Hmmm

[jinkdarkstar]

It is annoying being on the cusp of something and not knowing which direction the wind will blow me towards as I walk on my twisted path throw my exhausted sense of rationality and sanity.  Are sane and rational really the same thing?  No, my mom is a great example of that . . . I am trying to redefine myself again and perhaps as i have been all too often lately, overly critical.  Hrmmm.  Damned psychology course has my mind wandering down trains of thought I'd rather not ponder, let alone touch with a ten foot pole.  Sometimes i consider myself a total lost cause in and of myself, no choice much in that regard, but I can hope I am not quite that far self deranged yet.  Knowing few read this is a comfort, need to vent and rant somewhere, and assuredly I do no need friendly "assurances" that I am a good person and the like.  I know I am not a worthless person, but as of late I feel less than appreciated for my hard work and ingenuity.  Lack of feed back and general socializing has my feathers ruffled read--> fur mussed.  DD, the Scruffy has been chewing on sticks again and I seem to get all the splinters. **sigh**  Been trying to iron out personality quirks I particularly dislike, yet its a slow and almost agonizing, from lack of a better term, process.  I have come to the realization that I want to kick Maslow square in the nuts and laugh long and hard though.  Bastard. HA!  Eat that Messina!!!!!  MMM tastes like VICTORY BITCH!  Petty bastard.  Speaking of jerks, I have yet to convince myself that I was being too hard on Matias for the crap he pulled on the 14th and ubsequent assholishness.  Hard to see what direction I need to go now.  I hate crossroads, I can't go my own way, hardly ever get to murrr . . . focus isn't somethign I lack at the moment so much as I dislike my choices served  . . . I want to graffitti my brain with reminders of my own stupidity to prevent further occurances of this sort of crap, but I don't think Krylon and grey matter mix well.  Damned cluttered brains.  Mmmm braaiinnnzzzzzssssshhh. . ..**drool**

**staby stabby self reflection**

Fuck this, I am going out for a deathstixi.  **puts on her typo queen pride t-shirt and crown**

Peace Jive Turkeys!~