(no subject)
Hot out today.
Got through it okay though.
Slept in until 11:30ish. Took a shower to start the day out. Skipped recitation. Went to Eppley hall for my WRA class.
Research Paper pretty much equals death.
Asked Courtney and Sackett for math help. Chelsea actually walked me through the problem and that was really nice of her. I guess I knew what I was doing.. just not.. quite.
Slowly realizing how much I hate everything that's going on right now. but that's alright. I just keep wanting to fast forward... Or maybe Rewind like crazy. Obviously that's not going to happen.
As hard as I've tried to be grateful to everything I've been given, and everyone I have. It's just getting harder. Not because I don't like them anymore, or am bored with them or anything like that.. It's just.
I don't know what to do myself.
I hate meeting new people. I really do.
I hate trying to make a good impression.. and you are prob'ly thinking 'why don't you just not care then?'
But it's just how I am. It's how I've been, it's apparently a big part of my social.. skills. When I meet people, I just have to concentrate on being a good person, being the 'ideal friend' that I figure.. I would want to meet..
Kinda like when you shop for gifts, and it's really easy to get someone something that you would want to get... you know?
But I just hate meeting new people. I did it when I moved around in Korea. I did it when I moved to New Hampshire. I did it when I moved to Michigan. I did it all over again through my freshmen, sophomore, junior year. The only reason I was happy with Senior year was because I finally had my friends.. set. I knew my sport friends, classroom friends, friends-by-association friends, senior friends, good friends, and best friends. I knew it. I was perfectly okay with it. I was MORE than okay with it. It was like.. what I had been wanting for so long. Now I come to college thinking it'll all work out, and damn it all to hell, it has not.
I realize that this isn't just a problem that I have. Everyone goes through it at least once in their life. I mean.. people are bound to move away, and lose contact, and meet new people.
But as immature as it sounds, I just don't want to do it anymore.
I keep trying, but it's been what.. a little over a month now and I barely know the people here. I mean, yes I know them by name, and yes I go hang out with them in their rooms. But... I haven't found anyone to open up to. Anyone that I know will last longer than this school year, let alone this semester.
I hate that.
I hate pretending to be close with all these people that I know I'll never talk to after a couple months. It's like- what's the point of even trying?
But it's obvious that dropping out of school isn't a choice.
I don't even like the people here.
I can't ever go down the hall for help, because they are all like "yes I am in pre algebra" or.. they are like "I haven't taken math in 2 years" andI am like THATS FUCKING GREAT.
I guess I'll go to bed now.
Got through it okay though.
Slept in until 11:30ish. Took a shower to start the day out. Skipped recitation. Went to Eppley hall for my WRA class.
Research Paper pretty much equals death.
Asked Courtney and Sackett for math help. Chelsea actually walked me through the problem and that was really nice of her. I guess I knew what I was doing.. just not.. quite.
Slowly realizing how much I hate everything that's going on right now. but that's alright. I just keep wanting to fast forward... Or maybe Rewind like crazy. Obviously that's not going to happen.
As hard as I've tried to be grateful to everything I've been given, and everyone I have. It's just getting harder. Not because I don't like them anymore, or am bored with them or anything like that.. It's just.
I don't know what to do myself.
I hate meeting new people. I really do.
I hate trying to make a good impression.. and you are prob'ly thinking 'why don't you just not care then?'
But it's just how I am. It's how I've been, it's apparently a big part of my social.. skills. When I meet people, I just have to concentrate on being a good person, being the 'ideal friend' that I figure.. I would want to meet..
Kinda like when you shop for gifts, and it's really easy to get someone something that you would want to get... you know?
But I just hate meeting new people. I did it when I moved around in Korea. I did it when I moved to New Hampshire. I did it when I moved to Michigan. I did it all over again through my freshmen, sophomore, junior year. The only reason I was happy with Senior year was because I finally had my friends.. set. I knew my sport friends, classroom friends, friends-by-association friends, senior friends, good friends, and best friends. I knew it. I was perfectly okay with it. I was MORE than okay with it. It was like.. what I had been wanting for so long. Now I come to college thinking it'll all work out, and damn it all to hell, it has not.
I realize that this isn't just a problem that I have. Everyone goes through it at least once in their life. I mean.. people are bound to move away, and lose contact, and meet new people.
But as immature as it sounds, I just don't want to do it anymore.
I keep trying, but it's been what.. a little over a month now and I barely know the people here. I mean, yes I know them by name, and yes I go hang out with them in their rooms. But... I haven't found anyone to open up to. Anyone that I know will last longer than this school year, let alone this semester.
I hate that.
I hate pretending to be close with all these people that I know I'll never talk to after a couple months. It's like- what's the point of even trying?
But it's obvious that dropping out of school isn't a choice.
I don't even like the people here.
I can't ever go down the hall for help, because they are all like "yes I am in pre algebra" or.. they are like "I haven't taken math in 2 years" andI am like THATS FUCKING GREAT.
I guess I'll go to bed now.