Fanfic: Game Over or Continue - Chap 11
Title: "Game Over or Continue - Chap 11: 11th Level"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness and a bit of sappiness, uses Japanese words (the dictionary is at the bottom) and includes some spoilers...
Notes: Based on the idea that there can't be a heaven on Earth but that being with your loved one ( Read more... )
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness and a bit of sappiness, uses Japanese words (the dictionary is at the bottom) and includes some spoilers...
Notes: Based on the idea that there can't be a heaven on Earth but that being with your loved one ( Read more... )
In the beginning I wasn't fond of it either but it was however a very popular idea in the fandom long, long ago when I started writing the first version of this fic so I ended up wanting to make my own version. I'm happy you think it turned out well.
Hokuto is, in my hopinion, the hardest character to write in TB/X fictions. It comes out wonderful in the manga/OAV but when you've to write her down it's hell. Maybe it can be partially tied to how Hokuto shines best in the manga funny moments but I guess it's more than that. To be honest if I can I try to avoid having her around not because I don't love her but because I completely fail at portraying her and when I've to add her in it's in AU where I can justify her being different due to the different setting (yes, it's cheating, I know...)
Hokuto still means well and loves her twin a lot. She doesn't mean to control him negatively, she actually believe all she's doing will help him. Most of her actions though are viewed from a Seishiro or Subaru's point of view.
Seishiro in this fic doesn't like anyone to get close to Subaru so to him Hokuto's actions are always wrong (as well as the ones of everyone who's not him).
Subaru... well, he comes from a messed up background and he's messed up quite a bit so he ends up perceiving Hokuto's attempts to help in the wrong way.
Actually Hokuto was right in some things, like how Seishiro was wrong in not explaining Subaru what had happened, how it was important for Subaru to eat, how Subaru should have tried to get closer to Seishiro and not being so formal, how being with his friends could have been good for him.
Part of the problem though is she doesn't know the extent of Subaru's damage as Seishiro doesn't really share with her info about Subaru's status so sometimes she fails to judge correctly how much Subaru can take as the Subaru she knows was pretty different in certain things; for example her Subaru was a lot let formal around Seishiro from when he was a teen so she can't see why now Subaru has to be so formal. Subaru however had never called Seishiro just Seishiro in his universe so from his viewpoint Hokuto is simply asking too much out of him.
So most of Hokuto's actions are due to what went on in their universe... which is pretty different from the one Subaru experienced. So... hum... I sort of tried to deal my lack of ability in portraying their canon relationship in Babylon as a plot point. Their relationship here is supposed to be troublesome and readers are supposed to find it... odd.
Probably things would be a lot smoother if Hokuto was allowed to spend with Subaru as much time as Seishiro is spending with him as she would figure Subaru's new limits and deal with them better.
I'm glad you liked the smiling scene!
Though the smile seems apparently a small thing for Subaru is a huge turning point and I was afraid I wouldn't portray it correctly.
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Oh yes, I agree with you, she is hard to write and have her come off as she does in the manga, and I wonder a little bit if it isn't just because she's the sunlight through the depressing stories, but as I see, always just a tiny bit dangerous even in her movements, she's never off guard when it comes to watching over her twin. It's subtle, barely even visible, and yet whenever I read it, I always see it, even when she's cackling and dancing, she's also always ready to do whatever is needed to protect him.
Well I'm sure that if all three of them sat down and managed to explain everything without Subaru having a nervous breakdown, she'd probably be able to shift her behaviour to what he needs now. She is trying hard, but you're right, and it's something I didn't think of, this Hokuto and the previous Subaru had a very different life than Tobabi, and that accounts for some of the oddness.
I think you did it amazingly. It is such a tiny thing to those who don't quite get Subaru's mind breakage post Rainbow Bridge, but it's incredibly strong to those who do, (and I've talked to a few people IRL who hadn't gotten the fact that Subaru basically lost what remained of his sanity there, even though he's still functional). He (as I recall) hasn't smiled for Seishirou since Seishirou went stupid broke his heart and arm and mind and grandmother and sister, and although even this Seishirou doesn't get how much it means, it's still very powerful, that he's found his smile again.
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Originally the world of the other Subaru was the first to have birth... but I didn't deem it worth of having its own fic. Then, when I began to plan the setting for GOOC I... sort of recycled it.
Seishiro's issues however became a minor point so they got mostly cut out from the story in favour of our Subaru's issues. Some of Seishiro's issues will still be addressed in future chapters though but they can't compare to our Seishiro's issues.
It's the charm of dealing with an AU Seishiro... ^_-
Yes, Hokuto is very protective of Subaru in her own way. She always means well though not always her actions lead to what she hoped... -_-
Yes, that's for sure. Maybe she would do even better than Seishiro because she's capable to because she's much more altruist compared to him so she would be capable to put aside her personal interest. Sadly hokuto can't even remotely picture what Subaru went through... -_-
On the other side Subaru isn't really willing to discuss it.
Exactly. It sort of sign the starting line for Subaru to improve and try to live in that universe instead than just sit in a corner doing his best to be uncospicuous as possible fearing at his first wrong movement everything would blow up. Though he himself probably hadn't realized it yet... ^_-
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He does seem to be pretty charming when he isn't chasing off Kamui, and is the reason that Subaru was getting more distant because of Kamui??? which is quite fun to read.
She certainly tried to get a good ending for everyone. It just failed miserably because Seishirou is stupid. And I do love him, I just also love mocking him for being stupid.
Nope. It's hard to imagine that such bitter things could happen, especially when it involves someone you really love, and treasure, it's hard to and painful to try and imagine what would have happened to them should something have not been the way it should have. Also, Seishirou never made the Bet, which was the biggest table-spinner for all involved, and it shows; au!Subaru met him at the same time, but instead of memory-erasing/strange bet/Seishirou being stupid, they were able to connect in the way that both boys needed, and that led to a much happier chance for them.
I don't blame him! XD I wouldn't want to talk about everything that's happened in my life to people I care about if I were suddenly uprooted from my world and I don't have a shred of the issues that Subaru does. It looks like the story will happily stagnate on them reaching a solution to Subaru's issues, but that's a good thing. ;)
Oh no. XD He wouldn't realize it until someone came out and told him that that's exactly what happened. Although I love him, Subaru is...dense.
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That's why Hokuto would be better for Subaru. Subaru though, wants and needs Seishiro more.
On a general line Seishiro will prove he doesn't like Subaru to get close to people, period. As for Kamui in particular... you'll see. ^_-
Seishiro is dense in his own special way... which is probably tied to all his issues but well... it doesn't really help him being less dense.
Well, according to the Seishiro-version of the tale Seishiro still made a bet, only this time it was a smarter one, one that Subaru was be capable to handle... but more about what had happened will be told later so I won't spoil you.
Oh well, Subaru will have to face his own past... but that will be for future chapters. He'll make one step at time.
He makes a pair with Seishiro in his own special way.
PS: just wondering... we're searching for SeiSub fans for the seixsub community if you're interested in chatting about the boys... ^_-
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Yes. He's such a masochist. But in a good way, if there is such a thing. XD Hokuto's too stubborn to let Subaru stop listening to her ENTIRELY though.
I'll see. XD Eventually. ;) Won't stop me from guessing what's going on. Seishirou is a very possessive brat though, I'll say that at least.
They don't help at all. I have fun trying to dissect all of his issues with my admittedly limited study of psychology, and it's not easy at all. I can safely lay most of the blame at Setsuka's feet though.
Okay, I'll wait. ;) The wait makes everything fun, after all.
One step forwards, one step back, but he'll get SOMEWHERE eventually, if only by people shoving him forwards.
Eee! -has already run and joined up before I got kicked off the computer- Thank you for the comm rec! I'm sooo bad with finding things on livejournal, and I'm happy to find people who like to talk about the same things I do! :D Thank you!
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*nods* She's in a troublesome position though because she knows Seishiro doesn't want her around and that he's deliberately making things difficult as well as the fact that if she and Seishiro are to argue this would upset Subaru.
So it's not really easy for her to act as she'd like to do between lack of info, Seishiro's as an adversary and Subaru's lack of cooperation.
Same here. And undoubtely most of the blame goes on Setsuka... though it's possible there's someone else to blame for Setsuka's insanity as well. Seishiro showed a lack of ability in forming attachment from early childhood or so he said.
Of course it can be a genetic problem or the result of some sort of phisical damage but it's possible during childhood he hadn't had a reliable, sole caretaker that basically worked as a mother figure. Maybe he was passed from a caretaker/babisitter/relative to the other. While apparently this isn't harming if it happened when he was very young it's traumatic enough to make him unable to learn what babes learns in their first years of life: forming a bond with someone.
But well, that's my pet theory for him. I don't even know if CLAMP has an explanation for his behaviour beyond what they said in an interview (he's an egoist).
Oh, Subaru will try to move forward as well. Most of his passivity is trauma induced or the result of wrong ideas to solve problems. Seishiro's fun time with an overly obedient Subaru won't last forever...
^________^ You're welcome!
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Seishirou is mean then. :3 He could at least try to listen to her, but then again, that would involve at least thinking about admitting that maybe he can't do everything, and taking an enormous blow to his ego. So he'd never change his mind on it except by extreme force. Leading to an almost three way war of trying to figure out what's going on without fatalities.
And a lot of important development in being able to connect with people comes not just from consistant faces, but from faces that respond. So even if there was the same person, if they gave him noting in the way of being able to respond, he'd probably be unable to continue to give out that need for connection past a certain point; he's too used to never receiving it and as thus, wouldn't necessarily recognize it when others do try to reach out to him, because he's always been brushed aside.
I like your theory on him, it allows him to have more of a chance to be not so off balance if he were raised and cared for by good parents from forever. He'd probably always have some sort of issues, he strikes me as lacking a certain depth of empathy and he certainly doesn't seem to like interacting with others on a continuous basis, but he'd be more able to be at least mostly mentally healthy. Sadly, Clamp is cruel, and we might never get a chance to see that.
And when Subaru's inner stubbornness comes out, (and he definitely is stubborn when he wants to be) it shall be even more fun as they start to run into things where they don't agree. At all.
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Seishiro doesn't want intruders in his relation with Subaru. He'll be happy if Subaru were to argue with Hokuto and never talk with her again. He accepts her existence because he can't do otherwise the same way he accepts Subaru's grandmother interference but never tried to help Subaru to smoother things with her.
Hokuto is the opposite. She understands and tries to help, even at the price of not spending as much time with her twin as she wants. She steps in only when she believes Seishiro's messing up badly or she's just too worried to stay put but otherwise she always tried to work around Seishiro's overpossessive self.
If Hokuto hadn't known things would have been troublesome she would have remained with Subaru from the moment he left the hospital till the moment he was well... and if Seishiro had been willing to be cooperative the two of them would have helped Subaru to get better way faster. Seishiro instead let Subaru understand he doesn't like Hokuto's presence... which to a Subaru who had his sister killed by a Seishiro is a way more dangerous thing than what Seishiro and Hokuto might believe.
In the years Hokuto had also developed a habit of arguing with him about what's better for Subaru that Subaru views as his sister being at war with Seishiro and this for him is equally dangerous.
In short when Hokuto and Seishiro are together Subaru, instead than enjoying the presence of the people he loves the most, spend the time worrying, something that doesn't help him in the slightest.
Well, it's difficult to know what exactly caused Seishiro to be who he is as we've basically no info on his childhood, though I doubt he had a normal one. There's to add that if he had high spiritual powers right from childhood his life might have been less easy right from the start. *sighs* It would have been so interesting if CLAMP had developed it...
^_____^ Well, I like to think Seishiro wasn't screwed by the start but was the result of 'something' that messed him up for good. Consider it just my pet theory but I don't think CLAMP aimed to the braindamaged guy when they created him.
Well, TRCSeishiro seemed better in handling relations as he seems to have a fond relation with his brother... and maybe he even had a certain fondness for Shaoran... though according to TRCFuma he's still a messed up guy. I would have really liked to know more about him, so as to draw a parallel with X Seishiro but we didn't have such luck. *sigh* Even the Horitsuba Seishiros only got to be mentioned... -_-
Oh yes. Seishiro isn't going to like it. Oh well, too bad for him.
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Because Seishirou is a brat. But I can see what you mean by that in the story, easily without even having to go back and reread. Seishirou can handle Subaru just fine, your (story characters your) interferance is not needed. Or wanted. Or appreciated, or justified, and if you know what's good for you, you'll leave him and Subaru alone. -_-
Seishirou always makes stupid decisions and then bad things happen. Yes, it could have solved all of their issues to sit down and figure them out and only meddle in each others business as much as needed. But they are all tremendously stubborn, and that prevents them from going anywhere.
Subaru is very good at worrying. This is not a good thing.
Yes, it would have been very interesting, but there's a line from Fruits Basket that I think sums up the fact that we really know so little about him in the end "It's the mystery that makes him so intriguing." Clamp might know everything that's happened to him, but they'll never tell us, to keep us enamoured and trapped in his mystery.
I doubt it was true brain damage, just that there were circuits that never quite connected right. It's not so much a damage as it is a quirk of development, even before birth. But certainly everything that maybe happened to him was enough to break him. I know that he's probably not a true sociopath, but recent research has stated that sociopaths are shaped by the things that happen to them, and Seishirou's final breaking point might have actually been the sacrifice of emotions for the most part. If it hurts to bad to feel, then he just won't feel. Or something like that.
It would have been nice to have more of him, but sadly, the other plot got in the way. But I could only write him as trc!Seishirou for a while because I couldn't figure out how to have him be his particular X brand of creepy and Seishirou and not somehow slip into Arashi. Seishirou did seem fond enough of his brother to give him creepy fun grins though.
He will live. If he doesn't, Hokuto will kill him again.
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Exactly. He wants Subaru all for himself. he's not good at sharing but sharing after all means trusting others and interacting with them and Seishiro's capable to do it only on a superficial manner. Well, Seishiro's decisions are also influenced by his own background and education. He grew fond of Subaru. He thinks it's too much asking him to grew fond of someone else.
Though as of now this fic hassn't show much in term of Seishiro's problems to him it's actually troublesome to be tied to Subaru. After all if it wasn't because Subaru is... well Subaru, it wouldn't be possible for him to put up with someone like Seishiro, to accept him. Even this... 'lithe version'. Because Subaru could smooth certain things over and accept other things and be very, very patient and loving he managed to make the relationship work. Replace Subaru with someone else and everything would have broken down by quite a long, long time.
No, As of now and for quite a while the last thing Subaru needs is worrying. He mostly needs a calm and secure environment in which he can relax and get used to this new realty and deal with his own personal issues. But you know Subaru, he'll HAVE to find something to worry about and the setting isn't helping him.
i don't like much to think at problems before birth, no matter who's the character. I always prefer to think it's environment and their way to react to it that made them who they are. That's personal taste though and I'm not even sure CLAMP though at what could have made Seishiro what he is.
TRC Seishiro and TRC Fuma have an awesome relation. I sort of loved how Yuko said they were both troublesome and Fuma replied 'Surely you means just Seishiro' and she went 'no, you too' or how Fuma went and told Seishiro something along the line 'is because you're like that, Subaru-san keeps away from you and Kamui doesn't like me as well' and Seishiro countered with something along the line of 'because you surely haven't done nothing to make Kamui dislike you...'
I so wished we would get more of them interacting...
LOL Subaru would really prefer if Hokuto were to let Seishiro be...
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That makes a lot of ssense, really. I prefer to say that his X self was fond of precisely three people, and he killed two of them, so asking him to share is a really bad idea.
Oh yes. They do match with each other, and that's probably the only reason why one of them isn't dead by then. coughignoringXcanoncough But it's always tenuous and fragile, and yet so strangely beautiful from the outside.
If there was absolutely nothing in the world for Subaru to worry about, he would worry about not having anything to worry about.
Hmm...we really don't know. I like to imagine all the little things that could make up the facets of a characters personalities, but then, I'm strange like that. His past is such a mystery to us that we might never know everything.
Yes, they made me laugh a lot in Oto, Tokyo and Nihon, just by being themselves. And always seeming to assume that the other is at fault for why they can't catch their vampires.
In other words, she doesn't torment Seishirou and Seishirou is more tolerant and then he can stop worrying aobut one of them dying because they might say something that pushes the other over the edge.
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It really depends from who's telling the story and for which purpose he's telling it.
*nods* Definitely.
Well, in X they never had the chance to talk about it or to get to know what each other thought. Seishiro thinks Subaru wants to kill him and refuses any other option, Subaru thinks Seishiro ignores him at best. They're palced as adversaries and there's Seishiro's duty and a prophecy that implies that one of them has to die. It's a setting that asks for disaster (though if what TRC said about eyes conserving the owner's power only if said owner is alive it can be Seishiro isn't as dead as we think him to be).
LOL Well, considering his previous experiences it would be pretty normal for him to think: "hey, nothing is happening and everyone is getting along... this MUST be a sign of impending doom!"
Oh well, I've speculated over it so much I could write a book about it so I understand you. It's a bit sad though we'll might never get to know him... as what made him the one he is, I mean.
They're awesome! The best ever!
That would be exactly what Subaru is wishing right now. If only the two of them were to be a little more cooperative...
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Why he's so much fun to write when he does that stuff, I don't know. Except I do! Because it's fun to torture alternate selves of him for being such an idiot.
Their relationship really is based on misor lack ofcommunication. It's impossible to know everything about another when you refuse to accept that maybe they don't see the world like you do, and place your own self in front of their actions. Or in Subaru's case, after being burned the first time, refuse to believe that he may have been lying there as well.
Considering that it's sort of happened before coughEyeArcInTobabicough, I don't entirely blame him. Not that it isn't funny when stated in very bald terms.
Speculation is great fun! But that is kind of sad. At the same time though, it does allow multiple interpretations without people fudging up the past to say that he's really just a good guy underneath and Subaru was mean to not notice his issues. Subaru has a hard enough time with his OWN issues without trying to dissect Seishirou.
XD My word for them is "Petulant." But of course, that's the fun of it all. When I first was really getting into the X fandom, I went and I wrote TRC!Fuuma arriving on Kamui's home world...and tormenting the hell out of him with some help from Kotori.
Well asking Seishirou to be cooperative when he's feeling unhelpful is rather like asking the earth to have a convenient earthquake. It just doesn't work. Hokuto's a little more flexible, except when it comes to wanting to protect Subaru. Then she's just as pleasantly ruthless and scary. They'll never get anywhere without SERIOUS help.
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*nods* I fully agree on this! Though his alternate selfs sometimes would like to point out they did nothing to deserve being mistreated in his place... ^_-
Well, Seishiro and Subaru's running theme is loneliness, a loneliness that was brought on themselves but that they also let fall on themselves in some sort of vitious circle and that they broke in the twisted manner ever (joining their bodies into one in a definitely uncommon way... though CLAMP liked this sort of things from when they wrote RG Veda...). CLAMP said they reached their own happiness... though Seishiro is dead and if that's Subaru's happy face I don't want to know how his sad face is... -_-;;;
LOL Well, TRCFuma is awesome at bugging Kamui. Expecially TRCKamui who reacts mostly like a hissing cat.
To get something from Seishiro you should probably fix Seishiro (or offer him something that would cause him to change his mind) and that's not easy. Hokuto is overprotective but, apart from this she had lot less issues than Seishiro (and would have had even less if Seishiro hadn't broken Subaru and she had felt it as if it was her fault for allowing Seishiro to get close to Subaru). So among the two it's definitely Hokuto the one who can compromise more. Though, considering Seishiro's issues, the little he does might cost him a lot more effort.
*sighs* Not that it improves thing any... -_-
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They were the same soul and being as he was. That is enough to make all of them deserve it. Maybe.
Well they certainly reached Seishirou's relative contentment, since he believed that Subaru wanted to kill him and refused to accept an option other than that, and probably believed right up to that point that it would grant Subaru happiness as well. But it's not "happy" in any way shape or form. But if that's their Clamp "happiness" I'd hate to see what Clamp would do to them if they DIDN'T want to give them "happiness." probably involve even more angst and lost love and heartbreak between the two of them coupled with maybe being sentenced to never seeing each other again? At least this Seishirou can reincarnate in some distant time.
XD I love that reaction habit of his! XD Although it's also part of the reason why I don't like Kamui that much. I do love tormenting him; he responds so well when Fuuma does things like pull out the whip and tie him up.
Yeah...he's stupid. But then, I doubt that he really knows how to compromise on things he feels strongly about. and any protests on Seishirou's part about not feeling shall hereby be ignored. Hokuto's more able to bend, but that doesn't mean that she wants to.
If it improved things, we'd be making serious progress, and we just can't have that.
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