Keep Your Friends Close and Enemies Closer
Harley sits in front of a desk, staring at the blank document in the word processing program pulled up before her. Staring at it hasn’t helped so far, nor has wandering away from it every ten minutes to go play with some new toy or the babies. They are curled up nearby, keeping one eye on her and one eye on the room behind her to make sure no nasty surprises sprout from her back when she least expects it. "C’mon, doc. It ain't gonna write itself," Harley mutters out loud, pulling up closer and putting her fingers on the keyboard. And yet she still can't figure out what to type. She sighs in frustration, pushing back as she tucks her feet up onto the legs of the chair. Then she starts to spin around slowly in circles, propelling herself by grabbing the edge of the desk on the way by. It isn't long before she's spinning like a top, giggling hysterically. She doesn't slow gradually. Instead, she grabs the edge of the desk so the stop is sudden and abrupt. This creates that wonderful sensation which feels like her brain is about to be pulled out of her ear. As she focuses again, her eyes fall on the screen and she starts typing rapidly. Nothing like a little brain-suck to get her back in focus!
Performance Evaluations (as requested by my Pudding)
What is he looking for anyway? It's hard to tell with him. Does he want an analysis of their combat readiness? A list of their various psychoses? A review of their fashion sense? Which in Grodd's case is going to be difficult since he won’t even put on pants. I mean, c'mon, even those monkeys at the circus have the decency to cover their butts! Course, they throw poo and Grodd hasn't started doing that at least. Yet.
Gorilla Grodd, intelligent ape with telepathic capabilities. Megalomaniac if I ever met one and I've met a few. He believes himself to be smarter than any human and that delusion on his part is his downfall. For someone so smart, you'd think he'd get the idea that he is lacking something or he wouldn't get beat all the time by us "mere humans." Which might have to do with a lack of potassium. Strengths: Good with his abilities. Excellent planner. Easily manipulated into tasks by using his ego against him. Weaknesses: That same ego that is so easily manipulated makes him think he's smarter than my Pudding and in a place to eventually take over. Should be watched carefully. Doesn't cope well with surprises, which in this particular team ain't a good thing. Personal hygiene is an issue too. When it rains, he smells worse than a wet dog that's been stuck in a sewer pipe for a week after getting sprayed by a skunk. I'm so glad hyenas don’t smell like that.
Girder, metal man with a metal brain. At least, that's the way he acts. Has issues with women which likely can be traced back to his childhood and his relationship with his mother. But there's no way he's going to let me put him on a couch, not unless he thought I'd get on there with him. Intimacy issues. Seems to think women can be objectified and gets all huffy when they teach him otherwise. Self note: Refill flower reservoir. Strengths: That pretty much sums it up right there. He's strong as an ox and able to take a beat down, which is why I think Pudding keeps him around. Weaknesses: Women, which could be used to gain an advantage by someone demented enough to utilize such a thing. Thankfully most heroes won't resort to such tactics so we should be safe enough. Also has no sense of humor when it comes to joining the team sing-a-longs of "If I Only Had A Heart" and got pissy when I bought him an oilcan for his birthday.
Double Down, cursed gambler who is lacking that heart of gold thing. And we can pretty much be assured of that since he almost exposes it when using his powers. Can you say EW? I knew you could. Definitely suffering from an Antisocial Personality Disorder or three. Strengths: Good to have in a fight. Great cannon fodder. Always has a deck to play solitaire when he's bored. Weaknesses: He has a gambling addiction. Easily taken advantage of through that alone. He should also be in anger management classes as those two problems combined are what led to his current condition. So it's really easy to push his buttons. And did I mention that Ewww thing? I'd suggest not playing cards with him without your shots being up to date. You never know where they might've been.
And while I'm on the Ewww subjects, we'll move to Murmur. I could've done so much for this one if I'd gotten to meet him before he went to the extremes to try and solve his problems. It would've saved him from that whole having to eat everything through a straw thing. Schizophrenia with verbal outbursts as opposed to poverty of speech, which is the more likely in such a diagnosis. Other underlying psychoses but considering he can't do more than mumble to himself incoherently, I'm not going to be able to find out much more. Strengths: Modified physiology makes it difficult for the heroes to use their normal tactics when dealing with him. For all we know, pepper spray smells like perfume to him. A good surgeon, when he isn't listening to the voices in his head, so he's able to assist the team with any injuries. Excellent chemist on his own, but not as good as you, Pudding! Weaknesses: Lack of speech makes Jack a dull boy. While brilliant, he can't express it properly and he cannot participate in karaoke night which to me means he should be out on his keister.
Doctor Alchemy suffers from a multiple personality disorder, which makes him difficult to handle at best. We have to make sure we keep the good personality out, meaning Dr. Alchemy himself. The bad side, Albert Desmond, needs to remain unaware of his situation so we have to beware what might trigger the switch from one to the other. Knowing what this switch was would really make life a lot easier but the Doc ain't telling. Strengths: He's a great chemist who can actually talk which makes him better than Murmur already. The Philosopher's Stone allows for a wide range of uses in capers. Weaknesses: He won't let me use the Stone. Meanie.
And last but not least, Eve Ludlow, daughter of the enigmatic Shade. Some misplaced hostility on her part toward him thanks to that whole killing her mother thing. Seems to have gotten stuck in the grieving process. And considering how old she is, she should've moved on by now but it isn't going to happen without counseling. Too bad she won't let me help her. Strengths: Powers are extremely strong, although she doesn't have the level of experience of some shadow-wielders out there. Saves on the air conditioning bill because she's such a cold fish. Weaknesses: Her hate on for Daddy. Too easy to have her lose focus if he shows up at a fight, making her a liability since he seems to show up at the strangest times. And she refuses to come to my slumber parties which makes her a not-nice-person in my book.
Harley pushes back and reads over what she's typed then shrugs. It looks good enough to her. She still has no idea if Puddin' is looking for this or something more in-depth but this will just have to do. Besides, she has other things to do. It's time to work on her golf swing for the next time she meets up with the Batman. She thinks the three wood will be just perfect. After that, she plans to offer Grodd a banana. He really needs the potassium but he doesn't seem to recognize she is making the offer for the betterment of his health. Alright, not really, but it's funny to watch him get all annoyed and start changing colors. It isn't often you get to see a big monkey (ape schmape) in that state.
Performance Evaluations (as requested by my Pudding)
What is he looking for anyway? It's hard to tell with him. Does he want an analysis of their combat readiness? A list of their various psychoses? A review of their fashion sense? Which in Grodd's case is going to be difficult since he won’t even put on pants. I mean, c'mon, even those monkeys at the circus have the decency to cover their butts! Course, they throw poo and Grodd hasn't started doing that at least. Yet.
Gorilla Grodd, intelligent ape with telepathic capabilities. Megalomaniac if I ever met one and I've met a few. He believes himself to be smarter than any human and that delusion on his part is his downfall. For someone so smart, you'd think he'd get the idea that he is lacking something or he wouldn't get beat all the time by us "mere humans." Which might have to do with a lack of potassium. Strengths: Good with his abilities. Excellent planner. Easily manipulated into tasks by using his ego against him. Weaknesses: That same ego that is so easily manipulated makes him think he's smarter than my Pudding and in a place to eventually take over. Should be watched carefully. Doesn't cope well with surprises, which in this particular team ain't a good thing. Personal hygiene is an issue too. When it rains, he smells worse than a wet dog that's been stuck in a sewer pipe for a week after getting sprayed by a skunk. I'm so glad hyenas don’t smell like that.
Girder, metal man with a metal brain. At least, that's the way he acts. Has issues with women which likely can be traced back to his childhood and his relationship with his mother. But there's no way he's going to let me put him on a couch, not unless he thought I'd get on there with him. Intimacy issues. Seems to think women can be objectified and gets all huffy when they teach him otherwise. Self note: Refill flower reservoir. Strengths: That pretty much sums it up right there. He's strong as an ox and able to take a beat down, which is why I think Pudding keeps him around. Weaknesses: Women, which could be used to gain an advantage by someone demented enough to utilize such a thing. Thankfully most heroes won't resort to such tactics so we should be safe enough. Also has no sense of humor when it comes to joining the team sing-a-longs of "If I Only Had A Heart" and got pissy when I bought him an oilcan for his birthday.
Double Down, cursed gambler who is lacking that heart of gold thing. And we can pretty much be assured of that since he almost exposes it when using his powers. Can you say EW? I knew you could. Definitely suffering from an Antisocial Personality Disorder or three. Strengths: Good to have in a fight. Great cannon fodder. Always has a deck to play solitaire when he's bored. Weaknesses: He has a gambling addiction. Easily taken advantage of through that alone. He should also be in anger management classes as those two problems combined are what led to his current condition. So it's really easy to push his buttons. And did I mention that Ewww thing? I'd suggest not playing cards with him without your shots being up to date. You never know where they might've been.
And while I'm on the Ewww subjects, we'll move to Murmur. I could've done so much for this one if I'd gotten to meet him before he went to the extremes to try and solve his problems. It would've saved him from that whole having to eat everything through a straw thing. Schizophrenia with verbal outbursts as opposed to poverty of speech, which is the more likely in such a diagnosis. Other underlying psychoses but considering he can't do more than mumble to himself incoherently, I'm not going to be able to find out much more. Strengths: Modified physiology makes it difficult for the heroes to use their normal tactics when dealing with him. For all we know, pepper spray smells like perfume to him. A good surgeon, when he isn't listening to the voices in his head, so he's able to assist the team with any injuries. Excellent chemist on his own, but not as good as you, Pudding! Weaknesses: Lack of speech makes Jack a dull boy. While brilliant, he can't express it properly and he cannot participate in karaoke night which to me means he should be out on his keister.
Doctor Alchemy suffers from a multiple personality disorder, which makes him difficult to handle at best. We have to make sure we keep the good personality out, meaning Dr. Alchemy himself. The bad side, Albert Desmond, needs to remain unaware of his situation so we have to beware what might trigger the switch from one to the other. Knowing what this switch was would really make life a lot easier but the Doc ain't telling. Strengths: He's a great chemist who can actually talk which makes him better than Murmur already. The Philosopher's Stone allows for a wide range of uses in capers. Weaknesses: He won't let me use the Stone. Meanie.
And last but not least, Eve Ludlow, daughter of the enigmatic Shade. Some misplaced hostility on her part toward him thanks to that whole killing her mother thing. Seems to have gotten stuck in the grieving process. And considering how old she is, she should've moved on by now but it isn't going to happen without counseling. Too bad she won't let me help her. Strengths: Powers are extremely strong, although she doesn't have the level of experience of some shadow-wielders out there. Saves on the air conditioning bill because she's such a cold fish. Weaknesses: Her hate on for Daddy. Too easy to have her lose focus if he shows up at a fight, making her a liability since he seems to show up at the strangest times. And she refuses to come to my slumber parties which makes her a not-nice-person in my book.
Harley pushes back and reads over what she's typed then shrugs. It looks good enough to her. She still has no idea if Puddin' is looking for this or something more in-depth but this will just have to do. Besides, she has other things to do. It's time to work on her golf swing for the next time she meets up with the Batman. She thinks the three wood will be just perfect. After that, she plans to offer Grodd a banana. He really needs the potassium but he doesn't seem to recognize she is making the offer for the betterment of his health. Alright, not really, but it's funny to watch him get all annoyed and start changing colors. It isn't often you get to see a big monkey (ape schmape) in that state.