(no subject)
Maybe I've written this before, or thought it before, but it feels like something I need to write down now as I process it.
I'm realizing more and more that what attracted me to Dan was how important he made me feel. He made me feel wanted and needed and desired. And maybe I didn't realize it at the time, but I wasn't getting that from McKenzie.
I always knew that McKenzie was attracted to me and wanted sex and touch, but I didn't (ever?) feel like he wanted ME. He was so ashamed of me in so many circumstances. He probably believes he did his best to make me feel important -- and I do give him credit for effort. The problem is that the effort was always so evident. It was obvious to me that it was WORK for him to lift me up. Because he didn't have respect for me. Some of that is my fault for blowing the respect, and some of it is unfair because after I made big changes, he still viewed me as the ticking time bomb I was before.
I've reached this conclusion a hundred different ways, but I think this is the most clearly I've seen it.
I wonder if McKenzie has realized this. I really hope he's able to see it from my perspective.
I'm realizing more and more that what attracted me to Dan was how important he made me feel. He made me feel wanted and needed and desired. And maybe I didn't realize it at the time, but I wasn't getting that from McKenzie.
I always knew that McKenzie was attracted to me and wanted sex and touch, but I didn't (ever?) feel like he wanted ME. He was so ashamed of me in so many circumstances. He probably believes he did his best to make me feel important -- and I do give him credit for effort. The problem is that the effort was always so evident. It was obvious to me that it was WORK for him to lift me up. Because he didn't have respect for me. Some of that is my fault for blowing the respect, and some of it is unfair because after I made big changes, he still viewed me as the ticking time bomb I was before.
I've reached this conclusion a hundred different ways, but I think this is the most clearly I've seen it.
I wonder if McKenzie has realized this. I really hope he's able to see it from my perspective.