(no subject)
im not an attention snob at all. ever. i dont get offended easily. ever.
but i am seriously wondering about my friendship with kathy and derrick. its very one sided in my opinion. i have been acting off around them and anyone can tell. but no one has asked me if im ok. or if something is wrong with me. or anything. i mean, even if you dont mean it, dont you ask your friends if they are ok?
and i thought it was maybe just me but when i hang out with erin and victor i dont feel excluded. i feel happy. they crack my shit up. i love them. theyre together and i never feel alone or annoyed or bothered by them. but kathy and derrick arnt even together and just being around them annoys the living hell out of me. because even though we are ok now, i still feel like im unwanted when im around them.
honestly, i want to go home. yes, i know. i do this every few weeks. i get sad and then i want to go home. and then i go home for all of two hours and then im upset about being home.
i think what is it is that i want my own space. badly. i dont have anything resembling my own space in daytona and i have pseudo space in ocala. but when im in ocala i have no friends. at least if i had my own space in daytona i could go lock myself in there for a while and hug my dog and then come out when i was feeling better.
idk.
and when i move back in the summer what exactly am i going to do? am i going to live with erin? is she going to want to live with me? if not, am i going to live by myself? that ridic expensive. i just dont know what im going to do at this point.
i just really miss my dogs!? is that crazy? am i crazy? to be so attached to something?
and i hate living with a child. i cant do it anymore. it literally makes me want to stab myself in the face repeatedly.
i need to get away.
-jillian
but i am seriously wondering about my friendship with kathy and derrick. its very one sided in my opinion. i have been acting off around them and anyone can tell. but no one has asked me if im ok. or if something is wrong with me. or anything. i mean, even if you dont mean it, dont you ask your friends if they are ok?
and i thought it was maybe just me but when i hang out with erin and victor i dont feel excluded. i feel happy. they crack my shit up. i love them. theyre together and i never feel alone or annoyed or bothered by them. but kathy and derrick arnt even together and just being around them annoys the living hell out of me. because even though we are ok now, i still feel like im unwanted when im around them.
honestly, i want to go home. yes, i know. i do this every few weeks. i get sad and then i want to go home. and then i go home for all of two hours and then im upset about being home.
i think what is it is that i want my own space. badly. i dont have anything resembling my own space in daytona and i have pseudo space in ocala. but when im in ocala i have no friends. at least if i had my own space in daytona i could go lock myself in there for a while and hug my dog and then come out when i was feeling better.
idk.
and when i move back in the summer what exactly am i going to do? am i going to live with erin? is she going to want to live with me? if not, am i going to live by myself? that ridic expensive. i just dont know what im going to do at this point.
i just really miss my dogs!? is that crazy? am i crazy? to be so attached to something?
and i hate living with a child. i cant do it anymore. it literally makes me want to stab myself in the face repeatedly.
i need to get away.
-jillian