Feeling moody...
The dark days are here again. I hate late fall almost as much as I hate winter in this area - it's cold, raining and just plain gloomy. These are the days where I want a space of my own - easily heated, easily cared for, my loved ones there and interacting as a family instead of indivually focusing one our own little idiot boxes. I look at how we interact as a family versus what I grew up with, and find something sorely lacking...
Shane and I wandered off for a little while today. We were going to go see Cloud Atlas, but I'd forgotten when the discount times were at the theater. *sighs* Ah, well. Next time, perhaps.
I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to have one hell of a battle with depression this winter. I'm having a hard time finding positive things to focus on, and I'm extremely sensitive to the moods of others. Living with my brothers is a good thing, most of the time...though it'd probably be better for my mental health if one of them weren't moodier than I am on the -best- of days with an apparent hard-on for coming down on every move my husband makes like a ton of godsbedamned bricks. Every time he gets upset about something, all I can think about is "what the hell did we do to set him off this time?" and I cringe inwardly until he's done being angry about whatever it is. I wish I could shake the feeling of every move we make being watched and judged with a set of loaded scales...and -that-, out of everything, is the one reason I wish that we hadn't made this move.
Yes, I hate this town...but I could deal with it. What I have a hard time dealing with is feeling exactly the same way i felt -last- time I lived in this town. At least this time, there's no violence involved, and I'm not 13 anymore.
I am anxious for Winter term at Chemeketa to start, at least then Shane will be able to do something that people consider relatively productive.
The girls are being peaceful tonight, which I am extremely thankful for. I DO wish they'd clean their room every now and then, though. How hard is it, seriously, to put one's dirty clothing in the laundry basket?
..every time I start getting really stressed, Shane starts snuggling or dancing with me...
Shane and I wandered off for a little while today. We were going to go see Cloud Atlas, but I'd forgotten when the discount times were at the theater. *sighs* Ah, well. Next time, perhaps.
I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to have one hell of a battle with depression this winter. I'm having a hard time finding positive things to focus on, and I'm extremely sensitive to the moods of others. Living with my brothers is a good thing, most of the time...though it'd probably be better for my mental health if one of them weren't moodier than I am on the -best- of days with an apparent hard-on for coming down on every move my husband makes like a ton of godsbedamned bricks. Every time he gets upset about something, all I can think about is "what the hell did we do to set him off this time?" and I cringe inwardly until he's done being angry about whatever it is. I wish I could shake the feeling of every move we make being watched and judged with a set of loaded scales...and -that-, out of everything, is the one reason I wish that we hadn't made this move.
Yes, I hate this town...but I could deal with it. What I have a hard time dealing with is feeling exactly the same way i felt -last- time I lived in this town. At least this time, there's no violence involved, and I'm not 13 anymore.
I am anxious for Winter term at Chemeketa to start, at least then Shane will be able to do something that people consider relatively productive.
The girls are being peaceful tonight, which I am extremely thankful for. I DO wish they'd clean their room every now and then, though. How hard is it, seriously, to put one's dirty clothing in the laundry basket?
..every time I start getting really stressed, Shane starts snuggling or dancing with me...