(no subject)
So its been really really really long since I've posted anything and I'm sorry.
Mostly to myself. Getting some of this out just feels good, without having to edit it or say it a certain way to anyone. Just for my thoughts. Since I last posted, a lot has happened. When I posted that, I believe I was still talking to Andrew. Really stupid shit happened between us and I'm sad to say our friendship still isn't the same. But whatever, it happens. Well, after I stopped talking to Andrew, I started talking to this guy Chris, who worked next door to me and had his break in the same spot as me.
At first sight, I thought he was really attractive. So me being me, I flirted. I talked, I initiated. Well, you know how things go. Flirting here and there. Then one day we decided we should hang out. He came over and it all just happened so fast. We just fit together so well. We were cuddling before the night was over and kissing soon there after. I was so into him and him into me that it just worked. So a couple days of hanging out latter, we decided to only kiss each other. :D So we were dating. My first official, like he's my boyfriend, relationship of my adult life. But after like a week of falling fast, I realized that I was falling too fast. We went to a movie then dinner and then I told him that I didn't want things to get too serious because I didn't want it to be too hard on me when I came back to Michigan. So with that in the back of my mind, we set off. Things were going so well. We were kissing each other in passing. Just short pecks that showed how much we cared. I spent the night once or twice a week. It was awesome. But like all women, I found the need to fuck things up for myself because he was so good to me. I started talking to Mark as friends. And me being the fucking sucker for him that I am, it became more then that. I still felt so strongly for Chris but I knew that eventually I'd have to leave him. So I wanted something to come back to in Michigan, Mark. Well I fell for Chris. Like all the way. One night, like 3 am, he's laying there, possibly sleeping and I look at him and he is just so perfect that I can't handle it. So I whisper "It's going to be really hard to me for leave baby. Because... I love you." He opened his eyes and looked at me and touched my face and said "I love you too." It was so perfect that I get flustered thinking about it. Well all this happened and I still was talking to Mark. So after I told Chris that I loved him, I started to pull away from him without meaning it. Pulling away from Chris and talking more to Mark. I couldn't stop myself for no reason. I loved Chris but it was going to hurt so bad to leave him. So I stopped calling him and because we didn't have any overlapping shifts for like a week, I didn't see him either. I felt awful. Then he called me "Whats going on?" and it ended. Leaving was hard, but not as hard as it could have been.
Well I came back to Michigan in August(finally) and I was still talking to Mark. Well, there was something that happened last year and I wanted to tell him before anyone else did. It wasn't something that he would like but I wanted to be the one to tell him. So one night, I told him. He blew up on me and made me feel so bad. I felt awful for a few days until I decided to stop talking to him. If every conversation we had was going to be him rubbing it in my face, I didn't want a part of that. So one day, he was coming to MSU and he had told me that he wanted to see me. I was willing to see him to talk to see if we couldn't work things out. So he got all the way to to East Lansing and he went to a party. He came all the way here and didn't even come see me. That was that. I couldn't do it anymore. And that night, my phone got shut off. We didn't talk for like 2 months. Then over Thanksgiving, my phone was back on and I decided to just see how he was doing. So I sent him a text. And since then, its the same thing as it always is. He says something hurtful, I react, he spends the next two weeks being annoyed by him and his constant texts. Thats where I stand with that. I really wish I would just learn my lesson with him and just leave well enough alone. But no. Fucking idiot.
Well anyway, so I came back to school about 2 weeks after I got back from Florida. It was definitly not enough time with the moms and pops. Well, I moved in, and my room was ok. I'm in a different dorm this year. One that I like so much better. Well, no roommate and it was supposed to be someone I knew from last year. So I called the girl and she told me she wasn't moving in. So, I was roommate-less. So things were good. Chilling, classing, whatnot. Made friends with a few of the girls on the floor and things were going ok. Well, in October I broke my arm. My clutz ass slipped and fell on wet stairs. Luckily, I only slipped on the landing. But having no insurance, shit gets expensive. Well whatever, so they gave me these wicked pain killers that were making me really bitchy. And a couple of the girls that I was really good friends with, got really offended by some of the shit I was saying/doing so we kind of drifted apart. Whatever. Well, a couple different girls on my floor really reached out and offered to help me with stuff because of my arm and we really became good friends. Haley, Meghann, Sammi, Liz, and Emily. Haley is probably the one I relate the best to. Besides the fact that she's 6'0", blonde, and drop dead gorgeous, we're like two peas in a pod. My arm definitly changed a lot.
Well way back on my birthday (September), I got into this mini-quasi-relationship with this guy Matt. He was really great guy but it was too much too soon. It lasted like a week. Way to go Jill.
So anyway. I got a job in the cafeteria at my dorm like a week before my birthday. Which was, whatever. But it needed to be done. I had no money, no phone, and no prospects. So it was ok. All the girls were pretty much shitty but all the guys were really really nice. So I made it my own thing. Well my first day, I noticed this kid in uniform wearing these new kicks. I was so confused, why would he wear new shoes to work? So I started messing with him, he turned around and I found out his name was Lucas. He was beautiful. So over the next couple of weeks, I would point out his shoes and why he's wearing new ones to work. We joked around back and forth for a while then it turned into flirting. After a while, I got into him. And it was something different. Then one day I decided to ask him to hang out. He agreed, well for like two weeks, we'd make plans, shit would happen, ect.... Until one day, I was like "Look, we just need to hang, okay?" and so we decided to go see Superbad together at Wells. It was really nice. Then afterwards, he came over and we hung for a little while. Nothing happened but it was really good to just hang out with him in any other context then work or online. Well after that, our relationship shifted again. So we were still friends but it was different. So one day, he flat out asked me what I tought of him and I told him. Then I asked him what he thought of me and he told me. He's into me, and I'm like really into him. But he said he's got way too much shit going on right now in his life to get anything started. I understand this and I want to give him his space. Hanging with him is just so cool though. I love to be around him and I really like where things are right now. Its clear we like each other and everyone around us sees it. :O) Its nice for right now. Maybe something more soon
So to describe him: He's 6'0", brown hair, blue eyes, cute. He's a skateboarder. :D He's like kind of rocker/ and kind of ghetto. Its so funny. He's really funny and jokes around all the time. He's pretty much amazing.
Oh and for those of you who don't venture to facebook or myspace, I have two new tattoos. I have two Jack Skellington faces on my chest, one happy face and one sad face.
Peace and Love Avid Readers.
Jilly.
Mostly to myself. Getting some of this out just feels good, without having to edit it or say it a certain way to anyone. Just for my thoughts. Since I last posted, a lot has happened. When I posted that, I believe I was still talking to Andrew. Really stupid shit happened between us and I'm sad to say our friendship still isn't the same. But whatever, it happens. Well, after I stopped talking to Andrew, I started talking to this guy Chris, who worked next door to me and had his break in the same spot as me.
At first sight, I thought he was really attractive. So me being me, I flirted. I talked, I initiated. Well, you know how things go. Flirting here and there. Then one day we decided we should hang out. He came over and it all just happened so fast. We just fit together so well. We were cuddling before the night was over and kissing soon there after. I was so into him and him into me that it just worked. So a couple days of hanging out latter, we decided to only kiss each other. :D So we were dating. My first official, like he's my boyfriend, relationship of my adult life. But after like a week of falling fast, I realized that I was falling too fast. We went to a movie then dinner and then I told him that I didn't want things to get too serious because I didn't want it to be too hard on me when I came back to Michigan. So with that in the back of my mind, we set off. Things were going so well. We were kissing each other in passing. Just short pecks that showed how much we cared. I spent the night once or twice a week. It was awesome. But like all women, I found the need to fuck things up for myself because he was so good to me. I started talking to Mark as friends. And me being the fucking sucker for him that I am, it became more then that. I still felt so strongly for Chris but I knew that eventually I'd have to leave him. So I wanted something to come back to in Michigan, Mark. Well I fell for Chris. Like all the way. One night, like 3 am, he's laying there, possibly sleeping and I look at him and he is just so perfect that I can't handle it. So I whisper "It's going to be really hard to me for leave baby. Because... I love you." He opened his eyes and looked at me and touched my face and said "I love you too." It was so perfect that I get flustered thinking about it. Well all this happened and I still was talking to Mark. So after I told Chris that I loved him, I started to pull away from him without meaning it. Pulling away from Chris and talking more to Mark. I couldn't stop myself for no reason. I loved Chris but it was going to hurt so bad to leave him. So I stopped calling him and because we didn't have any overlapping shifts for like a week, I didn't see him either. I felt awful. Then he called me "Whats going on?" and it ended. Leaving was hard, but not as hard as it could have been.
Well I came back to Michigan in August(finally) and I was still talking to Mark. Well, there was something that happened last year and I wanted to tell him before anyone else did. It wasn't something that he would like but I wanted to be the one to tell him. So one night, I told him. He blew up on me and made me feel so bad. I felt awful for a few days until I decided to stop talking to him. If every conversation we had was going to be him rubbing it in my face, I didn't want a part of that. So one day, he was coming to MSU and he had told me that he wanted to see me. I was willing to see him to talk to see if we couldn't work things out. So he got all the way to to East Lansing and he went to a party. He came all the way here and didn't even come see me. That was that. I couldn't do it anymore. And that night, my phone got shut off. We didn't talk for like 2 months. Then over Thanksgiving, my phone was back on and I decided to just see how he was doing. So I sent him a text. And since then, its the same thing as it always is. He says something hurtful, I react, he spends the next two weeks being annoyed by him and his constant texts. Thats where I stand with that. I really wish I would just learn my lesson with him and just leave well enough alone. But no. Fucking idiot.
Well anyway, so I came back to school about 2 weeks after I got back from Florida. It was definitly not enough time with the moms and pops. Well, I moved in, and my room was ok. I'm in a different dorm this year. One that I like so much better. Well, no roommate and it was supposed to be someone I knew from last year. So I called the girl and she told me she wasn't moving in. So, I was roommate-less. So things were good. Chilling, classing, whatnot. Made friends with a few of the girls on the floor and things were going ok. Well, in October I broke my arm. My clutz ass slipped and fell on wet stairs. Luckily, I only slipped on the landing. But having no insurance, shit gets expensive. Well whatever, so they gave me these wicked pain killers that were making me really bitchy. And a couple of the girls that I was really good friends with, got really offended by some of the shit I was saying/doing so we kind of drifted apart. Whatever. Well, a couple different girls on my floor really reached out and offered to help me with stuff because of my arm and we really became good friends. Haley, Meghann, Sammi, Liz, and Emily. Haley is probably the one I relate the best to. Besides the fact that she's 6'0", blonde, and drop dead gorgeous, we're like two peas in a pod. My arm definitly changed a lot.
Well way back on my birthday (September), I got into this mini-quasi-relationship with this guy Matt. He was really great guy but it was too much too soon. It lasted like a week. Way to go Jill.
So anyway. I got a job in the cafeteria at my dorm like a week before my birthday. Which was, whatever. But it needed to be done. I had no money, no phone, and no prospects. So it was ok. All the girls were pretty much shitty but all the guys were really really nice. So I made it my own thing. Well my first day, I noticed this kid in uniform wearing these new kicks. I was so confused, why would he wear new shoes to work? So I started messing with him, he turned around and I found out his name was Lucas. He was beautiful. So over the next couple of weeks, I would point out his shoes and why he's wearing new ones to work. We joked around back and forth for a while then it turned into flirting. After a while, I got into him. And it was something different. Then one day I decided to ask him to hang out. He agreed, well for like two weeks, we'd make plans, shit would happen, ect.... Until one day, I was like "Look, we just need to hang, okay?" and so we decided to go see Superbad together at Wells. It was really nice. Then afterwards, he came over and we hung for a little while. Nothing happened but it was really good to just hang out with him in any other context then work or online. Well after that, our relationship shifted again. So we were still friends but it was different. So one day, he flat out asked me what I tought of him and I told him. Then I asked him what he thought of me and he told me. He's into me, and I'm like really into him. But he said he's got way too much shit going on right now in his life to get anything started. I understand this and I want to give him his space. Hanging with him is just so cool though. I love to be around him and I really like where things are right now. Its clear we like each other and everyone around us sees it. :O) Its nice for right now. Maybe something more soon
So to describe him: He's 6'0", brown hair, blue eyes, cute. He's a skateboarder. :D He's like kind of rocker/ and kind of ghetto. Its so funny. He's really funny and jokes around all the time. He's pretty much amazing.
Oh and for those of you who don't venture to facebook or myspace, I have two new tattoos. I have two Jack Skellington faces on my chest, one happy face and one sad face.
Peace and Love Avid Readers.
Jilly.