Someone is even asking me a computer question as I type this
I've had this tab open all morning, and I keep getting pulled away to troubleshoot computer stuff. There are some actual things wrong with out network that keep bringing us up and down which messes with the database etc. but there's a fair bit of learned helplessness here, so when a browser so much as times out on a request, someone is inevitably going to shout, "JJ COME FIX THE MAGIC BOX IT ISN'T WORKING!" So, yeah, that's where I've been.
There, and inside the crawlspace of my house, checking for new leaks and for damages from the Great Ice Dam Backup of 2011 in the midst of the Winter of No Repentance.
I'm going to get my hair cut this week, and I've been thinking a lot about self image, mostly because I keep thinking about dyeing my hair extremely blond, or possibly a lovely clementine, but I keep resisting because I'm not sure it will "look right." It's the "right" that's complicated, because I don't mean "will it look right my with my coloring" but "will it look right with how I want to be perceived" which stumbles quickly into "well, how DO I want to be perceived?" It always trips me up, so many times I've made a decision that goes against what I think other people want to see and follows along with I want to see, it turns out that everyone else just....falls in line. Like my tattoos, I was worried for YEARS about having TOO MANY or what it would MEAN and now it's just another part of me that I did for me, and everyone from strangers to my occasionally extremely odd family have just been like, "oh, nice ink." Or something small, like, today I'm wearing this super cute but probably seriously casual outfit, and I was in the full-length mirror this morning going "But will people take me SERIOUSLY AT WORK" and......guess what, I'm still me, and everyone takes me seriously at work because I'm the only one who can make the MAGIC BOX TALK TO THE INTERNETS. So, idek what I'm getting at other than, maybe soon I'll decide if it's time for some color-is-the-new-danger hair and remember that worrying too much about how people will perceive me has not done a lot for me in the past so I might as well give it up.
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There, and inside the crawlspace of my house, checking for new leaks and for damages from the Great Ice Dam Backup of 2011 in the midst of the Winter of No Repentance.
I'm going to get my hair cut this week, and I've been thinking a lot about self image, mostly because I keep thinking about dyeing my hair extremely blond, or possibly a lovely clementine, but I keep resisting because I'm not sure it will "look right." It's the "right" that's complicated, because I don't mean "will it look right my with my coloring" but "will it look right with how I want to be perceived" which stumbles quickly into "well, how DO I want to be perceived?" It always trips me up, so many times I've made a decision that goes against what I think other people want to see and follows along with I want to see, it turns out that everyone else just....falls in line. Like my tattoos, I was worried for YEARS about having TOO MANY or what it would MEAN and now it's just another part of me that I did for me, and everyone from strangers to my occasionally extremely odd family have just been like, "oh, nice ink." Or something small, like, today I'm wearing this super cute but probably seriously casual outfit, and I was in the full-length mirror this morning going "But will people take me SERIOUSLY AT WORK" and......guess what, I'm still me, and everyone takes me seriously at work because I'm the only one who can make the MAGIC BOX TALK TO THE INTERNETS. So, idek what I'm getting at other than, maybe soon I'll decide if it's time for some color-is-the-new-danger hair and remember that worrying too much about how people will perceive me has not done a lot for me in the past so I might as well give it up.
You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth (
comments)