I'm pleading God - One Shot
Summary: Arizona is slowly breaking...Maybe prayer can help her?
Pairings: Callie/Arizona, Callie/Addison friendship, Arizona/Addison friendship, Arizona/Mark friendship.
Rating: G
Word Count: 2617
Disclaimer: everything belongs to Shonda :(
This fic is dedicated to two people. First, Majin Cammy who proof-read this whole thing for me and helped me with my ideas! and secondly for my Dad who passed away on March 19th and gave me the emotion i needed to write this fic. R.I.P Dad, I love you x
Title of the fic is a song title according to google...Very grey's i thought :P Enjoy!
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Arizona hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. No matter how tired she was, she couldn't let herself be overcome by it. She couldn't allow herself to weaken because Callie needed her there. She kept playing the scene over and over again in her head. The guilt was growing with every playback. Despite having Teddy, Karev and eventually even Mark tell her how the accident wasn't her fault, she definitely did not see it that way. If she hadn't thrown her girlfriend's cellphone into the backseat, then she never would have taken off her seatbelt. If she hadn't let her jealousies over Callie’s relationship with Mark get the better of her, then she wouldn’t have thrown the phone. And the most important one, if she hadn't taken her eyes off of the road then maybe she would have seen the truck. And then maybe she could have prevented this horrific tragedy. This tragedy that was, by far, one of the worst things that had ever happened to her. The sight of Callie so broken and fighting so hard for her life brought her back to the horrible memory of the day her mother told her that her brother had died.
She can remember the feeling ever so clearly. The feeling as though she was falling into a black hole of emptiness, like nothing would ever make the pain go away. She had lived in a state of denial for a while because she had not seen what had happened to her brother. The moment he died wasn't etched into her brain, only the sight of his coffin and the flag they had been given. But this time there was no running away from it. Everything was happening at this very moment and she was very much a part of it. Arizona sat by Callie's bedside holding her hand. She felt as though she'd been crying forever and she felt so weak and helpless. Mark sat opposite her with a look of deep thought and sadness on his face. Arizona knew he was thinking the same things that were going through her mind. What would they do if Callie did not survive? What would they do their little girl did not survive? Most horribly, what would either of them do if neither of them survived? How would the paeds and plastics surgeons ever be able to put their lives back together?
"You look like hell," Mark said as he took in the blonde's appearance. Arizona let out a forced chuckle at Sloane's choice of words. "Well, thanks Mark, you don't exactly like you just got out of hair and make-up either."
"Have you eaten anything?" Arizona was slightly taken back by Mark's concern for her. He was Callie's best friend and the two had a mutual understanding that while they themselves would never be the best of friends, they had always maintained an unspoken bond or truce of some sorts, through their love for Callie. Arizona shook her head and gripped Callie's hand tighter. She knew where this was heading. "You need to eat something or you’re not going to be any good to Callie or the baby. What if you pass out? Look, why don’t you go to the cafeteria and grab a sandwich or something. It'll only take you 5 minutes and I'll stay here with Cal. I'll page you the second anything happens." "I can't leave her." "You're not leaving her; you’re just making sure you are healthy for when she wakes up. She is going to need you. Hell, she is going to need all of us to be at our best. You need to keep your strength up Blondie." When Arizona didn't move, Mark brought out the big guns, "If you don't go I'll page the Chief and we both know how you are with authority figures." Arizona sighed knowing that she had trouble saying no to the Chief at the best of times, so she decided to follow Mark’s instructions.
As Arizona walked slowly through the hospital, she was very aware of all the pitying stares being directed her way. Even people she has never spoken to in her life. She wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going, so she was surprised when she came to a stop outside the hospital chapel. Arizona wasn't sure why, but for some reason she felt like she needed to go in and talk to god. She'd never really been a religious person growing up. To be honest, she still wasn't, that had always been Callie's department. She felt her feet moving and the next thing she knew, she was seated in a pew. She tried and tried to pray, but for the life of her, she didn't really know how too. She’d never gone to church much as a child, only at Christmas and for funerals. She had tried to go as an adult, but the first church she had gone to had shunned her the moment they found out her sexual orientation. She had stopped trying after that fiasco. Even though she wasn't a church goer, she did believe in god. In her line of work she had too. She had to believe that there was something or someone to keep her kids safe when she couldn't save them. She had to believe that there was something for them and their parents to believe in.
"I was wondering when I'd find other people in here." Arizona turned around at the sound of a new voice joining her and saw Addison standing in the doorway. She looked tired and her face was clearly etched with concern for her friend. Arizona turned back to face the front and looked at the large crucifix on the front wall of the chapel.
"Calliope always talks about how praying makes her feel better. I guess I thought it couldn't hurt, right?" Arizona shuffled down the bench a little so that Addison could join her. "When I was little, my mom always used to tell me that everything happens for a reason. And I believed it. I believed it until the day my brother died." Arizona felt Addison place her hand on top of hers. Despite the fact that the two women didn't know each other all that well, they both needed the comfort right now. "First my brother, now Callie and maybe even our daughter are just going to be taken from me. It's my fault. I want to believe that there is some higher power, but it's like God doesn't even know who I am." As Arizona said those words, Addison was transported back to a very similar scene that took place in this very chapel. Her brother Archie was sick and she had decided to come and pray. Everyone had stood outside the chapel whispering about how she "didn't pray". It was then that Callie had joined her and had said her own prayer.
"Dear God, I need your guidance... I kissed a paeds surgeon." Addie was shocked at the ortho surgeon’s admission. "You kissed a paeds surgeon?" "I never thought I'd end up with a woman, God, at least not until recently, but that’s not… that's not the point, the point is the paeds thing. She's... she's perky and has butterflies on her scrub cap." Addie could tell by the way that Callie spoke about this woman that there was every chance she could be someone special. "But she's also hot, really hot. So help me get over the butterflies. Amen." Callie turned and looked at Addison as she showed her how easy it was to pray for what you wanted. "You're an amazing doctor. You save babies. God knows who you are."
The two women sat there in silence while Addison let her mind process that day and how much Callie's words had helped her. It was Addison that broke the silence as Arizona sat there with her head in her hands. "God knows who you are." Arizona's head shot up at Addie's words. "What?" "Callie told me that once. My brother was in surgery and I was in here, just like you trying to pray, but I couldn't, I'm a WASP and we only go to church at Christmas. I didn't know the first thing about praying. Callie walked in and told me that God knows who I am because of all the people I'd helped. She showed me exactly how easy it was to pray for what you want. She told me that right after she prayed to God for what she wanted." Arizona listened to every word Addison was saying. She didn't even realize the tears had once again started to fall until she let out a small sob. "What did she pray for?" Addison gave her a small smile. "She prayed to God about you." "Me?" Arizona took a second to let the words sink in. "She prayed for the courage to ask you out. You really should know how hard that was for her. It was difficult for her to put herself out there like that, for you. She loves you, Arizona. And when she wakes up, she will tell you that this is not your fault." "How is this not my fault? I looked away from the road. I'm the reason she took off her seatbelt. I am the reason my girlfriend and our daughter are fighting for their lives."
Addison stood up pushed her hair out of her face. "Your daughter, she's stable and I can honestly tell you, I think she's going to be fine. You can tell just by looking at her. She is her mother. She's a fighter and she will make it through this. They both will. If you still want to pray to God, then I think you should listen to the words Callie said to me. You're an amazing doctor. You save babies. God knows who you are. She's strong Arizona and so are you. You love each other and you will both get through this. Callie's dream is this baby and you are a part of that dream, whether it's happened the way you want it to or not. She wouldn't leave either of you.” Addison squeezed Arizona's shoulder and then started to walk out of the chapel. "And besides," she shouted over her shoulder as she walked away, "she still hasn't answered your question."
Arizona walked back into Callie's room with a half-eaten tuna fish sandwich. As soon as she walked in Mark got up to leave. "Now that your back I'm going up to the NICU. One of us should stay with the baby and I know you are the one Callie's going to want to see when she wakes up.” Arizona nodded and went to sit down in the same seat she'd occupied for countless hours when Mark pulled her into a hug. The gesture surprised her, but she found herself returning the embrace. When Mark pulled away he gave her a small smile. "I know you've never really liked me, but I am trying Arizona. The three of us are in this together. I want you to know that I'm not only here for Callie and the baby, but I'm also here for you." Arizona was touched by Mark's words and felt tears at the corners of her eyes from his words. She couldn't remember the last time a conversation with someone didn't make her cry. She looked Mark in the eye, knowing he had meant every word he had just said to her and said, "Thank you." Mark nodded and turned to walk out the room. "Same goes for me Mark, with you I mean." Mark turned his head to look at her and nodded, nothing needed to be said. They had once again reached a mutual understanding and with that said, Mark was gone. Arizona was once again left alone with the love of her life.
Arizona sat and looked at Calliope. Despite all her injuries, she was still the most beautiful woman Arizona had ever laid eyes upon. She did not even want to consider the possibility that this whole situation could have had a much different outcome. Although Callie was unconscious, she was still with her. The idea that Calliope could have died in surgery, or even worse, died on impact was Arizona's worst fear coming true. As she sat and looked at her, Arizona decided to go with Addison's advice and listen to the words that Callie had said to Addison and try asking God for what she wanted.
Arizona put her hands together and rested her forehead against them. "Dear God, I'm not really used to doing this anymore, but I need your guidance. I can't lose Calliope... I don't even want to think about it. So please... please bring her back to me. Our daughter needs her, the hospital needs her and I need her. More than I've ever needed anything in my life. I know I'm not the best when it comes to religion, but Calliope is and she does not deserve to be taken from the world so soon. We are supposed to get married, have more children and grow old together. It is not supposed to go like this, not here and not now. Please bring her back to me!" Arizona started sobbing on her last words. She put her arms and head down on the bed and sobbed uncontrollably while clutching Calliope's hand with her own. "A-a-ri-Arizona."
Arizona's head shot up at the sound of a very weak voice. Callie was awake. "Calliope?! Thank god!" Arizona said through her tears, immediately getting up and kissing Callie on the forehead. "I need to get a nurse, I'll be right back." Arizona made to leave, but Callie clung on to her hand. Arizona turned and looked at her girlfriend, it was clear she was trying to say something, but was struggling. "What's wrong? Do yo…" "Yes." Arizona's words were cut off by that one word from Callie. It was weak, but at the same time sounded so strong. It took Arizona a few seconds to realize what Callie was saying, her eyes instantly refilling with unshed tears. "Yes?" "Yes." Arizona let the tears fall, leaning down and kissing Callie passionately. When she pulled back, she leaned her forehead against her fiancée’s so not to break the contact. She saw Callie's eyes flutter down to her stomach. "The baby?" Arizona stroked Callie's cheek as she listened to the worry and anxiety in her voice.
"The baby is going to be fine. Addison says she thinks she will be ok. We have a daughter, Calliope." Callie's eyes filled with tears at the news. "I love you," she whispered weakly. Arizona grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. "I love you too, more than anything." Callie's eyes started to drift close. Arizona stroked her hair out of her eyes, "Go to sleep Calliope, I'll be here when you wake up." Callie closed her eyes and within a couple of minutes sleep had over took her. Once she was sure Callie was asleep, Arizona got up to inform a nurse as to what had happened. As she reached the door she turned and took one last glance at her beloved fiancée. She truly had never seen a more beautiful creature and she could not wait to spend her life with her. Maybe praying didn't always give you what you wanted, but Arizona Robbins knew one thing was for sure. She would definitely be going to church on Sunday and whenever she could. She wouldn't be able to thank God enough for bringing back the love of her life.
Fin