Minho Really Wants Super Junior
Title: Minho Really Wants Super Junior
Author: jinki_condition
Rating: pg-15 (for cursing)
Genre: Crack
Prompt: “We got the flow it’s break your naughty”
Word Count: 1,334
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything~ except Onew
Summary: Minho will do anything to buy Super Junior.
A/N: SO I feel like this is my worst crack I’ve ever written =___= oh well. I really wanted to enter that contest and this was already half way written and so I decided to finish it. And I’ve been so stressed out recently that I haven’t been able to post anything or write anything. But it’s all in my head, so have no fear, I will be posting soon :3
Minho Really Wants Super Junior
Minho sighed as he leaned back in his computer chair. ‘Okay so I have enough money to buy half of Super Junior, but I want all of them. Now how should I go about this?’ Minho thought to himself. “God damnit Heechul and Swion, why do you have to be so expensive?” Minho said aloud, pounding his fist angrily on his desk.
Just then, a fairy boy danced in through his bay window. “Oh Minho hyung, we got the flow it’s break your naughty! I am your fairy godmother! My name’s Taemin and I was sent here to make your dream of buying Super Junior come true!” the younger said happily.
“Uhm why do you have a tutu on? And is this an elaborate prank set up by Key, because if it is I’m going to kill him.”Minho replied, crossing his arms.
Taemin rolled his eyes and twirled over to the taller. The red head thumped the brunette on the head. “Well if you don’t want my help then I’ll leave.”
“No, tell me your idea then.” Minho said.
“Well, idea number one: sell yourself.”
“No, I’m not a whore.” Minho replied to Taemin.
“I beg to differ.” Taemin muttered.
“What was that?”
“Uhm nothing. Okay, idea number two: sell some organs.” The fairy said happily.
“Uhm no, I need my lungs and I’m not selling my heart either.”
“Fine, then idea number three: sell Key into a life of prostitution.”
Minho thought this idea over. It didn’t hurt him internally or cause him to get raped. Plus he’d only be losing a somewhat friend. “Okay, besides Key’s already enough of a whore anyways. Might as well get money from it.”
Taemin smiled happily, waving his little fairy wand. “It has been decided! Now go seek out your friend and sell him!” The red head said happily.
“But what if he doesn’t go willingly?” Minho asked.
“Well that’s your problem, not mine. Well I’m going to go not eat so bye!” And with that, the fairy godmother was gone.
“Hmmm, now the only question is how to sell Key.”
------
Key sat down at the table, his lunch already made. The brunette was about to begin eating when he felt something hard slam into his head. “I wish I had some hot blond who would fuck me in my unconscious state.” the brunette said before slipping into unconsciousness.
Minho giggled a bit before saying “Sweet dreams Key, hope you’ll have a better life. And thank you for helping me buy Super Junior.”
------
“Alright and here is this lovely young man named Key. And he’s being sold into a life of prostitution by his friend Minho!” the auctioneer said happily, pointing to a waving and smiling Minho.
“Uh uh, he is not a cheap whore! He should be a high end whore!” and young dark-haired girl shouted.
Onew nodded his head, raising his auctioneer gabble in the air. “Agreed. All right, so who wants to start the bidding at a hundred thousand dollars?” The brunette said happily, rambling off prices at ridiculous speeds.
Many people had bid for Key; it all ended up boiling down to three people. The girl from before, a brunette girl, and a short faux blond male.
“Now the bidding has increased to a million dollars. Any offers?” Onew said, getting ready to sell to the brunette girl.
“I’ll take it!” the short male called. Both girls looked at each other in defeat, glaring at the boy.
“Going once, twice, and sold to the man with over-sized nostrils!”
“Yeah I won....hey!!” he shouted angrily as he ran up to claim his prize for the exchange in money.
“Okay, well just hand your money over to Minho here and you can take Key home with you.” Onew said, turning back to the crowd to auction more prizes off.
“Well here’s your money Mr. Minho, and I’ll just take my prize.” Jonghyun said, picking the boy up after handing his money to Minho.
“Thank you for buying him, I can go buy Super Junior now!” the tall male said happily, skipping off towards his house.
------
Key groggily opened his eyes, rubbing his head slightly. “Hmm, I had the strangest dream. I felt like I was hit over the head with a Super Junior lunchbox and that I was getting auctioned off to some man with huge nostrils.”
“Yah! They’re normal size.”
Key’s blood ran cold. He slowly shifted and saw that his dream had actually happened.
“WHO ARE YOU? And why are nostrils so huge? You could fit like a whole family of five up there.” Key said, beginning to kick his legs.
“Hey calm down, you’re friend Minho sold you to me so he could buy Super Junior or something. So basically I own you now. Isn’t that great?” the short man said happily, huge smile on his face.
“NO THIS ISN’T GREAT. I’M GOING TO MURDER MINHO. NOW LET ME GO.” Key said angrily, trying to get away.
“No can do princess, you’re mine now.”
Key started to pound his fists onto the shorter male’s back. “Fuck no I’m not. Now let me fucking go.”
The blond stopped and thought about it. “Hmmm, no. I bought you fair and square. Now you’re mine.” He said with a chuckle, reaching in his pocket to pull out a set of keys.
“That’s what you think.” Key muttered.
“What was that princess?” the blond asked as he opened the door.
“Nothing~” Key said in the sweetest voice he could muster up.
------
“And this is my bedroom where you and I will be staying! Isn’t this just great princess? We can be together forever!”
“...no it’s not. I want to go home. I don’t even know you. And what if I get sucked up your nostrils?” Key said, still being held by the other man.
“Yah! I said they were normal size! And you aren’t going to get sucked up into them princess. I wouldn’t dream of letting that happen. Oh right! You don’t even know my name~ It’s Jonghyun.” Jonghyun said, closing the bedroom door so Key couldn’t escape.
“Well I wish I could say nice to meet you, but I really don’t think I can. And how can you be positive I won’t be sucked up into those things! You could fit like all of South Korea in them!” Key said once Jonghyun had sat him on the bed.
“Yah! Stop poking them. Besides you can’t be sucked up into nostrils; that’s just ridiculous. That’s like saying Lady Gaga’s a man.” Jonghyun said, sitting down beside Key.
Key scoffed, “Whatever.”
Jonghyun chuckled, “Aww you’re so cute princess.” Jonghyun bent down and gently kissed Key on the lips.
Key was caught off guard by the sudden lips melting with his. He wanted to scream, to yell at Jonghyun for kissing him. But for some reason he couldn’t; he wanted to stay here and kiss him back. 'Maybe this isn't so bad. I might even have to thank Minho for selling me in this life of prostitution.'
Jonghyun pulled away from Key’s lips, earning him with a whine of protest from Key. “Thought you didn’t want to be here princess.” He said with a cocky smirk.
Key rolled his eyes, “Who cares, get back here and kiss me; or else I’ll shove that family of five up your nose.”
Jonghyun chuckled again before leaning down and kissing Key again, pushing him back onto the bed.
------
“Now I can buy Super Junior!” Minho said happily, turning his computer on. The dark-haired male hummed Bonomana as he waited.
After awhile of waiting, the computer finally pulled up Minho’s desktop of Donghae. ‘Alright, time to go buy Super Junior.’ He thought happily, pulling up the internet.
‘And there it is~’ Minho thought, clicking on the order form for Super Junior. “Yes! I finally have all of Super Junior for my collection....wait. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HENRY AND VIOLIN ARE SOLD SEPRETLY?!!?!?!” Minho screamed. ‘Guess I have to go sell that Fairy Godmother of mine then.’ Minho thought, awaiting the arrival of Taemin the Fairy Godmother to arrive.