Dorvindales
So I had this dream last night where I was kickin it in the Osbourne's house. We were enjoying a nice meal when all of a sudden, Beyonce busts in screaming at me. She was saying something like "Jesse you can't do that!", but ya know, I forget the specifics. the point is, Beyonce yelled at me. Then I somehow ended up in the ocean with a broken sail boat. I was trying to put it together, which was fuckin hard by the way cause those masts are heavy. I finally had fixed it, got on top, and it turned into a huge pirate ship. Then some guy hopped on and was sitting on the ledge, trying to make a deal with me. He said "Alright man, you have two choices. Either I kill you, or you go out to the road where there was a fatal car crash, go inside the car, and make love to the ghost of the girl inside." Now, I'm not usually one to want to die, but then again, I'm no ghost-fucker. Luckily, I woke up before the spirit fornication took place.
In other farts, last night was extremely rad. Me, Graeme, Will, Kai, Flynn, and Sonia kicked it like super vagina heads. Bombay Sapphire took a shit all over my liver, but in a good way, and we just dipped our balls in the jacuzzi. After Kai, Flynn, and McJonia left, us remaining three monsterboobs took my guitar and went down to the bluffs. We went to this cement block that overlooks Temescal Canyon and wrote a song for My Mendocino. Ya'll ready for this? If not, then close your eyes and twist while screaming. If so, shove these words up your eyeholes.
The river of asphalt crashes upon the shore of trees.
They surround me.
The lights struggle upstream, fighting the current of automobiles, tracing the yellow lines.
And fifteen steps down, back on the street, it all looks different from here.
And we all agree.
To show the whole world, these lights from our eyes
To give them some peace from the life they despise.
They take it in stride.
They take it in stride.
The lights aren't enough to warm their souls.
They'll keep themselves buried in cities below.
The shadows like curtains will hold back the light.
From taking it's final bow in the valley tonight.
Now everyone go get My Mendocino tats on their boobs/asses/foreheads. Now comes the best part of the night. First of all, Ralph's used to be open 24 hours. Then people decided they had "rights" and wanted "healthcare". Man, some people are selfish, gwahahahha. So Ralphs stop being 24 hours because the workers went on strike. I think the strike lasted for about 6 months. Which means no 2 AM macaroni excursions. No drunken fried chicken purchasing. No giant boulder throwing contests!!!!!! BUT FINALLY! they realized that kids were dying of hunger, and decided to be 24 hours again. As we approached the doors at 2:30, we were expecting to be greeted by glass, keeping us from deliciousness. To our surprise, they fucking opened. We entered slowly, not knowing what to think or how to handle the intense joy/orgasms/fondue that we were experiencing. Leaving the store, we had a bag full of fuckin sloppy joe ingredients, velveeta shells and cheese, and cornbread. Now, I don't know how recently you all have had a sloppy joe, but for me, it's been about 10 years. I took my first bite, and just starting laughing at how fucking good it was. YOU DELICIOUS MEAT AND MANWICH SAUCE! Oh man...oh man. We were all just kinda silent, concentrated on ingesting these daloobius concoctions. (Daloobius, adj. - Fucking good, jerk.) I don't think I could have asked for a better ending to the night. We also decided that we're going to have a 5th grade sleepover soon, complete with PJs, ninja turtle movies, old nickelodeon shows, and most likely graham crackers. I'll fight you all with my Dante fists of fury if you wear pink shirts. Bye Scroodles.
Floff, the Indigent
The river of asphalt crashes upon the shore of trees.
They surround me.
The lights struggle upstream, fighting the current of automobiles, tracing the yellow lines.
And fifteen steps down, back on the street, it all looks different from here.
And we all agree.
To show the whole world, these lights from our eyes
To give them some peace from the life they despise.
They take it in stride.
They take it in stride.
The lights aren't enough to warm their souls.
They'll keep themselves buried in cities below.
The shadows like curtains will hold back the light.
From taking it's final bow in the valley tonight.
Now everyone go get My Mendocino tats on their boobs/asses/foreheads. Now comes the best part of the night. First of all, Ralph's used to be open 24 hours. Then people decided they had "rights" and wanted "healthcare". Man, some people are selfish, gwahahahha. So Ralphs stop being 24 hours because the workers went on strike. I think the strike lasted for about 6 months. Which means no 2 AM macaroni excursions. No drunken fried chicken purchasing. No giant boulder throwing contests!!!!!! BUT FINALLY! they realized that kids were dying of hunger, and decided to be 24 hours again. As we approached the doors at 2:30, we were expecting to be greeted by glass, keeping us from deliciousness. To our surprise, they fucking opened. We entered slowly, not knowing what to think or how to handle the intense joy/orgasms/fondue that we were experiencing. Leaving the store, we had a bag full of fuckin sloppy joe ingredients, velveeta shells and cheese, and cornbread. Now, I don't know how recently you all have had a sloppy joe, but for me, it's been about 10 years. I took my first bite, and just starting laughing at how fucking good it was. YOU DELICIOUS MEAT AND MANWICH SAUCE! Oh man...oh man. We were all just kinda silent, concentrated on ingesting these daloobius concoctions. (Daloobius, adj. - Fucking good, jerk.) I don't think I could have asked for a better ending to the night. We also decided that we're going to have a 5th grade sleepover soon, complete with PJs, ninja turtle movies, old nickelodeon shows, and most likely graham crackers. I'll fight you all with my Dante fists of fury if you wear pink shirts. Bye Scroodles.
Floff, the Indigent