On the Q-T and very hush-hush
Once again, I was late to work today. I rolled in around hmm....10:30-ish. I'm due in at 9. (not that I'm ever there at that time, but still) I was all ready to walk in and just be honest (I was going to say "I have no excuse for my tardiness today", all matter-of-factly), because I've done nothing but create a string of lies long enough to circle the globe about 3 times, but I walked in and my boss wasn't even there yet. It was beautiful. So I sat down and resumed my normal 5-and-some hours of doing nothing and getting paid for 8. Ahhhh, the sweet life of a temp. Too bad the assignment ends in a week. It is so easy to get away with just about anything there. Like, for instance, my constant tardiness. I am always late. I haven't been on time in like a month or something crazy. I figure it must be my mad skills and extreme knowledge of how to tweak the system so I've decided to help the rest of you out there and give you a few hints. So without further ado, I present you:
Top 4 Ways to be a Successful Tardy Person
1. Be consistent with your tardiness - I am scheduled to work at 9 a.m. and for the past 3 weeks I have been coming in at 9:30. I walk right past my boss resonating an aura of confidence that only a person of punctuality could have, and I'm pretty sure even she believes I'm scheduled for 9:30 now.
2. Become chummy with the boss - My boss is a chick, so you can imagine how it might be a tad difficult getting close, considering any flirting tactics I might've had went out the window on day 1, but we are pretty ok with each other and I think that helps alot. This might mean I have to spend a good 45 minutes of my day listening to her complain about her neighbor but, you know, it works. If she likes you, she won't like punishing you.
3. Put time and effort into your "I was late because..." story - I've gone as far as painting my skin red and faking a rash. It works. Clammy hands are also a nice touch (Ferris Bueller taught me that one) The more sick, the better. If they think you were near-death on Monday and you still show up Tuesday, that just shows what a hard worker you really are. "Gee, she looked like hell yesterday and she still came into work? That girl is committed!" Awesome. Try to stay away from killing off family members. That usually somehow always backfires.
4. Always keep some truth in your tardy lie, EXCEPT honesty about laziness - For the first time today I was going to be fully honest (hell, I've practically ran out of reasons to be absent now) but fate slapped me in the face with a big "DON'T DO IT JILL". There were "problems" at work that prohibited them from letting the temps in until 10 and the boss called in for the morning? Something of a higher power was telling me to shut my yap, and to think I almost walked in and blew it all by saying I slept in. As far as I'm concerned, it's better if my employer doesn't know I'm a lazy ass that walks around the house naked, eating peanut butter and listening to coldplay for 2 hours every morning.
That's all I can tell, otherwise everyone would be on to my tardy schemes.
I go to Brad's tonight and we're going to watch Queens of Comedy. That's some good stuff. Actually, just the last two comedians are funny. The others kinda suck.
There was a really good deal on a sony mavica in the classifieds the other day, they wanted $200 for it, (it's normally $500+) but I had to pass it up. That hurt. I hate saving money. I packed up my digicam so I am thirsting for picture taking and I really wanted to make some new icons since I cut my hair. I am starting to like it (my hair, that is) Brad loves it, and I forgot to mention that's another reason I was ok being late Monday. I was super late (what a shocker) and, naturally, I hadn't called in to let anyone know, and when I came in everyone's mouths fell open and they were like "omg, I love your hair!!!!" That was weird, having a bunch of people (including my boss) crowd around me, feeling my hair. It's shoulder length, not a big deal, but apparently a drastic change. I need pictures, dammit!! Anyway, because of my hair, no one noticed that it was like 11 in the morning and I was two hours late. Sweeeet.
Tomorrow is Friday! I'm supposed to go to a bar in Broad Ripple with some guy here from work (FRIEND GUY, NOTHING ELSE) and that's pretty exciting. He asked me to go and since I've never been I decided it'd be worth a shot. Wish me luck, no table is safe from drunken dancing Jill. (I'm not drinking...for that very reason)
Aaaaand that's all the news that's fit to print.
Top 4 Ways to be a Successful Tardy Person
1. Be consistent with your tardiness - I am scheduled to work at 9 a.m. and for the past 3 weeks I have been coming in at 9:30. I walk right past my boss resonating an aura of confidence that only a person of punctuality could have, and I'm pretty sure even she believes I'm scheduled for 9:30 now.
2. Become chummy with the boss - My boss is a chick, so you can imagine how it might be a tad difficult getting close, considering any flirting tactics I might've had went out the window on day 1, but we are pretty ok with each other and I think that helps alot. This might mean I have to spend a good 45 minutes of my day listening to her complain about her neighbor but, you know, it works. If she likes you, she won't like punishing you.
3. Put time and effort into your "I was late because..." story - I've gone as far as painting my skin red and faking a rash. It works. Clammy hands are also a nice touch (Ferris Bueller taught me that one) The more sick, the better. If they think you were near-death on Monday and you still show up Tuesday, that just shows what a hard worker you really are. "Gee, she looked like hell yesterday and she still came into work? That girl is committed!" Awesome. Try to stay away from killing off family members. That usually somehow always backfires.
4. Always keep some truth in your tardy lie, EXCEPT honesty about laziness - For the first time today I was going to be fully honest (hell, I've practically ran out of reasons to be absent now) but fate slapped me in the face with a big "DON'T DO IT JILL". There were "problems" at work that prohibited them from letting the temps in until 10 and the boss called in for the morning? Something of a higher power was telling me to shut my yap, and to think I almost walked in and blew it all by saying I slept in. As far as I'm concerned, it's better if my employer doesn't know I'm a lazy ass that walks around the house naked, eating peanut butter and listening to coldplay for 2 hours every morning.
That's all I can tell, otherwise everyone would be on to my tardy schemes.
I go to Brad's tonight and we're going to watch Queens of Comedy. That's some good stuff. Actually, just the last two comedians are funny. The others kinda suck.
There was a really good deal on a sony mavica in the classifieds the other day, they wanted $200 for it, (it's normally $500+) but I had to pass it up. That hurt. I hate saving money. I packed up my digicam so I am thirsting for picture taking and I really wanted to make some new icons since I cut my hair. I am starting to like it (my hair, that is) Brad loves it, and I forgot to mention that's another reason I was ok being late Monday. I was super late (what a shocker) and, naturally, I hadn't called in to let anyone know, and when I came in everyone's mouths fell open and they were like "omg, I love your hair!!!!" That was weird, having a bunch of people (including my boss) crowd around me, feeling my hair. It's shoulder length, not a big deal, but apparently a drastic change. I need pictures, dammit!! Anyway, because of my hair, no one noticed that it was like 11 in the morning and I was two hours late. Sweeeet.
Tomorrow is Friday! I'm supposed to go to a bar in Broad Ripple with some guy here from work (FRIEND GUY, NOTHING ELSE) and that's pretty exciting. He asked me to go and since I've never been I decided it'd be worth a shot. Wish me luck, no table is safe from drunken dancing Jill. (I'm not drinking...for that very reason)
Aaaaand that's all the news that's fit to print.