resolve
I failed yet again to completely pull myself away. until the dreaded text message. both a death warrant and a source of light. He doesn't even deserve anything of mine. None of me. he doesn't deserve whatever I have to offer. My left overs. Despite knowing that he doesn't deserve anything I left him with something. I hate that I never learn. I hate that something really bad always has to happen so that I can be forced out. not even willfully. i'm expelled. Pushed out not because I chose. I did choose, months ago. But my guilt always holds me back. Why i let this emotion overpower me when I know what i want. I'd like to think that "next time" i'll do things right. Next time I'll focus on me. Next time i'll make myself happy. Next time I won't give too much of myself. But by allowing myself to feel everything and give everything, it all comes back to me like a chilling reminder. This is what happens. I'm trying to not stay over too much. I won't sleep. I can't believe that he would just keep me around. but then again i do. he's selfish. My friendship means nothing. Salvaging whatevers there doesn't mean anything to him. My pain means nothing as long as his dear friend will still talk to him.