(no subject)
One of the absolute highlights of my time in Virginia was spending last Friday evening in Lexington at my uncle Kent's house while he told stories and answered questions about my grandmother and her mother and grandmother. Allan, Laura, Toby, and Allan's kids all sat with us while Kent held court. I learned a lot about the strong women in my family, and it was great to get Kent's perspective on Marma. He didn't want us to record him, which is a shame, because already a lot of the details are a little fuzzy, but the main points stuck with me. Marma was amazing. The women before her were amazing. I'm proud to have their DNA.
One thing I had asked Kent about was the courtship between Marma and my grandfather. I knew only that they'd met when she was 13 (and he was 21!), but not when they got married or any other details. Apparently they were mutually smitten, but both families were opposed to the match. My grandfather, Cap, was an alcoholic, and Marma said she wouldn't marry him until he'd been sober for a year. That day came in 1936, when she was 28 and he was 35. How much of the previous 15 years they spent actively courting is not certain, and I'm not sure when she gave him his quit drinking ultimatum, but I think the whole story is fascinating.
The topic of alcoholism in our family came up a few times, and after storytime with Kent, my cousins and I were having dinner and reflecting. Laura said "I'll need to figure out a way to talk to Eleanor about her high risk for alcoholism when the time comes. I'll need to decide when that time is..." Eleanor is her 4-year-old daughter. Allan's 13-year-old, Priya, was there for this conversation. So Laura asked "Allan, how did you talk about it with your kids?"
Priya: He hasn't.
Meg: As you heard, we have a lot of alcoholics in our bloodlines. That means you are at a high risk for alcoholism, so you'll need to be mindful of your relationship with alcohol as you get older, if you choose to drink.
Allan: Done!
I wish I could get my dad talking about his experiences, and every once in a while he'll go on a storytelling bender. Occassionally, those stories are even good ones! More often than not, though, he wants to tell the one about the time he changed the license plate holders, or the time he had to return a pair of pants but didn't have the receipt. He did volunteer a few things about his childhood and his parents and grandparents, but mostly I don't really think he has much of an emotional connection to the past. He doesn't reminisce, and he doesn't do deep emotional connections with anyone, so any reminiscing would not include much about what the other people were like at the time, beyond the facts of their actions.
I would like to visit with my two aunts on that side of the family to get their versions of our ancestral history as well. Hopefully I can arrange that soon. I'm not as close with them as I am with Kent, but I think such a visit would be welcome on all sides.
One thing I had asked Kent about was the courtship between Marma and my grandfather. I knew only that they'd met when she was 13 (and he was 21!), but not when they got married or any other details. Apparently they were mutually smitten, but both families were opposed to the match. My grandfather, Cap, was an alcoholic, and Marma said she wouldn't marry him until he'd been sober for a year. That day came in 1936, when she was 28 and he was 35. How much of the previous 15 years they spent actively courting is not certain, and I'm not sure when she gave him his quit drinking ultimatum, but I think the whole story is fascinating.
The topic of alcoholism in our family came up a few times, and after storytime with Kent, my cousins and I were having dinner and reflecting. Laura said "I'll need to figure out a way to talk to Eleanor about her high risk for alcoholism when the time comes. I'll need to decide when that time is..." Eleanor is her 4-year-old daughter. Allan's 13-year-old, Priya, was there for this conversation. So Laura asked "Allan, how did you talk about it with your kids?"
Priya: He hasn't.
Meg: As you heard, we have a lot of alcoholics in our bloodlines. That means you are at a high risk for alcoholism, so you'll need to be mindful of your relationship with alcohol as you get older, if you choose to drink.
Allan: Done!
I wish I could get my dad talking about his experiences, and every once in a while he'll go on a storytelling bender. Occassionally, those stories are even good ones! More often than not, though, he wants to tell the one about the time he changed the license plate holders, or the time he had to return a pair of pants but didn't have the receipt. He did volunteer a few things about his childhood and his parents and grandparents, but mostly I don't really think he has much of an emotional connection to the past. He doesn't reminisce, and he doesn't do deep emotional connections with anyone, so any reminiscing would not include much about what the other people were like at the time, beyond the facts of their actions.
I would like to visit with my two aunts on that side of the family to get their versions of our ancestral history as well. Hopefully I can arrange that soon. I'm not as close with them as I am with Kent, but I think such a visit would be welcome on all sides.