Almost Another Year Down
I glanced at my last entry. In the time since then, things have worked themselves out and everything is going good. We got married and all is well. We're living "happily ever after." That rarely ever happens, though, right? No one ever lives happily ever after. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part, things even out and life is just kind of happening.
I've always felt like somehow, someway, I'm capable of something more than the usual 9 - 5, middle-class, suburbanite life. I can't stand the thought of me turning into just another spoke in the wheel of corporate America. I hate the thought of me leaving this world without leaving some kind of mark. Is that concieted? I think maybe it sounds concieted, but I'm just looking to leave the equivalent of "Ken was here" on this world. Maybe that's too much to reach for and I should just reach for what I already have.
A couple of months ago, I joined a band called Rabid Denial. In previous posts, you might have noticed that I was shy when it came to singing. Well, I'm struggling with it in new ways now. I'm the lead singer for the band, and it's kind of difficult to cope with that. I mean, I love it, now that I'm kind of settling into it and getting to know the other band members and, mostly, because no one has outright told me I suck, which is kinda cool. But the first day I went to practice with them was really scary. I almost didn't go, and then I just remembered that all I have to do is give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, then my life as it is, is still fine. No loss. Well, I gave it a shot and I'm in the band now. I partially played a show, which fell to crap, but that's the subject of another post. To make a long story short, another guy screwed the show up for us and he's been kicked out of the band. As for the show itself, I only sang on two songs, but the response has been positive. I've got a couple more shows coming up this month and I'm getting nervous now because I'm going to be up there for the whole show. Before, it felt like I was like the guest singer. But now, it's official. It will be all me and that's something I'm still trying to wrap my brain around. And these guys are serious, too. They've got their first album coming out soon and they're already putting together their second (which will feature me on vocals), they're trying to get on the radio, and there was even talk of playing at the Rave in Milwaukee. For you non-midwesterners, that's a fairly large venue in Milwaukee that has seen the likes of Staind and Sevendust. Just the thought of standing on the very stage as some of my heroes is enough to make me feel like pure excitement is running through my veins. And I need to stop this whole "they" thing when I talk about the band. It's "we" now. You can see, I'm still getting used to it.
But I'm also really, really excited about it all. When I played in front of those people, I remember the feeling. The very first song I actually sang in front of people was an original called Sacrifice. And I started with a slowly-rising growl. And when I hit that "GO!" it's like the world melted away and I was in the zone. I just felt the energy flowing and it felt like the song came alive and I became an extension of its existence. I sang my heart out on that song and when it was over, I felt like I was still in the afterglow. I couldn't tell if people were applauding or just standing silent. Hell, I don't remember what my bandmates said, if anything. I just walked off stage and sat and watched the rest of the show. I got compliments from my friends, but I'm not sure if that was just the obligatory "good job" which really means "don't quite your day job." All I know is that, after that, I was on a high. It was unreal, and it was a small crowd. I can only hope that one day I can experience even the slightest taste of what real rock stars experience.
But I think that it's closer and more possible now than it's ever been for me. I think something good could happen and I know I'm going to do my best to make it happen. I think this might be my chance to leave my mark.
I've written a couple more songs, as well. I'll post them soon and maybe show them to the guys to see what they think. Until then, rock on.
~"You've got nothing left to lose when everything you thought was a lie turns out to be the very truth that you always wanted to hide."
- Me (Rabid Denial)
I've always felt like somehow, someway, I'm capable of something more than the usual 9 - 5, middle-class, suburbanite life. I can't stand the thought of me turning into just another spoke in the wheel of corporate America. I hate the thought of me leaving this world without leaving some kind of mark. Is that concieted? I think maybe it sounds concieted, but I'm just looking to leave the equivalent of "Ken was here" on this world. Maybe that's too much to reach for and I should just reach for what I already have.
A couple of months ago, I joined a band called Rabid Denial. In previous posts, you might have noticed that I was shy when it came to singing. Well, I'm struggling with it in new ways now. I'm the lead singer for the band, and it's kind of difficult to cope with that. I mean, I love it, now that I'm kind of settling into it and getting to know the other band members and, mostly, because no one has outright told me I suck, which is kinda cool. But the first day I went to practice with them was really scary. I almost didn't go, and then I just remembered that all I have to do is give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, then my life as it is, is still fine. No loss. Well, I gave it a shot and I'm in the band now. I partially played a show, which fell to crap, but that's the subject of another post. To make a long story short, another guy screwed the show up for us and he's been kicked out of the band. As for the show itself, I only sang on two songs, but the response has been positive. I've got a couple more shows coming up this month and I'm getting nervous now because I'm going to be up there for the whole show. Before, it felt like I was like the guest singer. But now, it's official. It will be all me and that's something I'm still trying to wrap my brain around. And these guys are serious, too. They've got their first album coming out soon and they're already putting together their second (which will feature me on vocals), they're trying to get on the radio, and there was even talk of playing at the Rave in Milwaukee. For you non-midwesterners, that's a fairly large venue in Milwaukee that has seen the likes of Staind and Sevendust. Just the thought of standing on the very stage as some of my heroes is enough to make me feel like pure excitement is running through my veins. And I need to stop this whole "they" thing when I talk about the band. It's "we" now. You can see, I'm still getting used to it.
But I'm also really, really excited about it all. When I played in front of those people, I remember the feeling. The very first song I actually sang in front of people was an original called Sacrifice. And I started with a slowly-rising growl. And when I hit that "GO!" it's like the world melted away and I was in the zone. I just felt the energy flowing and it felt like the song came alive and I became an extension of its existence. I sang my heart out on that song and when it was over, I felt like I was still in the afterglow. I couldn't tell if people were applauding or just standing silent. Hell, I don't remember what my bandmates said, if anything. I just walked off stage and sat and watched the rest of the show. I got compliments from my friends, but I'm not sure if that was just the obligatory "good job" which really means "don't quite your day job." All I know is that, after that, I was on a high. It was unreal, and it was a small crowd. I can only hope that one day I can experience even the slightest taste of what real rock stars experience.
But I think that it's closer and more possible now than it's ever been for me. I think something good could happen and I know I'm going to do my best to make it happen. I think this might be my chance to leave my mark.
I've written a couple more songs, as well. I'll post them soon and maybe show them to the guys to see what they think. Until then, rock on.
~"You've got nothing left to lose when everything you thought was a lie turns out to be the very truth that you always wanted to hide."
- Me (Rabid Denial)