Comments | jim_smith: Bash Wars Tournament O' Death Quarterfinals

jim_smith

Bash Wars Tournament O' Death Quarterfinals

Nov 28, 2006 19:57

I hereby declare voting for the second round closed and thus continue with everyone's favorite fake tournament, namely:

FIGHT NIGHT PRESENTS
THE 1ST ANNUAL
BASH WARS
OPEN INVITATIONAL
TOURNAMENT O' DEATH!
(sponsored by TasteeCo Foodstuffs)

( Read more... )

fight night, bash wars

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bentarc November 29 2006, 02:43:26 UTC

Okay:

Spider-Man is a neurotic, whiny nerd who only does good because he feels guilty. If not for that guilt, he'd probably still be a pro wrestler or something.

Darkseid? Darkseid is the Rock and the Chain and the Lightning. Darkseid Is, motherfucker.

Hmmm. Here we have a gigantic planet-consuming entity that is the incarnation of some sort of primal machine god (or possibly a really outlandish Quintesson doomsday machine) versus... Animal.

Yeah, I feel bad for Unicron. DABNEY COLEMAN couldn't beat Animal, and neither can this big lump of junk. Animal's going to load up on those pills Dr. Bunsen Honeydew used to make that prune four feet tall, and then he's going to chew through Unicron like the gate of the Mallory Gallery. It will be horrific and yet awesome.

Hmm. Mr. Rogers, the world's greatest neighbor, versus Brock Samson, Swedish Murder Machine, Murderist extraordinaire, slayer of men, slayer of henchmen. Tough call, except for one thing; I happen to know that Lady Elaine Fairchild has standing membership in the Guild, and she's got Fred's back on this one. Brock may be in over his head.

Brandawg vs. Gizmo Duck. Hmmm. On one hand, you have Brandawg, who's coasted to victory over two other worthy contenders (I personally chalk it up to the bull testicle extract) but now he's up against Gizmo Duck, who's battled the likes of Flintheart Glomgold and Magica DeSpell, and... sorry, Brandawg, but I don't think you could take either of them, even when juiced up on extract.

brandawg November 29 2006, 04:09:38 UTC

BLATHERSKITE! See? There. I win.

bentarc November 29 2006, 04:18:02 UTC

Ah ah - You only got ONE of the magic words. Though you can steal the suit by using the command phrase (an entire episode revolved around this if I recall), that would result in a DQ - as an alternative, I suggest you try "GALLOPING GARBAGE!"

Also, I see that everybody is voting for Tony Stark That Crazy Bitch running S.H.I.E.L.D. A big pile of doodie Spider-Man.

You all hate Freedom. And by Freedom, I mean absolute obedience to Darkseid. And by absolute obedience to Darkseid, I mean Jack Kirby.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. brandawg November 29 2006, 04:23:16 UTC

Listen, jerk, it's not magic. It's technology. There was only one activation word and that was blatherskite. That douche, Fenton, just happened to have a stupid saying, one half of which summoned the suit.

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. bentarc November 29 2006, 04:29:32 UTC

Really? I could swear it was the entire phrase that called the suit. Ah well.

I do have to commend you on your choice of icon, by the way. I would have entered Grodd in this, if I could bear the thought of him being beaten by Spider-Man.

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. bentarc November 29 2006, 04:32:51 UTC

Wait, shit - I remember now! It wasn't even "blatherskite", was it? It was just the sound "Blath" or something - Huey, Dewey, and Louie got into a big fight over it.

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. brandawg November 29 2006, 04:53:18 UTC

It was blatherskite because it was such an uncommon word that no one would ever think to use it.

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. jim_smith November 29 2006, 23:08:06 UTC

This is the stupidest argument humanly possible, but to settle the matter: Gyro was password-protecting the suit, he decided to use a single, extremely uncommon word, and chose "blatherskite." The reason Fenton says the whole catchphrase is because he has no idea why it works, and wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. brandawg November 29 2006, 23:56:49 UTC

YEAH!

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. bentarc November 30 2006, 03:30:13 UTC

You know, for somebody who professes to hate the guy you sure know an awful lot about Gizmo Duck. One grows suspicious...

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. brandawg November 30 2006, 03:36:41 UTC

Know thy enemy, duh.

Is it any wonder why your guy didn't last?

Re: Man, come on. Know your Ducktales. bentarc November 30 2006, 04:47:00 UTC

Brandawg and Giz-mo, sittin' in a tree...

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

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