Lost
So I sent my papers in to UConn last week. I'm excited about that. My dad is totally pissed about the whole thing, but he really has no reasons to be pissed. He says he doesn't understand why I won't just go to a school that is totally paid for over a school in which I'll have to take a loan out. He doesn't get it no matter what I say. He doesn't like change, but then again most people don't. My mom is used the idea now about me going farther away. I'm sure she'll freak out the sooner it gets to next semester, but that's a little time away. I'm a little freaked out myself just because I'll be so far from home, and I'll know absolutely no one. Not a single soul. I'm sure I'll meet friends, but it's hard to think of that now. I just think that a lot of people will already have their little groups. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure I'll be fine.. It's just going to be so different next year. I won't be able to go home whenever I want. I hope I'm ready for that... I'll just push myself if I'm not though.
I have been feeling really lost lately. Just in everything I do. I want to make everyone in my life happy, but it somehow doesn't work at all. It comes off looking like I care about myself only. That's not the truth. I have many people I care about, and although I may not always show that, I really do care. I don't want any of my family or friends to be upset for any reasons. I hurt when they hurt, I try to make things better even if I know I can't. I happy for my family and friends is something good happens in their life. I sometimes care too much about people that I shouldn't also. It comes off looking like I don't really care about those close to me. That's part of my problem, I try to please everyone. I often try to please those that I'm not so close with over those that I am close with. I don't know why the hell I do that. There's clearly people in my life that I care about more than others. I just don't know why I can't change this. I know how I'm acting is wrong, but yet I keep doing it. Sometimes I think I change but then nope, I really haven't. It's just one thing after another. I wish I could get past this. I guess I haven't been putting in the effort I should be.
That's enough of the negative talk now. I do that too much. Only like 25 school days left and like 40 days until I go home for good. I'm looking forward to leaving SAU but not to going home and dealing with parents. It's just so different there now. I'm used to doing whatever I want whenever I want without telling anyone. When I'm home, my parents constantly question me on where I'm going and who with. It just drives me nuts. I'm sure everyone goes through this though. I'm going to a concert next Saturday. It should be fun, I think.
I should go now. I have more studying to do. This whole time change always throws my body off.
Oh and I'm in love still...I just don't know if things are going to work out. I want everything to more than anything...
I have been feeling really lost lately. Just in everything I do. I want to make everyone in my life happy, but it somehow doesn't work at all. It comes off looking like I care about myself only. That's not the truth. I have many people I care about, and although I may not always show that, I really do care. I don't want any of my family or friends to be upset for any reasons. I hurt when they hurt, I try to make things better even if I know I can't. I happy for my family and friends is something good happens in their life. I sometimes care too much about people that I shouldn't also. It comes off looking like I don't really care about those close to me. That's part of my problem, I try to please everyone. I often try to please those that I'm not so close with over those that I am close with. I don't know why the hell I do that. There's clearly people in my life that I care about more than others. I just don't know why I can't change this. I know how I'm acting is wrong, but yet I keep doing it. Sometimes I think I change but then nope, I really haven't. It's just one thing after another. I wish I could get past this. I guess I haven't been putting in the effort I should be.
That's enough of the negative talk now. I do that too much. Only like 25 school days left and like 40 days until I go home for good. I'm looking forward to leaving SAU but not to going home and dealing with parents. It's just so different there now. I'm used to doing whatever I want whenever I want without telling anyone. When I'm home, my parents constantly question me on where I'm going and who with. It just drives me nuts. I'm sure everyone goes through this though. I'm going to a concert next Saturday. It should be fun, I think.
I should go now. I have more studying to do. This whole time change always throws my body off.
Oh and I'm in love still...I just don't know if things are going to work out. I want everything to more than anything...