Moments 7/14
The Doctor pushed open the door with rage. He could feel the storm brewing inside of him, ready to be released.
Then he realized where he was.
A cupboard.
Why was it always a cupboard?
Sighing, the storm having settled for the moment, he reached the door and peeked through.
Rose.
His hearts leapt. She was wearing the same thing he had just seen her disappear in, a red hooded sweater, white shirt and black pants.
She was alive!
He could see himself pulling at wires on the floor. Rose was attempting conversation.
“I’m just too good,” he heard her say.
He smiled, absentmindedly. He knew the words to be true, but he also knew she didn’t believe them.
All of a sudden, he saw himself jump up, startling both him and Rose. Then he saw future him plant a kiss on her forehead. The sight made him uncomfortable. He hadn’t been that close to another…anything…in quite awhile. He was witnessing so much affection too quickly. It was giving him whiplash.
He saw himself rush into the Tardis, Rose trailing behind.
Well, that didn’t make sense. From what he could tell from his hiding place, it seemed like…well, the end of the world. He had felt it many times over, he knew the signs: him, always alone, trying helplessly to stop it. He saw the look in his eyes, he knew it well.
So, why was he leaving? He only leaves after the job is done.
He heard a door close and looked up to see himself staring back at his beloved ship as she de-materialized into nothingness.
Oh.
His hearts swelled and his mind spun. Leaving the door slightly ajar, he staggered back.
This was getting to be too much. He was seeing too much.
Without trying, he realized what he was doing out there.
He sent her back. Sent her home.
Of course he did.
But…it was all meeting the same conclusion. A conclusion he couldn’t believe. Could never believe.
It simply didn’t happen to him. Never.
He sighed, nearly conquered. Never say never ever.
Refusing to believe his false conclusion, he looked over at the future him. Sadness was swimming in those centuries-old eyes of his.
That is why he never got too close. Not again.
The pain burned.
He wasn’t even there experiencing it firsthand and yet he could feel it.
Loss.
Always the loss.
Time passed and the Doctor stayed standing for who knew how long. He could hear the Dalek talking to him, and he knew it was the end.
So this is how he died in this future…alone and afraid.
Better a coward than a killer.
He was about to turn around to go back into his Tardis, determined to forget this future when he heard it.
The sound only one machine could make.
His machine.
He jogged back to the door, his hearts in his throat.
How could this be?
The Doctor saw the Tardis materialize before the other him. A bright golden light was shining through its now opened doors. Where was Rose? Who had flown the Tardis? His massive mind was raging with thoughts.
“What have you done?” he heard himself ask. The Doctor flinched at the desperation and fear in his voice. He was unaccustomed to hearing it so.
Then he heard her voice. It was chilling and heavenly at the same time.
“I looked into the Tardis and the Tardis looked into me.”
He felt himself stun and knew that the future him was standing just as still, not breathing.
She did…what? No one…NO ONE was ever supposed to do that.
“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words…”
And scatter them.
He had already seen them. The words littered his travels, but he just thought…
How did she do that?
“Rose, you’ve got to stop this, you’ve got to stop this now! You’ve the entire vortex running through your head, you’re gonna burn!” he heard himself yell the words, making him shake with the realization.
Burn.
No more. Please, no more.
“I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false God.”
The Doctor looked up from behind the door.
My Doctor.
She called him hers.
He felt his hearts quicken in their steps. He couldn’t remember clearly the last time he belonged anywhere. But here was Rose Tyler…a simply fantastic girl…calling him hers.
It felt like home.
He swallowed hard and wanted with all his might to leave and forget her.
But was that even an option anymore?
Before he could determine what to do, he realized what Rose was doing.
One by one…millions upon millions of Daleks ceased to exist with the wave of her hand. The Doctor felt his eyes widen in disbelief.
What was she?
“Rose, you’ve done it, now stop.”
He swallowed, the large lump refusing to go away.
Was this how Rose dies? In the future, saving him?
He wanted to yell out to his future self and urge him to do something. Whoever she was, whoever she was to become in his life…he couldn’t experience losing her like this.
“Come here…” he heard himself, practically a whisper.
What? What was that tone…it was almost…
“I think you need a Doctor.”
WHAT? Blimey, talk about cheesy…
So this is what he became in the future? Some idiot with a knack for corny one-liners.
The Doctor was so busy scoffing at his remark that he failed to realize what the future him was about to do.
But it didn’t take long for it to register.
He saw himself pull her close, the golden swirls hanging around their heads. He could hardly believe what he was seeing. Hadn’t he learned anything?
The Doctor placed his lips over hers and kissed her. A sweet, tender and lingering kiss. It was so real that it made his head spin.
He felt the world stop beneath his feet. Which was impossible.
But, oh, he always did like impossible.
He looked on, seeing how freely he moved with her…like two missing pieces of a puzzle. She responded to him, as much as she could in her state. The Doctor knew that he was taking the vortex out of her…but there were so many ways of doing that…and that was not necessary to do so.
But he did it anyway.
Was it possible for him to be jealous of himself?
He forced himself away from the sight and walked back to the Tardis.
He knew what was going to happen now.
***
Eight
Then he realized where he was.
A cupboard.
Why was it always a cupboard?
Sighing, the storm having settled for the moment, he reached the door and peeked through.
Rose.
His hearts leapt. She was wearing the same thing he had just seen her disappear in, a red hooded sweater, white shirt and black pants.
She was alive!
He could see himself pulling at wires on the floor. Rose was attempting conversation.
“I’m just too good,” he heard her say.
He smiled, absentmindedly. He knew the words to be true, but he also knew she didn’t believe them.
All of a sudden, he saw himself jump up, startling both him and Rose. Then he saw future him plant a kiss on her forehead. The sight made him uncomfortable. He hadn’t been that close to another…anything…in quite awhile. He was witnessing so much affection too quickly. It was giving him whiplash.
He saw himself rush into the Tardis, Rose trailing behind.
Well, that didn’t make sense. From what he could tell from his hiding place, it seemed like…well, the end of the world. He had felt it many times over, he knew the signs: him, always alone, trying helplessly to stop it. He saw the look in his eyes, he knew it well.
So, why was he leaving? He only leaves after the job is done.
He heard a door close and looked up to see himself staring back at his beloved ship as she de-materialized into nothingness.
Oh.
His hearts swelled and his mind spun. Leaving the door slightly ajar, he staggered back.
This was getting to be too much. He was seeing too much.
Without trying, he realized what he was doing out there.
He sent her back. Sent her home.
Of course he did.
But…it was all meeting the same conclusion. A conclusion he couldn’t believe. Could never believe.
It simply didn’t happen to him. Never.
He sighed, nearly conquered. Never say never ever.
Refusing to believe his false conclusion, he looked over at the future him. Sadness was swimming in those centuries-old eyes of his.
That is why he never got too close. Not again.
The pain burned.
He wasn’t even there experiencing it firsthand and yet he could feel it.
Loss.
Always the loss.
Time passed and the Doctor stayed standing for who knew how long. He could hear the Dalek talking to him, and he knew it was the end.
So this is how he died in this future…alone and afraid.
Better a coward than a killer.
He was about to turn around to go back into his Tardis, determined to forget this future when he heard it.
The sound only one machine could make.
His machine.
He jogged back to the door, his hearts in his throat.
How could this be?
The Doctor saw the Tardis materialize before the other him. A bright golden light was shining through its now opened doors. Where was Rose? Who had flown the Tardis? His massive mind was raging with thoughts.
“What have you done?” he heard himself ask. The Doctor flinched at the desperation and fear in his voice. He was unaccustomed to hearing it so.
Then he heard her voice. It was chilling and heavenly at the same time.
“I looked into the Tardis and the Tardis looked into me.”
He felt himself stun and knew that the future him was standing just as still, not breathing.
She did…what? No one…NO ONE was ever supposed to do that.
“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words…”
And scatter them.
He had already seen them. The words littered his travels, but he just thought…
How did she do that?
“Rose, you’ve got to stop this, you’ve got to stop this now! You’ve the entire vortex running through your head, you’re gonna burn!” he heard himself yell the words, making him shake with the realization.
Burn.
No more. Please, no more.
“I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false God.”
The Doctor looked up from behind the door.
My Doctor.
She called him hers.
He felt his hearts quicken in their steps. He couldn’t remember clearly the last time he belonged anywhere. But here was Rose Tyler…a simply fantastic girl…calling him hers.
It felt like home.
He swallowed hard and wanted with all his might to leave and forget her.
But was that even an option anymore?
Before he could determine what to do, he realized what Rose was doing.
One by one…millions upon millions of Daleks ceased to exist with the wave of her hand. The Doctor felt his eyes widen in disbelief.
What was she?
“Rose, you’ve done it, now stop.”
He swallowed, the large lump refusing to go away.
Was this how Rose dies? In the future, saving him?
He wanted to yell out to his future self and urge him to do something. Whoever she was, whoever she was to become in his life…he couldn’t experience losing her like this.
“Come here…” he heard himself, practically a whisper.
What? What was that tone…it was almost…
“I think you need a Doctor.”
WHAT? Blimey, talk about cheesy…
So this is what he became in the future? Some idiot with a knack for corny one-liners.
The Doctor was so busy scoffing at his remark that he failed to realize what the future him was about to do.
But it didn’t take long for it to register.
He saw himself pull her close, the golden swirls hanging around their heads. He could hardly believe what he was seeing. Hadn’t he learned anything?
The Doctor placed his lips over hers and kissed her. A sweet, tender and lingering kiss. It was so real that it made his head spin.
He felt the world stop beneath his feet. Which was impossible.
But, oh, he always did like impossible.
He looked on, seeing how freely he moved with her…like two missing pieces of a puzzle. She responded to him, as much as she could in her state. The Doctor knew that he was taking the vortex out of her…but there were so many ways of doing that…and that was not necessary to do so.
But he did it anyway.
Was it possible for him to be jealous of himself?
He forced himself away from the sight and walked back to the Tardis.
He knew what was going to happen now.
***
Eight