After Midnight ch 2/6
Title: After Midnight
Author: jillmariej
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: varies by chapter -- mostly pg some r in later chapters
word count: 3700 chapter 2 of 6 (completed but posted in parts)
warning: usual teenage angst, mentions of child abuse - though nothing too extreme
Birthday gift for hezio2 Hope you like it baby!
Disclaimer: This is just a fluffy au. No harm or disparagement is intended. I'm just casting these beautiful people in my written fantasy.
Jared and Jensen are the same age in this fiction and Jensen is the only child of Frank and Estelle. No Ackles or Padaleckis were hurt in the writing of this.
Summary: Jared and Jensen had been best friends forever and knew each other better than they knew themselves. They just need to get their timing right. Jensen thinks he's obvious, Jared's oblivious
Begins as a high school au and ends as adults.
New Year's Eve
11:40pm and still no sign of Jared. Jensen made the rounds of the party one more time but Jared was nowhere to be seen. Jared had better be laying in a ditch and dying, Jensen thought only to instantly regret it. Don't be dying. Just have the world's best excuse. He grabbed a bottle of sparkling wine and left the party.
He slowly drove to Jared's house, half hoping to find him in a ditch, mostly hoping to find him sick and dying at home. The house was dark, but Jensen walked around to the back and recognized the blue glow from the television. He peered through the window and saw Jared lounging on the couch with a huge bowl of snacks next to him.
Relief and anger tore at him. Great, Jared was fine, but then why didn't he go to Pete's?
The Padaleckis had never treated him like a guest, but Jensen wasn't sure if he should just walk in the door. If he knocked and Jared didn't answer, what would that mean? He took a breath to steady his nerves and turned the knob.
Quietly, he set the bottle down as he entered the family room. “Hey.”
“Jensen!” Jared bolted upright. “Holy shit dude, you scared me. What are you doing here?”
Jensen stared at him, unsure how to begin. “Lookin' for you. Why weren't you at Pete's?”
Jared shrugged and turned to the t.v. “Why aren't you there?”
“I was. I told you I had to work, but that I'd be there after. I got there at 10:30. I spent an hour looking for you.”
Jared glanced at him wondering why he sounded angry. “Pete's parties always turn into a couple thing, I really didn't want to be 'that guy'.”
Jensen sighed. He had no idea what Jared meant and he was beyond frustrated.
Hoping to snap Jensen out of his mood, Jared patted the seat next to him and teased playfully making a kissy face, “Aw, come on, Jensen. Come sit by me and we'll watch the ball drop and I'll even let you kiss me at midnight.”
Jensen didn't see anything playful in Jared's taunt. Instead, his vision turned red and something snapped. “What the fuck, Jared?”
“What?”
“You're mocking me? I mean, I get the 'friends' thing, that's fucking crystal. I don't even know why I thought otherwise, but a friend wouldn't mock me. Fuck you. I don't need this. Not from you.” He grabbed his pilfered bottle and left.
“Jensen? What are you talking about?” Jared chased him to the door. “Come on, man, get in here.” Jensen didn't acknowledge him, he just got in his car and drove off leaving a bewildered Jared standing in his empty driveway.
Having no place else to go, Jensen went home. His father was passed out, wheezing in his easy chair. His mother had her bottle and her cigarettes in front of her.
She took a look at him and smirked. “What are you doing home so early, Cinderella? Did the prince choose someone else and you turned into a pumpkin?” she cackled.
He ignored her and went to his room. He had been so stupid. Jared would rather be alone, watching shit tv, than be with him. His mom had been right. Apparently Jared thought doing nothing with no one was better than being with him.
His phone chirped, but he ignored it and shut it off. He opened the bottle he stole from Pete's and began to drink, hoping to forget the night.
He turned on his music to drown out the sounds of his parent's television or any other comments his mother might make. After another drink from the bottle, Jensen spilled out the rest. Drinking destroyed his parents, and he wasn't going to turn out like them.
The countdown to his birthday suddenly caught his eye. Only fifty nine days until he was eighteen. He checked his bank book and saw he nearly had enough savings to move out. But, he realized he didn't have a place to go. Returning the book to his desk, he saw his recruitment form and another solution began to take shape.
Jared tried calling, got voice mail. He tried texting, got ignored. His emails went unanswered. He decided seeing Jensen in person was the best idea only to have Mrs. Ackles tell him that Jensen wasn't home. Jared spent the rest of the winter break feeling queasy, like he knew he had failed a big test and was being left behind.
The Saturday before school restarted, Jared got a call from Chad. “Hey, did you and Jensen break up?”
“What? Break up? Chad, Jensen and I weren't going out.”
“Oh.” Chad paused for a minute. “Really?” he was quiet for another moment. “Well, that's good, 'cause Sasha Barres is all over your boy over here at Miller's house. You want me to go crack him upside his head.”
“No, Chad.” Jared laughed, he couldn't wrap his head around people thinking he and his best friend were dating. “Jensen can date whoever he wants.”
“Huh. Really? You guys were never together? We thought you were,” he mumbled as he hung up.
Jared stared at his phone. His friends thought he and Jensen were together? Unbelievable. Jared chuckled and began to text Jensen only to delete it when he remembered Jensen was ignoring him and also obviously busy with a girl.
Once school started, it became obvious that Jensen was avoiding him. In every class they shared, Jensen was the last one in the door and the first one out. He took a seat near the door, until the third day when Jared caught on and started sitting there. He smirked at the annoyance on Jensen's face when he found Jared in his seat.
Somehow, despite Jared's best efforts, Jensen managed to avoid him the rest of the week. It wasn't easy. They had four classes together and lunch and Jared stalked Jensen's locker, but Jensen would slip away before Jared got close.
At lunch, Jensen sat with Sasha and let himself be surrounded by her friends. He had never ignored all his friends because of a girl before, so Jared assumed Sasha must be pretty important. But as he watched his friend, he noticed that Jensen looked bored. He wasn't paying attention to the conversation around him; he was picking as his food and staring blankly at the things before him. Occasionally he would nod, otherwise there was no interaction between him and the crowd around him.
Over the weekend, Jared heard that Sasha and Jensen broke up. Apparently he left her at a diner to find her own way home. When he tried to reach out to Jensen, Jared found he was still being ignored. Monday morning found him waiting at Jensen's locker, hoping that maybe his friend would need him to get over the break up.
There was a slight panicked look in Jensen's eyes when he saw Jared at his locker, but he drew a breath and mumbled, “Hey.”
Jared's relieved smile at that little word could have lit a third world country; Jensen was speaking to him again. “Hey, how are you? I heard you and Sasha broke up. You okay?”
Jensen shrugged. “I'm fine.” He ditched his coat, wrote the number 45 on his white board and grabbed the books he needed. All without looking at Jared. “I gotta get to class.”
“You sure you're okay? I mean if you need somebody to talk to...”
“M'fine Jared.” He began to walk to his class. “Don't really wanna talk --”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jared answered, hurrying to catch up with him. “I know this isn't the best time, but since it's the only time you've acknowledged my existence recently, I want to apologize. I'm sorry for whatever it was that I did that got you so mad at me.”
Jensen nodded. “Whatever, Jare, I gotta go,” he said in a pained voice.
“Dammit Jensen, stop blowing me off.”
Jensen froze and in that moment Jared saw his best friend struggle to maintain composure. But, in an instant, it was gone and he had ducked into a classroom, leaving Jared alone in the bustling hallway.
In their next shared class, Jensen sat next to Jared causing hope to thrum through him. To their friends it seemed everything to returned to normal, but Jared knew it wasn't the same. Jensen never quite met his eye, instead, he kept his eyes downcast. His smile was so rare Jared thought he had forgotten what it looked like.
A few weeks later, Ben McKenzie stopped Jensen in the hall. “Hey, Jensen, what's going on with you and Jared?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you guys going out? Are you just friends? I know you're not with Sasha anymore so...”
Jensen's chest tightened with uncertainty. “Nothing is going on with Jared. And yeah, me and Sasha broke up. What's with the twenty questions?"
Ben shrugged. “You've seemed miserable lately. I thought maybe something happened with Jared.”
“No, I've always been a miserable s.o.b.,” Jensen chuckled. They were almost at his locker and he knew, without looking, that Jared would be there. He put a hand on Ben's shoulder and turned to face him. “You know what you should do? You should ask Jared out.”
“What?” Ben was stunned. He had been about to ask out Jensen.
“Ask Jared out. You guys would be great together. You're both smart and you have the same sense of humor. Yeah, I'm serious, you should do it.” He put his arm around Ben's shoulder and continued on to his locker. He wasn't surprised to see that Jared looked annoyed with him. “Hey, Jare.”
“Hi Jensen, Ben.”
Jensen nudged Ben's arm. “Ben here wants to ask you something.” He nudged Ben again and mouthed, 'go on'.
Ben blushed and ducked his head. “Um, so, Jared, you wanna go out sometime?”
Jared had been so busy being jealous of Jensen and Ben, he nearly missed the question. He blinked in surprise at the nervous guy before him. “Uh, yeah, okay, sure.”
Ben beamed. “Great. Okay, I'll call you.”
“Yeah, okay, call me.”
He watched Ben walk away and turned to Jensen. “I was not expecting that.”
Jensen pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. “Ben's a good guy. You guys'll have fun together.” He erased the number on his white board and grabbed his coat and tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy squeezing his heart.
With the addition of Ben to Jared's life, Jensen was able to dissolve into the background. His countdown was at single digits and he felt nearly invisible. Between classes, Ben and Jared were always together and lunch was the same. He no longer got the daily texts from Jared and as much as it hurt, he expected it would happen.
He knew Ben was a great guy; he'd have Jared's back if anyone tried to fuck with them for being gay. He didn't want to dwell on not being the one to watch out for Jared. Jensen reminded himself that he was going to lose Jared eventually, most definitely when Jared went off to college next fall, so losing him now shouldn't hurt so much. He still wanted to carve his heart out so he could handle seeing them together; and it didn't make him want Jared any less.
On February 28th, Jensen readied everything that he thought he was going to need and finally told his parents his plan. They were as uninterested in his future as they had been about his whole life, just confirming his choice to leave. There was only one last thing he wanted.
That night his countdown reached one, so he went to the tree house. He climbed the ladder that had once seemed so large though now his hands dwarfed the rungs. He closed the wooden shutters and switched on his small lantern. He couldn't stand without ducking down, but he didn't mind. He pulled out a blanket from a tote kept up there. It was small and smelled a bit, but it kept Jensen warm enough as he revisited every inch. He took his time and tried to call up as many memories as he could.
Jared couldn't help but smile as he came home from his date with Ben. Ice skating with hot chocolate after was romantic without being too over the top. The 'goodnight kiss' was nice. Jared thought they were getting better at it. It wasn't perfect. It didn't make him weak in the knees or a puddle of desire, but it was - nice.
He went to close the curtains on his bedroom window, when Jared swore he saw a light flicker in the tree house, but that would be impossible. Why would anyone be in the tree house? He looked again and sure enough there was a light but who would be in the tree house at this hour? There was only one possibility.
Jensen searched the tree house for a photograph he knew Jared had kept there. It was taken when the two of them were nine or ten. They had just returned from little league and were covered in dirt and dust. Their arms were around each others' shoulders and they both wore giant smiles. Jensen remembered how perfect that moment was, how happy he had been and he wasn't going to leave without the picture.
“Jensen?” He had been so lost in his memories he hadn't heard Jared climb the ladder. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for the picture from our little league championship.” He held up the framed picture for Jared to see before looking down at it with a fond smile. “Hey, remember that time your dad was helping us fix this place up and he smashed his thumb with the hammer, but he wouldn't swear in front of us kids so he said 'Mother Hubbard',” he replied with a laugh. Soon he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.. “And then he kept making up words instead of cussing.”
Jared's face broke into a blinding grin at Jensen's laughter. “Yeah. I mean how could I forget 'guhrl turnip'?” he asked making Jensen nearly double over.
He wiped his eyes as he composed himself. “Oh god, your dad is something else. I don't get why he thought I'd never heard a swear before.”
Jared was reeling. Jensen was smiling and laughing like he hadn't in so long and it made Jared's heart race and clench at the same time. What had happened? Where had this Jensen been for the past couple of months? He hadn't seen him this happy since Christmas and now it was....March first. “Oh my god, it's your birthday,” Jared said quietly as the realization washed over him. “Holy shit, Jensen, it's your birthday! You're eighteen!”
Before he could respond, Jared tackled him in a hug. Jensen closed his eyes and allowed himself to hold on for a moment as he memorized the feeling of Jared all around him.
“Get off me, man.” He shoved weakly at Jared's shoulders.
“No. you're freezing. How long have you been out here?” Jared asked. He sat back, but he rubbed Jensen's arms to warm him.
Suddenly nervous for being with Jared, Jensen's voice was weak. “Not that long, but it's getting late. I should go.”
“No, wait, come inside. I have your birthday present.” You have barely talked to me since New Year's, I'm not letting you go now.
“You shouldn't have gotten me anything. I mean we hardly--”
“Shut up, you're still my best friend even if you've barely spoken to me for months.” He regretted his words immediately as the light dimmed behind Jensen's eyes.
Guilt weighed down on him. Why did Jared have to catch him stealing that picture? He really could have done without the pain of this confrontation. “Jare, I'm sorry,” Jensen confessed quietly. “I overreacted.”
“It's okay, I'm sorry, too. Can you tell me why you got so angry with me?”
Jensen stayed quiet, unwilling to open that wound in front of Jared. He had already packed it away, buried deep inside with his other insecurities. He couldn't do this now, not when he was almost free.
Jared could see the struggle in his best friend and touched his arm, hoping to offer comfort or understanding or whatever was needed. “Jensen?”
It was the touch that broke him. “You stood me up. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but at the time,” Jensen paused before admitting quietly, “it hurt that you'd rather do nothing than be with me.”
Jared studied his best friend. He truly did look hurt and it was enough to make Jared confess something. “If this is about New Year's I didn't go to Pete's because people always hook up at his parties and I didn't want to see you making out with someone like Sasha Barres.”
“Sasha?! I wasn't with Sasha. I didn't get with her until like a week later!”
“Oh believe me, I know exactly when you and Sasha got together. Chad called me.” Jared chuckled nervously. “He thought you were cheating on me. I guess everybody thought we were dating.”
Jensen brushed a hand through his hair and mumbled, “Not everybody, you didn't.”
“Jensen, we weren't dating.” Jared's response sounded as uncertain as he felt.
“No, I guess we weren't. I don't know what you thought we were doing but that's why I asked you to Pete's party. Like you said people hook up at his parties, so I thought, when I kissed you at midnight you'd finally figure out how I felt.”
As far as Jared was concerned, the air left the tree house and the universe had come to a halt. Jensen had wanted to date him? Jensen had wanted to kiss him? He attempted to gulp air as his brain screamed, how did you fuck this up?
“I guess that's why I go so angry. You rejected me and made fun of me... and I know I deserved it after how I treated you and I knew we were just friends, and that you don't like me like that, but I thought maybe, 'cause it was New Year's...whatever, it was stupid.”
Jared was processing every word and kicking himself for being so wrapped up in himself that he never noticed what was happening with Jensen. Finally Jared murmured, “I didn't know...You should have told me.”
“I should have...?” Jensen blinked in confusion and anger and in the next moment he gave in to his frustration. “You're right, I should have. But I did the asking and the waiting. I needed you to meet me half way.”
He looked down at the photo in his hand and his chest seized with guilt. He was ruining what little time with Jared he had and an apology began to tumble out. “I'm sorry. I'm a fuck up. Just forget any of this happened, okay? I'll, I'll see ya later,” he rambled, setting down the picture and pushing his way to the exit.
He didn't get far because Jared grabbed his arm. “Jensen, hold on. Please, give me a second here.” Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn't know you - When I told you I was gay, you didn't say anything. Did you know then? I mean how can you be gay? You went out with Sasha. Hell, you took Joanna Kruppa to our junior prom! How was I supposed to know you're gay?”
Jensen shrugged. “I don't know if I am. I like girls. Dating Sasha was great for stress relief.” He was quiet while he gathered his thoughts. “I guess maybe I'm bi, but the only guy I like like that is you. I thought I was pretty damn obvious, too.”
Jared shook his head. He hadn't found Jensen obvious at all. But, as he reviewed recent events, he began to form a different conclusion. “You haven't dated all year. Since I told you. Not counting Sasha. Why?”
Jensen rubbed the back of his neck feeling both nervous and relieved. “I guess I was waiting for you.”
“But you never said anything!” Jared nearly shouted in exasperation. “You didn't,” he began and then blew out a breath. “You did. You asked me out. That was a date. Elf was a fucking date.” He groaned and hung his head in embarrassment before resting it on Jensen's shoulder. “Holy crap, I'm an idiot. Why would you put up with me?”
Jensen smoothed a hand over Jared's hair and tilted his head to rest on Jared's. “Because I love you, you idiot” was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it. Instead, he whispered, "Because you're my best friend."
Reluctantly, Jared pulled back to look Jensen in the eye. “Why did you tell Ben to ask me out?”
“Because you guys are like made for each other. Ben is a good guy. He's smart and good looking and he comes from a good family. You obviously like each other. I want you to be happy; he makes you happy.”
Jared thought his heart was breaking. He was happy. He and Ben were having a lot of fun together and he hadn't been dwelling on his feelings for Jensen. In fact, he hadn't talked to Jensen outside of school for over a week. Now, he was sinking in guilt. “What about you?”
“You know me, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about.” Jensen offered a tight smile that he knew Jared wouldn't accept, but it was all he could manage. “I've got to go, Jare. It's really late.”
“Jensen, it's Friday night, or Saturday morning, whatever. Stay over. We'll sleep in and my mom will make us breakfast and we can celebrate your birthday.”
Jensen shook his head. “No, that's nice of you and all and I appreciate it, but I'm going home.”
“You'll come by later, though, right?”
“Yeah, sure, later.” Jensen nodded but never met Jared's eye. He jumped from the tree house and jogged home.
Jared grabbed the picture and jumped down after him. He knew Jensen was lying about seeing him later. Quickly, and quietly so as not to disturb his family, he retrieved Jensen's gift from his room and raced over to his best friend's house.
chapter 3
Author: jillmariej
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: varies by chapter -- mostly pg some r in later chapters
word count: 3700 chapter 2 of 6 (completed but posted in parts)
warning: usual teenage angst, mentions of child abuse - though nothing too extreme
Birthday gift for hezio2 Hope you like it baby!
Disclaimer: This is just a fluffy au. No harm or disparagement is intended. I'm just casting these beautiful people in my written fantasy.
Jared and Jensen are the same age in this fiction and Jensen is the only child of Frank and Estelle. No Ackles or Padaleckis were hurt in the writing of this.
Summary: Jared and Jensen had been best friends forever and knew each other better than they knew themselves. They just need to get their timing right. Jensen thinks he's obvious, Jared's oblivious
Begins as a high school au and ends as adults.
New Year's Eve
11:40pm and still no sign of Jared. Jensen made the rounds of the party one more time but Jared was nowhere to be seen. Jared had better be laying in a ditch and dying, Jensen thought only to instantly regret it. Don't be dying. Just have the world's best excuse. He grabbed a bottle of sparkling wine and left the party.
He slowly drove to Jared's house, half hoping to find him in a ditch, mostly hoping to find him sick and dying at home. The house was dark, but Jensen walked around to the back and recognized the blue glow from the television. He peered through the window and saw Jared lounging on the couch with a huge bowl of snacks next to him.
Relief and anger tore at him. Great, Jared was fine, but then why didn't he go to Pete's?
The Padaleckis had never treated him like a guest, but Jensen wasn't sure if he should just walk in the door. If he knocked and Jared didn't answer, what would that mean? He took a breath to steady his nerves and turned the knob.
Quietly, he set the bottle down as he entered the family room. “Hey.”
“Jensen!” Jared bolted upright. “Holy shit dude, you scared me. What are you doing here?”
Jensen stared at him, unsure how to begin. “Lookin' for you. Why weren't you at Pete's?”
Jared shrugged and turned to the t.v. “Why aren't you there?”
“I was. I told you I had to work, but that I'd be there after. I got there at 10:30. I spent an hour looking for you.”
Jared glanced at him wondering why he sounded angry. “Pete's parties always turn into a couple thing, I really didn't want to be 'that guy'.”
Jensen sighed. He had no idea what Jared meant and he was beyond frustrated.
Hoping to snap Jensen out of his mood, Jared patted the seat next to him and teased playfully making a kissy face, “Aw, come on, Jensen. Come sit by me and we'll watch the ball drop and I'll even let you kiss me at midnight.”
Jensen didn't see anything playful in Jared's taunt. Instead, his vision turned red and something snapped. “What the fuck, Jared?”
“What?”
“You're mocking me? I mean, I get the 'friends' thing, that's fucking crystal. I don't even know why I thought otherwise, but a friend wouldn't mock me. Fuck you. I don't need this. Not from you.” He grabbed his pilfered bottle and left.
“Jensen? What are you talking about?” Jared chased him to the door. “Come on, man, get in here.” Jensen didn't acknowledge him, he just got in his car and drove off leaving a bewildered Jared standing in his empty driveway.
Having no place else to go, Jensen went home. His father was passed out, wheezing in his easy chair. His mother had her bottle and her cigarettes in front of her.
She took a look at him and smirked. “What are you doing home so early, Cinderella? Did the prince choose someone else and you turned into a pumpkin?” she cackled.
He ignored her and went to his room. He had been so stupid. Jared would rather be alone, watching shit tv, than be with him. His mom had been right. Apparently Jared thought doing nothing with no one was better than being with him.
His phone chirped, but he ignored it and shut it off. He opened the bottle he stole from Pete's and began to drink, hoping to forget the night.
He turned on his music to drown out the sounds of his parent's television or any other comments his mother might make. After another drink from the bottle, Jensen spilled out the rest. Drinking destroyed his parents, and he wasn't going to turn out like them.
The countdown to his birthday suddenly caught his eye. Only fifty nine days until he was eighteen. He checked his bank book and saw he nearly had enough savings to move out. But, he realized he didn't have a place to go. Returning the book to his desk, he saw his recruitment form and another solution began to take shape.
Jared tried calling, got voice mail. He tried texting, got ignored. His emails went unanswered. He decided seeing Jensen in person was the best idea only to have Mrs. Ackles tell him that Jensen wasn't home. Jared spent the rest of the winter break feeling queasy, like he knew he had failed a big test and was being left behind.
The Saturday before school restarted, Jared got a call from Chad. “Hey, did you and Jensen break up?”
“What? Break up? Chad, Jensen and I weren't going out.”
“Oh.” Chad paused for a minute. “Really?” he was quiet for another moment. “Well, that's good, 'cause Sasha Barres is all over your boy over here at Miller's house. You want me to go crack him upside his head.”
“No, Chad.” Jared laughed, he couldn't wrap his head around people thinking he and his best friend were dating. “Jensen can date whoever he wants.”
“Huh. Really? You guys were never together? We thought you were,” he mumbled as he hung up.
Jared stared at his phone. His friends thought he and Jensen were together? Unbelievable. Jared chuckled and began to text Jensen only to delete it when he remembered Jensen was ignoring him and also obviously busy with a girl.
Once school started, it became obvious that Jensen was avoiding him. In every class they shared, Jensen was the last one in the door and the first one out. He took a seat near the door, until the third day when Jared caught on and started sitting there. He smirked at the annoyance on Jensen's face when he found Jared in his seat.
Somehow, despite Jared's best efforts, Jensen managed to avoid him the rest of the week. It wasn't easy. They had four classes together and lunch and Jared stalked Jensen's locker, but Jensen would slip away before Jared got close.
At lunch, Jensen sat with Sasha and let himself be surrounded by her friends. He had never ignored all his friends because of a girl before, so Jared assumed Sasha must be pretty important. But as he watched his friend, he noticed that Jensen looked bored. He wasn't paying attention to the conversation around him; he was picking as his food and staring blankly at the things before him. Occasionally he would nod, otherwise there was no interaction between him and the crowd around him.
Over the weekend, Jared heard that Sasha and Jensen broke up. Apparently he left her at a diner to find her own way home. When he tried to reach out to Jensen, Jared found he was still being ignored. Monday morning found him waiting at Jensen's locker, hoping that maybe his friend would need him to get over the break up.
There was a slight panicked look in Jensen's eyes when he saw Jared at his locker, but he drew a breath and mumbled, “Hey.”
Jared's relieved smile at that little word could have lit a third world country; Jensen was speaking to him again. “Hey, how are you? I heard you and Sasha broke up. You okay?”
Jensen shrugged. “I'm fine.” He ditched his coat, wrote the number 45 on his white board and grabbed the books he needed. All without looking at Jared. “I gotta get to class.”
“You sure you're okay? I mean if you need somebody to talk to...”
“M'fine Jared.” He began to walk to his class. “Don't really wanna talk --”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jared answered, hurrying to catch up with him. “I know this isn't the best time, but since it's the only time you've acknowledged my existence recently, I want to apologize. I'm sorry for whatever it was that I did that got you so mad at me.”
Jensen nodded. “Whatever, Jare, I gotta go,” he said in a pained voice.
“Dammit Jensen, stop blowing me off.”
Jensen froze and in that moment Jared saw his best friend struggle to maintain composure. But, in an instant, it was gone and he had ducked into a classroom, leaving Jared alone in the bustling hallway.
In their next shared class, Jensen sat next to Jared causing hope to thrum through him. To their friends it seemed everything to returned to normal, but Jared knew it wasn't the same. Jensen never quite met his eye, instead, he kept his eyes downcast. His smile was so rare Jared thought he had forgotten what it looked like.
A few weeks later, Ben McKenzie stopped Jensen in the hall. “Hey, Jensen, what's going on with you and Jared?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you guys going out? Are you just friends? I know you're not with Sasha anymore so...”
Jensen's chest tightened with uncertainty. “Nothing is going on with Jared. And yeah, me and Sasha broke up. What's with the twenty questions?"
Ben shrugged. “You've seemed miserable lately. I thought maybe something happened with Jared.”
“No, I've always been a miserable s.o.b.,” Jensen chuckled. They were almost at his locker and he knew, without looking, that Jared would be there. He put a hand on Ben's shoulder and turned to face him. “You know what you should do? You should ask Jared out.”
“What?” Ben was stunned. He had been about to ask out Jensen.
“Ask Jared out. You guys would be great together. You're both smart and you have the same sense of humor. Yeah, I'm serious, you should do it.” He put his arm around Ben's shoulder and continued on to his locker. He wasn't surprised to see that Jared looked annoyed with him. “Hey, Jare.”
“Hi Jensen, Ben.”
Jensen nudged Ben's arm. “Ben here wants to ask you something.” He nudged Ben again and mouthed, 'go on'.
Ben blushed and ducked his head. “Um, so, Jared, you wanna go out sometime?”
Jared had been so busy being jealous of Jensen and Ben, he nearly missed the question. He blinked in surprise at the nervous guy before him. “Uh, yeah, okay, sure.”
Ben beamed. “Great. Okay, I'll call you.”
“Yeah, okay, call me.”
He watched Ben walk away and turned to Jensen. “I was not expecting that.”
Jensen pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. “Ben's a good guy. You guys'll have fun together.” He erased the number on his white board and grabbed his coat and tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy squeezing his heart.
With the addition of Ben to Jared's life, Jensen was able to dissolve into the background. His countdown was at single digits and he felt nearly invisible. Between classes, Ben and Jared were always together and lunch was the same. He no longer got the daily texts from Jared and as much as it hurt, he expected it would happen.
He knew Ben was a great guy; he'd have Jared's back if anyone tried to fuck with them for being gay. He didn't want to dwell on not being the one to watch out for Jared. Jensen reminded himself that he was going to lose Jared eventually, most definitely when Jared went off to college next fall, so losing him now shouldn't hurt so much. He still wanted to carve his heart out so he could handle seeing them together; and it didn't make him want Jared any less.
On February 28th, Jensen readied everything that he thought he was going to need and finally told his parents his plan. They were as uninterested in his future as they had been about his whole life, just confirming his choice to leave. There was only one last thing he wanted.
That night his countdown reached one, so he went to the tree house. He climbed the ladder that had once seemed so large though now his hands dwarfed the rungs. He closed the wooden shutters and switched on his small lantern. He couldn't stand without ducking down, but he didn't mind. He pulled out a blanket from a tote kept up there. It was small and smelled a bit, but it kept Jensen warm enough as he revisited every inch. He took his time and tried to call up as many memories as he could.
Jared couldn't help but smile as he came home from his date with Ben. Ice skating with hot chocolate after was romantic without being too over the top. The 'goodnight kiss' was nice. Jared thought they were getting better at it. It wasn't perfect. It didn't make him weak in the knees or a puddle of desire, but it was - nice.
He went to close the curtains on his bedroom window, when Jared swore he saw a light flicker in the tree house, but that would be impossible. Why would anyone be in the tree house? He looked again and sure enough there was a light but who would be in the tree house at this hour? There was only one possibility.
Jensen searched the tree house for a photograph he knew Jared had kept there. It was taken when the two of them were nine or ten. They had just returned from little league and were covered in dirt and dust. Their arms were around each others' shoulders and they both wore giant smiles. Jensen remembered how perfect that moment was, how happy he had been and he wasn't going to leave without the picture.
“Jensen?” He had been so lost in his memories he hadn't heard Jared climb the ladder. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for the picture from our little league championship.” He held up the framed picture for Jared to see before looking down at it with a fond smile. “Hey, remember that time your dad was helping us fix this place up and he smashed his thumb with the hammer, but he wouldn't swear in front of us kids so he said 'Mother Hubbard',” he replied with a laugh. Soon he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.. “And then he kept making up words instead of cussing.”
Jared's face broke into a blinding grin at Jensen's laughter. “Yeah. I mean how could I forget 'guhrl turnip'?” he asked making Jensen nearly double over.
He wiped his eyes as he composed himself. “Oh god, your dad is something else. I don't get why he thought I'd never heard a swear before.”
Jared was reeling. Jensen was smiling and laughing like he hadn't in so long and it made Jared's heart race and clench at the same time. What had happened? Where had this Jensen been for the past couple of months? He hadn't seen him this happy since Christmas and now it was....March first. “Oh my god, it's your birthday,” Jared said quietly as the realization washed over him. “Holy shit, Jensen, it's your birthday! You're eighteen!”
Before he could respond, Jared tackled him in a hug. Jensen closed his eyes and allowed himself to hold on for a moment as he memorized the feeling of Jared all around him.
“Get off me, man.” He shoved weakly at Jared's shoulders.
“No. you're freezing. How long have you been out here?” Jared asked. He sat back, but he rubbed Jensen's arms to warm him.
Suddenly nervous for being with Jared, Jensen's voice was weak. “Not that long, but it's getting late. I should go.”
“No, wait, come inside. I have your birthday present.” You have barely talked to me since New Year's, I'm not letting you go now.
“You shouldn't have gotten me anything. I mean we hardly--”
“Shut up, you're still my best friend even if you've barely spoken to me for months.” He regretted his words immediately as the light dimmed behind Jensen's eyes.
Guilt weighed down on him. Why did Jared have to catch him stealing that picture? He really could have done without the pain of this confrontation. “Jare, I'm sorry,” Jensen confessed quietly. “I overreacted.”
“It's okay, I'm sorry, too. Can you tell me why you got so angry with me?”
Jensen stayed quiet, unwilling to open that wound in front of Jared. He had already packed it away, buried deep inside with his other insecurities. He couldn't do this now, not when he was almost free.
Jared could see the struggle in his best friend and touched his arm, hoping to offer comfort or understanding or whatever was needed. “Jensen?”
It was the touch that broke him. “You stood me up. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but at the time,” Jensen paused before admitting quietly, “it hurt that you'd rather do nothing than be with me.”
Jared studied his best friend. He truly did look hurt and it was enough to make Jared confess something. “If this is about New Year's I didn't go to Pete's because people always hook up at his parties and I didn't want to see you making out with someone like Sasha Barres.”
“Sasha?! I wasn't with Sasha. I didn't get with her until like a week later!”
“Oh believe me, I know exactly when you and Sasha got together. Chad called me.” Jared chuckled nervously. “He thought you were cheating on me. I guess everybody thought we were dating.”
Jensen brushed a hand through his hair and mumbled, “Not everybody, you didn't.”
“Jensen, we weren't dating.” Jared's response sounded as uncertain as he felt.
“No, I guess we weren't. I don't know what you thought we were doing but that's why I asked you to Pete's party. Like you said people hook up at his parties, so I thought, when I kissed you at midnight you'd finally figure out how I felt.”
As far as Jared was concerned, the air left the tree house and the universe had come to a halt. Jensen had wanted to date him? Jensen had wanted to kiss him? He attempted to gulp air as his brain screamed, how did you fuck this up?
“I guess that's why I go so angry. You rejected me and made fun of me... and I know I deserved it after how I treated you and I knew we were just friends, and that you don't like me like that, but I thought maybe, 'cause it was New Year's...whatever, it was stupid.”
Jared was processing every word and kicking himself for being so wrapped up in himself that he never noticed what was happening with Jensen. Finally Jared murmured, “I didn't know...You should have told me.”
“I should have...?” Jensen blinked in confusion and anger and in the next moment he gave in to his frustration. “You're right, I should have. But I did the asking and the waiting. I needed you to meet me half way.”
He looked down at the photo in his hand and his chest seized with guilt. He was ruining what little time with Jared he had and an apology began to tumble out. “I'm sorry. I'm a fuck up. Just forget any of this happened, okay? I'll, I'll see ya later,” he rambled, setting down the picture and pushing his way to the exit.
He didn't get far because Jared grabbed his arm. “Jensen, hold on. Please, give me a second here.” Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn't know you - When I told you I was gay, you didn't say anything. Did you know then? I mean how can you be gay? You went out with Sasha. Hell, you took Joanna Kruppa to our junior prom! How was I supposed to know you're gay?”
Jensen shrugged. “I don't know if I am. I like girls. Dating Sasha was great for stress relief.” He was quiet while he gathered his thoughts. “I guess maybe I'm bi, but the only guy I like like that is you. I thought I was pretty damn obvious, too.”
Jared shook his head. He hadn't found Jensen obvious at all. But, as he reviewed recent events, he began to form a different conclusion. “You haven't dated all year. Since I told you. Not counting Sasha. Why?”
Jensen rubbed the back of his neck feeling both nervous and relieved. “I guess I was waiting for you.”
“But you never said anything!” Jared nearly shouted in exasperation. “You didn't,” he began and then blew out a breath. “You did. You asked me out. That was a date. Elf was a fucking date.” He groaned and hung his head in embarrassment before resting it on Jensen's shoulder. “Holy crap, I'm an idiot. Why would you put up with me?”
Jensen smoothed a hand over Jared's hair and tilted his head to rest on Jared's. “Because I love you, you idiot” was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it. Instead, he whispered, "Because you're my best friend."
Reluctantly, Jared pulled back to look Jensen in the eye. “Why did you tell Ben to ask me out?”
“Because you guys are like made for each other. Ben is a good guy. He's smart and good looking and he comes from a good family. You obviously like each other. I want you to be happy; he makes you happy.”
Jared thought his heart was breaking. He was happy. He and Ben were having a lot of fun together and he hadn't been dwelling on his feelings for Jensen. In fact, he hadn't talked to Jensen outside of school for over a week. Now, he was sinking in guilt. “What about you?”
“You know me, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about.” Jensen offered a tight smile that he knew Jared wouldn't accept, but it was all he could manage. “I've got to go, Jare. It's really late.”
“Jensen, it's Friday night, or Saturday morning, whatever. Stay over. We'll sleep in and my mom will make us breakfast and we can celebrate your birthday.”
Jensen shook his head. “No, that's nice of you and all and I appreciate it, but I'm going home.”
“You'll come by later, though, right?”
“Yeah, sure, later.” Jensen nodded but never met Jared's eye. He jumped from the tree house and jogged home.
Jared grabbed the picture and jumped down after him. He knew Jensen was lying about seeing him later. Quickly, and quietly so as not to disturb his family, he retrieved Jensen's gift from his room and raced over to his best friend's house.
chapter 3