I give up!
WEll yesterday after i did some unpacking i gave Zack a call telling him I was going to my Aunts for a bar bq @ first he said OK well I will talk to u when u come home. "alright, im not too sure when im coming home but ill call u" "well how about u come over my house and I see if I can come too." FINALLY he wanted to hang out. So i got over there and we relaxed for a bit. Him and I did end up going to my Aunts but the car ride there was a joke. I asked a ? and recieved a one word answer. Grrrr we were all watching Spiderman (good movie i must say) he ended up falling asleep. Once he woke up we came back to my house. We went to hang out in the basement. We were laying on the couch and I just came out and asked "Zack are u happy we decided to get back together?" loooong pause. I responded "ok im taking that as a no." "well no its not that im not happy, of course I like you so much but for the past few weeks i have realized im not really in the state of mind for a relationship that u deserve." "what do you mean?" "well during the summer im going to be very busy with my music and concerts." "thats fine u always have." "yeah, well not only that but i decided after this summer im probably not going to come back as much. There is nothing @ home for me to help what i want to have in my future." By this time I already started crying of course ONCE again hearing he wasnt happy. "so what do u want to do then?" i asked. "well its up to you, I honestly really do like u ALOT but I cant put u first right now and im not going to be able to be there as much as u may need." "as long as I know we are together and BOTH happy thats all that matter to me Zack." " Alisa you are just saying that u deserve someone who can treat u as well as u treat me." "maybe u are right, maybe we arent suppose to be together." "Alisa i just dont want to hurt u again." "well buddy its alittle too late for that!" I just sat there and cried for at least 20min. I dont understand when im in a relationship im very understanding give them space just like i enjoy mine... YET i once again am gettinga kick in the face. He then said "so you just broke up with me?" "yeah i have no choice! how am i suppose to stay in a relationship w/someone he isnt happy." "I am VERY happy when im w/you I swear but I need to think about my future and music." "I understand and I dont want to be the one holding u back." "well.... are we still going to be able to talk on the phone and hang out? Maybe go on some dates?" "Zack i really dont think so. I tried the first time we took a break and even though i enjoyed being with u i felt like I was still with you. I need to loose my feelings I have right now for u b4 we can hang out and me not get hurt." "BUT alisa i dont want to loose you." "there is nothing i can do zack, you arent loosing me 4ever but I need time to get use to this change." And thats that. ONCE again I had myself fooled thinking I was involved in a happy relationship that was so strong we didnt need eachother everyday.... ohhhh no I was wrong. I have decided this was for the better though. Him and i have changed soooo much through college. He is Mr. go out try new things (parties,drinking...) which is OK with me 1.) he wasnt allowed in HS and 2.) he is in college after this he is in the "real world." I have the whole summer ahead of me to enjoy (of course EVERY single one of my close friends is in a relationship :( I can handle it. As Bekki, Reed, and I said " I will survive" lol. Time to go clean and then sleep (im not feeling well @ all :(