(no subject)
Okay, so I'm taking a break from my dumb biology project that I got stuck doing by myself because my group is FUCKING RETARTED. I couldn't concentrate on it very well, so what better way to clear your mind then to complain into your livejournal. Correct?
Friday night, philharmonia and symphony strings went to festival. I was kind of nervous that we wouldn't do very well, but we did, and we got a 1 :-D. Apparently I wore earings that irritated my ears, and I took them off before the concert, not really noticing that my ear was really irritated. Then, in sight reading, I felt something like running down my face and it was blood. My fucking ear started like gushing blood in sightreading. And I turned around and asked one of the edudicators if he had a tissue, and he like shrugged and didn't do anything. So I then we played the song, as my ear is bleeding like crazy. It was so messed up. Then as soon as we finished I like jumped up and was like, "Dude, does anyone have a tissue my ear is bleeding." And finally somebody found one. It was so stupid, but the edudicator was really nice and like joked about it. It was the most random thing, and of course it had to happen during freaking sightreading. During breaks, like when Symphony played, we all just hung out in the cafeteria. Nicole, Victoria, and I had a really serious and like emotional talk. It was cool because we normally just all joke around and stuff but we actually sat down and had a "heart to heart" talk. And those are really nice sometimes. They got me flowers :-D it was really nice and the flowers are really pretty. So anyways we got a 1, that was really cool, but I really wasn't extremely excited about it or anything. I was kind of in a crappy mood, and I don't even know why. I just listened to my headphones the rest of the night and on the bus. I came home and my mom was going psycho, it totally ruined the evening and it got me pretty upset.
On Saturday I woke up and went over to Marissa's. It was a really nice day so we basically just played softball outside for a few hours. She took me home around five and then I just became really bored last night.
I didn't get a very good nights sleep because I was really feeling unhappy. I'm unhappy with myself, and it really bugs me at random times, and totally ruins my mood. Call it hormones, call it being emo, call it whatever...I don't give a fuck, it just happens. I can't explain why I feel so bad about myself all the time. Sometimes I can look in the mirror and think I look fine, but other times I can't even look at myself. And it's not just looks or whatever it's my personality too. I just feel like I'm annoying and stupid. So I shut up and just sit there. But then after awhile I feel uncomfortable and I feel bored because I'm not laughing or something. I don't know what I should do, it's like I'm just ultimatley annoyed with myself and I'm really getting tired of it. Have you ever felt like that? What did you do?
My stress levels are pretty much going through the roof this week. It is a pretty big week coming up. I've got softball try-outs starting tomarrow, and I am way beyond nervous for them. I really hope I make the team this year and I really hope that I do well in try-outs. I really want to make the team and I've put forth a lot of effort since my knee surgery to get things working again, and to increase my softball skills. I have a math test tomarrow, and an english ACT essay to do. The thing that sucks is that both count for my grades quite a bit, and in both classes I'm like 1.5% away from having an A. So I can either make or break that depending on whether I do well on both or I do really bad on them. I guess I'm just feeling a lot of pressure because those are the only two classes I don't have an A in, and I'm so close to getting a 4.0, but I'm also so close to loosing that too. I know, I'm a nerd. Wendsday I have a choir concert. I'm really nervous for it considering we don't even know one of our songs, and we're supposed to take that to festival. The other song is in Latin, and I have that covered, but the pitches always get messed up when we sing it. So basically, we're going to suck at festival, and at this concert.
On the brightside, the weather has been soo- nice. I walked home from school the other day because it was so nice, and I just couldn't let it go by. I get this feeling like summer is here, even though its months away, and I love that. Sunshine is oh so fabulous.
Hope things are lovely for you all.
love times a zillion.
Friday night, philharmonia and symphony strings went to festival. I was kind of nervous that we wouldn't do very well, but we did, and we got a 1 :-D. Apparently I wore earings that irritated my ears, and I took them off before the concert, not really noticing that my ear was really irritated. Then, in sight reading, I felt something like running down my face and it was blood. My fucking ear started like gushing blood in sightreading. And I turned around and asked one of the edudicators if he had a tissue, and he like shrugged and didn't do anything. So I then we played the song, as my ear is bleeding like crazy. It was so messed up. Then as soon as we finished I like jumped up and was like, "Dude, does anyone have a tissue my ear is bleeding." And finally somebody found one. It was so stupid, but the edudicator was really nice and like joked about it. It was the most random thing, and of course it had to happen during freaking sightreading. During breaks, like when Symphony played, we all just hung out in the cafeteria. Nicole, Victoria, and I had a really serious and like emotional talk. It was cool because we normally just all joke around and stuff but we actually sat down and had a "heart to heart" talk. And those are really nice sometimes. They got me flowers :-D it was really nice and the flowers are really pretty. So anyways we got a 1, that was really cool, but I really wasn't extremely excited about it or anything. I was kind of in a crappy mood, and I don't even know why. I just listened to my headphones the rest of the night and on the bus. I came home and my mom was going psycho, it totally ruined the evening and it got me pretty upset.
On Saturday I woke up and went over to Marissa's. It was a really nice day so we basically just played softball outside for a few hours. She took me home around five and then I just became really bored last night.
I didn't get a very good nights sleep because I was really feeling unhappy. I'm unhappy with myself, and it really bugs me at random times, and totally ruins my mood. Call it hormones, call it being emo, call it whatever...I don't give a fuck, it just happens. I can't explain why I feel so bad about myself all the time. Sometimes I can look in the mirror and think I look fine, but other times I can't even look at myself. And it's not just looks or whatever it's my personality too. I just feel like I'm annoying and stupid. So I shut up and just sit there. But then after awhile I feel uncomfortable and I feel bored because I'm not laughing or something. I don't know what I should do, it's like I'm just ultimatley annoyed with myself and I'm really getting tired of it. Have you ever felt like that? What did you do?
My stress levels are pretty much going through the roof this week. It is a pretty big week coming up. I've got softball try-outs starting tomarrow, and I am way beyond nervous for them. I really hope I make the team this year and I really hope that I do well in try-outs. I really want to make the team and I've put forth a lot of effort since my knee surgery to get things working again, and to increase my softball skills. I have a math test tomarrow, and an english ACT essay to do. The thing that sucks is that both count for my grades quite a bit, and in both classes I'm like 1.5% away from having an A. So I can either make or break that depending on whether I do well on both or I do really bad on them. I guess I'm just feeling a lot of pressure because those are the only two classes I don't have an A in, and I'm so close to getting a 4.0, but I'm also so close to loosing that too. I know, I'm a nerd. Wendsday I have a choir concert. I'm really nervous for it considering we don't even know one of our songs, and we're supposed to take that to festival. The other song is in Latin, and I have that covered, but the pitches always get messed up when we sing it. So basically, we're going to suck at festival, and at this concert.
On the brightside, the weather has been soo- nice. I walked home from school the other day because it was so nice, and I just couldn't let it go by. I get this feeling like summer is here, even though its months away, and I love that. Sunshine is oh so fabulous.
Hope things are lovely for you all.
love times a zillion.