After Midnight ch 3/6
Title: After Midnight
Author: jillmariej
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: nc 17 this chapter the others were mostly pg
word count: 3100 chapter 3 of 5 (completed but posted in parts)
These first three chapters can stand alone with the next two acting as a time stamp.
warning: usual teenage angst, mentions of child abuse - though nothing too extreme
Disclaimer: This is just a fluffy au. No harm or disparagement is intended. I'm just casting these beautiful people in my written fantasy.Jared and Jensen are the same age in this fiction and Jensen is the only child of Frank and Estelle. No Ackles or Padaleckis were hurt in the writing of this.
Summary: Jared and Jensen had been best friends forever and knew each other better than they knew themselves. They just need to get their timing right. Jensen thinks he's obvious, Jared's oblivious
Jared didn't wait for Jensen to answer his knock on his window. He slid the frame up until he was able to fit through. “Jared,” Jensen scolded in a whisper.
Jared answered with a grin. “I knew you were lying about later,” he replied as he crawled through the window and rolled onto the floor. “I'm not letting you get away with that.” He pushed himself up and held out a small gift.
Jensen shook his head and sat on his bed. “You should return that.”
“I can't. I already opened it and it's awesome and you are going to love it.” Jared sat next to him, dropping the gift in his lap. “Open it, asshole.”
Jensen willed his fingers to stop trembling as he carefully peeled the paper back. “Shit, Jared, an iPod? Dude, I can't, I can't take this. It's too much.” Jensen's chest tightened and he handed it back to Jared.
Jared shoved at his arm to stop him. “Oh no you don't. I've been planning this for forever. I loaded it up with all your favorites. You're supposed to say: 'thank you, Jared, it's awesome'.”
Jensen kept his head bowed. He had been saving up for an iPod and Jared knew how much he wanted one. He scrolled through the song list and tears unexpectedly blurred his vision. It was too generous and Jensen knew Jared would regret giving him the gift. “Thank you, Jared, it's awesome. I love it.” His voice was a shaky whisper.
Jared didn't know what to make of Jensen's behavior so he put an arm around him and pulled him into a one armed hug. “You thought I never listened when you talked about music.”
Jensen nestled closer for a second, but he felt like he was unraveling. Jared didn't want to let go, but as he looked around Jensen's room, he noticed it was much more barren than usual. “Jen, what's going on? Where's all your stuff?”
Jensen put the iPod back in it's box and set it between them as he moved away. Subtly wiping at his eyes he answered, “I'm leaving for Fort Jackson in a few hours.”
“What? How is that possible? What about school?”
“I tested out.”
“You were going to leave without telling me.”
“I wrote you a letter.”
Jared looked over to Jensen's bare desk and saw an envelope. In the next moment he was across the room, tearing it open.
“No, Jared, don't read that now.” Jensen tried to take it from him, but Jared turned away.
It was a confession similar to what he said in the tree house. “You're leaving and you tell me in a letter.” Jared fought the emotions rising in him. “You couldn't tell me in person? I've known you since we were five! We're best friends.”
“I tried.” Jensen was immediately in front of him, beseeching him with his eyes. “Every time I worked up the courage, you were with - you were busy.” He could see Jared was about to dismiss him, so he continued. “I can't take living with my parents anymore. After New Year's, I didn't have a reason to stick around. I went to the recruiting office and worked it out so that I could leave today.” He couldn't read Jared's expression and he wasn't sure if that had ever happened before. “Please don't hate me,” he pleaded, searching Jared's eyes for forgiveness. Not sure of how his best friend was feeling, Jensen turned to walk back to his bed, to return the iPod to Jared, when he was stopped by a grab to his arm.
Jared pulled him back and answered Jensen's questioning look with a kiss. Their kiss was exactly what they thought it would be like in that it was better than either had thought possible. As with everything they did together, they were in perfectly sync.
Guilt and joy were battling inside Jensen. He was getting what he wanted most, but Jared wasn't his to have. Jared didn't love him; this was just more pity. He knew it was selfish to continue kissing, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Jared's hands slid lower on Jensen's back pressing them closer together. He knew Jensen would be perfect to kiss, to touch, to hold. This kiss set his heart racing and short circuited his brain.
When Jensen broke the kiss to argue, Jared shushed him. “Don't. Please, don't ask me to stop. We only have a little time and I don't want to spend it not kissing you.”
Jensen couldn't breathe. He hesitated, hoping to catch his breath. “We can't do this.” He pulled away only to have Jared follow.
“Yes we can,” Jared answered, reaching to cup Jensen's face and kiss him again.
Jensen stopped his hand. “We shouldn't. You'll resent me, you'll hate yourself for cheating on Ben, and I can't, Jared, I can't have you hating me. And you will, I know you. You'll feel guilty and as much as I want this to happen, I know, you're gonna--” his voice broke and tears threatened to surface, but Jared held him close. “It's okay, Jared. I'm going to be okay. You don't have to feel sorry for me.”
Jared threaded his fingers in Jensen's hair and rested their foreheads together. “Sorry for you? I feel sorry for not kissing you after Elf. I'm sorry I didn't go to Pete's party. I regret New Year's Eve, and I regret not having more time to tell you and to show you how I feel. But I love you. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember and you love me and right now that's all that matters. We may only have this one chance to be together and I'm not going to let that slip by. That is what I would regret, forever.”
Jensen tilted his head back to look Jared in the eye. Had he really said he loved him? His heart felt like it would burst, but he had to calm his emotions. “Damn, Jared, that was the girliest thing I have ever heard you say,” he teased grinning at the smile forming on Jared's face.
“It's a good thing you like girls then,” Jared said, leaning in to kiss his best friend.
Not breaking the kiss, Jensen took Jared's hands and led him to the bed. Then, he paused. He looked at his tiny twin bed and his duffel bag resting against it and knew he didn't want this place to hold his best memory. “Let's go to your house.”
Jared grabbed the iPod, Jensen slung the bag over his shoulder and took Jared's hand without bothering to take a last look at his bedroom.
When Jensen parked in front of Jared's house, he chuckled nervously. “After Elf I sat here wondering what I was supposed to do next. Like do I try to kiss you or do I walk you to the door?” He shook his head at the memory. “I should have done something.”
Jared laughed. “I remember thinking how it felt like a date, but that if I tried to kiss you, you'd punch me.”
“Wouldn't have punched you then and I'm sure as hell not going to punch you now.” He leaned over and met Jared's smiling lips. “Too cold to be out here. Let's get inside.”
Jared cradled Jensen's head in his hand as he asked, “You're staying over, right?”
Jensen smiled and kissed him again. “Absolutely.”
After quietly making their way to Jared's room, the boys couldn't keep their hands off each other. Jensen's kisses became less demanding and more tender. The change left Jared off keel. His desire was ramping up and he needed more than just gentle kissing. The urgency of their situation was dawning on him. He might have Jensen now, but he didn't know when he'd have him again.
He guided them to his bed, both of them stumbling as they toed off shoes. With a grin, Jared slipped off his shirt, tugged down his pants and climbed into his double bed. Jensen followed immediately, practically falling between Jared's legs. His mind was consumed with the feel of Jared beneath him. Jared's body felt firm and strong under his touch and so very different from a girl. Jared let his hands explore Jensen's shoulders, the way the muscles of his back flexed, and his smooth skin down to his waist. His hand moved from the low curve of Jensen's back to the swell of his ass and he pulled Jensen closer as he rolled his hips against him. Jensen's breath stuttered at the sensation of Jared's hard on grinding into his own and he moaned softly into the kiss.
“I want to touch you,” he whispered against Jensen's neck before lightly sucking on the spot where his neck and shoulder met.
Anxiously, Jensen sat up on his knees. His hands went to the waist band of his boxers. As he gazed down at his best friend, his nerves kicked up even more. “You too,” he whispered, wondering if his whole body was trembling.
Jared nodded and moved to also be kneeling on the bed as he took off the last of his clothes. The moment they were off, he wrapped his arms around Jensen, keeping their bodies pressed together.
A soft moan escaped Jensen at the contact, but he muffled it against Jared's neck. He found that he couldn't stop kissing Jared; his hands traveled slowly up and down Jared's back while he kissed his neck, jaw, and mouth.
Jared slipped a hand between them and gently wrapped it around both of their erections, moaning at the touch. Slowly he stroked his hand up and down their lengths, gasping when Jensen bit into his shoulder.
Jensen pulled back just enough to rest his forehead on Jared's shoulder and look down. His hand joined Jared's and their hands moved together to get each other off.
Jared mimicked Jensen's posture and soon their breathing soon turned to panting. They were both dizzy with the feel of each other in their grasp. “Oh god, Jared, I'm gonna,” Jensen breathed, and that was enough for Jared. His eyes squeezed shut and his neck arched back as he came all over their chests and joined hands. Seeing his best friend fall apart and feeling Jared's come cover them sent Jensen over the edge.
Slowly, gently, they let go of each other and sat back on their heels. Once he felt under control, Jared said, “I should grab some tissue.”
Jensen snorted a small laugh. “Yeah, you've got a little something on you.”
Jared looked down at himself. “Huh, so I do.” Then he raised his hand and wiped it on Jensen's side. “Well, looks like you do, too.”
Jensen's lip twitched, fighting a full on smile. “Seriously?”
Jared just grinned, so Jensen had no other option but to tackle him, sending him backwards onto the bed. Jared's “Dude, gross!” dissolved into quiet laughter as they playfully wrestled.
Jared found Jensen's smile to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and had to kiss him, so he planted a quick peck on Jensen's lips. Surprised by Jared's kiss during their 'wrestling' match, Jensen stilled, and with his clean hand brushed Jared's hair from his face before he leaned in for a much deeper kiss.
When they finally broke the kiss Jared mumbled, “Towel, maybe I should grab us a towel.”
After cleaning up and slipping back into their boxers, they curled up in Jared's bed. Neither could take their eyes off the other, not wanting to break the spell that seemed to be over them. Jensen couldn't remember ever feeling happier. Jared wanted to bask in the way Jensen was looking at him. His eyes held a look of fondness and affection and peace that Jared didn't remember seeing before.
Jensen kissed him again. Slowly, tenderly, until Jared whined quietly, “I fucking love kissing you. Knew you'd be perfect.”
Jensen smiled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Always knew we'd be perfect.”
“Me, too.”
“No, you don't get it.” Jared propped himself up on he elbows to make his point. “I wanted to be with you for the longest time. I used to daydream about being your boyfriend and what it would be like to ...” Jared paused, too embarrassed to continue.
“To what?”
Jared sunk back down. “Nothin'.”
Jensen understood. “You mean be like this,” he said, pointing back and forth between them. Jared met his eyes. “I did, too. A lot, like all the time.” Jared's eyes were wide with surprise. “That's why New Year's sucked so bad.”
“Jensen --”
“No, Jared, it's okay. It sucked then, but it's how I knew I was in love with you. It doesn't hurt if it's not love.”
Jared wrinkled his brow in confusion. Love wasn't supposed to hurt.
Seeing that Jared didn't understand, Jensen explained, “When Sasha and I broke up, I didn't care. I mean she could do whatever and it didn't bother me. With you, after New Year's, I wanted to fuckin' die. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I never felt like that before. With anyone.” He couldn't help but smile at the concern on Jared's face. “It made me realize that I love you.”
“I'm sorry I was too slow to see what was going on with us,” Jared replied.
“Hey, I didn't make it exactly clear, either.”
Jared slipped his fingers through Jensen's hair. “Let's not waste time arguing over who was more of an idiot, when we can be making out instead.”
A grin split Jensen's face as he moved closer to kiss him. He gently placed a hand on Jared's cheek, dragging his thumb over Jared's lower lip. This kiss wasn't tentative like their earlier ones. Jensen had kissed enough to know how to make someone want more.
It didn't take long until Jared felt himself getting hard again. Embarrassed that Jensen's kisses had that effect on him, Jared shifted his hips so that Jensen wouldn't feel it. Jensen, however, had the opposite idea. He inched closer and pressed against Jared's leg, making sure Jared had no doubt how the kiss was affecting him.
“Jared,” he panted. “You drive me fuckin' crazy.” He rolled his hips with more determination and delved deeper into the kiss.
Jared moaned and turned into Jensen's embrace so he would feel how he was similarly turned on. He slid his hand down to Jensen's ass and pulled him flush against him.
In the next moment, Jared cupped Jensen's face and stared into his eyes for a moment, panting under the sensations coursing through him. He had been worried he would disappoint Jensen since he wasn't as experienced, but Jensen's words gave him confidence. He rolled Jensen onto his back and fell into place between his legs.
Jensen stared up at him with wide eyes at the sudden move. Then Jared circled his hips causing Jensen to squeeze shut his eyes and bite his lip to stifle a moan. “Fuck, Jared,” he groaned on barely a breath. “That feels so good, don't stop.” He opened his eyes to find Jared looking at him with such tenderness that his breath caught in his throat. They were just moving in tandem, they weren't even naked, but suddenly this felt like much more than making out or sex.
Jensen felt every nerve tingling and his heart felt too full. He lifted his hand to brush back the hair from Jared's face. With one more undulation of his hips, Jared shuddered through his release. Holding Jared and feeling him come apart again made Jensen begin to tremble. Jared's hand was suddenly working him through his boxer briefs and he had to bite Jared's shoulder to stop from moaning too loudly as he, too, came in his shorts.
Jared couldn't fight a yawn. “I don't want to fall asleep.”
“Me either,” Jensen yawned.
“Don't leave. Don't leave until you absolutely have to and don't leave without saying good-bye. Promise.”
“Promise.”
His phone chirped it's alarm, Jensen shut it off, and begrudgingly woke up. He laid quietly next to Jared for a moment, enjoying the feel of being beside him. He was regretting his decision to join up early, but had it not been for that, last night would have never happened and last night was the best night of his life.
He instantly felt guilty for everything that happened. His insecurities multiplying in his head. He's certain that if he weren't leaving, Jared would never have been with him. He didn't want Jared to ever forget him, yet, at the same time, he didn't want Jared to feel guilty over last night.
He heard his mother's voice in his head, reminding him that Jared has a bright future and he'd be forgotten the minute Jared leaves for college. He looked around the room once more before allowing his gaze to return to the sleeping Jared. He tried to convince himself that the night before wasn't just a dream; that they were in love, but he's certain Jared's going to feel guilty over it and hate him.
“I can hear you thinking,” Jared mumbled, slowly opening his eyes.
“Go back to sleep, Jay,” he whispered back, leaning over to kiss Jared's forehead and caress his cheek.
“You leavin'?”
Jensen swallowed over the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”
Jared pulled his best friend into his arms. “I'm so glad you for stayed over last night.”
“Me, too.”
“It was the best night of my life.”
Jensen shook his head in disbelief. Reluctantly, Jensen crawled out of bed and dressed.
“Don't you dare get yourself killed. You're not allowed to get as much as a sunburn.”
Jensen glanced at him, not wanting to see his friend worried. “I'll be fine, Jared. I promise.”
Jared nodded and fell back onto the bed. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't know where to begin.
Jensen looked around to make sure he had everything as he thought of what to say to Jared. He wanted to tell him to have fun at prom and that college would be a blast and he'd do great, but he didn't want to think of all the things Jared would be doing without him. He was almost out the door, his hand was on the door knob when he turned to look at Jared. “I love you, Jared.”
Jared practically sprang from the bed to enclose Jensen in his arms. “I love you so much,” he whispered into Jensen's neck. “Don't ever forget that, or me.”
Jensen allowed himself to soak in Jared's love. “I could never forget you.”
They held on to each other for a long time. Jensen patted Jared's back, kissed his cheek and left.
Jared crawled back into his bed and clutched Jensen's pillow to his chest, wondering when he'd have the chance to hold the boy again.
End of part 1 Part 2 - Chapter 4
Author: jillmariej
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: nc 17 this chapter the others were mostly pg
word count: 3100 chapter 3 of 5 (completed but posted in parts)
These first three chapters can stand alone with the next two acting as a time stamp.
warning: usual teenage angst, mentions of child abuse - though nothing too extreme
Disclaimer: This is just a fluffy au. No harm or disparagement is intended. I'm just casting these beautiful people in my written fantasy.Jared and Jensen are the same age in this fiction and Jensen is the only child of Frank and Estelle. No Ackles or Padaleckis were hurt in the writing of this.
Summary: Jared and Jensen had been best friends forever and knew each other better than they knew themselves. They just need to get their timing right. Jensen thinks he's obvious, Jared's oblivious
Jared didn't wait for Jensen to answer his knock on his window. He slid the frame up until he was able to fit through. “Jared,” Jensen scolded in a whisper.
Jared answered with a grin. “I knew you were lying about later,” he replied as he crawled through the window and rolled onto the floor. “I'm not letting you get away with that.” He pushed himself up and held out a small gift.
Jensen shook his head and sat on his bed. “You should return that.”
“I can't. I already opened it and it's awesome and you are going to love it.” Jared sat next to him, dropping the gift in his lap. “Open it, asshole.”
Jensen willed his fingers to stop trembling as he carefully peeled the paper back. “Shit, Jared, an iPod? Dude, I can't, I can't take this. It's too much.” Jensen's chest tightened and he handed it back to Jared.
Jared shoved at his arm to stop him. “Oh no you don't. I've been planning this for forever. I loaded it up with all your favorites. You're supposed to say: 'thank you, Jared, it's awesome'.”
Jensen kept his head bowed. He had been saving up for an iPod and Jared knew how much he wanted one. He scrolled through the song list and tears unexpectedly blurred his vision. It was too generous and Jensen knew Jared would regret giving him the gift. “Thank you, Jared, it's awesome. I love it.” His voice was a shaky whisper.
Jared didn't know what to make of Jensen's behavior so he put an arm around him and pulled him into a one armed hug. “You thought I never listened when you talked about music.”
Jensen nestled closer for a second, but he felt like he was unraveling. Jared didn't want to let go, but as he looked around Jensen's room, he noticed it was much more barren than usual. “Jen, what's going on? Where's all your stuff?”
Jensen put the iPod back in it's box and set it between them as he moved away. Subtly wiping at his eyes he answered, “I'm leaving for Fort Jackson in a few hours.”
“What? How is that possible? What about school?”
“I tested out.”
“You were going to leave without telling me.”
“I wrote you a letter.”
Jared looked over to Jensen's bare desk and saw an envelope. In the next moment he was across the room, tearing it open.
“No, Jared, don't read that now.” Jensen tried to take it from him, but Jared turned away.
It was a confession similar to what he said in the tree house. “You're leaving and you tell me in a letter.” Jared fought the emotions rising in him. “You couldn't tell me in person? I've known you since we were five! We're best friends.”
“I tried.” Jensen was immediately in front of him, beseeching him with his eyes. “Every time I worked up the courage, you were with - you were busy.” He could see Jared was about to dismiss him, so he continued. “I can't take living with my parents anymore. After New Year's, I didn't have a reason to stick around. I went to the recruiting office and worked it out so that I could leave today.” He couldn't read Jared's expression and he wasn't sure if that had ever happened before. “Please don't hate me,” he pleaded, searching Jared's eyes for forgiveness. Not sure of how his best friend was feeling, Jensen turned to walk back to his bed, to return the iPod to Jared, when he was stopped by a grab to his arm.
Jared pulled him back and answered Jensen's questioning look with a kiss. Their kiss was exactly what they thought it would be like in that it was better than either had thought possible. As with everything they did together, they were in perfectly sync.
Guilt and joy were battling inside Jensen. He was getting what he wanted most, but Jared wasn't his to have. Jared didn't love him; this was just more pity. He knew it was selfish to continue kissing, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Jared's hands slid lower on Jensen's back pressing them closer together. He knew Jensen would be perfect to kiss, to touch, to hold. This kiss set his heart racing and short circuited his brain.
When Jensen broke the kiss to argue, Jared shushed him. “Don't. Please, don't ask me to stop. We only have a little time and I don't want to spend it not kissing you.”
Jensen couldn't breathe. He hesitated, hoping to catch his breath. “We can't do this.” He pulled away only to have Jared follow.
“Yes we can,” Jared answered, reaching to cup Jensen's face and kiss him again.
Jensen stopped his hand. “We shouldn't. You'll resent me, you'll hate yourself for cheating on Ben, and I can't, Jared, I can't have you hating me. And you will, I know you. You'll feel guilty and as much as I want this to happen, I know, you're gonna--” his voice broke and tears threatened to surface, but Jared held him close. “It's okay, Jared. I'm going to be okay. You don't have to feel sorry for me.”
Jared threaded his fingers in Jensen's hair and rested their foreheads together. “Sorry for you? I feel sorry for not kissing you after Elf. I'm sorry I didn't go to Pete's party. I regret New Year's Eve, and I regret not having more time to tell you and to show you how I feel. But I love you. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember and you love me and right now that's all that matters. We may only have this one chance to be together and I'm not going to let that slip by. That is what I would regret, forever.”
Jensen tilted his head back to look Jared in the eye. Had he really said he loved him? His heart felt like it would burst, but he had to calm his emotions. “Damn, Jared, that was the girliest thing I have ever heard you say,” he teased grinning at the smile forming on Jared's face.
“It's a good thing you like girls then,” Jared said, leaning in to kiss his best friend.
Not breaking the kiss, Jensen took Jared's hands and led him to the bed. Then, he paused. He looked at his tiny twin bed and his duffel bag resting against it and knew he didn't want this place to hold his best memory. “Let's go to your house.”
Jared grabbed the iPod, Jensen slung the bag over his shoulder and took Jared's hand without bothering to take a last look at his bedroom.
When Jensen parked in front of Jared's house, he chuckled nervously. “After Elf I sat here wondering what I was supposed to do next. Like do I try to kiss you or do I walk you to the door?” He shook his head at the memory. “I should have done something.”
Jared laughed. “I remember thinking how it felt like a date, but that if I tried to kiss you, you'd punch me.”
“Wouldn't have punched you then and I'm sure as hell not going to punch you now.” He leaned over and met Jared's smiling lips. “Too cold to be out here. Let's get inside.”
Jared cradled Jensen's head in his hand as he asked, “You're staying over, right?”
Jensen smiled and kissed him again. “Absolutely.”
After quietly making their way to Jared's room, the boys couldn't keep their hands off each other. Jensen's kisses became less demanding and more tender. The change left Jared off keel. His desire was ramping up and he needed more than just gentle kissing. The urgency of their situation was dawning on him. He might have Jensen now, but he didn't know when he'd have him again.
He guided them to his bed, both of them stumbling as they toed off shoes. With a grin, Jared slipped off his shirt, tugged down his pants and climbed into his double bed. Jensen followed immediately, practically falling between Jared's legs. His mind was consumed with the feel of Jared beneath him. Jared's body felt firm and strong under his touch and so very different from a girl. Jared let his hands explore Jensen's shoulders, the way the muscles of his back flexed, and his smooth skin down to his waist. His hand moved from the low curve of Jensen's back to the swell of his ass and he pulled Jensen closer as he rolled his hips against him. Jensen's breath stuttered at the sensation of Jared's hard on grinding into his own and he moaned softly into the kiss.
“I want to touch you,” he whispered against Jensen's neck before lightly sucking on the spot where his neck and shoulder met.
Anxiously, Jensen sat up on his knees. His hands went to the waist band of his boxers. As he gazed down at his best friend, his nerves kicked up even more. “You too,” he whispered, wondering if his whole body was trembling.
Jared nodded and moved to also be kneeling on the bed as he took off the last of his clothes. The moment they were off, he wrapped his arms around Jensen, keeping their bodies pressed together.
A soft moan escaped Jensen at the contact, but he muffled it against Jared's neck. He found that he couldn't stop kissing Jared; his hands traveled slowly up and down Jared's back while he kissed his neck, jaw, and mouth.
Jared slipped a hand between them and gently wrapped it around both of their erections, moaning at the touch. Slowly he stroked his hand up and down their lengths, gasping when Jensen bit into his shoulder.
Jensen pulled back just enough to rest his forehead on Jared's shoulder and look down. His hand joined Jared's and their hands moved together to get each other off.
Jared mimicked Jensen's posture and soon their breathing soon turned to panting. They were both dizzy with the feel of each other in their grasp. “Oh god, Jared, I'm gonna,” Jensen breathed, and that was enough for Jared. His eyes squeezed shut and his neck arched back as he came all over their chests and joined hands. Seeing his best friend fall apart and feeling Jared's come cover them sent Jensen over the edge.
Slowly, gently, they let go of each other and sat back on their heels. Once he felt under control, Jared said, “I should grab some tissue.”
Jensen snorted a small laugh. “Yeah, you've got a little something on you.”
Jared looked down at himself. “Huh, so I do.” Then he raised his hand and wiped it on Jensen's side. “Well, looks like you do, too.”
Jensen's lip twitched, fighting a full on smile. “Seriously?”
Jared just grinned, so Jensen had no other option but to tackle him, sending him backwards onto the bed. Jared's “Dude, gross!” dissolved into quiet laughter as they playfully wrestled.
Jared found Jensen's smile to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and had to kiss him, so he planted a quick peck on Jensen's lips. Surprised by Jared's kiss during their 'wrestling' match, Jensen stilled, and with his clean hand brushed Jared's hair from his face before he leaned in for a much deeper kiss.
When they finally broke the kiss Jared mumbled, “Towel, maybe I should grab us a towel.”
After cleaning up and slipping back into their boxers, they curled up in Jared's bed. Neither could take their eyes off the other, not wanting to break the spell that seemed to be over them. Jensen couldn't remember ever feeling happier. Jared wanted to bask in the way Jensen was looking at him. His eyes held a look of fondness and affection and peace that Jared didn't remember seeing before.
Jensen kissed him again. Slowly, tenderly, until Jared whined quietly, “I fucking love kissing you. Knew you'd be perfect.”
Jensen smiled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Always knew we'd be perfect.”
“Me, too.”
“No, you don't get it.” Jared propped himself up on he elbows to make his point. “I wanted to be with you for the longest time. I used to daydream about being your boyfriend and what it would be like to ...” Jared paused, too embarrassed to continue.
“To what?”
Jared sunk back down. “Nothin'.”
Jensen understood. “You mean be like this,” he said, pointing back and forth between them. Jared met his eyes. “I did, too. A lot, like all the time.” Jared's eyes were wide with surprise. “That's why New Year's sucked so bad.”
“Jensen --”
“No, Jared, it's okay. It sucked then, but it's how I knew I was in love with you. It doesn't hurt if it's not love.”
Jared wrinkled his brow in confusion. Love wasn't supposed to hurt.
Seeing that Jared didn't understand, Jensen explained, “When Sasha and I broke up, I didn't care. I mean she could do whatever and it didn't bother me. With you, after New Year's, I wanted to fuckin' die. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I never felt like that before. With anyone.” He couldn't help but smile at the concern on Jared's face. “It made me realize that I love you.”
“I'm sorry I was too slow to see what was going on with us,” Jared replied.
“Hey, I didn't make it exactly clear, either.”
Jared slipped his fingers through Jensen's hair. “Let's not waste time arguing over who was more of an idiot, when we can be making out instead.”
A grin split Jensen's face as he moved closer to kiss him. He gently placed a hand on Jared's cheek, dragging his thumb over Jared's lower lip. This kiss wasn't tentative like their earlier ones. Jensen had kissed enough to know how to make someone want more.
It didn't take long until Jared felt himself getting hard again. Embarrassed that Jensen's kisses had that effect on him, Jared shifted his hips so that Jensen wouldn't feel it. Jensen, however, had the opposite idea. He inched closer and pressed against Jared's leg, making sure Jared had no doubt how the kiss was affecting him.
“Jared,” he panted. “You drive me fuckin' crazy.” He rolled his hips with more determination and delved deeper into the kiss.
Jared moaned and turned into Jensen's embrace so he would feel how he was similarly turned on. He slid his hand down to Jensen's ass and pulled him flush against him.
In the next moment, Jared cupped Jensen's face and stared into his eyes for a moment, panting under the sensations coursing through him. He had been worried he would disappoint Jensen since he wasn't as experienced, but Jensen's words gave him confidence. He rolled Jensen onto his back and fell into place between his legs.
Jensen stared up at him with wide eyes at the sudden move. Then Jared circled his hips causing Jensen to squeeze shut his eyes and bite his lip to stifle a moan. “Fuck, Jared,” he groaned on barely a breath. “That feels so good, don't stop.” He opened his eyes to find Jared looking at him with such tenderness that his breath caught in his throat. They were just moving in tandem, they weren't even naked, but suddenly this felt like much more than making out or sex.
Jensen felt every nerve tingling and his heart felt too full. He lifted his hand to brush back the hair from Jared's face. With one more undulation of his hips, Jared shuddered through his release. Holding Jared and feeling him come apart again made Jensen begin to tremble. Jared's hand was suddenly working him through his boxer briefs and he had to bite Jared's shoulder to stop from moaning too loudly as he, too, came in his shorts.
Jared couldn't fight a yawn. “I don't want to fall asleep.”
“Me either,” Jensen yawned.
“Don't leave. Don't leave until you absolutely have to and don't leave without saying good-bye. Promise.”
“Promise.”
His phone chirped it's alarm, Jensen shut it off, and begrudgingly woke up. He laid quietly next to Jared for a moment, enjoying the feel of being beside him. He was regretting his decision to join up early, but had it not been for that, last night would have never happened and last night was the best night of his life.
He instantly felt guilty for everything that happened. His insecurities multiplying in his head. He's certain that if he weren't leaving, Jared would never have been with him. He didn't want Jared to ever forget him, yet, at the same time, he didn't want Jared to feel guilty over last night.
He heard his mother's voice in his head, reminding him that Jared has a bright future and he'd be forgotten the minute Jared leaves for college. He looked around the room once more before allowing his gaze to return to the sleeping Jared. He tried to convince himself that the night before wasn't just a dream; that they were in love, but he's certain Jared's going to feel guilty over it and hate him.
“I can hear you thinking,” Jared mumbled, slowly opening his eyes.
“Go back to sleep, Jay,” he whispered back, leaning over to kiss Jared's forehead and caress his cheek.
“You leavin'?”
Jensen swallowed over the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”
Jared pulled his best friend into his arms. “I'm so glad you for stayed over last night.”
“Me, too.”
“It was the best night of my life.”
Jensen shook his head in disbelief. Reluctantly, Jensen crawled out of bed and dressed.
“Don't you dare get yourself killed. You're not allowed to get as much as a sunburn.”
Jensen glanced at him, not wanting to see his friend worried. “I'll be fine, Jared. I promise.”
Jared nodded and fell back onto the bed. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't know where to begin.
Jensen looked around to make sure he had everything as he thought of what to say to Jared. He wanted to tell him to have fun at prom and that college would be a blast and he'd do great, but he didn't want to think of all the things Jared would be doing without him. He was almost out the door, his hand was on the door knob when he turned to look at Jared. “I love you, Jared.”
Jared practically sprang from the bed to enclose Jensen in his arms. “I love you so much,” he whispered into Jensen's neck. “Don't ever forget that, or me.”
Jensen allowed himself to soak in Jared's love. “I could never forget you.”
They held on to each other for a long time. Jensen patted Jared's back, kissed his cheek and left.
Jared crawled back into his bed and clutched Jensen's pillow to his chest, wondering when he'd have the chance to hold the boy again.
End of part 1 Part 2 - Chapter 4