"And we can build through this destruction, as we are standing on our feet..."
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson ---
I've been a little frustrated with some things these past few days. But, I think I'm ready to let it go. I'm a perfectionist, and sometimes it's hard to just let things go and realize that it's not my job to fix it. All I can do is continue doing the things I need to do... to the best of my ability. And, if someone else drops the ball... it's just not my fault. Unfortunately, I care too much about other people's success... and the success of the group as a whole. So, I try to do and say helpful things based upon my own experience, but I become frustrated when those things go in one ear and out the other. I take responsibility for my own actions. I'm the only person that can ensure my success or failure. I wish that I saw more of that. But, every day is a new day, and I accept each day for what it is. Every day will bring new mistakes and challenges, but I cannot cope with those if I'm still holding on to yesterday's mistakes. So, I'm letting it go and making the best of today...
I think one of the biggest reasons that it's been building up inside me is because I don't feel like I have anyone that I can talk to anymore... about EVERYTHING! I used to have a best friend that at the end of the day, I could vent every little insignificant detail to... just to let it all out... and after that, I could be done with it. Don't get me wrong... I have amazing friends in my life right now!! People that I can talk to and make me feel good. But, there's a comfort in having that ONE person that you know you can go to with anything at the end of the day... and they will either support you, or tell you how stupid you're being (and it's ok.) It's that one person that you can talk to without any fear. I had that once, and I'd really like to find it again. Not with the same person as before, because he was extremely wrong for me, and I'm glad that he is not in my life anymore. But, there is a void where that friendship used to be. It's a little lonely.
But, I think I'm on a good track right now. I'm headed in the right direction. In general, I'm very happy with my life right now. I've been through many ups and downs, and I consider this time to be on the "up-side." I'm finding a strength in myself that I haven't felt for a long time. It feels good. So, I don't want to let these little frustrations take ahold of my life. I take my life back. BOOYAH! That's right. I'm in charge again - ready to go - bring it on!!!
And otherwise, life is good. Maybe a better word for it right now is "intriguing." There are interesting things happening, and I'm just going with it... trying not to stand in my own way (which I have a tendency to do.) This is new territory though, so I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. I'm used to having to struggle so much for everything. Things have never really just been easy for me. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the insecurities and just let things happen. Sometimes I don't know how to let good things happen to me. But, ummmm... the phrase that I've been using and best describes my state right now: "We'll see..."
"Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?..."
--- Gavin DeGraw ---