Corrine has spent a lot of her time since she's been back in seclusion. She's talked to Sand and Tara so far, but for the most part she's staying in her room
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Feeling her on the island is actually sort of comforting, which is fortunate, because he’s aware of every move she makes. He’s tried to ignore it. Simply refuse to pay attention and allow it to fade into the background. And it was working too, but then she started coming closer. And closer. Now ignoring the feel of her is like attempting to ignore that wonderfully sophisticated fellow in the car next to you with the radio that vibrates your bones.
He doesn’t get up, though for the life of him, he isn’t sure if he wants her to stop, or just quietly pass on by. He just continues to lie on the beach, staring off into the stars.
She's continuing on obliviously until there's about ten feet of space between them. She stops in her tracks and takes a look at her surroundings. All this time, she's come almost completely full circle.
Corrine could maybe say for the first time since she's been back here that she actually accomplished something, if she made it all the way around. She hasn't even finished an entire book yet. Her attention won't keep on long enough to get to the last page; she usually reads it anyway before she gives up.
Back here. Right. Having assessed the situation reasonably, she turns around to go back the other way.
"I didn't mean to intrude. I wasn't paying attention."
Although it is 'public' domain, at least for the team, so simply walking by wasn't intruding. If he'd been out here with someone else, or making a call, or maybe doing something, then she'd be intruding. Right now she's perfectly in her right to be here as much as him, and she could damn well walk around the whole island four more times if she wanted to!
...What? Corrine wishes there was some sort of unconscious mute button. The continual feeling of arguing with herself was past tiresome. "I didn't know if I should go. The other way. I mean, back around."
She can't help but laugh. She isn't laughing at him, only his wording. Corrine's quick to make that clear. "Let's not proceed with this 'having' me direction. Too many implications."
There was a time she'd be embarassed and too proud to say what she's thinking now. In the grand scheme of things, now that it's all over, it occurs to her it's something she probably should've said a long time ago. "I was angry you didn't stop me, for a really, really long time. Even after Sand and I got together. And I guess, everytime I saw you, I got a little more pissed off that you just... went along without me. And then barging back into my house in October to 'save' me, seeing me helpless like that, I was even more angry! The audacity, how dare you-- and Sand! Bringing you along
( ... )
She throws her hands up. "Me? The world? The thing that makes the world so unfair? I dunno. I don't think it matters. If I can't remember half of these transgressions against me that I'm apparently so angry about, they can't be important, can they?"
Her toes dig into the sand and she folds her arms under her knees, leaning down against her legs. "I never meant to hurt you or make you a target. On the leylines, all the nasty names and the fighting and the bad feelings became trivial. Every day I had to focus on thoughts of all of you to not slip away. I failed sometimes. But all the memories of the bad blood just bogged me down. It made it so much easier for that place to grab me, so I had to counter it. After a while I wasn't just telling myself all the reasons to not go back didn't matter. They really didn't."
He gives her a tired but heartfelt smile as he sits up, and leans back against a nearby tree.
“I’m sorry I let you down,” he offers. “Phillip was just … Bloody bastard was good at what he did, you know? I did my damndest to hold onto you - That’ the worst of it, I did get to you - I just … I wasn’t good enough, and he slipped away and took you with him, and dammit.”
He affords himself a moment to regain his composure. “I feel like I should have done more. I can’t count the number of times I’ve re-played what happened in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have done differently.”
“I should have just gotten you out of there as soon as I had you in my arms, and come back for Amelia. She might have died in the interim but …"
"You know, sometimes I’m possessed of the notion that I deserved the fire and the seizure. Like If I had been less of a fool when it mattered, I wouldn’t have had them coming.”
That edge to her voice is hard to miss, but he's confident it won't endure. Just ignore it.
"Even if it offer a prediction about a, uh ... future decision, shall we say? - which it doesn't, by the way - it would add a strange sort of pressured feeling. Like if you didn't do the opposite, then it wasn't really your decision to begin with."
The cross between a scoff and a snicker shows what he thinks of that idea. "People don't seem to understand that seeing someone make a decision isn't the same thing as making that decision for them. And if someone knew what I was going to choose to do with my life, I don't think I'd want them to tell me. At least, that is, until I've already chosen to set down that path."
That... what? She glowers at him for a long time, saying nothing. He's trying to be helpful. She knows that. The entity gives her insight to things she hadn't fully understood before, and there's a whole new scope on what he says.
"Except I made a decision." She sighs, looking down into her lap. "Please, don't take this personally, Caleb... what I started I did because I was scared and running away. What it turned into is what I want. I don't consider us a mistake, but it's like I can't get away from it. Maybe that's why I was so angry, because I made a choice, but it doesn't seem to matter.
"And it's hard. It was hard realizing that it was really over, and that it needed to be because we just weren't good to or for each other. Then all the time, hearing about this stupid prophecy made it all sound so cheap, like I was doing exactly what-- what someone dictated I should and I didn't really love you. And now it's worse because of Sand, because I can't make anyone believe--" She breathes. "Just once, just once all I want is someone to
( ... )
“No reason you should,” he meekly repeats as hands trace a familiar route through his hair. He can handle them not being together. That’s fine. What he can’t handle is this … whatever it is … that’s taken their place. It pretends to be - tries to be friendship, but it isn’t. All it is confusing and complicated.
Ask either of them, and you’ll receive no better a description of them now than ‘confusing and complicated.’
“I believe you. I get that you’re with Sand now. And I get that it’s that way because that’s what you want.”
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He doesn’t get up, though for the life of him, he isn’t sure if he wants her to stop, or just quietly pass on by. He just continues to lie on the beach, staring off into the stars.
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Corrine could maybe say for the first time since she's been back here that she actually accomplished something, if she made it all the way around. She hasn't even finished an entire book yet. Her attention won't keep on long enough to get to the last page; she usually reads it anyway before she gives up.
Back here. Right. Having assessed the situation reasonably, she turns around to go back the other way.
Reply
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Although it is 'public' domain, at least for the team, so simply walking by wasn't intruding. If he'd been out here with someone else, or making a call, or maybe doing something, then she'd be intruding. Right now she's perfectly in her right to be here as much as him, and she could damn well walk around the whole island four more times if she wanted to!
...What? Corrine wishes there was some sort of unconscious mute button. The continual feeling of arguing with herself was past tiresome. "I didn't know if I should go. The other way. I mean, back around."
Reply
There was a time she'd be embarassed and too proud to say what she's thinking now. In the grand scheme of things, now that it's all over, it occurs to her it's something she probably should've said a long time ago. "I was angry you didn't stop me, for a really, really long time. Even after Sand and I got together. And I guess, everytime I saw you, I got a little more pissed off that you just... went along without me. And then barging back into my house in October to 'save' me, seeing me helpless like that, I was even more angry! The audacity, how dare you-- and Sand! Bringing you along ( ... )
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“Who, uh … who or what are you mad at?”
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Her toes dig into the sand and she folds her arms under her knees, leaning down against her legs. "I never meant to hurt you or make you a target. On the leylines, all the nasty names and the fighting and the bad feelings became trivial. Every day I had to focus on thoughts of all of you to not slip away. I failed sometimes. But all the memories of the bad blood just bogged me down. It made it so much easier for that place to grab me, so I had to counter it. After a while I wasn't just telling myself all the reasons to not go back didn't matter. They really didn't."
Reply
“I’m sorry I let you down,” he offers. “Phillip was just … Bloody bastard was good at what he did, you know? I did my damndest to hold onto you - That’ the worst of it, I did get to you - I just … I wasn’t good enough, and he slipped away and took you with him, and dammit.”
He affords himself a moment to regain his composure. “I feel like I should have done more. I can’t count the number of times I’ve re-played what happened in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have done differently.”
“I should have just gotten you out of there as soon as I had you in my arms, and come back for Amelia. She might have died in the interim but …"
"You know, sometimes I’m possessed of the notion that I deserved the fire and the seizure. Like If I had been less of a fool when it mattered, I wouldn’t have had them coming.”
Reply
Reply
"Even if it offer a prediction about a, uh ... future decision, shall we say? - which it doesn't, by the way - it would add a strange sort of pressured feeling. Like if you didn't do the opposite, then it wasn't really your decision to begin with."
The cross between a scoff and a snicker shows what he thinks of that idea. "People don't seem to understand that seeing someone make a decision isn't the same thing as making that decision for them. And if someone knew what I was going to choose to do with my life, I don't think I'd want them to tell me. At least, that is, until I've already chosen to set down that path."
Reply
"Except I made a decision." She sighs, looking down into her lap. "Please, don't take this personally, Caleb... what I started I did because I was scared and running away. What it turned into is what I want. I don't consider us a mistake, but it's like I can't get away from it. Maybe that's why I was so angry, because I made a choice, but it doesn't seem to matter.
"And it's hard. It was hard realizing that it was really over, and that it needed to be because we just weren't good to or for each other. Then all the time, hearing about this stupid prophecy made it all sound so cheap, like I was doing exactly what-- what someone dictated I should and I didn't really love you. And now it's worse because of Sand, because I can't make anyone believe--" She breathes. "Just once, just once all I want is someone to ( ... )
Reply
“No reason you should,” he meekly repeats as hands trace a familiar route through his hair. He can handle them not being together. That’s fine. What he can’t handle is this … whatever it is … that’s taken their place. It pretends to be - tries to be friendship, but it isn’t. All it is confusing and complicated.
Ask either of them, and you’ll receive no better a description of them now than ‘confusing and complicated.’
“I believe you. I get that you’re with Sand now. And I get that it’s that way because that’s what you want.”
Reply
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