wuts really frustrating, is how ppl don't know each other any more

[jilibean]

i went to lees house yesterday. ines, ralph, jana, and ralphs cousin fernando was there. we got drunk...(rather tipsy) slept over lee's house and all is well. yeah ralph and ines had sex!...and i found out jana had sex too. leanna knew before i did. i mean im not surprised just...wutever. i had to go home. i cudnt wait to go home. everyone and there perfect relationships...semi perfect..in love, semi in love...wutever. everyone and everything is pissing me off lately. im depressed but dont feel like crying. im sitting in lees house thinking...i have nothing in common with these ppl. i cant believe ive actually known leanna for like 10 years and our relationship is the way it is now. jana whom ive known ALL my life, we're so distant. im remembering wut tasha said about us not acting like we're cousins. its retarded how ppl come and go in and out of my life. its very frightening. maybe its their looks. i felt i was looking bad but good at the same time yesterday..and leanna's like "wuts up with ur hair?!" thats the first thing she asks/tells me...and "y did u get colored contacts!?" its like hi how r u...and then idk i felt like shit. like for some reason i guess i do put them on a pedestal and that upsets myself...everytime i come from seeing them i feel low. fat and ugly, and now im really feeling like tai deserves better. (u kno yesterday MAY 22, 2004, was me and Tai's 1 month meeting anniversary. lol APRIL 22, 2004, was the day i first met him...omg how gay am i...i never remember shit like that

i NEED TO STUDY!!!!

~cIaO~
*Jilly*