Just a lil upset...
You know its funny how none of you friends or family notice how spiritually empty you are. How there is no one but yourself around to back you up against this evil world. I don't know, I guess that is sort of how I've been feeling lately... I am straying away, you guys.... temptations are setting in and that's scary for me. I'm not good at asking for help or guidance, that's why I havn't. I am so busy with swimming, homework, school, physical therapy, and swim meets. I mean when does this end?? And those are all just excuses...i could take time to say a prayer, talk to God, read a few things in the bible...but I don't. I don't want to or care to, except for today. Something spoke to me and made me open that bible and read some from psalms. I still have that desire to live for God, but that fire is dying slowly and painfully...
You know what else is so hard for me, is that I don't take chances and I don't make my own mistakes... I can't keep learning from e/one else. It's not a good feeling for me. I am afraid to take chances... in relationships, in fun times. I wish I could go to clubs or a dance and just dance, but no. I don't do that because I'm afraid that it's gonna look bad in God's eyes, so I can't enjoy myself. I'm just dancing, but I make it so much more than that. I am normally a very happy person, and I guess that is why no one can tell when I am upset, because I am so good at covering my feelings and putting on a smile...that's who I am, when things get hard, I smile...and no one knows.
I'm just feeling alone and empty and I guess I'm actually scared for what is to come, or maybe for what ISN'T to come...
All I can do is take one day at a time.
---Psalm 119:28-29 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitiful ways, be gracious to me through your law.---