Being Creative Part VIII
Not long after, we heard Ethan singing something downstairs as we put our clothes back on. Dan’s eyes were still red from the crying, but I doubted either Jackie or Ethan would notice with his glasses on. As I got closer to the living room, I could hear the words.
“The garbageman can because he’s Homer Simpson man…”
They were watching the Love Day episode of “The Simpsons.” Where Homer wages war on the sanitation department, becomes sanitation commissioner… Oh, go look it up yourself.
At any rate, Jackie was sitting cross legged on the floor, remote in her hands as Ethan jumped and danced around the couch, singing. I looked back at Dan on the stairs; what had just been a broken man turned into a father beaming with pride. We stopped for a minute just to watch. Ethan didn’t seem to notice us.
When the song was over, he stopped right in front of Jackie.
“Can we watch it one more time?” he asked, a puppy dog look on his face which, for some reason, I knew he learned from his father. I mean, how could Jackie really resist him looking like that?
“One more time…” she barely got out before Dan nudged himself past me.
“Let’s go, E. You’ve got to get to Mom’s tonight and we have to go home first.” Ethan used the same look on him, but it didn’t faze Dan. He went right to the front door and grabbed his son’s shoes. Apparently he had seen it one too many times.
“But Dad!” Ethan began to protest. “We haven’t had ice cream yet!”
Dan simply pointed to one of the metal kitchen chairs, prompting Ethan to jump up on it to get his shoes tied.
“You don’t need ice cream right now. Jackie and Aaron need to get ready for tomorrow, too.” Okay, now why the hell was he hell bent on running away and using us as an excuse? I had to jump in, if only for a minute.
I knelt down next to Ethan as Dan tied his shoes.
“Hey, I promise Jackie and I won’t eat all the ice cream by ourselves, okay? It’ll be here next time you come over with your father. Maybe we’ll do some burgers on the grill this weekend?” Give me some credit. I was trying here with a kid.
Ethan looked at Dan with wide eyed enthusiasm. I looked at Dan too, trying to emulate it. I’m sure my eyes looked bugged out and I generally looked like a creep. Oh well.
“You’re with your mom next weekend, sport. I don’t see you again until the weekend after.” He made a point not to make eye contact with me. I noticed because I kept trying to get his attention.
With the second shoe tied, he patted Ethan on the leg and they stood up. Just then, there was a knock at the door. I looked at Jackie, she looked at me. We weren’t expecting anyone.
I opened the door, the sun glistening off of the river across the street and directly into my eyes…
I reeled backward, hitting the floor with a thud. My eye hurt like a mother fucker. Something had hit me. Hard.
The next thing I knew Jackie was kneeling next to me and Ethan was standing as far away from the door as he could. Dan was standing at my side…well, as much as he could be when I was on the ground.
Because of the sun, I was still squinting, but I could see enough to make out a body walking into the house, framed by the sun.
“Don’t you ever do that to me every again, you hear me mother…Dan? Ethan?” That was Carter’s voice. I stumbled to my feet, assisted by Jackie and to a certain extent Dan. MY entire body was still shaking and my head throbbed like there was no tomorrow. But I was going to face this head on, stand up for myself.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking coming into my house and attacking me, but I have every right to get your sorry ass arrested for trespassing and assault!” I yelled. If I had been anything beside a lover (like, I don’t know, a fighter), I would have decked Carter right there, ruining that pretty boy face of his.
“Fuck off, Aaron.” And then to Dan in a more calm, relaxed tone to Dan,”What are you two doing here?”
This was unbelieveable. I can’t even explain the anger seething through my entire body at this moment in time. My eyes darted to Dan. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, head down and he was mumbling something I couldn’t make out.
“Speak up. I can’t hear you.” By god, Carter was an asshole.
“Excuse me. This is my house and you won’t talk to my guests like that.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me a minute ago, you fucking pansy. I said fuck off!” Carter yelled in my face. I shook Jackie off my arm and quickly titled my head back to Ethan. The mind reader she was, she got the idea. She led Ethan out the back door, even as he was looking back at Carter.
Now we could have a real fight.
“Get your sorry ass piece of shit face out of my house now, or one lost club membership is going to be the last of your goddamn problems,” I said up in Carter’s face with my most forceful, angry voice.
“You never answered my question, Dan? Why are you here? And why are you having sex with this shithead when your son is downstairs?”
He was talking right past me. As if I didn’t even exist. Fine. The nice guy routine wasn’t working.
I grabbed Carter by his shirt, pushing him all the way back to the door jam. I had him pinned. Getting as close as I could without actually kissing him, I let my venom spew out of my mouth.
“Listen to me,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m not dealing with it tonight. Get the hell out, stay out and stay the fuck away from me, Dan, Jackie, Ethan and this house. Got it?”
Carter’s eyes became tiny slits on his face. He was now angry. I could see that much. But he wasn’t fighting back.
“Did you tell Dan about us yesterday?” He smiled. Mother fucker.
I said nothing. What could I say? I wasn’t in the habit of explaining myself to everyone I met, especially when I didn’t know exactly what happened yesterday.
“That’s what I thought.” And then to Dan…
“Your new fuck buddy wanted to get me drunk and fuck me right in front of his window. When I told him no, he kicked me out.”
What a liar! That wasn’t anything like how it happened yesterday and he damn well knew it! He was trying to sabotage whatever this was I had going with Dan.
Speaking of Dan, he hadn’t said a word. Not a one. Why wasn’t he defending himself, standing up…
The pieces started to fit in my head like a jigsaw puzzle. Dan shriveled up like a scared little child when Carter entered the picture. If they had been together before…
“Liar! You ran away for whatever reason just as we were getting into it! There was no alcohol! And I didn’t have a chance to kick you out because you ran out like a baby!”
No one but no one tells a lie about me and gets away with it.
I let Carter have a bit of wiggle room only to push him out the door.
“This conversation is done. Stay the fuck away. Don’t you dare show your face here ever again.” My temper had calmed somewhat and I had regained some semblance of control over my emotions. It still pissed me off, though. And I needed to talk to Dan.
I closed the door before Carter could ever say anything else. Turning to Dan, he was still staring at his feet. What do I say? What should I say? Did he even want to hear it? This was fucked up.
“Dan…sit down. Let’s talk for a minute,” I started.
He shook his head, not bothering to look up from his feet.
“We have to go.”
Dammit, I liked Dan. I mean, really liked him. He couldn’t leave like this. I wouldn’t let him. We needed to hash all this out, before he left. I’d never go to sleep, let alone function tomorrow if we didn’t. I’d obsess…
“Did you really get him drunk?”
All I wanted to do was hug Dan. With his shoulders hunched over, he looked like a defeated man. He needed an infusion of love, of trust, of confidence. In my mind, I always saw a hug or body contact being a transference of something from one person to another. Whatever was needed, a hug could provide.
I took a chance, moving forward, putting my arms up, signaling I wanted to hold him. But he backed away. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My eyelids fought them back. I had to be strong. At least right now.
“I thought you were different.” Those words crushed me. I was different, I wanted to shout. I’m not like Carter or any of the other guys out there! I’m not a “wham, bam, thank you sir” kinda guy!
“Dan…I am different. I like you…really like you. Ethan is fantastic. But something happened with Carter and I want to tell you about it. Please.” I felt like I was begging at this point.
He shook his head again.
“I have to take care of myself and look after Ethan’s best interests. If you’re…associated with Carter, you’re not good for either of us.” He began walking to the back door.
This was too much for me. I crumpled to the floor, holding my head in my hands. Fuck it. Fuck it all. I moved here to get away from this shit, not to get hurt again and again. If he only listened to me, if we only talked…
Dan didn’t even look back at me. I heard the door open, then close. And then silence. Fuck me with a pogo stick. Everything had been going well, too, all things considered. Ethan liked me, I wasn’t a bumbling idiot…
Goddamn Carter. One lousy mistake.
“The garbageman can because he’s Homer Simpson man…”
They were watching the Love Day episode of “The Simpsons.” Where Homer wages war on the sanitation department, becomes sanitation commissioner… Oh, go look it up yourself.
At any rate, Jackie was sitting cross legged on the floor, remote in her hands as Ethan jumped and danced around the couch, singing. I looked back at Dan on the stairs; what had just been a broken man turned into a father beaming with pride. We stopped for a minute just to watch. Ethan didn’t seem to notice us.
When the song was over, he stopped right in front of Jackie.
“Can we watch it one more time?” he asked, a puppy dog look on his face which, for some reason, I knew he learned from his father. I mean, how could Jackie really resist him looking like that?
“One more time…” she barely got out before Dan nudged himself past me.
“Let’s go, E. You’ve got to get to Mom’s tonight and we have to go home first.” Ethan used the same look on him, but it didn’t faze Dan. He went right to the front door and grabbed his son’s shoes. Apparently he had seen it one too many times.
“But Dad!” Ethan began to protest. “We haven’t had ice cream yet!”
Dan simply pointed to one of the metal kitchen chairs, prompting Ethan to jump up on it to get his shoes tied.
“You don’t need ice cream right now. Jackie and Aaron need to get ready for tomorrow, too.” Okay, now why the hell was he hell bent on running away and using us as an excuse? I had to jump in, if only for a minute.
I knelt down next to Ethan as Dan tied his shoes.
“Hey, I promise Jackie and I won’t eat all the ice cream by ourselves, okay? It’ll be here next time you come over with your father. Maybe we’ll do some burgers on the grill this weekend?” Give me some credit. I was trying here with a kid.
Ethan looked at Dan with wide eyed enthusiasm. I looked at Dan too, trying to emulate it. I’m sure my eyes looked bugged out and I generally looked like a creep. Oh well.
“You’re with your mom next weekend, sport. I don’t see you again until the weekend after.” He made a point not to make eye contact with me. I noticed because I kept trying to get his attention.
With the second shoe tied, he patted Ethan on the leg and they stood up. Just then, there was a knock at the door. I looked at Jackie, she looked at me. We weren’t expecting anyone.
I opened the door, the sun glistening off of the river across the street and directly into my eyes…
I reeled backward, hitting the floor with a thud. My eye hurt like a mother fucker. Something had hit me. Hard.
The next thing I knew Jackie was kneeling next to me and Ethan was standing as far away from the door as he could. Dan was standing at my side…well, as much as he could be when I was on the ground.
Because of the sun, I was still squinting, but I could see enough to make out a body walking into the house, framed by the sun.
“Don’t you ever do that to me every again, you hear me mother…Dan? Ethan?” That was Carter’s voice. I stumbled to my feet, assisted by Jackie and to a certain extent Dan. MY entire body was still shaking and my head throbbed like there was no tomorrow. But I was going to face this head on, stand up for myself.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking coming into my house and attacking me, but I have every right to get your sorry ass arrested for trespassing and assault!” I yelled. If I had been anything beside a lover (like, I don’t know, a fighter), I would have decked Carter right there, ruining that pretty boy face of his.
“Fuck off, Aaron.” And then to Dan in a more calm, relaxed tone to Dan,”What are you two doing here?”
This was unbelieveable. I can’t even explain the anger seething through my entire body at this moment in time. My eyes darted to Dan. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, head down and he was mumbling something I couldn’t make out.
“Speak up. I can’t hear you.” By god, Carter was an asshole.
“Excuse me. This is my house and you won’t talk to my guests like that.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me a minute ago, you fucking pansy. I said fuck off!” Carter yelled in my face. I shook Jackie off my arm and quickly titled my head back to Ethan. The mind reader she was, she got the idea. She led Ethan out the back door, even as he was looking back at Carter.
Now we could have a real fight.
“Get your sorry ass piece of shit face out of my house now, or one lost club membership is going to be the last of your goddamn problems,” I said up in Carter’s face with my most forceful, angry voice.
“You never answered my question, Dan? Why are you here? And why are you having sex with this shithead when your son is downstairs?”
He was talking right past me. As if I didn’t even exist. Fine. The nice guy routine wasn’t working.
I grabbed Carter by his shirt, pushing him all the way back to the door jam. I had him pinned. Getting as close as I could without actually kissing him, I let my venom spew out of my mouth.
“Listen to me,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m not dealing with it tonight. Get the hell out, stay out and stay the fuck away from me, Dan, Jackie, Ethan and this house. Got it?”
Carter’s eyes became tiny slits on his face. He was now angry. I could see that much. But he wasn’t fighting back.
“Did you tell Dan about us yesterday?” He smiled. Mother fucker.
I said nothing. What could I say? I wasn’t in the habit of explaining myself to everyone I met, especially when I didn’t know exactly what happened yesterday.
“That’s what I thought.” And then to Dan…
“Your new fuck buddy wanted to get me drunk and fuck me right in front of his window. When I told him no, he kicked me out.”
What a liar! That wasn’t anything like how it happened yesterday and he damn well knew it! He was trying to sabotage whatever this was I had going with Dan.
Speaking of Dan, he hadn’t said a word. Not a one. Why wasn’t he defending himself, standing up…
The pieces started to fit in my head like a jigsaw puzzle. Dan shriveled up like a scared little child when Carter entered the picture. If they had been together before…
“Liar! You ran away for whatever reason just as we were getting into it! There was no alcohol! And I didn’t have a chance to kick you out because you ran out like a baby!”
No one but no one tells a lie about me and gets away with it.
I let Carter have a bit of wiggle room only to push him out the door.
“This conversation is done. Stay the fuck away. Don’t you dare show your face here ever again.” My temper had calmed somewhat and I had regained some semblance of control over my emotions. It still pissed me off, though. And I needed to talk to Dan.
I closed the door before Carter could ever say anything else. Turning to Dan, he was still staring at his feet. What do I say? What should I say? Did he even want to hear it? This was fucked up.
“Dan…sit down. Let’s talk for a minute,” I started.
He shook his head, not bothering to look up from his feet.
“We have to go.”
Dammit, I liked Dan. I mean, really liked him. He couldn’t leave like this. I wouldn’t let him. We needed to hash all this out, before he left. I’d never go to sleep, let alone function tomorrow if we didn’t. I’d obsess…
“Did you really get him drunk?”
All I wanted to do was hug Dan. With his shoulders hunched over, he looked like a defeated man. He needed an infusion of love, of trust, of confidence. In my mind, I always saw a hug or body contact being a transference of something from one person to another. Whatever was needed, a hug could provide.
I took a chance, moving forward, putting my arms up, signaling I wanted to hold him. But he backed away. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My eyelids fought them back. I had to be strong. At least right now.
“I thought you were different.” Those words crushed me. I was different, I wanted to shout. I’m not like Carter or any of the other guys out there! I’m not a “wham, bam, thank you sir” kinda guy!
“Dan…I am different. I like you…really like you. Ethan is fantastic. But something happened with Carter and I want to tell you about it. Please.” I felt like I was begging at this point.
He shook his head again.
“I have to take care of myself and look after Ethan’s best interests. If you’re…associated with Carter, you’re not good for either of us.” He began walking to the back door.
This was too much for me. I crumpled to the floor, holding my head in my hands. Fuck it. Fuck it all. I moved here to get away from this shit, not to get hurt again and again. If he only listened to me, if we only talked…
Dan didn’t even look back at me. I heard the door open, then close. And then silence. Fuck me with a pogo stick. Everything had been going well, too, all things considered. Ethan liked me, I wasn’t a bumbling idiot…
Goddamn Carter. One lousy mistake.