands up and walks away to the bar, asking the bartender for something.
But I just cringe at his choice of wording.
He comes back soon after the bartender gives him a box. He excitedly sits beside me and gives me a green wrapped huge box.
"This one is from me. The wrappers are Arashi's color coded!" Aiba-chan giggles. "Open it, open it!"
I oblige and open the wrapper right away. Inside it are external hard drives. 5 of them. Big ones. With a big Arashi kanji printed on each of them. Different colors, Arashi's colors.
"Eh? Nani?"
"Most of what's inside are recorded variety shows. Not just the regular ones. Ones we are guesting at too as well. Backdated ever since we were Juniors," Aiba-chan proudly explains.
"Really?"
"Even concerts, dramas, movies, all solo projects, but most importantly all of our variety shows to date. Remember how you said that you didn't know me quite well during that HNA episode you guested? Well after you watched all that, I am going to be, for sure, your ichiban in Arashi!" Aiba-chan pats the external hard drives gently.
"Oi! How can you be so sure?" Jun-kun retorts to him.
Aiba-chan ignores Jun's glare completely, "Not just as an idol, even as a man, I would totally beat your lousy boyfriend here."
Aiba-chan has gone too far, he deserves that smack on his head from none other the lousy boyfriend himself, "ITAI!"
We all laugh. I hug Aiba-chan warmly, "Thank you, Aiba-chan.. This is the best gift for any Arashi's fan! It must be one hell of a hard work to gather all of it."
"You should thank his PA for that, not him," Nino smirks.
"Well he is the one who thought of it.." I defend Aiba-chan who grins proudly.
"Okay, it is my turn!" Sho-kun picks up the red wrapper gift from the box and exchange with Aiba-chan to sit beside me and gives me the gift.
When I open it, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "It's not Arashi related.."
It is a book. A VERY thick one.
"Something to read on the plane. I've asked around that you are doing a film on Shizuka Gozen, right? This is one of the best book to understand how she has been depicted so far in.."
Sho-kun isn't able to finish his passionate introduction of the book because the rest of other Arashi members are faking a loud snore.
"OI!" Sho-kun hollers in protest.
Nino sighs and slouches more in his seat, "Your ranking derby comment last year is spot on, Rei-chan.."
"Definitely will be boring, ne?" Aiba-chan nods in agreement, smiling at the beautiful memory.
"Oi!" Sho-kun slaps the table, but his grin is as wide as the others.
But I touch his shoulder and give him a hug, "It's a wonderful present, Sho-kun. I'll enjoy this book very much. Thank you. You are a very considerate man."
He hugs me back and pats my back, "Ganbatte, ne!"
"Okay!" Aiba-chan continues, "Since I don't have Nino's and Matsujun's presents.."
"I don't have any.." Nino cuts in.
"Eh? Why so stingy, Nino? It is a goodbye-" Aiba-chan argues but I don't let him finish that one bad choice of wording once more.
"It's fine. Nino has given me so much already."
"Eee.. Fine then.. And I guess Matsujun would wanted to give his present in private," Aiba-chan gives an amused look to Jun-kun.
"Definitely," Jun-kun immediately answers as he clears his throat.
"You don't have to give me anything.." I say to him softly.
He takes my hand and give it another squeeze, "I've bought it already.. I'll give it to you tonight."
"Oi! Get a room!" Sho-kun hollers his protest again.
"We would have, you know. If you guys didn't insist to have lunch together.." Jun-kun retorts.
"Okay!" Aiba-chan cuts in again with his chirpy tone, "let's finish it with Riida's present then!"
Ohno-san exchanges seat with Sho-kun and gives me the blue wrapped gift without saying anything but his usual lopsided smile.
I open the gift right away. Inside is a framed caricature of me.. And Jun-kun's. Ohno-san's style.
The me in the picture is snuggling at Jun-kun's chest as he put his arm around me. Our free hand links to each other.
"If you look at it carefully, the way your head inclines to each other and the linking hands, it shapes like a heart," Ohno-san points at the picture.
Above the two of us in the picture is a rainbow. Arashi's colored rainbow. Underneath the rainbow, there are caricatures of the headshots of other Arashi members, giving out peace signs. They look so cute.. The me and Jun-kun as well look utterly adorable subtly forming a heart with our embrace as we gaze with so much love to each other.
The picture gets blurred all of a sudden. Before I know it, a drop of tear falls to the frame.
"Eh, don't cry, Rei-chan!" It's the first time Ohno-san ever call me by my first name.
I feel Jun's hand squeezes my shoulder but I hug Ohno-san instead, "It- It's such a beatiful gift. Thank you.."
I look up to Jun-kun, he tries to blink back some tears as well.
Then I am losing it. Totally losing it. I let out a sob.
"I hate this!"
"Eh? You don't like my drawings?" Ohno-san innocently asks.
"Yes! No!" I can't decide. "I hate you guys for giving me farewell presents. This- This is not goodbye! I hate goodbyes! I hate that word! But you guys keep saying that word! I am just going for a while, not forever!"
I manage to blurt it out all in between sobs. Again, I feel Jun-kun is putting an arm around my shoulders and I happily continues to sob on his chest as he pulls me into a hug.
He mutters to my hair, "It's okay. They'll just miss you." He adds in a crooked voice, "I'll miss you more.."
I take a deep breath, "B-but.."
"It's okay to cry. Just let it out," He whispers again softly.
I look up to the other Arashi members. Aiba-chan is particularly in tears as well. Ohno-san tries to blink back his. Sho-kun gives me a sad smile whilst Nino is looking away with hands inside his pockets.
"I- I'm sorry, I don't mean to be ungrateful but.. B-but you guys act as if we would never see each other again!" I manage to say before the tears start to overcome me again.
Jun-kun hasn't let go of his hug, but all of a sudden, Ohno-san who sits just at the other side joins in the hug as well.
"We certainly will, Rei-chan! And I will still be your ichiban, right?" He softly mutters.
I can't help but laugh softly, "You'll forever be my ichiban!"
"Oi! Getting jealous here," Jun-kun retorts with a small smile as he hugs me tighter.
"Let's have a group hug!" Sho-kun pushes the table seperating us away and hug all three at the same time. Aiba-chan is still bawling but doesn't miss the chance to hug us as well.
I laugh as I cry. Doesn't know which emotion is stronger, the happiness of the much love they are giving me or the sadness of having to leave these wonderful people behind for two whole years.
Nino still stands all by himself at the other side of the table.
"Nino.." I softly call him. "I want you to hug me too.."
"Come, Neener!" Jun-kun beckons with a hand.
"Hug us, Nino!" All the other three hollers almost simultaneously. "Join us!"
Nino snorts and smirks his usual smirk, but gives in and joins the illogical hug of 5, now 6, people at once.
"Baka.." he mutters under his breath.
But as his eyes meet mine in between all the 4 other pairs of arms and heads tangling around each other, I can see that he also gets teary-eyed like the rest of us.
Continue to Chapter 24