Fanfic: The Game We Play - Chap 18 - Part 2
Title: "The Game We Play - Chap 18: Home - Part 2"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It's unbetaed, it contain some Japanese words, some OOC...
Notes: Some people think that life for Subaru would have been better if he hadn’t meet Seishiro in 1990… I’m not too sure of this…
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" & "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Summary: 24 years old Sumeragi Subaru has various problems, among them to deal with a stubborn Sakurazukamori who wants to involve him into a game of his own creation involving a bet he made with Subaru when Subaru was merely nine...
Subaru left the subway and began walking quietly, hands in his jeans pocket, through the crowded streets. People weren’t paying him any attention. Only a child pointed out at him and asked to his mother ‘why that Oniisan was dressed so lightly’. Subaru didn’t hear what the woman replied. He knew he should feel cold. But he felt hot instead, as if his skin was burning and he had to fight to control his breathing and look the calm and stoic (even if a little too lost in his own thoughts) figure he seemed on the outside.
Scared.
He’d been scared.
Terrorized, really.
It hadn’t been the first time he awoke to find himself pinned down while someone was… He shock his head and tried to erase that memory. It wasn’t fair to compare Seishiro-san to Nagumo-san. He and Seishiro-san were sleeping together, were living together. It was natural the man would feel allowed to…
But he wasn’t, Subaru’s mind stated harshly. He wasn’t.
He knew he didn’t amount to much. He knew the man didn’t care for him. He knew who Seishiro-san was. But there was a point in which Subaru drew the line between what was allowed and what wasn’t and that wasn’t. That wasn’t. But maybe… Seishiro-san didn’t know it wasn’t. Seishiro-san seemed willing to do so many things Subaru would never… could never… maybe Subaru’s fault was to not have explained clearly it didn’t matter in which house they were, he still didn’t feel like… on a couch… and that no matter of many times they were to do it… being restrained would always make him…
He sighed, once again reminded of who and what he was. Life wasn’t fair. Yesterday night, when he wouldn’t have complains, Seishiro-san wasn’t interested in him. Few hours before instead… he wanted from Subaru something he couldn’t give him. Oh well, that wasn’t the right moment to sulk, he decided as he paused in front of the Midori Yakkyoku.
The store in itself looked as nothing exceptional, located in a three floors old building, with a huge round sign stating the store name and a weird pink doll with long, bunny-like ears just in front of the entrance. Subaru knew that toy was popular, commercials were shown in television often and girls seemed to love it, but he couldn’t remember its name. Honestly he didn’t like it. Its half sad, half grumpy face always ended up depressing him as well, as if he was the cause for that expression.
He entered into the store, gaining immediately the attention of the two boys inside it and felt immediately they weren’t ordinary boys, even if they looked like them, but what else could be expected from boys that worked for Kakei-san?
The blond one smiled in his direction, asking cheerfully if there was something he could do to help Subaru. He had something that was… too innocent, too naïve, big eyes looking at the world as if there was the first time he were to see it. It reminded Subaru of a tale Yuko-san told him when he was a child, a tale about a Tenshi-sama that came down to ChiJou to search another Tenshi-sama and remained there in hope to fulfil the wish of a mortal that had helped him. Eventually he fell in love for that mortal but the man died. The tale said the Tenshi-sama fell asleep, and would sleep until the mortal would reincarnate. Hokuto-chan was used to love that story. His grandmother found it… not educational. A Tenshi-sama skipping his duty to wait for the reincarnation of a mortal…
“I’m here for Kakei-san…” Subaru said quietly. The boy blinked in surprise and exchanged a glance with the other dark-haired, tall teen who studied him carefully. Subaru believed he had already seen him the last time he’d came to the shop, but they hadn’t talked back then and it seemed they wouldn’t do it this time either since Kakei-san chose that moment to show up.
“Sumeragi-san. It was very kind from you to come,” the man said, greeting him with his usual smile, Saiga-san towering behind him and greeting him in a loud, overfriendly tone.
Kakei-san, with pale hair and skin, oval glasses always on his nose, a white pharmacist coat, a smile always painted on his lips and gentle manners, looked like an harmless, almost frail, kind and calm man, creating a sharp contrast with Saiga-san, who seemed a Yakuza instead. Tall, dark haired, with broad shoulders, forever wearing dark clothes and sunglasses and smoking even more than Subaru he was almost always around Kakei-san. From the way the two interacted one might have said they were lovers and yet, despite the fact all Saiga-san seemed to do was to sleep, Subaru had the feeling the man was also Kakei-san’s personal bodyguard, always around him to make sure no one would hurt him. Not mentioning the fact Saiga-san too wasn’t a… common person.
And Kakei-san might need a bodyguard. Subaru knew fairly well how many people would be interested to put their hands over a powerful SakiMi. Kakei-san wasn’t that powerful, not, for example, as Hinoto-hime that resided in the basement of the Diet Building was, but he was powerful enough and, as if this wasn’t strange enough, despite the façade of owner of a drugstore, Subaru knew the man tampered with ‘weird things’. He assumed he’d been called with the purpose to deal with one of them.
“Kakei-san,” he replied quietly bowing slightly. The man continued to smile at him, looking satisfied.
“You look better, I see. This time I don’t feel compelled to gift you with a whole box of EkyKiyabe,” he observed. “Thought you seem worried,” he added looking at him in a concerned manner. “And a little cold.”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” Subaru replied dismissively. “Thank you for your concern.”
“Youths shouldn’t have that troubled look!” Saiga-san exclaimed jovially, moving to pat Subaru’s shoulder. Subaru flinched away from the contact violently, startling the man.
“Sorry,” he said then, eyes lowered and breathing controlled forcefully.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about!” the man assured, unconsciously echoing Subaru’s previous words, laughing out loud and placing the hand which whom he had tried to touch Subaru behind his head and away from Subaru.
“Sorry,” Subaru repeated. He knew he tended to finch when someone were to touch him, he didn’t do that on purpose and, with time, he had learned to tone it down so that it wasn’t that evident, so that he almost didn’t notice and labelled it as a mere response to a stimulus. Now it seemed he had returned overreacting and that wasn’t good.
“Sumeragi-san, I believe you already saw Rikuou working here, even if I don’t think you two had been introduced, and this is Kudou-kun, my new helper,” Kakei-san said, changing topic.
“Himura Rikuou,” the dark haired said looking straight at him.
“I’m Kudou Kazahaya, pleased to meet you,” the other boy replied cheerfully with a honest smile.
“Sumeragi Subaru,” Subaru replied bowing politely. Kudou. Like the man of the tale. Subaru wondered for a second if it was written with the same kanji then dismissed that thought.
“Rikuou, Kudou-kun, why don’t you bring in my office that box you ‘found’?” Kakei-san asked them. Kudou-kun made a troubled face while Himura-kun’s expression didn’t change before the two moved to obey. Subaru instead followed Kakei-san and Saiga-san in Kakei-san’s office mentally preparing himself to his work.
The work Kakei-san asked from him didn’t really take much time and somehow caused Subaru to gain Kudou-kun undying admiration. Subaru didn’t feel like he deserved it. As repayment, since Subaru refused money, Kakei-san handed him a packing of Mild Seven cigarette boxes. Subaru didn’t ask how he’d guessed the right brand. Normally people with powers shouldn’t look at each other future but sometimes it was hard to not see it. Subaru didn’t want to know if it had been a coincidence, if the man had seen something and how much he had seen. He just accepted the packing with a honest ‘thank you’, knowing he would need cigarettes soon. There were moments in which they were his only comfort.
He walked out of the shop slowly, packing carefully tucked under his arm and head lowered, his head growing fuzzier and his vision blurrier, feeling very cold now and without a clear idea of what to do next. He wasn’t sure he could go back to the apartment and…
“You’re the biggest imprudent I’ve ever known,” a familiar voice stated gravely and Subaru raised his head slowly, meeting Seishiro-san’s gaze as the man took care to wrap Subaru’s coat around him. “Subaru-kun, with this cold how can you go around without a coat?”
“I forgot it and… it didn’t seem… that cold before,” he replied with fatigue, vaguely wondering if it was the Sakanagi or if he was coming up with a cold. “Seishiro-san… how?” He hadn’t felt the man using the marks but maybe he had been so lost in his thoughts and his work he hadn’t even noticed.
“The guy at the phone said ‘Midori Yakkyoku’, didn’t he? I’m good at finding places,” the man explained, placing the coat better on Subaru’s shoulders but wary to not touch him directly almost as if he could feel Subaru’s nervousness or his fastened heartbeat.
“You didn’t have to come,” Subaru pointed out, blinking in attempt to clear his blurry eyesight. “Unless… there’s something you want?” he asked realizing a strong side of him was hoping the man would just say he wanted to kill him and put an end to Subaru’s misery.
“Actually I wanted to ask you a question,” Seishiro-san replied carefully pretending he was busy placing Subaru’s coat around the boy’s shoulder in the perfect way. “What do you want exactly now?”
Subaru blinked, feeling confused.
“What do I want?” he echoed.
“Yes. Now that we live together, what do you want? And no, nothing isn’t an acceptable answer,” Seishiro-san clarified.
“What do I… now…” That was the time everything started to go dark and Subaru’s legs refused to support him. The cigarette packing fell on the ground and he unconsciously tried to reach for Seishiro-san but he had no idea if he managed it as he slipped into unconsciousness.
When Subaru opened his eyes again he was lying in a bed, Seishiro’s bed in the new house, he realized and someone, Seishiro-san likely, had changed him into his pyjamas. He considered feeling embarrassed but he felt too weak for that. He blinked weakly then turned his eyes on his side and met Seishiro-san’s cold gaze.
“I thought you had learnt to protect yourself from Sakanagi, Subaru-kun. And I won’t go into how stupid is to go out without your coat with this cold,” Seishiro-san told him, eyes serious and, for once, not hidden behind eyeglasses. “You’re lucky your fever isn’t really high.”
“I’m sorry,” Subaru said quietly, his voice raspy. “I forgot the coat.” Seishiro-san eyed him doubtfully. “I don’t lie, Seishiro-san,” Subaru reminded him stubbornly.
“No, you usually don’t,” Seishiro-san agreed. Silence fell. Seishiro-san stood and left. Subaru felt alone in that bed and in that heavy and uncomfortable silence that was too hard for him to bear, especially while lying down in a bed. He tried to get up and began coughing violently, his body wracked by coughs as he fought to breathe.
“Subaru-kun, what are you trying to do?” Seishiro-san asked returning in the room. Subaru tried to sit up but he couldn’t stop coughing, then he felt Seishiro-san supporting him, rubbing his back soothingly and slowly, as he leaned against the man’s chest, his coughing subsided, leaving him without strength. “Here, swallow,” the man commanded resting a pill against his lips. Subaru swallowed it, then Seishiro-san pressed a glass of water against his lips and Subaru drank avidly. When he finished he remained there, leaning against Seishiro-san, not daring to move and break that apparent quiet.
“Do you want to go back to your home?” the man asked him. Slowly, Subaru raised his head, to look at him.
“Aren’t I already?” he asked back in an unsure tone.
“You don’t look like one who feels ‘at home’,” Seishiro-san countered in a grumpy tone that Subaru would have found cute had he been feeling better.
“You’re angry at me,” Subaru-kun replied, lowering his head again tiredly.
“I’m not. I don’t really care if you weren’t in the mood today, even thought I don’t think you needed to throw out your Ofuda,” he pointed out. Okay, to be honest he’d been annoyed to be rejected but he didn’t mean to share that detail with Subaru-kun.
“You… scared me,” Subaru forced himself to admit. “And anyway you were angry yesterday too,” he pointed out.
“I wasn’t,” Seishiro denied.
“You were,” Subaru insisted firmly.
“How can you say so, Subaru-kun? Hadn’t I been the best boyfriend ever yesterday?” Seishiro countered, taking care to insert a whining note in his voice, a whining note that would underline how unfair Subaru-kun’s accusation toward him was. No matter if it was right.
“You… yesterday you… you didn’t want to… you… preferred to sleep,” Subaru managed to force out.
“I didn’t… you could have told me you were in the mood yesterday!” Seishiro protested. He gave up on having sex with Subaru-kun… when it was completely unnecessary?
“I… it’s not… it’s okay if you don’t want to… I wouldn’t demand… but you generally want to and I didn’t understand why you didn’t want to and…” Subaru-kun babbled. “Whatever I did… I’m sorry…”
“Subaru-kun, I thought you were the one not in the mood for sex,” Seishiro clarified. Subaru-kun returned to look up at him.
“Me? Why?” he asked in confusion as if he would never say ‘no’ to Seishiro.
“Oh, I don’t know, why weren’t you this morning?” Seishiro asked sarcastically.
“That was different,” Subaru-kun replied immediately, as if Seishiro were talking of two completely unrelated things.
“How?” he asked raising one of his eyebrows.
“We were on a couch and… and you were pinning me down and… I got scared…” the boy replied in a small voice, looking younger all of sudden, gaze downcast.
“Subaru-kun by now you should know if you tell me to stop, I stop. No need to get so worked up,” Seishiro replied, feeling slightly annoyed.
“I… when someone pins you down you don’t stop to think who is or if he would stop if you were to ask so…” Subaru-kun countered bitterly. “Besides we were on a couch.”
“Our couch. In our house. And we won’t have guests so it’s not like it’s some sort of sanctuary over which we can’t do it, and I don’t care what conventions say about it being the right place and I don’t think you truly do either,” Seishiro underlined. Subaru-kun behaved according to conventions but… Seishiro doubted he truly believed in them. In his opinion Subaru-kun simply found more polite to play along with them than anything else.
“But I need a place over which I can believe I can sleep at least for a couple of hours!” Subaru-kun protested, returning to look at him. “I…” The boy lowered his head again. “I need to sleep because if I miss too much sleep I can’t work and I…”
“You can sleep in this bed, Subaru-kun. With me,” Seishiro pointed out. “Wasn’t that the point of living together?”
“What if you’re not here? What if you don’t want me here?” Subaru-kun asked. “I don’t want to impose my presence…”
Seishiro stared at Subaru-kun, feeling confused. They were sharing a house, Subaru-kun had all the rights to be demanding and yet… he still didn’t dare to ask anything for himself. So different from everyone else he knew… Sweet, gentle, kind Subaru-kun… He turned the boy’s face toward him and tried to kiss him… only to have Subaru-kun turn his face away. He frowned.
“You must not. You’ll catch my cold if you’ll do…” Subaru-kun whispered in a rather sad tone before Seishiro could say something, as if the boy felt like he was the carrier of some mortal and highly contagious virus. Or maybe he was just remembering the words Seishiro told him time ago, ‘a kiss is the best way to pass a cold’ and didn’t want to burden Seishiro with one. Seishiro laughed then, gently, turned Subaru-kun’s face toward him again, stroking the boy’s cheek with his thumb.
“But it’ll be so very, very romantic if Subaru-kun will pass me his cold,” he said, smiling. Subaru-kun shock his head stubbornly.
“I don’t want to cause you to be sick…” he insisted.
“I’ll be fine, Subaru-kun,” Seishiro assured kissing the boy’s forehead. “I’m a strong boy, I’ll be fine,” he repeated kissing the boy’s nose. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” Subaru-kun looked at him almost pleadingly as Seishiro moved closer to the boy’s lips. For a second he tried to move away again but Seishiro tightened his hold a little, not that much that Subaru-kun could feel threatened but enough to give him the message he didn’t want him to move away. Subaru-kun tensed but stilled and Seishiro kissed him very gently, a mere brushing and then again, a bit more deeper, and again, and again, and again, always a bit deeper, until the boy began to participate to the kiss and clung to him, in an almost desperate manner. Seishiro kissed him deeply and fully then, a long, wet kiss that Subaru-kun broke again as he was caught by another coughing fit. Seishiro moved to hold him better, rubbing his back and saying soothing words. Subaru-kun held against him with one arm while he used his free hand to cover his mouth, trying to quit coughing.
“Sorry…” he murmured in a raspy voice when he finally managed it. “Sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Seishiro assured kissing the top of the boy’s head. “Do you want some water?” Subaru-kun shook his head as he turned his face toward him again and Seishiro resumed kissing him, trying to keep it light, so to not cause another coughing fit. However Subaru-kun’s hold around him tightened, pulling him closer, as if to quietly demand more. Not one to turn down this kind of requests Seishiro moved to lay the boy down on the bed, deciding it was high time to do what he didn’t the day before, and then kept himself over him, supporting his own weight on his hands and knees, enjoying the sight of the boy under him. Subaru-kun, hair deliciously tousled, green eyes more shiny than usual, skin flushed, lips opened and breathing slightly laboured, made a quiet noise of distress, as if protesting about the distance between the two of them.
“Seishiro-san…” the boy called, again trying to pull him close, and Seishiro grinned as his hand trailed sensually from Subaru-kun’s cheek to the boy’s neck.
“Yes, Subaru-kun?” he asked amiably, trying to push him to request for something. Subaru-kun instead frowned slightly, as if trying to figure out what was in Seishiro’s mind, then, loosened his hold and gently, almost warily, began to caress Seishiro’s cheek, as if accepting the distance Seishiro had put between them and trying to see what he could do while respecting it, without demanding for more even if he seemed to wish for it. Such an odd boy, Seishiro mused as he leaned into his touch greedily, one of his hands sliding down to unlatch the buttons of Subaru-kun’s pyjama shirt, then bent down to kiss Subaru-kun’s neck, appreciating how the boy’s hands moved from his cheek to his hair then one trailed down on his back while the other slid slowly under the collar of his shirt, which Seishiro had left open, almost as if asking permission to do it. Seishiro meanwhile pushed Subaru-kun’s pyjama’s shirt down from the boy’s shoulders and began nipping at the boy’s collar while his hands now caressed gently the boy’s naked skin causing Subaru-kun to shudder deliciously and then swallow as Seishiro’s hands roamed lower. Seishiro grinned.
Generally Subaru-kun, apart from repeating Seishiro’s name, wasn’t really noisy while they were having sex, but his eyes, his expression, his reactions, told more than a thousand of words could which was something that never failed to amuse Seishiro. He rose a bit, leaning close to him so he could breathe right in Subaru-kun’s ear ‘What about helping me out of my shirt, Subaru-kun?’ in the most sensual tone he knew and that never failed to make Subaru-kun nervous and deliciously clumsy. This time however, as the boy tried to reply, it only caused him to begin coughing rather violently again, ruining the mood and forcing Seishiro to help him to sit up.
Subaru tried desperately to stop coughing but he was only making things worse and, in the end, Seishiro-san left him. Feeling even worse now that he’d been left alone he was almost pathetically grateful when the man returned with a glass of water and helped him to swallow it. Water calmed his coughing and he found himself leaning against Seishiro-san, feeling worn out as the man rubbed his back gently.
“Maybe that’s not the best moment for romance,” Seishiro-san muttered sounding childishly grumpy.
“But…” Subaru began to complain then decided he had no right to force the issue and apologized instead, sounding rather miserable. Seishiro-san made him raise his face and pushed his fringe behind gently.
“Subaru-kun, are you trying to tell me that despite likely feeling awful you still are in the mood for…” he began asking in a rather amused tone.
Subaru lowered his head and his eyes, blushing slightly.
“I didn’t mean to… I know right now I’m… even more than usual… I mean… I…” he trailed off when he felt Seishiro-san resuming to trail kisses on him.
“You know you’re always very desirable for me… will just have to be careful to not trigger your cough again…” the man assured returning to devote his attention on Subaru’s neck. Subaru looked at him as if he was talking of something practically impossible. His throat was still prickling and right now lying down would make him feel the need to cough almost immediately. He doubted he would manage not coughing for long and…
“Subaru-kun, have you ever done it while sitting up?” Seishiro-san asked then placing both his and Subaru-kun’s pillow against the headboard and then making him sat against them.
“What?” Subaru asked in confusion, feeling his throat still prickle annoyingly and swallowing in hope this would soothe it.
“By the way, do we have honey?” Seishiro-san asked instead without bothering to reply.
“Yes, I’ve bought it, I know you…” ‘like to put it on rusks for breakfast’ but he couldn’t continue as it dawned on him Seishiro-san couldn’t be worrying for breakfast right then. “Wait a moment, what’s the honey for?” he asked nervously and Seishiro-san grinned the way he did when he was planning something he would find fun and Subaru would find improper at best. “Seishiro-san…”
“Don’t worry, Subaru-kun, it’s just for your cough. It’ll make things better.. I’ll be back in a minute!” the man assured even if Subaru didn’t feel reassured at all as Seishiro-san left him. He didn’t like that much to try new things and Seishiro-san just had the look of someone who had something weird in mind. Besides Subaru still didn’t like to be alone on a bed and curled on himself nervously.
“Back!” Seishiro-san announced returning few minutes after with the honey jar, a spoon and a huge grin. Subaru looked at him warily. Seishiro-san sat next to Subaru, filled the spoon with honey and offered it to him.
“Say ‘ah’, Subaru-kun…”
“Seishiro-san, I know how to feed myself,” Subaru protested, frowning a little then coughed a little again.
“Subaru-kun, let me too play nurse!” Seishiro protested in a childish tone knowing Subaru-kun was less prone to be contrary when he did so. In fact, as expected, Subaru-kun just looked at him with the ‘you’re so very weird’ expression and then diligently opened his mouth like a good boy and let Seishiro fed him. “So, how’s going?” he asked as the boy swallowed.
“Better,” Subaru-kun admitted.
“Have another just to be sure it’ll stay like that?” Seishiro asked trying to feed him again. Subaru-kun accepted the second spoon of honey too. Seishiro served himself a spoon as well.
“You shouldn’t use my same spoon to eat, especially when I’ve a cold. It’s not hygienic,” the boy pointed out, apparently losing completely the romantic meaning of Seishiro’s gesture. Seishiro ignored his words. He had the feeling Subaru-kun wasn’t coming up with a cold, that his cold was just a psychosomatic distress. He licked the spoon suggestively. Subaru-kun blinked, then, finally, he seemed to get the message, and turned away his gaze embarrassedly.
“Seishiro-san…”
“Okay, okay, I get it, Subaru-kun doesn’t want me to use his spoon so I might resort to do this instead,” he said placing down the spoon and scooping up some honey from the jar with his own fingers.
“Seishiro-san! That’s even worse! You’ll get your hand all sticky!” Subaru-kun reproached him managing to still look cute as he did. Seishiro laughed and then lapped at them with a naughty brat look.
“Never done it when you were a kid, Subaru-kun? It can be rather fun…” he asked. “Kaasan liked a lot this game…” Subaru-kun lowered his gaze and shook his head.
“That kind of thing… Obaasan wouldn’t… I couldn’t even think… thought Hokuto-chan sometimes did but…” but Hokuto-chan didn’t have the expectations of each member of the Sumeragi Ichimon resting upon her and anyway she had never cared much about conventions and… and she didn’t mind arguing with Obaasan daily or…
“Try it,” Seishiro-san suggested placing his honey covered fingers very close to his lips. “Try it, it’s not difficult. That’s our home. You don’t have to respect conventions here. You’re free to do what you please.”
“But it wouldn’t be polite toward you!” Subaru pointed out.
“Aren’t I the one who’s suggesting? Try it, Subaru-kun,” Seishiro-san insisted. “And hurry before honey will drip on the covers!” Confused, Subaru stared at the task at hand then, hesitantly, feeling a complete idiot and so very naughty attempted one tiny lick. “Go on,” Seishiro-san prodded but he was staring at him a bit too intensively. Not too sure how could be interesting to see him lapping Seishiro-san’s fingers, Subaru continued diligently in his task. He wondered if it was for the subtle message of submission but Seishiro-san seemed to be a tad too interested in watching him for being just that. The man moved closer, his breathing speeding up slightly, his fingers tapping on Subaru’s lips as if asking to be sucked and not just lapped. Subaru managed to give them only an experimental nip before Seishiro-san removed then to kiss him, rather passionately. Subaru wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close. When they parted Seishiro-san rested his forehead against his, caressing his cheek and Subaru smiled.
‘Finally,’ Seishiro thought.
“Your hand… is still sticky…” the boy pointed out in amusement.
“So unromantic, Subaru-kun! And here I thought now we would whisper to each other sweet words like ‘you’ll taste like honey’ and so on,” Seishiro replied fondly before moving to kiss Subaru-kun’s forehead. “Aren’t you at least going to help me with the clothes?” he asked as he continued to kiss Subaru-kun’s face gently. Subaru-kun smiled again before devoting himself to the task. Seishiro never knew if to feel amused or annoyed by how each time Subaru-kun tried to concentrate on that task, almost ignoring him, but found great delight in trying to win back his attention.
“Seishiro-san… do you want me to unlatch those buttons or not?” the boy asked him with fond exasperation.
“Sure I want you to… but this doesn’t mean you’ve to pay them more attention than you pay to me…” Seishiro protested feeling rather satisfied when Subaru-kun neglected the buttons to concentrate on him. They progressed slowly, finishing to undress each other almost clumsily since Seishiro didn’t want either of them to pay much attention to that task, but he knew if he didn’t keep Subaru-kun concentrate on himself or if he were to move too fast he would never get the boy to be comfortable with what they were about to do. Subaru-kun disliked changes and, that day, he had already scared him. Right then he didn’t want interruptions or things that could ruin the mood they were in. There had to be no interruptions… but they had to progress slowly, naturally. It was an odd way to make it, calmly, without hurry, gently, concentrating completely only onto each other as if the world was narrowed to the two of them, Subaru-kun’s green eyes never leaving him and, had Seishiro been capable to think at something else apart from Subaru-kun he would have realized he had never paid that much attention to preliminaries. Sure, after the first time he took care to be always very gentle with the boy, sure he’d also given him time and indulged in pleasuring him but… apart from some variants it had always been like repeating a lesson he’d learned long ago, in his mother’s bed. Do this in this way, do that in that way, here are your options, pick up the ones you want to try today, put them in order and then go on with them… the previous times he could still hear her voice as she gave him instructions and had wondered if he would do it forever. Right now… he had shut her out of his thoughts. Only Subaru-kun mattered in that moment. Slowly he found himself kneeling in front of Subaru-kun, the boy’s on his lap, his back on the pillows. Not quite sitting up, not quite lying down, a thing in between and he leaned on him, his eyes never leaving Subaru-kun, not even as he began to take him after he had prepared him carefully, and felt the boy’s arms tightening marginally their hold around his neck as the boy tensed.
“I’m here. It’s just me. There’s no need to be scared, everything is all right,” he said so close to Subaru-kun’s mouth he almost whispered into it and Subaru-kun reached up tentatively to kiss him, gently, hesitantly, almost asking permission for it. It was always like that with him. He… interacted with him but he… never imposed. He was with him… but he wasn’t trying to control him. He would let Seishiro totally free to control the game… as long as Seishiro didn’t overstep the boundaries Subaru-kun had set. It didn’t match with anything Seishiro had experienced before but it was at the same way the most pleasurable thing that had happened to him. Being given attention and care without being forced to accept them and pay for them. This made whatever he had with the boy special, unique. And, as he slumped on him, spent, and felt Subaru-kun holding him and not pushing him away because he was heavy he… felt good. Very good. And it felt even better when Subaru-kun began petting him.
“Remind me to never, ever decide to skip a day of this without asking you first if you’re absolutely sure you’re not in the mood,” he mumbled nuzzling against the boy. Subaru-kun didn’t reply he just kissed his face lightly, in that shy manner of his, and then again, and again, and again, as if he was someone precious, someone he treasured and that he had feared to lose and Seishiro opened his eyes and stared at him in confusion before kissing him fully, deeply. Subaru-kun answered to the kiss and Seishiro found himself moving again in the boy’s body, slowly, sensually, holding him so very close to himself it was almost uncomfortable as Subaru-kun was so tightly wrapped around him that, for a moment, Seishiro had the absurd feeling they could melt and become one. He got the feeling they came together or with very few scanting second of difference, and together they slumped again on the bed, lying one next to the other, eyes closed and panting. Their eyes opened together and they stared at each other without speaking at first, then Subaru-kun trailed his hand on Seishiro’s cheek in a gentle caress and Seishiro grasped it in his own and then kissed it, still staring at the boy. He pulled Subaru-kun closer and the boy let him, leaning against him obediently.
“I want to stay with you,” Subaru-kun whispered quietly after a while, almost a plea more than a sentence.
“What?” Seishiro asked pausing in petting the boy’s hair.
“You… you asked me what I wanted now that we live together,” the boy reminded him. “I want to stay with you. Just that. Not always… because you might not always feel like it and I’ve to work but… just when you feel like… every second I’m not busy… just… this… I want this…” he explained and Seishiro wondered how much it took up to him to figure he wanted something and what it was.
“That’s something we can do…” Seishiro agreed kissing the top of Subaru-kun’s head. “Guess for not having figured it out sooner I really didn’t deserve any cookie yesterday…”
“You wanted cookies?” Subaru asked in confusion turning to look up at him. “There should be some in the cupboard and I could buy more and…” Seishiro grinned.
“This kind of cookies, Subaru-kun,” he said as he bent down to kiss him. The boy blinked deliciously in confusion when they parted. “Now… haven’t I been good right now? Don’t I deserve a cookie?” Seishiro teased. Subaru-kun blinked further.
“Hum… I…” he babbled.
“If Subaru-kun’s so mean to deny me a tiny, little cookie I might end up stealing it,” he whispered before brushing his lips against Subaru-kun again then looked down at him smugly, exactly like a kid who’d just stolen a cookie. “I’m still hungry,” he stated then, causing Subaru-kun to smile then to finally give in to his demands. Actually Seishiro hadn’t planned to resume their lovemaking but kisses started becoming a bit too passionate and Subaru-kun pulled a bit too closer, his leg sliding slowly around Seishiro’s waist and Seishiro couldn’t help but roll him on his back and take him again as they kept kissing over and over. When they had finished he remained lying on Subaru-kun, the boy’s arms loosely wrapped around him as he listened to Subaru-kun’s heartbeat.
“I’ll say Subaru-kun was starved too today…” he observed and Subaru-kun looked at him in confusion, clearly not getting what he meant. Seishiro smiled then something dawned on him. “Subaru-kun… did you have lunch?”
Subaru looked at him uneasily.
“Hum… I forgot?” he admitted.
“You’re hopeless, even worse than a little kid,” he stated, kissing him softly. “Would you remember to ate if it wasn’t for me reminding you each time?” Subaru-kun got an adorable guilty expression and didn’t reply. “Well… now it’s late for lunch but maybe we can have dinner early,” Seishiro suggested, caressing the boy’s cheek. “Let’s see… I could make…” he began trying to sit up. Only to be stopped by Subaru-kun.
“Don’t leave. I’m not hungry so there’s no need and… don’t leave…” the boy said anxiously. Seishiro smiled fondly.
“You’re adorable when you’re clingy, Subaru-kun. Simply irresistible,” he said before bending down to kiss the boy’s nose. “Then what about eating some honey to fill you up a bit before dinner?” he suggested.
“Sweet things can’t be eaten before dinner. They’ll spoil the appetite,” Subaru-kun reported in the tone he always used when he was repeating a notion he had learned, not something he believed in.
“Do you have an appetite, Subaru-kun?” Seishiro asked arching one of his eyebrows.
“…”
“I thought so,” Seishiro said sounding rather self assured. “Then it’ll cause no damage if you eat some honey,” he stated reaching for the jar again and causing the spoon to fall on the floor ‘incidentally’. “Oh, well, we don’t really need it, do we, Subaru-kun?” he asked looking the perfect portray of innocence.
“We do need it. You look at me in an even weirder manner if I don’t use it…” Subaru-kun said in a cute, grumpy tone. Seishiro tried to not show his amusement.
“And you have no idea why?” he asked. Subaru-kun blinked apparently confused.
“Hum… I should know?” he replied in a totally clueless tone. “I… am I that weird when I…” he began asking sounding a bit worried and Seishiro couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“It’s because you’re damn tempting when you do so. More delicious than honey itself!” he assured.
“Seishiro-san!” Subaru-kun protested, reddening slightly.
“It’s true!” he assured laughing more. “Most delicious thing ever!”
“I just… I just lick it!” the boy insisted. “You said to do so!” Seishiro only laughed harder. Subaru-kun shook his head as to mean it was impossible to understand him. “You’re so weird…” he said with some fondness in his voice. “…But I’m glad you don’t look mad anymore,” he added with a small smile.
“Subaru-kun, I wasn’t mad,” Seishiro insisted in a petulant tone, finally stopping to laugh.
“Upset then,” the boy offered. Seishiro groaned. Subaru-kun could be so stubborn when he wanted to and he… “I’m not going to ask you why you were,” Subaru-kun said before he could say something. “I… I understand it can be private and I don’t mean to pry… even though if it’s something I did I can’t apologize or fix it up if I don’t know what I did wrong…” he explained quietly, eyes lowered. Seishiro pulled him close and kissed his neck before rising a bit to lap at his lobe.
“Maybe I just wanted you to take the initiative for once, Subaru-kun,” he whispered, almost breathed in the boy’s ear, deciding that if he couldn’t change Subaru-kun’s mind about it he could, at least, try to gain something from it.
“But… but… it might bother you and…” Subaru-kun protested. Seishiro chuckled.
“It won’t and anyway I’ve been raised by an extremely demanding woman… Subaru-kun, we’re living together. You can try to be a little demanding, for a change,” he suggested then felt Subaru-kun taking his face between his hands and gently making him turn, so he could look at him in the eyes.
“No. Because we’re living together what we do must be something we both want. Because we’re together. There’s not just my space or yours, they’re the same… but in the same time I can’t step over you and vice versa. Only… I don’t know what you want and what you don’t and so… I don’t know what to do…” he admitted. Seishiro stared at him finding Subaru-kun’s idea of living together so very unfamiliar and yet so very like him. Living together. Without either of them imposing on the other.
“Is this how you want things to be from now on?” he asked.
“Isn’t this how you want things?” Subaru-kun asked back. “If you want something different…”
“I’ve no preferences. I’m used to adapt,” Seishiro cut him. Actually he had preferences. He would like to dictate law and do as he saw fit but he figured he would do better to not say it out loud. It would probably spoil his game of devote boyfriend. He guessed he would have to content to dictate law as he saw fit tactfully, without Subaru-kun noticing. Oh well, a bit of manipulation had never hurt him. Other people on the other side… “We’ll do as we did when we were in your apartment,” he conceded indulgently but Subaru-kun shook his head.
“This… this isn’t my apartment, this is our house. You should… feel at home in it. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be rules just… that I’m not the sole owner of this place…” the boy tried to explain.
“But Subaru-kun you’re such a delicious host I don’t mind at all being your guest!” Seishiro replied lightly.
“Even if I were to be the best host in the world, whom I’m not, no place would feel better than your own home. There’s no point in moving to live here if you don’t feel at home,” Subaru-kun insisted quietly. Seishiro stared at him. He offered leadership to Subaru-kun (well, apparent leadership…) yet… the boy didn’t want it but he wasn’t even giving it to him fully. They would have… to share it. Seishiro, who already had troubles with the concept of sharing, wondered if it was possible. Actually he didn’t even know if he would be capable to fake it. He didn’t trust in democracy, only in various types of tyrannies.
“You’re a rather strange boy, do you know, Subaru-kun?” he said in the end before kissing Subaru-kun’s lips. “Fine, let’s give a try to your idea of co-habitation,” he said then, deciding it wouldn’t hurt to give him the impression he would try. Subaru-kun looked at him with that fond expression that seemed to say: ‘you’re weird and an amazing source of troubles but I like you just the same’ then hugged him and Seishiro decided to forget the ‘feeding Subaru-kun’ part in favour of trying to have sex with Subaru-kun for a forth time. And maybe a fifth, since they both seemed to be in the mood for it, as if they almost needed the temporal closeness the act brought. Odd. He was sure he wasn’t the type who needed such a thing. He was always perfectly comfortable wherever he was. He wasn’t the type to feel upset just because he had changed his residence. He didn’t realize, or maybe he didn’t want to realize that, as he leaned into Subaru-kun’s embrace, that he was a bit more than comfortable in that moment. In that moment, in the arms of an Onmyouji likely as powerful as him, born to be his opposite and adversary he felt perfectly safe and happy. In that moment he felt at home.
1998 December 19th, Saturday - 200 days at the end of the bet
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It's unbetaed, it contain some Japanese words, some OOC...
Notes: Some people think that life for Subaru would have been better if he hadn’t meet Seishiro in 1990… I’m not too sure of this…
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" & "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Summary: 24 years old Sumeragi Subaru has various problems, among them to deal with a stubborn Sakurazukamori who wants to involve him into a game of his own creation involving a bet he made with Subaru when Subaru was merely nine...
Subaru left the subway and began walking quietly, hands in his jeans pocket, through the crowded streets. People weren’t paying him any attention. Only a child pointed out at him and asked to his mother ‘why that Oniisan was dressed so lightly’. Subaru didn’t hear what the woman replied. He knew he should feel cold. But he felt hot instead, as if his skin was burning and he had to fight to control his breathing and look the calm and stoic (even if a little too lost in his own thoughts) figure he seemed on the outside.
Scared.
He’d been scared.
Terrorized, really.
It hadn’t been the first time he awoke to find himself pinned down while someone was… He shock his head and tried to erase that memory. It wasn’t fair to compare Seishiro-san to Nagumo-san. He and Seishiro-san were sleeping together, were living together. It was natural the man would feel allowed to…
But he wasn’t, Subaru’s mind stated harshly. He wasn’t.
He knew he didn’t amount to much. He knew the man didn’t care for him. He knew who Seishiro-san was. But there was a point in which Subaru drew the line between what was allowed and what wasn’t and that wasn’t. That wasn’t. But maybe… Seishiro-san didn’t know it wasn’t. Seishiro-san seemed willing to do so many things Subaru would never… could never… maybe Subaru’s fault was to not have explained clearly it didn’t matter in which house they were, he still didn’t feel like… on a couch… and that no matter of many times they were to do it… being restrained would always make him…
He sighed, once again reminded of who and what he was. Life wasn’t fair. Yesterday night, when he wouldn’t have complains, Seishiro-san wasn’t interested in him. Few hours before instead… he wanted from Subaru something he couldn’t give him. Oh well, that wasn’t the right moment to sulk, he decided as he paused in front of the Midori Yakkyoku.
The store in itself looked as nothing exceptional, located in a three floors old building, with a huge round sign stating the store name and a weird pink doll with long, bunny-like ears just in front of the entrance. Subaru knew that toy was popular, commercials were shown in television often and girls seemed to love it, but he couldn’t remember its name. Honestly he didn’t like it. Its half sad, half grumpy face always ended up depressing him as well, as if he was the cause for that expression.
He entered into the store, gaining immediately the attention of the two boys inside it and felt immediately they weren’t ordinary boys, even if they looked like them, but what else could be expected from boys that worked for Kakei-san?
The blond one smiled in his direction, asking cheerfully if there was something he could do to help Subaru. He had something that was… too innocent, too naïve, big eyes looking at the world as if there was the first time he were to see it. It reminded Subaru of a tale Yuko-san told him when he was a child, a tale about a Tenshi-sama that came down to ChiJou to search another Tenshi-sama and remained there in hope to fulfil the wish of a mortal that had helped him. Eventually he fell in love for that mortal but the man died. The tale said the Tenshi-sama fell asleep, and would sleep until the mortal would reincarnate. Hokuto-chan was used to love that story. His grandmother found it… not educational. A Tenshi-sama skipping his duty to wait for the reincarnation of a mortal…
“I’m here for Kakei-san…” Subaru said quietly. The boy blinked in surprise and exchanged a glance with the other dark-haired, tall teen who studied him carefully. Subaru believed he had already seen him the last time he’d came to the shop, but they hadn’t talked back then and it seemed they wouldn’t do it this time either since Kakei-san chose that moment to show up.
“Sumeragi-san. It was very kind from you to come,” the man said, greeting him with his usual smile, Saiga-san towering behind him and greeting him in a loud, overfriendly tone.
Kakei-san, with pale hair and skin, oval glasses always on his nose, a white pharmacist coat, a smile always painted on his lips and gentle manners, looked like an harmless, almost frail, kind and calm man, creating a sharp contrast with Saiga-san, who seemed a Yakuza instead. Tall, dark haired, with broad shoulders, forever wearing dark clothes and sunglasses and smoking even more than Subaru he was almost always around Kakei-san. From the way the two interacted one might have said they were lovers and yet, despite the fact all Saiga-san seemed to do was to sleep, Subaru had the feeling the man was also Kakei-san’s personal bodyguard, always around him to make sure no one would hurt him. Not mentioning the fact Saiga-san too wasn’t a… common person.
And Kakei-san might need a bodyguard. Subaru knew fairly well how many people would be interested to put their hands over a powerful SakiMi. Kakei-san wasn’t that powerful, not, for example, as Hinoto-hime that resided in the basement of the Diet Building was, but he was powerful enough and, as if this wasn’t strange enough, despite the façade of owner of a drugstore, Subaru knew the man tampered with ‘weird things’. He assumed he’d been called with the purpose to deal with one of them.
“Kakei-san,” he replied quietly bowing slightly. The man continued to smile at him, looking satisfied.
“You look better, I see. This time I don’t feel compelled to gift you with a whole box of EkyKiyabe,” he observed. “Thought you seem worried,” he added looking at him in a concerned manner. “And a little cold.”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” Subaru replied dismissively. “Thank you for your concern.”
“Youths shouldn’t have that troubled look!” Saiga-san exclaimed jovially, moving to pat Subaru’s shoulder. Subaru flinched away from the contact violently, startling the man.
“Sorry,” he said then, eyes lowered and breathing controlled forcefully.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about!” the man assured, unconsciously echoing Subaru’s previous words, laughing out loud and placing the hand which whom he had tried to touch Subaru behind his head and away from Subaru.
“Sorry,” Subaru repeated. He knew he tended to finch when someone were to touch him, he didn’t do that on purpose and, with time, he had learned to tone it down so that it wasn’t that evident, so that he almost didn’t notice and labelled it as a mere response to a stimulus. Now it seemed he had returned overreacting and that wasn’t good.
“Sumeragi-san, I believe you already saw Rikuou working here, even if I don’t think you two had been introduced, and this is Kudou-kun, my new helper,” Kakei-san said, changing topic.
“Himura Rikuou,” the dark haired said looking straight at him.
“I’m Kudou Kazahaya, pleased to meet you,” the other boy replied cheerfully with a honest smile.
“Sumeragi Subaru,” Subaru replied bowing politely. Kudou. Like the man of the tale. Subaru wondered for a second if it was written with the same kanji then dismissed that thought.
“Rikuou, Kudou-kun, why don’t you bring in my office that box you ‘found’?” Kakei-san asked them. Kudou-kun made a troubled face while Himura-kun’s expression didn’t change before the two moved to obey. Subaru instead followed Kakei-san and Saiga-san in Kakei-san’s office mentally preparing himself to his work.
The work Kakei-san asked from him didn’t really take much time and somehow caused Subaru to gain Kudou-kun undying admiration. Subaru didn’t feel like he deserved it. As repayment, since Subaru refused money, Kakei-san handed him a packing of Mild Seven cigarette boxes. Subaru didn’t ask how he’d guessed the right brand. Normally people with powers shouldn’t look at each other future but sometimes it was hard to not see it. Subaru didn’t want to know if it had been a coincidence, if the man had seen something and how much he had seen. He just accepted the packing with a honest ‘thank you’, knowing he would need cigarettes soon. There were moments in which they were his only comfort.
He walked out of the shop slowly, packing carefully tucked under his arm and head lowered, his head growing fuzzier and his vision blurrier, feeling very cold now and without a clear idea of what to do next. He wasn’t sure he could go back to the apartment and…
“You’re the biggest imprudent I’ve ever known,” a familiar voice stated gravely and Subaru raised his head slowly, meeting Seishiro-san’s gaze as the man took care to wrap Subaru’s coat around him. “Subaru-kun, with this cold how can you go around without a coat?”
“I forgot it and… it didn’t seem… that cold before,” he replied with fatigue, vaguely wondering if it was the Sakanagi or if he was coming up with a cold. “Seishiro-san… how?” He hadn’t felt the man using the marks but maybe he had been so lost in his thoughts and his work he hadn’t even noticed.
“The guy at the phone said ‘Midori Yakkyoku’, didn’t he? I’m good at finding places,” the man explained, placing the coat better on Subaru’s shoulders but wary to not touch him directly almost as if he could feel Subaru’s nervousness or his fastened heartbeat.
“You didn’t have to come,” Subaru pointed out, blinking in attempt to clear his blurry eyesight. “Unless… there’s something you want?” he asked realizing a strong side of him was hoping the man would just say he wanted to kill him and put an end to Subaru’s misery.
“Actually I wanted to ask you a question,” Seishiro-san replied carefully pretending he was busy placing Subaru’s coat around the boy’s shoulder in the perfect way. “What do you want exactly now?”
Subaru blinked, feeling confused.
“What do I want?” he echoed.
“Yes. Now that we live together, what do you want? And no, nothing isn’t an acceptable answer,” Seishiro-san clarified.
“What do I… now…” That was the time everything started to go dark and Subaru’s legs refused to support him. The cigarette packing fell on the ground and he unconsciously tried to reach for Seishiro-san but he had no idea if he managed it as he slipped into unconsciousness.
When Subaru opened his eyes again he was lying in a bed, Seishiro’s bed in the new house, he realized and someone, Seishiro-san likely, had changed him into his pyjamas. He considered feeling embarrassed but he felt too weak for that. He blinked weakly then turned his eyes on his side and met Seishiro-san’s cold gaze.
“I thought you had learnt to protect yourself from Sakanagi, Subaru-kun. And I won’t go into how stupid is to go out without your coat with this cold,” Seishiro-san told him, eyes serious and, for once, not hidden behind eyeglasses. “You’re lucky your fever isn’t really high.”
“I’m sorry,” Subaru said quietly, his voice raspy. “I forgot the coat.” Seishiro-san eyed him doubtfully. “I don’t lie, Seishiro-san,” Subaru reminded him stubbornly.
“No, you usually don’t,” Seishiro-san agreed. Silence fell. Seishiro-san stood and left. Subaru felt alone in that bed and in that heavy and uncomfortable silence that was too hard for him to bear, especially while lying down in a bed. He tried to get up and began coughing violently, his body wracked by coughs as he fought to breathe.
“Subaru-kun, what are you trying to do?” Seishiro-san asked returning in the room. Subaru tried to sit up but he couldn’t stop coughing, then he felt Seishiro-san supporting him, rubbing his back soothingly and slowly, as he leaned against the man’s chest, his coughing subsided, leaving him without strength. “Here, swallow,” the man commanded resting a pill against his lips. Subaru swallowed it, then Seishiro-san pressed a glass of water against his lips and Subaru drank avidly. When he finished he remained there, leaning against Seishiro-san, not daring to move and break that apparent quiet.
“Do you want to go back to your home?” the man asked him. Slowly, Subaru raised his head, to look at him.
“Aren’t I already?” he asked back in an unsure tone.
“You don’t look like one who feels ‘at home’,” Seishiro-san countered in a grumpy tone that Subaru would have found cute had he been feeling better.
“You’re angry at me,” Subaru-kun replied, lowering his head again tiredly.
“I’m not. I don’t really care if you weren’t in the mood today, even thought I don’t think you needed to throw out your Ofuda,” he pointed out. Okay, to be honest he’d been annoyed to be rejected but he didn’t mean to share that detail with Subaru-kun.
“You… scared me,” Subaru forced himself to admit. “And anyway you were angry yesterday too,” he pointed out.
“I wasn’t,” Seishiro denied.
“You were,” Subaru insisted firmly.
“How can you say so, Subaru-kun? Hadn’t I been the best boyfriend ever yesterday?” Seishiro countered, taking care to insert a whining note in his voice, a whining note that would underline how unfair Subaru-kun’s accusation toward him was. No matter if it was right.
“You… yesterday you… you didn’t want to… you… preferred to sleep,” Subaru managed to force out.
“I didn’t… you could have told me you were in the mood yesterday!” Seishiro protested. He gave up on having sex with Subaru-kun… when it was completely unnecessary?
“I… it’s not… it’s okay if you don’t want to… I wouldn’t demand… but you generally want to and I didn’t understand why you didn’t want to and…” Subaru-kun babbled. “Whatever I did… I’m sorry…”
“Subaru-kun, I thought you were the one not in the mood for sex,” Seishiro clarified. Subaru-kun returned to look up at him.
“Me? Why?” he asked in confusion as if he would never say ‘no’ to Seishiro.
“Oh, I don’t know, why weren’t you this morning?” Seishiro asked sarcastically.
“That was different,” Subaru-kun replied immediately, as if Seishiro were talking of two completely unrelated things.
“How?” he asked raising one of his eyebrows.
“We were on a couch and… and you were pinning me down and… I got scared…” the boy replied in a small voice, looking younger all of sudden, gaze downcast.
“Subaru-kun by now you should know if you tell me to stop, I stop. No need to get so worked up,” Seishiro replied, feeling slightly annoyed.
“I… when someone pins you down you don’t stop to think who is or if he would stop if you were to ask so…” Subaru-kun countered bitterly. “Besides we were on a couch.”
“Our couch. In our house. And we won’t have guests so it’s not like it’s some sort of sanctuary over which we can’t do it, and I don’t care what conventions say about it being the right place and I don’t think you truly do either,” Seishiro underlined. Subaru-kun behaved according to conventions but… Seishiro doubted he truly believed in them. In his opinion Subaru-kun simply found more polite to play along with them than anything else.
“But I need a place over which I can believe I can sleep at least for a couple of hours!” Subaru-kun protested, returning to look at him. “I…” The boy lowered his head again. “I need to sleep because if I miss too much sleep I can’t work and I…”
“You can sleep in this bed, Subaru-kun. With me,” Seishiro pointed out. “Wasn’t that the point of living together?”
“What if you’re not here? What if you don’t want me here?” Subaru-kun asked. “I don’t want to impose my presence…”
Seishiro stared at Subaru-kun, feeling confused. They were sharing a house, Subaru-kun had all the rights to be demanding and yet… he still didn’t dare to ask anything for himself. So different from everyone else he knew… Sweet, gentle, kind Subaru-kun… He turned the boy’s face toward him and tried to kiss him… only to have Subaru-kun turn his face away. He frowned.
“You must not. You’ll catch my cold if you’ll do…” Subaru-kun whispered in a rather sad tone before Seishiro could say something, as if the boy felt like he was the carrier of some mortal and highly contagious virus. Or maybe he was just remembering the words Seishiro told him time ago, ‘a kiss is the best way to pass a cold’ and didn’t want to burden Seishiro with one. Seishiro laughed then, gently, turned Subaru-kun’s face toward him again, stroking the boy’s cheek with his thumb.
“But it’ll be so very, very romantic if Subaru-kun will pass me his cold,” he said, smiling. Subaru-kun shock his head stubbornly.
“I don’t want to cause you to be sick…” he insisted.
“I’ll be fine, Subaru-kun,” Seishiro assured kissing the boy’s forehead. “I’m a strong boy, I’ll be fine,” he repeated kissing the boy’s nose. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” Subaru-kun looked at him almost pleadingly as Seishiro moved closer to the boy’s lips. For a second he tried to move away again but Seishiro tightened his hold a little, not that much that Subaru-kun could feel threatened but enough to give him the message he didn’t want him to move away. Subaru-kun tensed but stilled and Seishiro kissed him very gently, a mere brushing and then again, a bit more deeper, and again, and again, and again, always a bit deeper, until the boy began to participate to the kiss and clung to him, in an almost desperate manner. Seishiro kissed him deeply and fully then, a long, wet kiss that Subaru-kun broke again as he was caught by another coughing fit. Seishiro moved to hold him better, rubbing his back and saying soothing words. Subaru-kun held against him with one arm while he used his free hand to cover his mouth, trying to quit coughing.
“Sorry…” he murmured in a raspy voice when he finally managed it. “Sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Seishiro assured kissing the top of the boy’s head. “Do you want some water?” Subaru-kun shook his head as he turned his face toward him again and Seishiro resumed kissing him, trying to keep it light, so to not cause another coughing fit. However Subaru-kun’s hold around him tightened, pulling him closer, as if to quietly demand more. Not one to turn down this kind of requests Seishiro moved to lay the boy down on the bed, deciding it was high time to do what he didn’t the day before, and then kept himself over him, supporting his own weight on his hands and knees, enjoying the sight of the boy under him. Subaru-kun, hair deliciously tousled, green eyes more shiny than usual, skin flushed, lips opened and breathing slightly laboured, made a quiet noise of distress, as if protesting about the distance between the two of them.
“Seishiro-san…” the boy called, again trying to pull him close, and Seishiro grinned as his hand trailed sensually from Subaru-kun’s cheek to the boy’s neck.
“Yes, Subaru-kun?” he asked amiably, trying to push him to request for something. Subaru-kun instead frowned slightly, as if trying to figure out what was in Seishiro’s mind, then, loosened his hold and gently, almost warily, began to caress Seishiro’s cheek, as if accepting the distance Seishiro had put between them and trying to see what he could do while respecting it, without demanding for more even if he seemed to wish for it. Such an odd boy, Seishiro mused as he leaned into his touch greedily, one of his hands sliding down to unlatch the buttons of Subaru-kun’s pyjama shirt, then bent down to kiss Subaru-kun’s neck, appreciating how the boy’s hands moved from his cheek to his hair then one trailed down on his back while the other slid slowly under the collar of his shirt, which Seishiro had left open, almost as if asking permission to do it. Seishiro meanwhile pushed Subaru-kun’s pyjama’s shirt down from the boy’s shoulders and began nipping at the boy’s collar while his hands now caressed gently the boy’s naked skin causing Subaru-kun to shudder deliciously and then swallow as Seishiro’s hands roamed lower. Seishiro grinned.
Generally Subaru-kun, apart from repeating Seishiro’s name, wasn’t really noisy while they were having sex, but his eyes, his expression, his reactions, told more than a thousand of words could which was something that never failed to amuse Seishiro. He rose a bit, leaning close to him so he could breathe right in Subaru-kun’s ear ‘What about helping me out of my shirt, Subaru-kun?’ in the most sensual tone he knew and that never failed to make Subaru-kun nervous and deliciously clumsy. This time however, as the boy tried to reply, it only caused him to begin coughing rather violently again, ruining the mood and forcing Seishiro to help him to sit up.
Subaru tried desperately to stop coughing but he was only making things worse and, in the end, Seishiro-san left him. Feeling even worse now that he’d been left alone he was almost pathetically grateful when the man returned with a glass of water and helped him to swallow it. Water calmed his coughing and he found himself leaning against Seishiro-san, feeling worn out as the man rubbed his back gently.
“Maybe that’s not the best moment for romance,” Seishiro-san muttered sounding childishly grumpy.
“But…” Subaru began to complain then decided he had no right to force the issue and apologized instead, sounding rather miserable. Seishiro-san made him raise his face and pushed his fringe behind gently.
“Subaru-kun, are you trying to tell me that despite likely feeling awful you still are in the mood for…” he began asking in a rather amused tone.
Subaru lowered his head and his eyes, blushing slightly.
“I didn’t mean to… I know right now I’m… even more than usual… I mean… I…” he trailed off when he felt Seishiro-san resuming to trail kisses on him.
“You know you’re always very desirable for me… will just have to be careful to not trigger your cough again…” the man assured returning to devote his attention on Subaru’s neck. Subaru looked at him as if he was talking of something practically impossible. His throat was still prickling and right now lying down would make him feel the need to cough almost immediately. He doubted he would manage not coughing for long and…
“Subaru-kun, have you ever done it while sitting up?” Seishiro-san asked then placing both his and Subaru-kun’s pillow against the headboard and then making him sat against them.
“What?” Subaru asked in confusion, feeling his throat still prickle annoyingly and swallowing in hope this would soothe it.
“By the way, do we have honey?” Seishiro-san asked instead without bothering to reply.
“Yes, I’ve bought it, I know you…” ‘like to put it on rusks for breakfast’ but he couldn’t continue as it dawned on him Seishiro-san couldn’t be worrying for breakfast right then. “Wait a moment, what’s the honey for?” he asked nervously and Seishiro-san grinned the way he did when he was planning something he would find fun and Subaru would find improper at best. “Seishiro-san…”
“Don’t worry, Subaru-kun, it’s just for your cough. It’ll make things better.. I’ll be back in a minute!” the man assured even if Subaru didn’t feel reassured at all as Seishiro-san left him. He didn’t like that much to try new things and Seishiro-san just had the look of someone who had something weird in mind. Besides Subaru still didn’t like to be alone on a bed and curled on himself nervously.
“Back!” Seishiro-san announced returning few minutes after with the honey jar, a spoon and a huge grin. Subaru looked at him warily. Seishiro-san sat next to Subaru, filled the spoon with honey and offered it to him.
“Say ‘ah’, Subaru-kun…”
“Seishiro-san, I know how to feed myself,” Subaru protested, frowning a little then coughed a little again.
“Subaru-kun, let me too play nurse!” Seishiro protested in a childish tone knowing Subaru-kun was less prone to be contrary when he did so. In fact, as expected, Subaru-kun just looked at him with the ‘you’re so very weird’ expression and then diligently opened his mouth like a good boy and let Seishiro fed him. “So, how’s going?” he asked as the boy swallowed.
“Better,” Subaru-kun admitted.
“Have another just to be sure it’ll stay like that?” Seishiro asked trying to feed him again. Subaru-kun accepted the second spoon of honey too. Seishiro served himself a spoon as well.
“You shouldn’t use my same spoon to eat, especially when I’ve a cold. It’s not hygienic,” the boy pointed out, apparently losing completely the romantic meaning of Seishiro’s gesture. Seishiro ignored his words. He had the feeling Subaru-kun wasn’t coming up with a cold, that his cold was just a psychosomatic distress. He licked the spoon suggestively. Subaru-kun blinked, then, finally, he seemed to get the message, and turned away his gaze embarrassedly.
“Seishiro-san…”
“Okay, okay, I get it, Subaru-kun doesn’t want me to use his spoon so I might resort to do this instead,” he said placing down the spoon and scooping up some honey from the jar with his own fingers.
“Seishiro-san! That’s even worse! You’ll get your hand all sticky!” Subaru-kun reproached him managing to still look cute as he did. Seishiro laughed and then lapped at them with a naughty brat look.
“Never done it when you were a kid, Subaru-kun? It can be rather fun…” he asked. “Kaasan liked a lot this game…” Subaru-kun lowered his gaze and shook his head.
“That kind of thing… Obaasan wouldn’t… I couldn’t even think… thought Hokuto-chan sometimes did but…” but Hokuto-chan didn’t have the expectations of each member of the Sumeragi Ichimon resting upon her and anyway she had never cared much about conventions and… and she didn’t mind arguing with Obaasan daily or…
“Try it,” Seishiro-san suggested placing his honey covered fingers very close to his lips. “Try it, it’s not difficult. That’s our home. You don’t have to respect conventions here. You’re free to do what you please.”
“But it wouldn’t be polite toward you!” Subaru pointed out.
“Aren’t I the one who’s suggesting? Try it, Subaru-kun,” Seishiro-san insisted. “And hurry before honey will drip on the covers!” Confused, Subaru stared at the task at hand then, hesitantly, feeling a complete idiot and so very naughty attempted one tiny lick. “Go on,” Seishiro-san prodded but he was staring at him a bit too intensively. Not too sure how could be interesting to see him lapping Seishiro-san’s fingers, Subaru continued diligently in his task. He wondered if it was for the subtle message of submission but Seishiro-san seemed to be a tad too interested in watching him for being just that. The man moved closer, his breathing speeding up slightly, his fingers tapping on Subaru’s lips as if asking to be sucked and not just lapped. Subaru managed to give them only an experimental nip before Seishiro-san removed then to kiss him, rather passionately. Subaru wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close. When they parted Seishiro-san rested his forehead against his, caressing his cheek and Subaru smiled.
‘Finally,’ Seishiro thought.
“Your hand… is still sticky…” the boy pointed out in amusement.
“So unromantic, Subaru-kun! And here I thought now we would whisper to each other sweet words like ‘you’ll taste like honey’ and so on,” Seishiro replied fondly before moving to kiss Subaru-kun’s forehead. “Aren’t you at least going to help me with the clothes?” he asked as he continued to kiss Subaru-kun’s face gently. Subaru-kun smiled again before devoting himself to the task. Seishiro never knew if to feel amused or annoyed by how each time Subaru-kun tried to concentrate on that task, almost ignoring him, but found great delight in trying to win back his attention.
“Seishiro-san… do you want me to unlatch those buttons or not?” the boy asked him with fond exasperation.
“Sure I want you to… but this doesn’t mean you’ve to pay them more attention than you pay to me…” Seishiro protested feeling rather satisfied when Subaru-kun neglected the buttons to concentrate on him. They progressed slowly, finishing to undress each other almost clumsily since Seishiro didn’t want either of them to pay much attention to that task, but he knew if he didn’t keep Subaru-kun concentrate on himself or if he were to move too fast he would never get the boy to be comfortable with what they were about to do. Subaru-kun disliked changes and, that day, he had already scared him. Right then he didn’t want interruptions or things that could ruin the mood they were in. There had to be no interruptions… but they had to progress slowly, naturally. It was an odd way to make it, calmly, without hurry, gently, concentrating completely only onto each other as if the world was narrowed to the two of them, Subaru-kun’s green eyes never leaving him and, had Seishiro been capable to think at something else apart from Subaru-kun he would have realized he had never paid that much attention to preliminaries. Sure, after the first time he took care to be always very gentle with the boy, sure he’d also given him time and indulged in pleasuring him but… apart from some variants it had always been like repeating a lesson he’d learned long ago, in his mother’s bed. Do this in this way, do that in that way, here are your options, pick up the ones you want to try today, put them in order and then go on with them… the previous times he could still hear her voice as she gave him instructions and had wondered if he would do it forever. Right now… he had shut her out of his thoughts. Only Subaru-kun mattered in that moment. Slowly he found himself kneeling in front of Subaru-kun, the boy’s on his lap, his back on the pillows. Not quite sitting up, not quite lying down, a thing in between and he leaned on him, his eyes never leaving Subaru-kun, not even as he began to take him after he had prepared him carefully, and felt the boy’s arms tightening marginally their hold around his neck as the boy tensed.
“I’m here. It’s just me. There’s no need to be scared, everything is all right,” he said so close to Subaru-kun’s mouth he almost whispered into it and Subaru-kun reached up tentatively to kiss him, gently, hesitantly, almost asking permission for it. It was always like that with him. He… interacted with him but he… never imposed. He was with him… but he wasn’t trying to control him. He would let Seishiro totally free to control the game… as long as Seishiro didn’t overstep the boundaries Subaru-kun had set. It didn’t match with anything Seishiro had experienced before but it was at the same way the most pleasurable thing that had happened to him. Being given attention and care without being forced to accept them and pay for them. This made whatever he had with the boy special, unique. And, as he slumped on him, spent, and felt Subaru-kun holding him and not pushing him away because he was heavy he… felt good. Very good. And it felt even better when Subaru-kun began petting him.
“Remind me to never, ever decide to skip a day of this without asking you first if you’re absolutely sure you’re not in the mood,” he mumbled nuzzling against the boy. Subaru-kun didn’t reply he just kissed his face lightly, in that shy manner of his, and then again, and again, and again, as if he was someone precious, someone he treasured and that he had feared to lose and Seishiro opened his eyes and stared at him in confusion before kissing him fully, deeply. Subaru-kun answered to the kiss and Seishiro found himself moving again in the boy’s body, slowly, sensually, holding him so very close to himself it was almost uncomfortable as Subaru-kun was so tightly wrapped around him that, for a moment, Seishiro had the absurd feeling they could melt and become one. He got the feeling they came together or with very few scanting second of difference, and together they slumped again on the bed, lying one next to the other, eyes closed and panting. Their eyes opened together and they stared at each other without speaking at first, then Subaru-kun trailed his hand on Seishiro’s cheek in a gentle caress and Seishiro grasped it in his own and then kissed it, still staring at the boy. He pulled Subaru-kun closer and the boy let him, leaning against him obediently.
“I want to stay with you,” Subaru-kun whispered quietly after a while, almost a plea more than a sentence.
“What?” Seishiro asked pausing in petting the boy’s hair.
“You… you asked me what I wanted now that we live together,” the boy reminded him. “I want to stay with you. Just that. Not always… because you might not always feel like it and I’ve to work but… just when you feel like… every second I’m not busy… just… this… I want this…” he explained and Seishiro wondered how much it took up to him to figure he wanted something and what it was.
“That’s something we can do…” Seishiro agreed kissing the top of Subaru-kun’s head. “Guess for not having figured it out sooner I really didn’t deserve any cookie yesterday…”
“You wanted cookies?” Subaru asked in confusion turning to look up at him. “There should be some in the cupboard and I could buy more and…” Seishiro grinned.
“This kind of cookies, Subaru-kun,” he said as he bent down to kiss him. The boy blinked deliciously in confusion when they parted. “Now… haven’t I been good right now? Don’t I deserve a cookie?” Seishiro teased. Subaru-kun blinked further.
“Hum… I…” he babbled.
“If Subaru-kun’s so mean to deny me a tiny, little cookie I might end up stealing it,” he whispered before brushing his lips against Subaru-kun again then looked down at him smugly, exactly like a kid who’d just stolen a cookie. “I’m still hungry,” he stated then, causing Subaru-kun to smile then to finally give in to his demands. Actually Seishiro hadn’t planned to resume their lovemaking but kisses started becoming a bit too passionate and Subaru-kun pulled a bit too closer, his leg sliding slowly around Seishiro’s waist and Seishiro couldn’t help but roll him on his back and take him again as they kept kissing over and over. When they had finished he remained lying on Subaru-kun, the boy’s arms loosely wrapped around him as he listened to Subaru-kun’s heartbeat.
“I’ll say Subaru-kun was starved too today…” he observed and Subaru-kun looked at him in confusion, clearly not getting what he meant. Seishiro smiled then something dawned on him. “Subaru-kun… did you have lunch?”
Subaru looked at him uneasily.
“Hum… I forgot?” he admitted.
“You’re hopeless, even worse than a little kid,” he stated, kissing him softly. “Would you remember to ate if it wasn’t for me reminding you each time?” Subaru-kun got an adorable guilty expression and didn’t reply. “Well… now it’s late for lunch but maybe we can have dinner early,” Seishiro suggested, caressing the boy’s cheek. “Let’s see… I could make…” he began trying to sit up. Only to be stopped by Subaru-kun.
“Don’t leave. I’m not hungry so there’s no need and… don’t leave…” the boy said anxiously. Seishiro smiled fondly.
“You’re adorable when you’re clingy, Subaru-kun. Simply irresistible,” he said before bending down to kiss the boy’s nose. “Then what about eating some honey to fill you up a bit before dinner?” he suggested.
“Sweet things can’t be eaten before dinner. They’ll spoil the appetite,” Subaru-kun reported in the tone he always used when he was repeating a notion he had learned, not something he believed in.
“Do you have an appetite, Subaru-kun?” Seishiro asked arching one of his eyebrows.
“…”
“I thought so,” Seishiro said sounding rather self assured. “Then it’ll cause no damage if you eat some honey,” he stated reaching for the jar again and causing the spoon to fall on the floor ‘incidentally’. “Oh, well, we don’t really need it, do we, Subaru-kun?” he asked looking the perfect portray of innocence.
“We do need it. You look at me in an even weirder manner if I don’t use it…” Subaru-kun said in a cute, grumpy tone. Seishiro tried to not show his amusement.
“And you have no idea why?” he asked. Subaru-kun blinked apparently confused.
“Hum… I should know?” he replied in a totally clueless tone. “I… am I that weird when I…” he began asking sounding a bit worried and Seishiro couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“It’s because you’re damn tempting when you do so. More delicious than honey itself!” he assured.
“Seishiro-san!” Subaru-kun protested, reddening slightly.
“It’s true!” he assured laughing more. “Most delicious thing ever!”
“I just… I just lick it!” the boy insisted. “You said to do so!” Seishiro only laughed harder. Subaru-kun shook his head as to mean it was impossible to understand him. “You’re so weird…” he said with some fondness in his voice. “…But I’m glad you don’t look mad anymore,” he added with a small smile.
“Subaru-kun, I wasn’t mad,” Seishiro insisted in a petulant tone, finally stopping to laugh.
“Upset then,” the boy offered. Seishiro groaned. Subaru-kun could be so stubborn when he wanted to and he… “I’m not going to ask you why you were,” Subaru-kun said before he could say something. “I… I understand it can be private and I don’t mean to pry… even though if it’s something I did I can’t apologize or fix it up if I don’t know what I did wrong…” he explained quietly, eyes lowered. Seishiro pulled him close and kissed his neck before rising a bit to lap at his lobe.
“Maybe I just wanted you to take the initiative for once, Subaru-kun,” he whispered, almost breathed in the boy’s ear, deciding that if he couldn’t change Subaru-kun’s mind about it he could, at least, try to gain something from it.
“But… but… it might bother you and…” Subaru-kun protested. Seishiro chuckled.
“It won’t and anyway I’ve been raised by an extremely demanding woman… Subaru-kun, we’re living together. You can try to be a little demanding, for a change,” he suggested then felt Subaru-kun taking his face between his hands and gently making him turn, so he could look at him in the eyes.
“No. Because we’re living together what we do must be something we both want. Because we’re together. There’s not just my space or yours, they’re the same… but in the same time I can’t step over you and vice versa. Only… I don’t know what you want and what you don’t and so… I don’t know what to do…” he admitted. Seishiro stared at him finding Subaru-kun’s idea of living together so very unfamiliar and yet so very like him. Living together. Without either of them imposing on the other.
“Is this how you want things to be from now on?” he asked.
“Isn’t this how you want things?” Subaru-kun asked back. “If you want something different…”
“I’ve no preferences. I’m used to adapt,” Seishiro cut him. Actually he had preferences. He would like to dictate law and do as he saw fit but he figured he would do better to not say it out loud. It would probably spoil his game of devote boyfriend. He guessed he would have to content to dictate law as he saw fit tactfully, without Subaru-kun noticing. Oh well, a bit of manipulation had never hurt him. Other people on the other side… “We’ll do as we did when we were in your apartment,” he conceded indulgently but Subaru-kun shook his head.
“This… this isn’t my apartment, this is our house. You should… feel at home in it. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be rules just… that I’m not the sole owner of this place…” the boy tried to explain.
“But Subaru-kun you’re such a delicious host I don’t mind at all being your guest!” Seishiro replied lightly.
“Even if I were to be the best host in the world, whom I’m not, no place would feel better than your own home. There’s no point in moving to live here if you don’t feel at home,” Subaru-kun insisted quietly. Seishiro stared at him. He offered leadership to Subaru-kun (well, apparent leadership…) yet… the boy didn’t want it but he wasn’t even giving it to him fully. They would have… to share it. Seishiro, who already had troubles with the concept of sharing, wondered if it was possible. Actually he didn’t even know if he would be capable to fake it. He didn’t trust in democracy, only in various types of tyrannies.
“You’re a rather strange boy, do you know, Subaru-kun?” he said in the end before kissing Subaru-kun’s lips. “Fine, let’s give a try to your idea of co-habitation,” he said then, deciding it wouldn’t hurt to give him the impression he would try. Subaru-kun looked at him with that fond expression that seemed to say: ‘you’re weird and an amazing source of troubles but I like you just the same’ then hugged him and Seishiro decided to forget the ‘feeding Subaru-kun’ part in favour of trying to have sex with Subaru-kun for a forth time. And maybe a fifth, since they both seemed to be in the mood for it, as if they almost needed the temporal closeness the act brought. Odd. He was sure he wasn’t the type who needed such a thing. He was always perfectly comfortable wherever he was. He wasn’t the type to feel upset just because he had changed his residence. He didn’t realize, or maybe he didn’t want to realize that, as he leaned into Subaru-kun’s embrace, that he was a bit more than comfortable in that moment. In that moment, in the arms of an Onmyouji likely as powerful as him, born to be his opposite and adversary he felt perfectly safe and happy. In that moment he felt at home.
1998 December 19th, Saturday - 200 days at the end of the bet
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