Scared for my life
Last night was hard and weird!! why do i do this to myself? it is like i want all of this pain for a reason! Yesterday i got fired, this week has been hell, knowing my Boyfriend has cheated and stull picked the guy that he did it with over me, ME, ME god dam it!
so last night we were ok peter was compforting me coz ihad just lost my job and i have no boy and all sorts a stuff! this shit has hitten me me pritty hard! and then he was like maybe you should go out and i was thinking oh your just being nice! and then he goes oh coz me and Iain need to have some talking done and stuff and i am finding it hard atm not being able to give him more attention! so we started fighting pushing, shoving and all sorts and then peter goes were are the pills (sleeping pills) i had bought a pack coz i couldn't get anysleep! so anyways he found them and was going off and whilst he was yelling at me and slapping me in the face 1 took a hole bunch of them! well 8 and they are still doing shit now i am so fucking tired one by one i can feel it kicking in! he freaked out i didn't think he ever would of cared so much! and all was ging throu my head i have fucked up my life, his life everyones lifes! and i sit back now and think what a selfish cunt i am!! whilst we were fighting i was getting slaped in the face so hard that i could feel blood in my mouth! i am not lying here then when we were arguing he tried to strangel me something cronic and it was working he had pushed so hard on my throt i could still feel more blood in my mouth i hate all of it.
Then i was out, the first couple of pills had kicked in!and when i woke up peter was gone and i panicked i was screaming out for him, and he was in the bath trying to relax!then ipassed out again i am like fuck i am a loser i have gone as low as people could go! peter came to me he had stoped yelling and screaming and goes " can i please have Iain sleep over? we need to have time together and work on things" and i am a fucking loser for saying yes!! all i could here when they got home was kissing and all sorts! my ears were on over drive! i could here every noise they were making and it hurt and the more they did it it hurt, it hurt and it hurt but i am sick of being strong! so after about 1 and a half hours of noises they were out, nothing was going to wake them up! i wanted to see for myself that it was reall! so i walked in there only once to see what was happening and all i could see in the darkness was them happy holding eachother!
Is it weird for my ex to want to bring people home into his house?? is it weird for me to feel hurt and pain? i have all these questions and i want nothing but to get over him and move on! it is morning and i can stil feel all of those pills in me kicking in one by one i hate it i am sorry if i amd hurting people by whaat i am saying i just feel hurt and d ecieved and feel likes i have nothing and no one! but i will be strong and safe i am ok! and as someone said to me! "after a heavy storm full of rain and Hail there will be a rain bow that will come and shine and that wat is your meaningof new starts"
With love
so last night we were ok peter was compforting me coz ihad just lost my job and i have no boy and all sorts a stuff! this shit has hitten me me pritty hard! and then he was like maybe you should go out and i was thinking oh your just being nice! and then he goes oh coz me and Iain need to have some talking done and stuff and i am finding it hard atm not being able to give him more attention! so we started fighting pushing, shoving and all sorts and then peter goes were are the pills (sleeping pills) i had bought a pack coz i couldn't get anysleep! so anyways he found them and was going off and whilst he was yelling at me and slapping me in the face 1 took a hole bunch of them! well 8 and they are still doing shit now i am so fucking tired one by one i can feel it kicking in! he freaked out i didn't think he ever would of cared so much! and all was ging throu my head i have fucked up my life, his life everyones lifes! and i sit back now and think what a selfish cunt i am!! whilst we were fighting i was getting slaped in the face so hard that i could feel blood in my mouth! i am not lying here then when we were arguing he tried to strangel me something cronic and it was working he had pushed so hard on my throt i could still feel more blood in my mouth i hate all of it.
Then i was out, the first couple of pills had kicked in!and when i woke up peter was gone and i panicked i was screaming out for him, and he was in the bath trying to relax!then ipassed out again i am like fuck i am a loser i have gone as low as people could go! peter came to me he had stoped yelling and screaming and goes " can i please have Iain sleep over? we need to have time together and work on things" and i am a fucking loser for saying yes!! all i could here when they got home was kissing and all sorts! my ears were on over drive! i could here every noise they were making and it hurt and the more they did it it hurt, it hurt and it hurt but i am sick of being strong! so after about 1 and a half hours of noises they were out, nothing was going to wake them up! i wanted to see for myself that it was reall! so i walked in there only once to see what was happening and all i could see in the darkness was them happy holding eachother!
Is it weird for my ex to want to bring people home into his house?? is it weird for me to feel hurt and pain? i have all these questions and i want nothing but to get over him and move on! it is morning and i can stil feel all of those pills in me kicking in one by one i hate it i am sorry if i amd hurting people by whaat i am saying i just feel hurt and d ecieved and feel likes i have nothing and no one! but i will be strong and safe i am ok! and as someone said to me! "after a heavy storm full of rain and Hail there will be a rain bow that will come and shine and that wat is your meaningof new starts"
With love