Somebody's Heartbreak (6/?)
But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human - Christina Perri's "Human"
Index: 0 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05
The heat is sweltering so Jongin doesn’t want to drag himself out of bed. He knows it has a lot less to do with heavy limbs and a lot more to do with having nothing to do. He wishes for snow, even though he knows there is no chance for that miracle in the midst of Seoul’s summer. Sehun texted him a few hours ago to say he and Luhan are back, asking if Jongin needed them to save him from his home, but he doesn’t want to go back to campus just yet.
He called Kyungsoo almost every night, grateful the older boy picked up at all. That last time they talked was maybe a week ago, before this horrific heat wave. Jongin stopped because even through the phone, he’d heard a blend of voices in the background, a sign that Kyungsoo was never alone.
Kyungsoo was never alone.
.
“You’re so depressing,” Luhan says over the phone later on that day when he calls.
Jongin scoffs, “I’m not.”
“Then you’re just being lazy.”
“Hyung.”
“Just get your butt up and come back to campus,” Luhan sighs, “Stop wasting your summer sleeping in.”
Jongin doesn’t think there is anything wrong with spending his whole day in bed. When school comes back next year, he doubts he’d have time to lounge around like he is now.
.
But because Luhan is a prick, he shows up at Jongin’s front door two days later. The Chinese male barges in, packs Jongin’s duffle bag and demands to be fed.
“I don’t know how Sehun puts up with you,” Jongin mumbles. “Where is that brat, anyways?”
“He’s at Kyungsoo’s,” Luhan grins. “Divide and conquer.”
.
Jongin doesn’t know how they did it. He is actually sort of scared as he looks at Luhan’s serene face. Everyone is gathered at the student center. Baekhyun greets him with a wide smile with Chanyeol sitting not too far away, focused on his laptop like his life depends on it.
“Gaming” Baekhyun explains with a shrug.
Jongin doesn’t comment because he knows no one disturbs Park Chanyeol’s game time.
Sehun drags a reluctant Kyungsoo in a few minutes later, Jongin smiles hesitantly. Kyungsoo looks more confused than anything else.
“What’re we doing?” He asks, turning to his captor, whose hand is still wrapped securely around Kyungsoo’s wrist. “Oh Sehun, you told me there was an emergency.”
“Order! Order!” Luhan yells over the crowd. “Settle down, children. We are here today because I have presents from China for all of you.”
“This is not an emergency!” Kyungsoo exclaims.
“Yeah, hyung,” Baekhyun chimes in as he adjusts Chanyeol’s glasses when the frame slides down his boyfriend’s nose.
Jongin cringes, because can they stop?
Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a peck on the forehead just because he’s a little shit. Jongin kind of wants to punch that smirk off his face.
.
After Luhan’s presents have been distributed amongst their small group, everyone grabbed dinner at the student center and settled in the various couches and arm chairs around the main café area. Kyungsoo sits down next to Jongin with a small smile.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo says quietly, “You survived it.”
“More or less.”
Kyungsoo nods. “I…when you stopped calling, I thought…and then yesterday when Sehun suddenly showed up - ”
“I’m fine, hyung.”
“Did you see your mom?”
Jongin shakes his bangs out of his eyes, “No. But Dad and I had a good time.” He pauses. The words are on the tip of his tongue but he can’t bring himself to say it. But Jongin has always been good at being selfish. “Will you come over tonight? Just, to stay. As friends.”
“Sleep over at Jongin’s!” Baekhyun announces before Kyungsoo can answer. “This is perfect.”
Jongin wants to retort that no one’s invited Baekhyun and his boyfriend, but he sees the way Kyungsoo visibly relaxes. So he grits his teeth and says, “Yeah. You’re all invited.”
“You kiddies can have fun,” Luhan says. “Sehunah and I have plans.”
Chanyeol pretends to gag.
“Shut up, Park Chanyeol. It’s not like you and Baekhyun are any better,” Luhan rolls his eyes.
.
Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say; his room still looks the same. He doesn’t know what he’d expected Jongin to do with it, but even the bedsheet is still the same. Kyungsoo guesses he must have left it there.
“You guys can take this room,” Kyungsoo says, turning to Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “The bed sheet is clean.”
“I’ll sleep in the living room,” Jongin adds, turning to look at Kyungsoo, “You can take my room, hyung. It’s…I haven’t….”
Kyungsoo understands. Jongin hasn’t had anyone else in his bed. “Don’t be silly. We can share your bed.”
Chanyeol gives him a look Kyungsoo understands too well, but he doesn’t want to be in his apartment, doesn’t want to be in Jongin’s bed, alone. It reminds him too much of those nights when Jongin brought home someone else and Kyungsoo spent the night by himself and pretended he was fine. It doesn’t feel good to be in this apartment and being apart from Jongin.
“Well, we can figure it all out later,” Baekhyun throws his bag haphazardly on the ground. “Let’s pick a movie. Oh! And some popcorn.”
“Don’t you say it, Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun ignores Chanyeol and grins, “Mulan is on tonight!”
.
After much debate, they all settle down to watch Mulan. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are sharing a blanket, Baekhyun’s head in his boyfriend’s lap while Chanyeol’s back is resting against the couch. Jongin is on the couch, half-watching the television and tapping on his phone. Kyungsoo sits on the armchair by himself.
“You don’t find a girl like that every dynasty,” Baekhyun mumbles.
Chanyeol scoffs. “Or boy.”
“Or boy.”
And Kyungsoo wonders if Jongin sees it, too. Everyone likes the idea of being swept off of their feet, carried away by the wind of romance and whispered promises of forever. But Kyungsoo thinks he’d rather have what Baekhyun and Chanyeol have: that quiet love that resonates between them. Their love isn’t fiery, it isn’t intense or heady. It’s small gestures, it’s the small moments of Baekhyun reaching out his hand because he knows Chanyeol will catch it. It’s trust.
.
Later that night when they’ve all said their goodnights, when Jongin’s chest is warm against Kyungsoo’s back, he thinks it’s unfair how this still feels so right.
“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers. “I keep bothering you with my family.”
“It’s fine. I hope you feel better,” Kyungsoo utters quietly.
.
Jongin doesn’t understand how Kyungsoo always knows. All of his friends seem to understand to a certain extent how taxing it is for him to go home; to see his dad wither away in his study by himself, to a mom whom he only catches a whiff of her scent as she hurries off to somewhere else. Everyone, especially Sehun, knows how much it chafes when he has to pick up his mom from another bar after another night out.
But no one soothes the edges like Kyungsoo. No one smooths a cool hand over the jagged pieces of him, patient and unyielding, like Kyungsoo does.
Jongin doesn’t know how to offer Kyungsoo what he wants, doesn’t know how to care for him like the way Baekhyun cares for Chanyeol, he doesn’t know how to look at Kyungsoo like the way Chanyeol’s eyes searches for Baekhyun’s.
But he thinks he wants to. As Kyungsoo drifts off to sleep in his arms, fingers fitting so perfectly between his, Jongin thinks maybe he wants to.